Hi everyone,

As other Tildes members have expressed through multiple topics, finding friends as adult is hard. I'm currently trying to figure what's the best way to do this for me and I was hoping I could get some help. I've tried joining group activities like boardgame and table top RPG groups but while it's been good to make acquaintances I haven't been able to find someone I could call a friend. I know partly this is on me because it's hard for me to connect with others, but through repetition I'm hoping to get there eventually. I also thought recently maybe I should change or complement my approach with something else, which is why I'm here. Are there any good online platforms to make friends? I know that for the most part apps where the goal is to get people together are more geared towards romantic relationships, but that's not what I'm after, I'm looking for something strickly platonic. Ideally should be someone near me so that we're not restricted to only doing online activities.

Appreciate any help I can get here.

I'm looking to buy a Framework 16 in its most powerful Ryzen config. I'm looking at this being the last laptop I need to buy because of its modular design, so I don't mind the heavy initial investment.

I'm looking to shave of $400-500 by buying parts externally, however. I wanted it to be 64GB RAM, with a 4TB OS drive to run Aurora on, and later on a second drive for another non-immutable LTS distro (probably Debian?).

If I can source the same RAM/Storage, is there any reason to actually buy them from Framework? I'm a bit confused by the huge price difference, since I can get the same memory and storage hardware from Microcenter for about $400 less total.

And if anybody has any experience with the Framework 16 as a daily driver, I'd be interested to hear any stories. I'm not getting the graphics module yet, but may down the road to see if it can replace my desktop fully. Drivers should not be an issue as Aurora has a Framework image that contains everything I'll need.

disclaimer that I haven't done much research into this thought and it's mostly anecdotal but I doubt I am wrong?

I personally don't go to theaters, except for comicbook movies. and the only reason I go to theaters for comicbook movies is just cause I liked to discuss the comicbook movies on social media as soon as possible, but honestly, either I am getting really old or the redditors on /r/marvelstudios are getting young and younger everyday cause i go to those comments and it's not really a place I'd describe as open to a civil and non-memey discussion of the latest Marvel movie but I digress.

Point being, I personally prefer to wait for movie to arrive at streaming services. why?

1. I don't have to deal with other people.
   1. I went to watch Creed 3 near the end of its theater run. 3 people chose to sit in front of me when the whole auditorium was basically empty (they looked to be in their mid-late 20s, maybe even early 30s.) I didn't care. What I did care was that one of the dudes spent half his time on his fucking phone. To the point that I literally had to bend over and ask him to put it away and he still didn't. this idiot just attempted to angle the phone in a manner such that I couldn't see it, or so he thought, the light still was there, just less. At that point, I just got too resentful of theaters to tell him off again but felt very stubborn about not moving away from my seat.
   2. I went to watch Aquaman 2 (iirc on opening weekend). I knew the movie was not gonna be great going in, just wanted to mark the end of the DCEU in theaters. 3 young girls were sitting in the middle section. as the movie started, these girls started taking selfies of themselves for the grams or snapchat or whatever the fuck it was. The light from their phone was bright. There was a couple sitting a seat or 2 to my right. the dude and I collectively rolled our eyes at the girls. They took 1 picture. I was like "OK, thank God". 2 pictures, I think "let's hope the second take works". Third picture "this is ridiculous". by this point, I wanted to throw something at them and just leaned over and asked them to put their phone away. I may been asshole cause it seemed like I scared them with that comment and to be quite frank, I took pleasure that I scare them, even accidentally.
2. Theaters are extremely non-inclusive. This one bugs me a lot just cause of Eternals and CODA and Hollywood pretending they are woke. Not sure if anyone here has ever tried to use the closed captioning devices. I am personally not deaf, but I do have trouble processing words. I am the kind of guy who will often ask people to repeat themselves to fully understand what they said. Obviously can't do that with a movie but reading closed captioning helps me process. I finally decided to start trying the closed captioning devices in theaters around the time of Avengers Endgame I think. It's very hit or miss. either the theater forgot to charge the device so it gives out halfway through the movie, or it's just all old and it's neck doesn't retain it's form when I twist it into the good position and it ends up pointing the closed captioning at someone who is a good 1 foot shorter than me or it's fully charged and can retain its form but the studios behind the movie didn't put any serious effort into the closed captioning so half the fucking words are missing, rendering it pointless. My gf and I went to watch Mad Max Furiosa in theaters the other day and the theater didn't even have any remaining, they had given their to the studio to fix and didn't have any in stock as a result.
3. Not sure about the states but up here in Canada, our big chain is Cineplex and they are so desperate to charge us extra that they now charge an extra "service fee" that you get charged only if you buy online.
4. And the classic complaint of "just the snacks cost us a movie and a half nowadays"

However, I don't know if I blame the theater for my issues.

I've read the stories about how Disney have theaters over a barrel with how controlling they are with how much of a cut of a theater tickets goes to Disney and how Disney insists on how many auditorium the theaters devote to their movies. And how theaters charge so much for concession cause they are trying to keep the lights on to some extent cause the studios demand so much of the profit. And if it's a struggle to keep the lights on, I am not surprised they can't be more enforcing with the policy of no-phones during a movie.

It seems to me the studios, in an attempt to "maximize" their profit as much as possible, demanded as much as possible from theaters, while not realizing that the less of a cut that theaters take, the less theaters can invest in a welcoming environment where people actually want to go to and therefore people come less cause couple that with streaming services, why wouldn't people come less?

So I think the demise of theaters and the rise of streaming service can't just be attributed to how much more convenient it is to wait 8 months for a movie on streaming service but it's also attributable to the decline in quality at theaters which I think is cause studios are bleeding them dry.

So I find it odd that studios and production companies bitch moan and complain that people don't go to movies more in a time where a movie has to make 500 million $ just to be considered profitable but they've never really done any proper self-reflection on a possible reason why people don't go to theaters as much anymore.

I've been mulling over this question for a while.

I genuinely can't remember the last time I was "bored". There are so many demands for my attention, opportunities for entertainment, and things to do that I'm never starved for stimulus.

I think back to my childhood, when boredom was either something to be overcome and at times a paradoxical motivation: how many hobbies did I pick up or things did I learn because they were more interesting than being bored?

I think of my students now, with phones, and wonder if they ever experience boredom anymore because they now have unlimited individualized high-interest content available at their fingertips 24/7.

So, my question for everybody here is: do you get bored?

If so, what is it like?

If not, why do you think that is?

How do you feel about your own boredom or lack thereof? What's the good and what's the bad of it?

Given all the noise about whether President Biden is frail or cognitively compromised, I thought it would be interesting to informally survey Tildes denizens for their beliefs about aging.

These are purely conversational questions, each of which is so broad it could be its own topic - I have no skills as a demographer or pollster.

I also realize there may be national or ethnic definitions around who counts as venerable as opposed to senile, so I'll ask you to include nationality or relevant ethnicity in your response.

1. What decade of your life are you in - < 20, twenties, thirties, etc.
2. In what decade (see above) do you think old age begins?
3. What characterizes being "old" to you? For example, loss of sexual attractiveness, diminution of physical strength or stamina, illness, loss of mental agility, etc.
4. At what age do you think you will be too old to function as you want to in life?
5. Do you have experiences of aging (personal, family, acquaintances, caregiving roles) that give you concerns or hopes about your own future?
6. Do you believe age confers any benefits, and what might those be?
7. Assuming no catastrophic health events, do you believe life will seem better or worse to you as you age?
8. Do you feel like aging people are a burden to those younger?
9. Do you find yourself using pejorative words about age?

Full disclosure: There is evidence that what you believe about aging influences how well you age.

1. I'm in my 50's, US, ethnically Jewish.

2. My current inclination is to say that old age begins around age 75 in general, but I've met people who were what I'd call old at 30 and young at 90.

3. I know that various measures of peak {insert attribute here} start declining much earlier. 75 - 80 seems to be the point at which many things break down irreparably for the vast majority of people. That's the age range where the ability to live independently drops off, and that's what I count as "old".

4. I hope to be independent for at least another 25 years, but that's already somewhat determined by a limiting progressive condition. My experiences with aging are biased by highly educated people and super-ager relatives. There have been several centenarians in my family, each of whom was cognitively intact until death even if they were no longer completely independent physically.

5. I believe age confers the ability to recognize patterns based on cumulative experience. That's what passes for wisdom. The ability to acquire new memories and skills can be more rapid with connections to the previous body of knowledge. Socializing is definitely easier with many years of practice and the dulling of anxieties - the worst that can happen usually already did. For better or worse, people look up to you as a survivor and teacher...

6. Life will probably get better with age. I've had an extended time without a job followed by a job purely chosen, so I can say that "retirement" is likely to be much more productive and enjoyable both for self and society. I expect old age to be a time of reconnecting with others and doing the charitable activities I don't have flexibility to engage in now.

7. This is a tough one. At a general scale, we're encouraged to work as hard as possible to hoard resources that will ensure we have the means to maintain independence and purchase care when we're old. Rather, we could live lighter, share more, and build relationships which can sustain us. I count myself fortunate to avoid the burden that many others have endured when dealing with debilitated or demented relatives. And yet there are so many ways in which nations and cultures other than the U.S. do a better job of sharing care.

8. There's a lot of online discourse about greedy boomers, crumbly conservatives, and so on, but I think those are manufactured divisive narratives. I've been acquainted with so many people over the years who don't fit neatly into demographic or political boxes. On that evidence, I don't think any generation has a greater balance of virtue or vice compared to the others.

9. I use "adulting" and "old fart" self-denigratingly. I follow r/oldhagfashion for actual IDGAF style ideas.

trying to settle on a program where I can jot down stuff and have some degree of confidence that it will persist and I can't seem to find any actual documentation from vs code as to:

1. How often unsaved files are saved so that they can be restored when a session is reopened
2. if that frequency of how often they are saved can be configured?

Sidenote: I was going to ask this question on SO but apparently I am at risk of a question ban for not asking "good quality questions". Half my questions on there are from when I was a fresh developer and didn't really know how to articulate my questions well. Really changes my opinion of the openness of SO......

I'm going to be a father soon. This kid was very much planned, and I've been pretty involved every step of the way, yet it still feels bizarre to say that out loud. At 26 (27 when the kid is born), I don't feel like a kid, but in some ways, I'm not sure I feel mature enough for parenthood.

I'm not too worried about the immediate logistical practicalities of parenthood. Things like how to clean, feed, and physically handle a newborn are things I can learn and seem fairly straightforward. Regarding what to get, I live within walking distance of a fairly well known baby supply store, so I figure I can just buy things as the need arises. I'm expecting that first month to be hard, but after I "figure out" the kid, I'm sure it'll be manageable. My folks did it, their folks did it, I'm sure I can do it too.

I guess what I'm really dwelling on is the more abstract aspects of fatherhood. I don't know what to expect and I don't really know what I don't know. What does it feel like? How should I prioritize my life? How do I figure out what's important and what isn't? I want to do what's best for the kid, but what does that even mean? How much is expecting too much from the kid? My wife wants the kid to be able to speak Russian, naturally, I want the kid to be able to speak English, and living in Japan, the kid will also have to pick up Japanese. Is that going to stunt the kid? I have so many questions and no one to really ask. I asked my own dad about it and all he said was something along the lines of "every kid is different, it might take a bit of time to really sink in that you're a dad" and that was that.

A bit of background about my situation:
On one hand, I'm in an okay place. I have a house with a very affordable mortgage, a modest, but stable career, and I live in a very safe part of Japan, which offers a lot of support for new parents. On the other hand, both my wife and I are thousands of miles from our respective families, so we're pretty much on our own and neither of are as fluent in the local language as we'd like to be.

Add awesome game deals to this topic as they come up over the course of the week!

Alternately, ask about a given game deal if you want the community’s opinions: e.g. “What games from this bundle are most worth my attention?”

Rules:

• No grey market sales
• No affiliate links

If posting a sale, it is strongly encouraged that you share why you think the available game/games are worthwhile.

All previous Save Point topics

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What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

burn away the rot
burn away the festering
burn away the power
that grip your heart
burn ’em all

the gaze of your sun
shall make you invincible
they shall fear your conviction
for they are the immovable object
you become the unstoppable force
and you are one of many

you refuse the dying of the dream
and that shall become your sun

When I was about 18 years old, I had a philosophy class where the teacher said this quote: "Things over which you do not have power should not have power over you." It could also be read as "control the things you control, ignore the rest".

That lesson really spoke to me. I put a lot of effort integrating it into my personality and I must say now, almost 15 years later, it made my life so much more enjoyable.

I used to get mad, really mad about stuff or get stressed about stuff out of my control, and I could never really remove those feelings. These words kept coming back to me and through some effort, I must say that I can more or less apply them in my everyday life now. It saved me a lot of trouble on various situations and has helped me break through problems way faster than I would have in the past, simply by helping me identify the things I could change and focus on those things.

I'm curious about you guys and your life stories. Has any lesson had as much impact on your life?

I hope everyone has been doing well! I've had a couple of people poke me now that Minecraft 1.21 is out to revive the server. The server software and plugins are all slowly updating so we will go live on July 12th. Mark your calendars!

The intention is to run this pretty similar to last time. It'll be a low key survival server running on a soft whitelist (Tildes account is required for normal signups). But I'm happy to take plugin/world generation/configuration suggestions in this thread.

Edit: Go time is 4pm Pacific - Countdown

I just got home from seeing Orville Peck for the first time. Now there's a bit of build up here because I had tickets to his first Pony Tour in Houston (COVID cancellation), and tickets to his third Bronco Tour (mental health cancellation). But tonight was,

Without a doubt.

The best most entertaining concert I have ever seen.

And I have been to hundreds of concerts. I saw Britney Spears on her Hit Me Baby Tour. I saw ACDC. I saw the Police. I saw Metallica. I've seen Backstreet Boys. I've seen Pink Floyd. Mac Miller. Kurt Vile. War on Drugs. Japanese Breakfast. Car seat Headrest. Badbadnotgood. Our Lady Peace. Mathew Good Band. Sum 41. Countless nameless indie bands. I've seen Operas. Symphonies.

And yet this is the first time I've walked away from a concert euphoric. I sang {screamed), I danced. I existed on a plane I didn't think possible. And when the band left the stage I didn't know what to do with Myself. The lights came up and I milled, trying to catch my breath, trying to figure out what happened.

I am under thw influence of nothing but alcohol. I'm a CIS dude and the concert had lot of very non-straight, non-CIS guests and I don't know if a single one of them danced as hard as I did. I don't know if I can ever recover from this experience. I am at home, still flabbergasted by what I just experienced. I feel like I just went through a 2 day EDM dance in Berlin. I'm feeling like jve been through New York in the 90'sbwkthbthe club kids. I can't sleep.

I'll never again feel this way.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like psychology, france and bitcoin mining. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was observant.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

I love fashion and all things streetwear and sneakers, but I have a blind spot when it comes to suits and tuxedos. I don't need to ever dress formally at work since I work in tech, but I'm also at the age where I need to have suits for weddings and such.

I currently have a pretty nice dark grey suit that I bought for a couple of weddings a couple of years ago, but I need to go suit shopping again for just a normal black suit for upcoming weddings. Anyone have anything they look for specifically? I have an appointment at Suit Supply later tonight, but wanted to go in knowing a bit more!

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!