I'm 46 years of age. My childhood and youth and post-youth life wasn't traumatic or anything. I had an okay life. I guess I might even have had a good life. But for some reason, reminiscing about it just doesn't feel pleasant. Some folks find talking about their past highly enjoyable. So why don't I like it? Is this normal?

This statement by traumatologist John Briere is quoted in Pete Walker's FAQ on Complex PTSD, a proponent of the unified Trauma model of mental disorders. Dr. Gabor Mate has become popular in recent years, who similarly claims that (e.g.) "Attention Deficit Disorder is a reversible impairment and a developmental delay, with origins in infancy. It is rooted in multigenerational family stress and in disturbed social conditions in a stressed society." Another famous champion of this theory was Alice Miller. Quote: "Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood." A more recent bestseller around this topic is Philippa Perry's "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read" (Guardian review).

The various personality disorders from ICD-10 were replaced by a single personality disorder diagnosis in ICD-11, and they finally added Complex PTSD. The director of the largest psychiatric clinic in Germany is in favor of removing the category of "mental personality disorders" altogether (German article).

Studies seem to confirm strong links between "adverse childhood experiences" and various forms of mental illnesses. To pick just one of the many I found: "Compared to children with no Adverse Childhood Experiences, the odds of an ADHD diagnosis were 1.39, 1.92, and 2.72 times higher among children with one, two and three or more ACEs. The ACE most strongly associated with the odds of ADHD was having lived with someone with mental illness closely followed by parent/guardian incarceration." (https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2020.104884)

I'm interested in hearing your takes, and potentially this thread can serve as a collection of quotes and links around this theory.

Through the years I have struggled with perfectionism, low self worth, and an overwhelming need to make everyone else happy at my own expense. Recently I've begun wondering if this is related more to my own personal upbringing (my mom and sister share a lot of these traits) or if it's a wider experience of being a woman in modern society.

Growing up in a world where women had successfully entered the job market, there was still an unspoken urging that I had to be better than my male peers to earn my place in the world. There still felt like there were expectations that women would follow all the rules, keep the peace, and maintain the home/workspace. Is this an off base interpretation of societal pressures, or do any of you find yourselves still struggling with some of these messages?

ETA: Also, what are some positive ways being raised as a woman has impacted you?

I have a new niece and I'm making a list of songs which we can play for her naptime when we babysit. I have some Raffi songs and my childhood lullabies (Edelweiss from my mom and Moonshadow from my dad), as well as some calm songs from my Spotify playlist.

But it made me wonder, what songs did your parents sing when you were young? Children's songs? Disney? Pop? Metallica?

I'm also interested in whether you think it's best to keep a small list and rotate through, for comfort's sake, or if it's also okay to have a wider variety of songs as lullabies.

I'm talking about silly harmless stuff like "I believed in Santa Claus till I was 13", and not deep existential stuff like "It took me till adulthood to realize that my parents were doing their best despite their their failings".

• An article on a parenting website: Guidance recommends no screen time for under-twos

• An article in Time magazine: World Health Organization Issues First-Ever Screen Time Guidelines for Young Kids. Here's What to Know

• The WHO's press release: To grow up healthy, children need to sit less and play more

I'm curious to know what you think your own parents (or the people who raised you) did right. What actions, mindsets, or philosophies did they operate by that had a positive effect on you? What techniques of theirs would you use with your own children? What important lessons did they teach you?