howdy there. had a good day today, landed a new contract! but of course i can't close out the week on a happy post, where's the fun in that?

so i put some drugs in my tea and wrote a thing.

jouissez.

manny couldn't stand in his corner
for his last fight
wilbur turned around, downwind
on his last flight
osipova sat down, and rolled
off her tights
big sigh
tongue-tied
tryna get their words right
don't cry big guy
i know you'll be alright
life builds character out
of all the bad times
why do my characters
always end up bad guys
even james evans is
falling in some bad times

had a pet, but she
left and took it with
every time he close his eyes,
her visions dance around his head
doesn't want to sleep, so
he's turning to the cigarettes
kinda hard to cuddle up
next to a slilhouette
he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus

blind optimists start
to make his stomach sick
you say he'll be fine,
how are you so sure of it

(beat.)

how are you so sure of it

times are hard, sui-
cide epidemic
one heated moment,
rash decisions
one year feeling this shit
i can't live with
remember when you made
me liberated

used to be a loverboy
now i'm all jaded
look at myself in the mirror
and i hate it
wonder if i'm thought about
well, or i'm hated
tryna forget, get
numb in this krater
wondering now if
you were a sadist
otherwise how could you
lie to their faces?
tell em that you'd be
there when they need it?
i'm not the only body
you left bleeding

he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus
"FUK LUV" blood-etched,
tatted on his chest
eyes closed, smile wide, now
that he can get some rest.
high hopes that there's
life in the next.
what he wouldn't give,
just to start over again.

i mean come on how often do i write something upbeat eh?

bishop.

esskeetit.

takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience
takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience

baby mama trauma
got me all
dilapidated
only ever feel
myself when i
get sedated
on some tony
robbins shit my
giant awakened
hope we're
witnessing another
legend in the making

keep the dream alive
i'll make a home
out of chicago
get a new girl
some better friends
and pop some bottles
tryna climb this
fucking mountain and
i cannot let go
thank god i
got my heart broken
by that model.

you called me a snake
and then you took my
heart to battle
grab my neck and threw
my body down
into the gravel
buried me, in
the dirt found
oil and fossils
didn't think i'd
build a rocket and
then have a blastoff

takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience
takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience

so i know nobody asks for my shit poetry lmao.

i just wanna take a second to thank tildes for being a place for me to get shit off my chest.

i wrote a comment on another site earlier today about catharsis, artistic expression, and depression. and it really made me appreciate the little community we've got going here.

i have a feeling it's the same 5-6 people who upvote my posts whenever they come through, and i love you six to hell and back.

i doubt i'd even get that kinda traction anywhere else.

thank you for the support.

thank you for letting me vent.

much love.

bishop.

it's 3:11 like
the band you like
remember dancing
under flashing lights
ripped off your bra
threw it up high
heading home, arm in arm
what a night
i couldn't see it i
guess i was blind
fetish for pain meant
you loved a fight
you came the loudest
when you held the knife
and drove deep into
my chest that night.

you held me close
and kissed me soft
sat in your lap
and gently rocked
empathic smile and
a lying tongue
you made a promise
that we'd still talk.
behind your back you
held a loaded gun
pulled the trigger took
off in a run
into his arms
into the sun
things are getting dark
in our garage.

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

it's 3:11 and
i'm home alone
asking questions
that nobody knows
should i buy
some xans
buy
some coke
would i be upset
if i overdose
it's been some months
and still here i am
hooded sweater, scarred
arms, kicking cans
a black sheep,
a lost lamb
still in the kiln -
shell of a man

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

admittedly i got really high a few days ago and watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World for the first time and i haven't been able to get the whole ramona flowers archetype out of my mind so here we are.

comme d'hab - l'enjoi

Oh Ramona
Black tie, pink hair
converse
geeked on the soda
high heels
tight dress
choker
got my focus
Don't have
insta, if
you did
you'd blow up
that's all hype shit
you don't
vibe with
though, yeah?

Oh Ramona,
spinnin for some days
life on the skates
out of control, yeah.
(beat)
caught in the waves
getting thrown every way
drowned and washed up
(beat)
tryin to see
better life on the beach
getting tired
(beat)
praying that you'll
come and save me,
drop me a line, girl.

Seven evil exes lurking
in and out of Texas
searching for the
next to come and
make me
high.
Two fits of depression,
dragon-chasing some regression
and you come and tell
me it'll be all-
right.
Love you with a passion,
till you burn me down to ashes
drive away and leave my
house alight with
fire.
they want you to join em,
'Mona begging you be stoic,
i can give you love and
you'll keep me a-
live.

Oh Ramona,
Blue eyes, white lies
sharks lie
deep in the waters.
High hopes,
good dope,
cutthroat,
raise my dosage.
So far, this
de-
pression,
magnum opus.
You're my 1-Up
new lifeline
my hope,
love.

Oh Ramona,

Bishop

it's unfinished because i cant finish ayytjomgm but i have to post something

i would rather do coke
than go to bed
have these visions of you
dancing in my head
i don't really want to die
go numb instead
reminiscing on our home
in DTX
now i'm all alone, vibing
on some emo shit
now i'm lost and i'm drowning
in these emoceans
everybody looking at me, saying
i'm full of shit
maybe that's why i phase out
and stay quiet
people always asking me
how'm i doing?
they're just lucky i got plans
i haven't gone through with
i don't really wanna be on
suicidal shit
but fantasizing about dying
helps me get through it.

.....

on some goth shit
meditating in the graveyard
tarring up my lungs while
i'm walking down the boulevard
sad little white boy
crying, thinks his life's hard
you don't know pain,
there's a genocide in Myanmar
people get their throats slit
believing in the "wrong" god
you had a girl make you high
and you fell hard
families are dying
and you want to be a rockstar
so why you taking drugs?
what you trying to get numb for?

i just want a life that
might be worth waking up for
share my music with my
friends and maybe do an encore
invite some people over, get
some liquor that forever pours
their lessons or their lesions,
ask them all about their open sores
sixtysevenhundred people
either shot or burned alive
you're dreaming of a good girl
that you could probably call a wife
this is how real loss looks
this is real strife
you drew a bath of henny
and you want to take a deep dive

on some goth shit
looking out through your red eyes
shades always on like
a blanket to hide behind
bleeding out, wounded
at the first try at real life
how does this shit balance,
do you think you deserve to cry?
praying for a goddess, "i
pray you'll come and cleanse me"
a nation full of people
down the barrel of a cleansing
Jekyll and I'm hiding in
and out of all my draining
should i even feel like this?
there's no way it's the same thing.

this world is so full of energy
constantly amazed by
the shit i see in front of me
all my wishes all my demons
parade in circles surrounding me
it's just the vibe that i keep
it's just the air that i breathe
i guess it's masochistic tendencies
i don't want your positivity
if you have to force it into me
i let it hit me gracefully
got nothing against smiling.

it's great, don't need to say it.
good day, when the chardonnay hits
good friends, gonna make your sides split
good laughs, gonna bust a lung with
but don't, need to make it seem like
i don't, have times when i cry
i don't, wanna force out a vibe
of hope, when it just don't feel right
Sono, l'atarassia
Voi sie-te i Pagliacci
Why act, like the world is ending
on days, when you find you're frowning

this world is so full of sappy shit
Everyone subsists off
forced happiness, false positives
bloody nails digging for
every causative, we're at odds to live
with the negative - shit's definitive
that's why 1 in 5 on anxiety medicine
sadness the civil sin,
at all costs repent against
grin through chagrin it's sheepskin
insomniac meds for sleeping
forget that though, my heart's leaping
I swear to god
every morning, open eyes
birds chirping, and i'm in awe
don't give a nod at my
curtain facade and try defraud
ridi, ridi, Pagliaccio,
e ognun,

.

applaudirà

bishop

i had a dream,
i saw my body
as i stood watching
outside of it
an open door
i had a guest,
a little blondie
baphomet
she crept quiet
up to my bed
laid her hands
upon my chest
through groggy eyes
i saw an angel.
took her hand,
she made me promises.

i sold my soul
and said lets glo
she passed a blunt
said i dont know
she insists
i took a hit
i felt a burning
at my lips
i let a cough
the fuck is this?
opened my eyes
it was a kiss
a little smirk
she bit my lip
she drew a knife
she slit my wrist

she cut her own
said it's a pact
now we're enslaved
the bond intact
the blood'll flow
beyond the cracks
and trickle down
and leave a path
and when we're old
we can look back
say what a life
and have a laugh
i'll be your wife,
the better half
you'll die, i'll write
your epitaph

i had a dream,
i saw her body
bleeding through a
wedding dress
she smiled still
her face was pale
she fed me love,
i starved depressed
an angel or
a siren who would
sing to me in
soft caress
i never thought
she'd be my death,
my little blondie
baphomet

bishop.

ten months, three kings.

fuck.

things you should know if you're gonna fuck with drugs. [reddit link]

relevant shit:

"Legends" x Juice WRLD
"THE BLACKEST BALLOON" x Denzel Curry

let's get to the piece

death always seemed imminent
every track he wrote it in
real goth shit he'd represent
drugs never put him on the fence
geeked off coke, asleep off xans
ate a couple shrooms he was diving in
two hydros and two oxys blend
had a full pill bottle in his hands
nobody knew he would get so bent
nobody knew it was laced with fent
a message from postmortem breath
everybody stop, get off your shit
message rang, got left on sent
looks like nobody's listening
the saddest case that you could present
never heard a peep about this shit again

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

next gunned down midsummer
cut across by two gunners
reached their hands in
to grab his things
then bolted off and
let shots ring
they caught his neck
boy couldn't breathe
blood poured onto the
beamer seats
right as this boy began to preach
a brand new message bent on peace
a brand new face for the world to see
his eyes saw love in the future
tryna inspire life out of the dead sea
20 years old, brought to his knees

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

blue slides on both feet,
just a college kid who loved weed
found himself in a new scene
little more fame, little more green
then he started touring
got hooked off the purp drink
off the cocaine and promethazine
found a swimming pool
poured in the lean
tried to swim out
wouldn't let him leave
pulled him to the deep
wouldn't let him breathe
cinderella, he had a queen
ended, toxic, but they were teamed
now four months later - it's the final scene.

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

"Star Shopping" x Lil Peep

"Snow" x XXXTentacion

"Self Care" x Mac Miller

rest in power my guys.

bishop.

i want to go to colorado
by the fire with a bottle
of champagne with a little
marijuana and a pillow
tired of looking out the window
every tree a weeping willow
done with dying in this riddle
i just wanna live a little and

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
grab a friend and
hit the snow just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

been sober dreaming of chicago
off the loop we're eating tacos
you made a ring out of a napkin
and proposed on south financial
my cheeks on rubies oh like marco
to the hotel that we called home
slept on each other on the green line
highland park right by the water

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
memories got
me all dark, just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

nowadays i dont
really feel alive
just blending day to day
fuck around to pass the time
sitting on my hands, eating
snacks watching tv.
waiting for a change
pray an angel comes to lift me
maybe this is penance
yeah, the cost of all the sinning
all pointing to the night
when you did some heavy drinking.
bottle to your lips
knife at the wrist
her essence in your head
you can't recall her voice
but you recant the promises

chant them like a cultist
while you watch the silver dance
and your press to the beat
of your alcoholic pants
sweat fills your hair
haze fills the mind
love, pain, and anger
made your soul unwind
now it lays there,
exposed to open air
only to be trampled on
by those who should be there
in a spot of rage you
threw the knife into the floor
rose from your chair and
opened up the closet door
only to write in red upon the white
"STOP ME" in bold, what foresight

you whip your head around
try to shake the thoughts out
you can't recall her face,
now an obscure grey cloud
that radiates depression
makes you feel alone
spent years with a person
they can't once pick up the phone
spent years with a person
yet you can't recall her voice
we said we loved us to death
i'm finding truth in that choice
you've suffered spring and summer
now you're heading for the fall
you look about your broken mind
god-damn it all
you thought you'd built a home
you were in it for the haul
appalled it's all dissolved
your heart it calls for more resolve
you miss her love, your home, your dog
you drove your car into a wall.

.

.

.

.

bones fractured top to bottom
are the mind manifest
codeine sponsored dreams of
laying your head on her chest
instead you feel a tightness on your neck
and this ringing in your head
you've got a neck brace, your mom's here,
you're in a hospital bed.
what's your name, and your birthday,
perfect sir, where are you at?
another nurse coming through
to make sure my mind is still intact
rib cracked, pelvic fracture, hooked
up to an iv and a piss-bag
you wore a seat belt and dont know
if that's something to thank god for
or be pissed at
isn't this the kind of story
that you wanted after all?
just to be so down and broken
hope someone saved you from the fall
have someone to hold you, stroke your hair
and tell you you can beat it all
needing that, having a lack thereof
you drove your car into a wall.

grüße - i bins.

it's bishop.

its german.

enjoy.

i blut
jo i blut
seit i hab was
vermutet
sie hat mi
verlassen
nach wi teilten
like two years
zusammen
i rauch ja
fach um zu
verbringen
die zeit so
dass ich wer-
de ni mi
zerstören

vleicht kreig
i ein paare
face tats
oder bath bombs
weil i kan ni
mehr lebn
ohne dich
nebn meiner seit
i will einfach
kiffen bis
meiner lunge
sterben
seit du bis
ni mehr hier
i kampfe
to find purpose

im not worth it.

so viele leude
habn ihr probleme,
auf deiner sorg'
im not worth it
i wunsch nach'm
tag wrauf
i sterb i'm
in a hurry

i hofe

i hofe.

i hofe
die tagen
komn gleich und
du zruckkomst
die rinnerung'n
leben noch ja
in mei'm kopf von
when i knew you
i höft dass
du würdst ni
vegessen
alles we been through
aber i hab's
gefunden
's machst di
keine sorgn nach
what i go through.

nowadays it all me
no you

im not worth it

im not worth it.

bishop.

mi odii

out of habit moaned your
name out like an addict
and the shock went through
my body got me feeling
like i had it
and i guess that's all i needed
just to keep a baby feeling
any will to keep on breathing
in this world without you in it
all of these abandoned memories
our hot, deviant fantasies
the shit you'd say on top of me
the only thing that's stopping me
could keep the knife away from me
i'd do some things unsavory
if you could come over and bring
a little bit more pain to me

wore my heart upon my arm
you wore me upon your chest
i been wishin on the stars
to hear you say under your breath
"honey come lay next to mama,
you could use a little rest.
take your shirt off baby boy,
and i'll take care of all the rest."
wrap your hands around my neck
always took away my breath
wanna hurt me when youre angry
and i love when youre upset
i miss when we were crazy
drank the koolaid, diving in
tell me that you lust for blood
i'll carve your name into my skin

this is bloodlust
black metal loving out in public
you're a drug
and this is real love

tell me that you hate me
wear me down until you break me
this is real love

scars on my back
a little makeup on my neck
and that's your soft touch

say you never loved me
make me beg for you to hold me
this is real love.
this is bloodlust

i guess youre never coming home
got me feeling all depressed
you made me feel some shit
that i take drugs just to forget
but all the dagga in the world
cannot compare to how your lips
send a wave throughout my body
tear my heart up into strips
girl you can be my queen
and i'll just be your little pawn
you can pull my puppet strings
give me a reason to go on.
i can give you full control
babe i dont wanna be in charge
give you everything i am
if i can only have your heart

i just need somebody there
i hate waking up alone
i have no idea why i
try to check my phone
like somebody gonna text me
talkin "babe you wanna go?
you been on my mind
and now im thinking we could roll
a little blunt, and maybe cuddle up
in my bed if you want"
just want somebody to act like
maybe imma prize for once
tired of working every day and
always planning nights for one
if i just knew you didnt hate me
id stop staring at my gun
how'm i meant to walk
when the ground i knew is gone
id so much rather wake up by your
side than write these songs

but this is bloodlust

this is bloodlust
black metal loving out in public
you're a drug
and this is real love

tell me that you hate me
wear me down until you break me
this is real love

scars on my back
a little makeup on my neck
and that's your soft touch

say you never loved me
make me beg for you to hold me
this is real love.
this is bloodlust

bishop.

tw: death

i remember the day that they died.
you called me at work in the
middle of my shift shooken up,
you wailed and cried
you were hours away
divorce was on the horizon
your mother
she went to get the last of her things
brothers in tow, each under her wings
wanting to grab their toys, their cars,
living in an apartment, left the trampoline

the pool's mostly empty now, and green.

i was always taught that ghosts scream
that any haunted house is a broken record
out of a low-budget horror scene
blood on the walls, ripped at the seams,
what they never tell you in the movies
is that the real scare is going to the house
six months later and finding it empty

and silent.

all that's left is the memory of the violent
no one left to water the yard
grass is yellow, in the garden
wilted violets
and the paintings still hang on the walls.
the lamp is still there on the nightstand
the pots and pans are still in the kitchen
the paper is still on the desk
everything is still where it should be
every item right where it was left
except this sudden void in your soul
and the unending feeling of being depressed
and lost,

scared

a lost lamb in a land once shared
a home where you would draw or write
and now all that's left is light
flittering in through the windows
that just feels so out of place
paintings on the floor covering up
the holes where the bullets laid
open casket you broke down
at the sight of his little face

god what a fucking monster

two years now since the day you lost her
and i have no idea how you are.
i took it upon myself to watch over you, a foster
and hoped to show you real love after this imposter
came into your life and ripped it in pieces
with this targeted hatred and ceaseless screaming
god if i could go back in time.

even still now i wish to trade their lives for mine

even if it just meant another day,
maybe one last time for you to
share a smile or say goodbye
to make peace and hug your mom
or read harry potter to your brothers here
in person and not occasionally from beyond
the grave that plays that same god-fucking-forsaken
song as the house does when you visit.

silence.

why dont they play music in the graveyards.

why dont they play music in the graveyards.

alright so much to my dismay, no, not currently day drunk (though a mimosa does not sound half bad right now!)

so in place of my standard late-night drunk poetry, have some mid-morning-havent-slept-in-36-hours-poetry.

cheers

bishop

remember wanting what i got now
didn't think it'd be a let down
guess back then i wasnt thinking sound
deadly quiet with you not around

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
now my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

like you're yoko ono and
i'm every single beatle.
warring with myself and every
general's in fetal
got my world all fucked but
i lay here with no libido
sorry if i fucked it up, i
swear i did not mean to

but at least i saw a palm tree
caught a little of the ocean breeze
heavy sand where you buried me
for the forest couldn't hear the screams.

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
think my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

no quiero recordar nada
que ella ha dicho
Como el tiempo cuando
ella me ha prometido
que nosotros siempre
quedaríamos amigos
He querido solo estar
perfecto contigo.

loved our movie, but you said
you didn't want a sequel
got my head up in the clouds
now i cannot see through
if you were perfection,
how can i trust other people
to take my hand and guide me
past all of the shit we been through

(beat.)

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
think my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

Dans la vie intérieure, le temps tient lieu d'espace.
(In the inner life, time takes the place of space.)
Simone Weil, La Pesanteur et la Grâce (Gravity and Grace)

Inside [the black hole's event horizon]… [what used to be a spatial
coordinate] is the time. … The singularity… is not a place in space; it
is a moment in time.
James B. Hartle, Gravity: An Introduction to Einstein's General Relativity

In my old poems I saw
the sentimental one
scenting sighs,    seeing scars
everywhere, twisting them
into words, arranging words
so they fit in a grid,
regular,    repeating.

Preoccupied, she wanted the answer
to the only question: What had made her
like this? An effect that sought the cause and
nothing else. Her city caught in a verdant
early summer day, light abounded; she
felt time had been running out silently.

How much has really changed ever since?

I now have an answer, and more.
She made me; cause, effect. Questions!
How will I be? What will I be?
What am I?

I am a tiny bit of what she wasn't:
the all-embracing space and time beyond
her self, her fear of being forgotten,
solitude unwitnessed, and pain futile.

I am not just her descendant either.
Holding her precious gift of exposed self,
I too am exposed to what I am not,
asking how much has changed, what I'm changing.

This is a new one I wrote today.

Edit: replaced one "the" with "an".

ive had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, roll with me.

sad parties.

so much emphasis on things being perfect, people being perfect, work being perfect, life being perfect. so many people caught up in social media subconsciously at battle to live a filter-perfect lifestyle.

sad parties.

a bunch of people youre close to get together at a comfortable apartment, good food, lots of drinks, lots of drugs. everyones free to indulge as they wish. all the lights go off except for a fireplace or some low-impact nightlights by an easel, and theres just a stream of sad music in the background. no words spoken unless you directly enter a conversation with someone. no forced interaction. just lots of pillows, blankets, and vibes.

really want one of these. might make it a regular thing once i head out west.

anyways, back to the reason we're all here. more sad drunk poetry<3

thank you for all those who leave the comments. i honestly wouldnt keep posting if it werent for you all giving me that little nudge of support. it means a lot.

much love.

bishop.

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
just another sad white kid, rest in peace Peep.

maybe some lives werent meant for the living
maybe some dreams were meant to go missing
kinda miss the way you would scream like a banshee
kinda miss the way you would threaten to leave me
wanna go back to the days when you need me
always liked how youd cut me deep, and then heal me
if it makes you smile when i cry, then abuse me.
really wouldnt mind if you came back to use me,

cant feel good enough on the nicotine therapy
oxygen coming through airily, barely
slaps on my face were a heavenly remedy
soft pink lace was a beautiful heresy.
pain, drugs, suicidal tendencies, obscurity
wanna fade to black, tell God roll the credit scene
another funeral in the wake of our legacy
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream

(beat.)

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
knocking back four different drugs just to get sleep

metal is the only thing i feel around me
liquor by the half cup never stops pouring
you held me down, now i feel like im falling
up to the sky, sunshine in the mourning.

With my left hand I embrace and repel.
With my right hand I create and destroy.
I stand before you, both hands free.
We remember past hopes and joy.

Listen to this moment, presence of silence.
Nothing divides and nothing draws us close.
Attention is all we exchange,
Attention in the shape of rose.

I longed for witness. Before whom? No one.
Is my heart pure? No. But she insisted.
We give; and what are we but gifts?
Gifts we forgot we'd accepted.

To doubt is to attempt holding back time,
Lifting time's illusion by illusion.
I may trust, knowing that I trust.
At times we feel with precision.

We part our ways like rose petals in wind.
We will return when time again is still,
For no more delight but to see,
With no more longing to fulfil.

It rains
It pours
It is a mile tall and never speaks
Just carries our water on leaden feet
Blinking powerlight moon-sun eyes
Peer blindly, feet step on millennial pits
From here to the forbidden lake, and back

It washes down
It pulls down
It is a god of rust and roaring waterfalls
Just and merciful, we were told
As old as us, or ours as old as it
Sinners earn places in its footsteps
Its feet red with rust so blest

It is bitter
It is foul
It is what it is, mark my word: a machine
Just! just! juddering footsteps rappelling ropes
Past red veils we see the flesh of god
Trace copyright prayers on a boxed brain
My hands on the conduit --- behold your new god!

My wrath rains
My anger pours
It is the vessel of my cunning, this old god
Just! just! dance new steps on old enemies
Kicked castles and soldier ants, crawling in
Head homunculus locked in the iron skull
Feet heavy, leads done, dead god gone dry.

Inspirations: the god warrior in Nausica of the Valley of the Wind, Unicron at the end of the G1 Transformers comic (poor old Scorponok*), rereading Girl Genius, casual flipping through Attack on Titan, awareness that there's some movie called the Wicker Man, and realization that I should go back to the classics and watch all of Mobile Suit Gundam and Zeta Gundam; and "Naught but the Leg remaining to disclose the site of this forgotten Babylon".

*: Well, real Transformers poetry would end with "It is over --- finished!"

for those keeping track, this title's in italian, not afrikaans.

normally don't "summer" kind of stuff, but as always, i just write what's on my mind once the liquor hits.

hope you all enjoy.<3

much love

bishop

sometimes I need a bubble bath.
ginger ale, vodka splash
couple friends, a couple grams
electronic cigarettes.
bath bomb with the glitter in
free pass to commit a sin
babygirl let's dive in.
bet we won't even remember it.

standing at the precipice
not a lot of trust to give
broken down, a sad kid
you're steady in the madness
babygirl I feel it happening
tension slipping kinda rapid
cold beers and a hot kiss
forbidden peach, like genesis

i write music
to sin to.
baby let me
sing with you
sigh the notes, we
can sing tunes
you're the nectar
the gods knew
i write music
to sin to.
baby let me
sing with you
sigh the notes, we
can sing tunes
you're the nectar
the gods knew

(beat.)

nicotine and a lotta weed
open up a new side of me
one that wanna see you smiling
fuck what your other man think
two friends in a summer fling
you bite your lip when you kiss me
's why you always invite me,
when you're home and feel lonely.

Want my music to go hard,
Sing for my friends in the dark,
Get to drunk to remember,
The bullshit feeling sad part

sometimes I need a bubble bath.
ginger ale, vodka splash
couple friends, a couple grams
electronic cigarettes.
bath bomb with the glitter in
free pass to commit a sin
babygirl let's dive in.
bet we won't even remember it.

fuck anybody who says my shit isn't cultured.

sorry if my language isn't okay on the site.

v drunk at the moment

here it goes anyway

enjoy.

or don't i guess,

either way.

j'en veux plus
exister
içi.

c'est impossible
à dormir
depuis

février quand
t'étais
parti

la bouteille
à remplacé
therapie

Tu m'as
donné pas de
sympathie

c'est parce'que
toi que je
ecris

tous les chansons
qui parle'd
mourir

ouais c'est
vrai q'je rêve
d'suicide

Je plonge
dans l'alcool
comme piscine

Daily still
wonder if
you miss me

Daddy still
gonna miss
his baby

I really miss
the way you'd
reassure me

comme

"Oauis, papa
c'est que tout va-t-
allez bien

Non, monsieur,
tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine.

Je vais, faire
sûr que je prends
soin de toi

I will love you,
cross my heart and
swear to God. "

"Oauis, papa
c'est que tout va-t-
allez bien

Non, monsieur,
tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine.

Je vais, faire
sûr que je prends
soin de toi

I will love you,
cross my heart and
swear to God. "

J'en veux plus
exister
sans toi

Je m'ai demandé
chaque nuit
pourquoi?

Tu m'as laiseé
completement
pantois

Je'm sens
maintenant
trop inadéquat

Would you like me
better if I had
some photoshop

Would you come to
visit if my breathing
ever stopped

Better yet, I
wonder if I'd rather
have you not

I just wish I had
some truth before
I fade to black

ouais, monsieur.

tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine

been sitting on two of these most of the day, might be a little messy.

i feel like it's a little stale since i left it waiting, and i'm significantly more sober than when i usually write.

as always, comments welcome. or ignore this entirely if you're not feeling it<3

bless.

bishop

also this one gets somewhat graphic, gonna start leaving these trigger warnings up top - drugs, alcohol, suicide, covers it i think, let me know if i should add anything else

been smoking and drinking
just so i can cope
gave her the ring
she put me on the ropes
new girl show up but
i don't got no hope
my heart is still sinking
i'm trying to float like

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

your bedside's left wide
open to the moonlight
head high, red eye
stranded on the roadside
you kissed, i cried,
while i watched papaw die
No sleep, four nights
you told me it's alright
helped me keep my head high
helped me say my goodbyes
then you hit me blindside
didn't get a goodbye

peace, bye, next flight,
right into his arms like
you've been biding time,
waiting for the day to strike me

down.

down.

down.

Left me tied strapped to the bed
Headphones looping what you said
Promises we could stay friends.
Cool ones pour down my head
I know the river Styx runs red
Little siren told me "Baby, dive in"
Closed eyes, woke up dead.
Didn't know God's a raven.

Now you got your Raybans
and your black Timbs
Got your new Amex,
one in the black print
Hope it was worth it
on your conscience
that you lied through your teeth
and he fucking lost it

costless

Must be nice right?
If it's not on the bill
it don't have a price
Fuck being nice,
Fuck doing what's right,
What's another sad white
boy taking his life?

Masochistic statistic
when his legs kick
Fuck vacation,
Miami,
Fuck a new chick
Cool one rain straight
to the forehead
Gorgeous.
One less problem
to deal with. Lord, yes.

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

last one for today, feel like i've been littering all over tildes and i dont want to be the only thing people see on the homepage.

i normally only do these like once a week, but i kept finding words that work today.

sorry for the clutter,

cheers.

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it

gorgeous.

tell me, do you cry or get lonely?
Do you ever feel soulless?
Do you ever stop and reminisce?
Baby I want to feel free.
Free.

(beat.)

dagga in die bak - smoke
til the morning
i just want you back
still hear you moaning
hard to look back,
know that you happened
hard to look back,
see what we had then
knife hits the floor, saying
what the fuck man
you're a grown man how
do you function
why do you do this
you're above this
Cus I don't know what's real
Baby I want to feel free

Free

Free

Free

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it
it's gorgeous.

nevermind.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

'llahu-allah
'llahu-allah
That a broken-legged lamb
can still hobble into Providence
i hear the caw
i hear the caw
woke up in a sweat and
saw a raven at my doorstep

(beat.)

messed up inside
messed up inside
only when he's fucked up
does he really feel alive
the pain you feel
the pain you feel
is the happiness you had before
So pay it up boy, that's the price.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

the stoa's hot
the stoa's hot
how you gonna run from
a problem that's inside your head

it's going dark,
it's going dark
beautiful curse if you
find that you woke up again

hi there.

before you read this, it's another one of my shitty sad poem/lyrics doohickeys.

i generally just post these up here as a way to vent, clear my head when i cant sleep.

if you're alright with sad stuff, feel free to read along. if not, that's cool too. just wanted to give a heads up in case there's stuff on your mind you're trying not to think about.

anyways,

thanks for stopping by,

bishop.

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side

been in my head so
long that i lost my mind.
running little low on
words, because you never write

cant get to sleep until 4am
nothing feels home like an angry bed
cant find a shoulder to lay my head,
missing warm lips and your icy legs.

trying real hard not to fuck with meds.
goddamn hard not to fuck with meds.
can't get the picture out of my head
of you in my bed so i guess instead

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
bled your name out of my arm
once upon a midnight

can't stop looking at
your shadow on my bedside
all the worst demons
are the ones we have inside
splashing turned to drowning in
the ocean of her blue eyes
x on the map,
wherefore does her love lie
Nyctophobic and you
took my dog and my flashlight
Guess I didn't know that
certain spiders can spin lies
diamonds in midnight
can try, but still won't shine
cant turn it down, honey,
do you hear a loud cry?

(

beat. sip some tea.

)

if the whole world's upside
down, can you stand upright?
guess this is the toll for
the road less traveled by
caught in the valley of the
dark - ride, baby, ride
make me feel high and
you can hurt me until i die

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
never heard that sound before,
do you hear a loud cry?

A little pretext. I wrote this poem in november 2017, and I slightly improved it today. I enjoy creating stories and poems are a way that I did not try much before. I don't know much about it, except the few things I learned in school and i can't remember most of it. Also english is my second language and there might be some words that don't fit in.
The changes in lines and rythm are intended to match the story.
If this does not meet the high-quality content and discussion and therefore doesn't fit in with ~, let me know and I will remove it.

To stop my rambling: Feel free to leave criticism. I plan to make poetry my hobby so any tips, comments, feedback and thoughts are appreciated.

Somewhere,
deep in the wild
Layed there,
Cold a little child.

It wasn't very long ago,
The rotten did not show,
All consuming deafening silence,
Pierced only by crows crying violent.

What happened here?
She ran from fear.
To escape the grasp,
Of the ones she hold dear.

One soul has passed before her,
Taking with his life,
The only thing she ever strived
Her mother, father and her brother
Two of these caused the disaster.

It began with a fight,
In a cold winter night,
Snow falling lightly,
And the ice growing wildly.

Suddenly the moment
when all seemed to fly
Death was potent
Coming in the blink of an eye.

Crushed by the car's roof,
Not needing any more proof.
The little boy left,
She cried over his death

Sad things passed
and bad will follow.
To escape the sorrow
Two chose their paths

Alcohol in mornings and nights,
Followed by overbearing fights,
Inbetween this shit
Was one little kid

Treated like air,
It was just not fair
Her family's break,
Was the last thing she could take

She ran into the woods,
Only on foot.
Soon she lost her trail
And soon after she wailed.

In her last thoughts
she met her god.
Looked him deep in the eye
And pierced him with a knive

Somewhere,
deep in the wild
Layed there,
Cold a little child.

Edit: Formatting mistakes