we met in a field

i plucked a fruit from your veins

you encouraged me to eat

i exchanged with you a name.

.

i kept you close inside a jar

and with time, you turned sour

you encouraged i add water

lest it be the final hour.

.

my glass turned pink

with the hue of your skin

you explained - it's drink,

you encouraged me to sip

.

i never knew beauty

like your taste upon my lips

you are my favorite poison

and i have now, not a drip.

hey this is tildes so i should talk about code.

i dont type each > for the markdown individually.

got a tiny function i wrote that does it for me: https://repl.it/repls/HonoredRubberyProfessional

so there's that for anyone who wants an easier time formatting their thing.

stuff at the bottom. not necessarily inspo. just.

yeah

i just

want to go back

to normal.

normal like in 2016

when i had a little cash

and spent it all

on books, coffee, clothes, teenage shit

i was nineteen

we had yet to meet

back to normal

like the centuries

where i would never be

from the dawn of the earth

up to the nineties.

back to normal

back to friends

back to hobbies and dreams

back to having endless things

that i found exciting

back to normal

when i'd stay up a little late

and fall asleep, be up at 8

and make my coffee

not living in the night,

sleeping in the morning.

.

but the meds are all a hex,

cyanide with side effects

take this pill if you're depressed

now youre a narcoleptic wreck

and your car's a crumpled mess

so momma drives you to your check-

ups full of shit you never said

like how you wanna quit - dead.

because you say something she think

is wrong you end up in the shrink

with all the people with the bigger problems

thrashing as they shriek

and you wake up on a table

see the warden of the clink

shoving hands into your mouth

tryna feed you what they think

'll fix your fucking problems.

hooked - benzodiazepines.

and now you're mellow, now you're numb

for now your skin'll cease to bleed

and still you look around in envy

pretty people - normalcy.

.

i gotta get out this house

get back to normal

maybe she can't find me there.

maybe i can get a text

or get some coffee

breathe, not even care

'bout if i'll turn a cursed corner

see her curly golden hair,

and have a flashback to the nights

spend crying lonely in despair

as she would sit, a room away

sipping vodka in here chair

taking snaps and scrolling insta

for her modelling career

and i would wail my soul would bleed

praying that her heart would hear

and she would get up, come and hold me

stroke my hair like "mama's here."

and i could breathe

our love immortal

i want nothing but a world

where i am back in full control

through death or breath

just make me normal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NB7RBZ1yGY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w--D1S8SrCQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO5JLdsNxSk | Lyrics

currently 7 hours into a 24 hour shift that will see me through to the end of this project.

this song came on that helped me find catharsis when i last felt like this in 2014.

coincidentally, i'd just finished one of my few milestones in the project

i could take a break if i wanted to.

i could hear the words filling themselves in, treating the song like a template.

decided i'd take a minute to "remix" or "cover" this song for how things are going this time around.

here's the original.

maybe give it a listen, then jump into this piece,

out of words now.

bishop

[Verse 1]
You still cross my mind from day to day
And I mostly cry
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong
and why
So I retrace our every step with a bloodwet knife
Trying to figure out what your head thinks
And my head just ain't what it used to be
So I ask,

...what's the point anyway?

[Verse 2]

I remember bringing boxes up the stairs to your apartment
Knowing love was slipping
rapidly away
I remember the skin of your forehead
Your nose and your lips I'd always kiss when I was out of things to say
You held my hand, and you would always promise me
You'd promise me pretty things but I would never understand
I remember when you said you didn't love me
And I swear not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand

[Verse 3]
I remember how you smiled through the smoke in a crowded little coffeehouse
And laughed at all my jokes
And I remember the way that you dressed
While we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving
How I barely kept up breathing and I bet if I could to do it all again
I'd feel the same pain
I remember faded driving through the city in tears
How I wept to god in fits, I've hated Texas ever since

I've found it's true what people say
That death and drugs can numb the pain
And every single day I want to fade away, cus

[Verse 4]
I still remember independence tricked us
And lead us helpless holding cash into a pit to be devoured
I still remember how we held so strong to this
Though we had never really settled on a way out
I still remember your blank face
And how we'd always find a way recommit the same mistakes
I still dream that it would all come back together
Just to fall apart again

[Bridge]
My dear
I hear your voice in mine
I've been alone here
I've been alone here
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been at home here
I've been at home here
You've been away for years
You've been away for years
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone

[Verse 5]
I breathed your name into the air, I etched your name into me
I felt my anger swelling, vision black, I can't see
I held your name inside my heart but it got buried in my fear
It tore the wiring of my brain, I did my best to keep it clear
So dear, no matter how we part I hold you sweetly in my head
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you in my death
Anything to see you smile, keep you happy in my end.

hi i'm bishop
and i'm the guy you probly see
inside your dreams
who shows up for half a second
then i morph into a sheep

no wait im bishop
im the guy who's in the back
of that one photo that you
took out by the beach in
2018 out in cabo

hold on, no, it's bishop
it's the person that you messaged
when you posted up on tumblr
needing help with your depression

i mean

no

wait

i'm bishop!

i mean

i'm 1930s jazz superstar Cab Calloway.
i don't really play many instruments
but i can sing
i'm a throat player

hi my name is bishop
and i'm actor Matthew Lillard
hah like zoinks babe, i was shaggy
let me take you out to dinner

but then she turned to me
all worriedly
i asked her "whats the problem b?"
she said "i'm not some pretty girl,
i'm bishop! i'm your coffee!"

and i looked around like what the hell
and down onto my bed i fell
the pillow was my face
i was the bottles on the shelf

hi there pal, my name is bishop!
wait i lied it's Captain Morgan!
don't you love the way i
can't walk straight in my own Jordans
(that were actually pretty expensive shoes, like who pays that much for shoes? i mean i get the aesthetic and all i have some jackets that were kinda expensive but like

...dude.)

(cough)

hi my name is bishop
but i'm really Roddy Piper
and i'm feelin hella Rowdy cus my
ex she made my life hurt

i mean wait
no

i'm Bert Kreischer!
i'm im a machine!
and i'm a funny guy!
i'm hella rich, i'll slide some money by
if you can sing me beddie-bye

no fuck
i'm Tyler Perry
i make really funny movies
and i think you'd probly like me
if you ever really knew me

i mean

im bishop
and i eat a lot of fruit
but i still cant seem to get rid
of my stomach
i've considered "fasting" before and i used to but i like to cook too much so i end up like not eating for a day and then cooking a lot (like a lot) and really enjoying that meal and the whole process but it kinda nullifies the whole thing.

i'm gordon ramsay.

i'm

im chef Joel Robuchon and i have hella Michelin Stars

and my heart burns

i mean fuck i ate too much i'm

im'm larry the cable guy, do you have heartburn? i could

*sigh* sell you

Prilosec

i'm bishop

i'm

....

anyone but me.

cheers

y'already know who it is
bishop - little punk bitch.

's go. no need to comment or whatever. just yelling at the internet today.

Xes On My Eyes For Life.

tw: self-harm/suicide/alcohol/drugs

startin off the year all
alone inside my bedroom
lookin back in the past
what i been through
how you'd pet my hair,
cuddle close in my bedroom
now ain't nothin but depressive
air in the bedroom
look what i get up to
xans and the mushrooms
body don't have much room
left for me to love you
it pushes all the air out
in case you maybe come thru
you took all of my breath out
and i can't even speak you

name into the air
with no fingers in my hair
sippin whiskey in my chair
i can see your shadows here
you told me "lay it bare, give
your heart and boy i swear"
from now until the day you die
i promise i'll be there."

now i'm broken down
and wearing out
your voice in my head
get it out
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

Прости меня,
Пожалуйста
now is my time
убей меня
princess - зайчик
i can't take it
baphometic
angel - wrists slit

cus i'm broken down
and wearing out
i know the truth you
hate me now
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

BISHOP NEHM MICH UNTER - UNTERGANG 2019

Xes on my eyes for life

seems like some people 'roudn here tdont know that bishop an emo rapper on the comeup 👀

so lemme introduce myself

bonjour

im bishop.

i write hella poetry, and i just got a midi board and a expensive-ass course on Logic Pro X so imma learn how to produce as well.

imma kind, lighthearted fella, but poetry is my muse to get the dark shit off my chest

and rap is the zeitgeist now so i dont gotta feel ashamed of that anymore lmao

i sold my soul for love and cash, but that keeps biting back

we'll see how siht plays out

.

i love comments, and always peep my inspo tracks or we cant be friends

(jk but srsly)

much love, spread positiv y, all of that shit,

bishop

ps i also cook a lot so if u hungry for some plants hmu

peep tha inspo at the bottom

a wise man once said
don't let your dreams be dreams
so any time i go to sleep
it's always nightmares indeed
a lucid hellscape, i cant
move i cant scream
as i lay there unawake
my fists pounding at the sheets
it steady creeps, in my head
it lays dormant in the day
but still it's stench seeps out
constant suffocates my brain
as i struggle for a breath
and my heart starts to race
i just wanna lay down and
fantasize a better day

chasin xanny with the whiskey
give a fuck about my kidneys
life feels like a living hell
if the furnace isn't in me
so im steady blowin smoke
out my lungs like a chimney
my body like the house that
you used to live in with me
now it's empty and i'm starving
feelin ugly, i'm not eating
but the devil promised riches
thus, the dark, i will believe in.

---

So Spoke Zarathustra
we're in this shit again
as i built up another hope
and then i lost another friend
now there's demons in my head
i expose my skeleton
i thought that i could trust you
always swore you're genuine

but now i'm in this swamp again
and i be wadin' through the water
my skin begins to bubble up
my blood is getting hotter
and i can hear a voice within
screaming out with an offer
all the pain will end if i just
offer up my slaughter
let the water take me under
let the Bishop take me under
i could send my soul away
and throw my body in gutter
and i shudder in my slumber
fingers gripping at the sheets
and i wake up in a sweat
this is what she did to me.

---

don't let your dreams be dreams
let them be nightmares
when your soul's in the dark
you can trust that the night cares
upon a hilltop
there stood a white mare
who scoffed my direction
took off and left me there

taking an L like
fuck, i'm here again
Zoroastrian hell
as my heart starts withering
cut that bitch out,
used my last breath
to bury it
fell to the ground
as my life was
diminishing

send me to hell
then at least i'll be free of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxvLc2a6Iao&t=112s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ff0bq_ydEQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w--D1S8SrCQ

if anyone would be interested in my top 10 emo rap tracks of 2018 lemme kno because i know what they are i just font have the everny to write a wholeass post on it but if yall want it i will

bye now

BISHOP NEHM MICH UNTER

we off the drink we off the emo shit

esskeetit

peep the inspo track sat the bottom or we cant be ffriends

sold my soul to the devil

so that i could feel valued

remember bein in a empty

home with a vacuum

former straight-edge

off the drink, off the valium

wanna go back to our

mornings with the cartoons

made my heart a whale

then you hit it with a harpoon

bleedin on the beach, staring

up at the full moon

sometimes life rains

down in a monsoon

i'd be glad to drown if

it means i can love you

.

but i cant even hug you

can't even text you.

antidepressooos

bishop 5'6" but he tryna

be big news.

.

tryna get big so you

cannot forget me

honey your love is a

xanny it's deadly

how'm i supposed to

forget about kelly

or bout all of those nights

that you called me, unsteady

wish i loved you correctly

shit got unsteady

i was just tryna get

us a few pennies

put you in a bentley

put you in the fendi

wasn't rich enough so

you got all offended

on the offensive

antidepressents

fuck that bullshit

it just makes me sedated

.

dont wanna feel shit

if i cant feel you

prayin that you'll text me

"let me heal you"

you got 50 shades of grey

i can see through

but somehow still

made me believe you

ignroed all the red flags

so i could keep you

mistook for an angel

whenever i'd see you

but now you a model

you said "i don need you"

looking for a camera

you can show your tits to

then the devil approached me.

said "i can guarantee you."

.

so i went to the sea

heard a voice, "take a knee"

so i nodded, agreed

and he said "you will serve me -

Boy listen closely

each one of your dreams

surrender control to

you want the money,

someone to devote to,

4-k square foot house

to go home to.

this, i can construe

if you submit to

living your life, all despite

where you'll go to.

i now control you

your soul - i have claim to

but think of all the things

that my hands can bring you.

so i bowed on my knees -

now this man, i submit to.

.

ave satani

i give you my body

my soul, it was drawn, he

took it, made a copy

forgot about mommy

woke up smelling coffee

looked in the mirror

did not hate my body

the sky was all foggy

and greyed-out, but oddly

i liked it enough to

not waste the day nodding

or off of the molly

or in my room rocking

with her voice talking

.

ave satani

the blood and the body

the dark it is calling

and i find it calming

it's sated the longing

lil bishop's evolving

let's go to the graveyard

i feel like walking

and talking

and nodding

inspo tracks: peep this shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w--D1S8SrCQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ff0bq_ydEQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y17IQ96Zzjk

i headed home from
the store last night
hair kinda fucked up
red in my eyes
stared at the road
not a car in sight
looked up at the sky
sunset looked nice

drinks in the seat
drugs on the mind
looking for a way to
go numb for the night
then the clouds came down
sent a fog up high
couldn't see ahead
something didn't feel right

i was five minutes out
so i pressed on home
accompanied by another
feeling of alone
turned on the radio
put down my phone
tried to shake the nerves
with a half-good song

pressed on the gas
and the fog pressed low
saw something flickering
with shape unknown
it was just dead ahead
then a mile up the road
then i came to a halt
from my seat i was thrown.

--

front-end smashed,
not a soul was around
i called out for help
but nobody heard a sound
i crawled to my car
and i looked all around
then i looked up to god
and the rain came down

then my radio sang,
and i turned my head 'round
reached for the volume
my hand knocked out
heard a voice, "listen close"
as my back hit the ground
then the radio spoke,
in my head, heard it shout

i awoke in my bed
with no pain in my neck
rushed out to my car
no sign of a wreck
didn't know the day or
the time, had to check
8am again, the crash
didn't happen yet.

i tried to think back
memories on a thread
but something stood out
ever clear in my head,
the song that i heard
with the words i can't forget
had to write em all down
i ran back to my desk

i rushed the words down,
i almost felt myself mad.
the song made me miss
a love i never even had
that's when it clicked,
i finally understand
finally took a look
at the world in my hands

she was never perfect,
negatively drove you mad
all the pain, the hurt,
anxiety, you felt at her hands
you remembered all the exits,
and escapes that you planned
but you persevered through,
now she loves another man

but fuck it, that's good
she only ever made you hurt
all the times you felt alone,
and mistreated by her words
all the foolish fights she started,
all the stupid shit she stirred
look past all the beauty, boy
abuse, you don't deserve

it's a big-ass world, boy
you'll find a better girl
take a look back for yourself
and see how things really were
go on, my son,
you'll inherit the world
because the love that you miss,
you never had back with her.

I'm rather sleepy, generally very reserved when it comes to sharing my work, and not a native user of English, but I have a couple poems in English, and I though I'd share one here and see what the folks think of it. I love the challenge of writing stuff in languages other than my native tongue.

a bird with no wings
a song no one sings
a sorrow when time brings
         nil.
ex nihilo nihil fit
et words have no wit
mouth knows only to spit
         nil.
time is scarse and gods wobble
in vain hurry naive men hobble
ignoring they will only nobble
         nil.

peep the inspo at the bottom

i finnally found some shit i lvoe

fuggg i hate to post this much because i'm certain my shit gets annoying. i bet there's hella people on here who view my posts as "fluff" and want it gone but highkey idgaf.

i know tildes likes to be open to discussion and likes to look deeper into things - ain't my fault i don't get that many comments ¯\(ツ)/¯. i tried writing more secretive and intricate shit people could pick apart if they want, but those weren't received as well as some of my more blunt posts.

though that one poem i did where i referenced rocky horror did really well.

i dunno.

i just hope my shit belongs here 😂 but i guess if i've been allowed to make over thirty posts in the past three months that means i'm in the clear.

dont be afraid to keep me in check, and dont be afraid to comment on my stuff.

i invite your questions, your critique, your thoughts in general. i may be fucxed in the head, but i'm an artist above all else (is that true?). if you want to dig into my shit or have any ways i can improve on my work, i'd be so glad to know you have no idea

i write my stuff to express myself but that does no good if no one's listening lmao so i want to write shit people like. i welcome all feedback.

anyway i'm ranting again and i'm only tipsy. imma finnish this drink (kuinka voit?), then imma find a beat and ride on some shit.

y'all know the drill.

say it with me.

esskeeetiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit,

i'm actually crying right now. i found a beat that sounds just like the kind of shit i want to make and everything is just rushing to me. this is insane.

this is the blues moderna i want to make. i feel like Taj Mahal

ain't nothing truer in my heart
than missouri blues
remember driving through St. Louis
sitting next to you
remembering the times you said you loved me
guess it wasn't true
told me you'd love me forever
now i'm feeling all confused.

baby where'd you go and why'd
you take my heart away from me
now i write pathetic songs and
can't stop thinking pitifully
wonder if you talk me good
or speak on me in mimicry
i can't stop hating myself
and looking at me critically

mirrors are the worst friend
a man could ever have
when a pretty blonde girl went
and tore his heart in half
when he's sure he's lived the best
years he'd ever have
what good is any man, girl,
without his better half?

take me to the delta where
a man can sing in peace
laughing at me, drunk
when i'm just tryna find relief
can't afford the therapy,
for shit you did to me
i'd let you take my life if
you just killed me in your sheets

(chorus)

baby please
tell me that you care a-bout me
promise you don't laugh at me
tell me that you'll come on close and hold me

-.

baby hear me howlin' at your back door
wonder what you're not talkin to me for
hoping that you answer and take me home
take me back before everything went wrong

take me back to days when i still loved good
it was us against the world but girl we endured
our thoughts were caked in sin although our hearts pure
we got all cuddled close and smoked a backwood

take me back to days when you still liked me
and my body wasn't cause for anxiety
wanna go back to twenty sixteen
eyes blue, hearts black, minds pristine

baby hear me howlin' at your back door
wonder what you're not talkin to me for
hoping that you answer and take me home
take me back before everything went wrong

(chorus)

baby please
tell me that you care a-bout me
promise you don't laugh at me
tell me that you'll come on close and hold me

i feel like if i write any more on this one imma ruin it. i don't like that.

peep the inspo

(iit's not rap. it's blues. actually peep the inspo)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4YPMiFaPWo (oooooof jesus christ, 1:13!!!!!!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iqTRNUOsFI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0_eRVroLqs

i fucxing hate dallas, i fucxing hate texas.

today's different -

or at least, this part of it.

a lot of the posts i been making the past couple months have been out of this empty kinda want to write something.

as per the usual, i came to starbucks to work on some shit, but i felt something in my chest, got some inspo, and here we are again lmao.

fair warning ahead, this is one of my more...idk, "brazen" posts. i dunno, superficial as hell save for one or two bars. enjoy it or not - love you anyways.

peep the inspo at the bottom

esskeetit.

seeing all these people walking
round arm in arm
while im sitting in my house in
the dark - pop bars
crash cars - cop cars
hella sirens in the distance
blood in the moonlight glistens
bishy getting distant
what's going on in your
head causing dissonance?
what's weighing up with suicide
in equivalence?
still hooked on to
the past in imprisonment?
keep looking back at
what you had and you're missing it?

-.

fuck that - cut that
sideswipe - bone crack
i wouldn't go back
despite all the flashbacks
i still got hopes
want my life back
i do this shit 'cus
my soul went bad
layin in a bed full of
pressed pills and porn mags
filling up a pool with
self-hatred and cognac
pistol labeled "lovers"
and the bullet "no contact"
wanna ski slopes 'til
my eyes go all black

-.

i don't hate that girl
i hate my self
don't hate this world
i hate my self
spent red candles
on my shelf
lost 21 grams when
i weighed myself

ave satani
my fear and my secrets
my tears and my blood
my devotion and regrets
my love and disdain and
my pain and forgiveness
these things are my own
and my self is my weakness
so bring my destruction
and make me a demon

bishop.

inspo:

https://youtu.be/ShI6axFfqj4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p09lM19FpU

https://youtu.be/9M1PY4lTY3g

bonus: https://youtu.be/DxvLc2a6Iao

sup everyone! catchin a vibe today, had a few joji tracks on repeat so i thought i'd build something out of his style/flow.

voici.

inspo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulMHhPHYCi0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmFkCNvfojg
https://tashacho.artstation.com/projects/EQ4on

doors creaking at the riverside
subtle fog besets an autumn night
white dresses in the lower tide
northern star hangs high

catches my eye
closing in on all sides
belt of Orion,
branch unified
eighth night, knocking coincides
groaning on the other side
doors among the trees
shaking hands you start to climb

-.

you've see the stars before
and they always keep their shape
one shoots down,
angel fell from grace
all of their alignments,
a familiar face
didn't want to come back to this place.

you liked things as they were
and you prefer a cityscape
slugging through your life
with your eyes ever agape
toeing through the words
and your hands began to shake
she said "you look like i abused you heaven's sake"

looked to the sky so many times
that i've mapped the stars out
screamed so many times now
only whispers come out
water from the river Styx
a seed began to sprout
it's the tree atop from which i'm looking out.

-.

doors creaking at the riverside
subtle fog besets an autumn night
white dresses in the lower tide
northern star hangs high

catches my eye
closing in on all sides
belt of Orion,
branch unified
eighth night, knocking coincides
groaning on the other side
doors among the trees
shaking hands you start to climb

bishop.

i'm slightly bored and ~creative hasn't had a lot of posts recently so i guess i'll toss some of my lot in here. here's some of the mediocre stuff i pen up more or less without editing in my off time. i have plenty more of these, but most of them require so much context that it'd be a pain in the dick to post them, so they're not likely to see daylight here any time soon. anyways

(note: now hopefully with less formatting fuck ups, lol.)

quick, general scribbles

scribble, scribble [unfinished]

No, you don’t matter—
you don’t matter, matter, matter…
like a symphony of voices in
the night, their uproarious cacophony
of noise inescapable,
rumbles—shaking. No sleep
to be found, no—you don’t matter…
Sleep is impossible, escape is…
impossible. Draw your mental curtains
in every window and bolt every lock shut—
shut in… shut in with the noise, no you
don’t matter, matter, matter—
Why do you shut yourself in? Why
do you shut yourself inside if you matter?
The voices tremble with fury—but peaceful
they are compared to the noise, echoing, booming—
If you did matter you wouldn’t hide!
You wouldn’t refuse to face the music, oh
if you mattered you’d admit that you’re crazy.
If you mattered the voices wouldn’t be. The
thoughts wouldn’t be. They wouldn’t be, no—
you don’t matter, matter, matter…
some symphony of voices the voices can be—
rattle like a rattle, regurgitating the same sound—
endlessly, on loop. Never enough to deafen the
thoughts, the thoughts never enough to silence
the voices. If you mattered you’d be free
of the voices, you see. Just another crazy
person you are. All alone, you and me...

Bor · der · line

Always, when meeting, be skeptical.
Be cynical, so when the deal falls through
you can pretend you never wanted
what was offered to you in the first place.
Pretend it doesn’t hurt every time
to tear everything down from day one when
you know it’s irrational action—
when you know if you could just be “normal”…
Go through the process a hundred times
over, stay up every night thinking
why it has to always be this way
and why you’re like this, why you’re so crazy—
never change, always an amorphous
blob of a person, never able to
fit into anything, to be what
you truly want to be, deep down. Normal.
Such is the life of an internet
vagabond—a sacrifice to the great
altar of the untreated mental
illness—crucified by their loneliness.

some stuff for my grand worldbuilding

Time (1921) // by Donas Beyten-Aytek

A dragon always cares for time,
for often he knows that it does rhyme.
And always grows up with the fable,
of the dragon that was able.
For ‘once in time’ a dragon ruled,
and ‘once in time’ that dragon fooled.
So ‘once in time’ that dragon lied,
and ‘once in time’ that dragon died.
And now a dragon lives with fears
of the changes time endears,
and hopes that time will one day cease
and leave his life alone in peace.
But no more is it ‘a’ dragon alone,
instead it is all which to fear is prone.
In face of time, no dragon is steady.
In face of eternity, no dragon is ready.

Dragons will not hail to a tyrant (1981) // by Tadin Aledi Geren

Dragons will not hail to a tyrant—
that much must be made clear
and shouted for the world to hear.
For a dragon enslaved and martyred—
on the altar of Bira, their blood spilled—
can never by any man be killed.
Yet dragons long have been enslaved—
by despot, by tyrant, by foreign power—
and it seems always the dragon should cower.
But soon, one day soon, the dragon
will rise from their ashes, from their grave
and find a dragon world to save.

Revolution (2009) // by Nesye Kalane-Aiselain

Revolution means nothing
if you don’t act.
If you don’t let the hillsides ring
with upstart revolutionary zeal
you are no true revolutionary—
you are no better than a tyrant king!
You can’t be a revolutionary
if you never let the proletarians sing.

ESKEETIT

ESKEETIT

ESKEETIT

ESKEEEETIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

i like to save this wiine for special occasions because shit's a german specialty that i like to share with people but i only really talk to one other person in this whole fuuuuucking state so i spent it all on me.

out here wildin rn

i aint posted a new piece in a week(ish) so im doing two

but i post "qulaity" so im okay riiiiiight?

dont @ me if u aint catch tha links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytVww5r4Nk0

https://i.imgur.com/LKIwWHa.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p09lM19FpU ^{this here song issssss}

BIG MOOD

IMMA PLAY DEPRESSING
MUSIC TIL YOU
COME AND
HOLD ME

WENT AND BUILT A COFFIN
BUT I KEEP ON DRILL-
ING HOLES TO
BREATHE

IN HOPES I'LL SEE A PIGEON
WITH A NOTE THAT YOU
WROTE ON IT'S
FEET

SAYING THAT YOU'RE SORRY
WE FUCKED UP AND
YOU'LL COME HOME
TO ME

-.

DOPAMINE
UNKNOWN TO ME
BLACK AND WHITE
A KEATON SCENE

THERMOS FULL
OF KEROSENE
XANNY ON
DELIVERY

"DADDY WILL YOU
CARE FOR ME?"
I TRIED YOU WERE
NOT THERE FOR ME

SAW MY GRANDAD
BARELY BREATHE AND
THEN YOU TURNED
ABANDONED ME

-.

SORDID SCENES IN
SPOILED DREAMS WHEN
I THINK THAT YOU'VE
COME ON BACK

BRAIN AT REST I
FEEL MY FISTS
AS THEY POUND HARD
AGAINST THE BED

FUCK A LABEL
DON'T CARE IF
IT'S ABUSE, I
WANT IT BACK

ASKED ME IF
I'LL MISS YOU
HOLY FUCK I GUESS
I GOT IT BAD.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

FROM WALKIN' HOME
AND TALKIN' LOADS
TO NO MORE CALLS
LIVING ALONE

TO TEETH AND CLAWS
AND FRACTURED BONES
TO TOTALED CARS
AND BROKEN HOMES

LET IT GO
LET IT GO
DON'T HOLD BACK THE RIVER
LET IT FLOW

#DRAINGANG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgvdbbuMQ_k

haha i'm really okay

FUCCCCCCCCCCCC IT WE DRUNK AGAIN

WE OUT HERE GEN Z PAINN VIBIN

*#BIGMOOD*

dont @ me if u aint catch tha links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShI6axFfqj4

https://i.imgur.com/LKIwWHa.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjhJ_Sv0MlI

ich schlaf'
auf einem Bett
das ich aus Stein
gemacht hab'

ich schließe
fest die augen
aber finde keine
Schaffe

einfach nur
das Mädel das
hat mich früher
verlassen

dann klebt mein arm
in der erde ein
um mich zu
begraben

-.

ich hab an
sie gelacht und
sie sieht mich
an mit Hass

ich hämmert auf'm
Nachttisch
bis ich wurde
aufgewacht

dann fragte ich
an Gott warum
ich denke immer
krass

Hände in die
Taschen, lauf'
alleine auf'm
Strass

ich möchte kein mehr
Weihnachten,
ob sie nicht an
mir sagt:

-.

Schätzi, guten
Morgen und
mich küsste auf'm
Hals

Ja ich
möchte Kaffee
ja ich lieb' dich
ebenfalls

"Liebe macht das
Heim" hat sie auf
unserem Wand
gemalt

lustig, dass sie
nicht mehr ruft
mich an oder
mich halt

-.
?
i dreamed
of you
with angered eyes,
a gaze that
filled with hate

i felt my arm
beat on my dresser
'til i did awake

a soft and shaky
soul succumbed to rub
against the grate

life has been for nothing since february eighth.\

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvlGMCVGkQA

Today I had to leave a social site group dedicated to original Haiku poetry from its members. I enjoy the format and structure, and find hard not to get whiskers flying when people violate either or both. Everyone in the group was posting maligned content. Haiku is strictly about nature. Insult to injury was their improper use of structure. The first two lines are a fluid combination of thought. The third is a separate observation tied to the first two. Everyone was making all three lines what would be a single sentence if punctuation was included, like this:

land gives way to sea’s
constant struggle where they clash
yet life strives to be

This is a Hailku, as I have come to understand based on teachings and learned poets:

milky morning fog
smothers inner forest realm
doe rests peacefully

Many were posting what they must have thought was Haiku, but was in fact Senryu (theme based on human feelings and condition) :

moonlight shimmers bright
across the pond’s smooth stillness
a peace flows through me

Granted, there is still international debate over the rules and intent of the Japanese art of Haiku. Most American poets agree with the 5-7-5 English language syllable count, the last line distant but related by theme to the first two lines, and that they be strictly about nature.

So look, we've all heard of Grammar Nazis, relating to nitpicking and over-zealous protection of grammatical structure in written content. In this case, I'm addressing the simplest structured form of modern poetry in use. Three freakin' lines. Seriously, shouldn't Haiku be composed correctly, like any other form of structured poetry?

tu sais qui c'est

alright so the fuck is up with you people!? did y'all see my last post up here got like eighteen votes?

that's crazy! that's one of the best-received things i've posted on tildes, just, overall lmao.

glad to see my sober stuff can be decent competition to my drunk stuff.

on that, i pretty much don't drink on my own anymore (i mean some wine with dinner blah blah) but like drink ya feel?

if i'm at a kickback i'm always down to get fucked up, but coming out of this sober week i kinda restructured how i'm using stuff now.

like i used to try using kratom to get high p often and discovered that that's a shite idea. i just got all wirey and had stomach aches lol.

however just a little bit (~0.75g) in some tea is small enough to avoid any side effects and big enough to work as a solid mood regulator.

much to my discontent this just isn't the kinda thing you take recreationally (the whole reason i picked it up to begin with), but it does definitely boost your mood up like 30x, boost your self confidence, and even help you get some good sleep (if you're sipping red vein varieties.)

i was feeling like a lazy piece of shit (y'know as usual), sipped my tea, and ended up knee-deep in this udemy course for electron apps (building desktop apps like skype or something), made a solid breakfast, wrote this here ditty, and played like 3 hours of risk of rain. (gotta be lazy somewhere i guess.)

anyway this isn't a blog.

i had a weird concept for this piece and i'm not sure if it came through at all lmao. this was done in maybe 30 minutes.

let me know if you can guess what the piece is describing.

cheers,

bishop.

drip
drip

there's water on the
floor, so don't

slip
slip

shake your head,
try to catch a

grip
grip

drowning in your
dreams, your legs

kick
kick

bags under your
eyes, you're looking

sick
sick

.

try to move your
hand but you cant

feel
it

she wants to cuddle
up in your bed

but
it's

made of steel and
you can't seem to

budge
it

staring up in-
to a funnel

what's
this?

---

oh the autumn sounds
raining patters on the ground
i wake up with a jolt
on every time you come around

and you never text to
let me know before the fact
i'm second guessing every minute
tryna find out when you're at

now we're laying back,
looking straight into your eyes
wonder if the next thing you say
will be a goodbye

your silence is a lie
your crying leaves me mortified
let me go, let me go,
fuck, got water in my eyes.

---

drip
drip

drip drip

drip

drip

d..
.

.

drip
drip

drip
drip

there's water on the
floor, so don't

slip
slip

shake your head,
try to catch a

grip
grip

drowning in your
dreams, your legs

kick
kick

bags under your
eyes, you're looking

sick
sick

.

try to move your
hand but you cant

feel
it

she wants to cuddle
up in your bed

but
it's

made of steel and
you can't seem to

budge
it

staring up in-
to a funnel

what's
this?

(p.s. fuck yeah canada.)

post-mortem: holy actual beans dudes this is my most popular post by far! what'd you cats like about it so much?

i swear to god my brain and body work in tandom to make sure i never actually do anything productive.

i came to starbucks exclusively to work on some backend stuff for a project i've got, and i've spent the last hour sipping coffee, watching Joji music videos, and writing this lmao.

i wish there was something like cocaine that wasn't, well, cocaine, that you could take and then you'd be like "hey maybe i should clean my room. hey it's a nice day out i should take a walk. ya know if i get work done now, i can actually take a break without feeling like lazy trash later on!"

actually

that sounds like weed.

i need to move to a legal state lmao.

but in order to do that i gotta get better at programming so i can actually get a car (ya fucked up, bishop) and get a new place.

catch-22's are like so literally my favorite thing (:

anyway this isn't even the poem lmao i'm just sober ranting at the internet.

esskeetiiiiiit

there's this
black hole lingers
'round every corner.

obscure sounds
dark haze,
and no borders

it looms near,
strikes fear
when it's closer

heart runs,
hands shake,
i get colder.

/

sometimes
i get close
take a peek in

low growl
sounds loud
gotta feed it

audrey
she's hungry
when you're bleeding

jumped in-
to my blood
i'm her beacon

/

now i can't shake
this damned desire, god
i think i gotta call her

am i safer when she's
gone? she's in my dreams
do i still love her?

my best friend is
mad, the shit i do
only appalls her.

the pit, it's in my
stomach, god i
feel it getting stronger.

/

audrey

audrey

keep the peace, please.

audrey

audrey

play my heart strings.

you told me to

obey you baby,

you control me.

audrey

lay me

to rest in peace

bishop

(p.s. i noticed that there always seems to be a vote on my post like the second after i post my poetry shit. whoever you are you're cute af and i love you ok)

my head is aching,
day four in sobriety.
is it the drugs or every-
thing that runs about my dreams
all the people in my night-
mares never let me sleep.
my angry father, my old
lover, or my mother's screams.

i go to bed at noon
and i wake up at three.
no power left, make some coffee
just whatever's cheap.
folgers tastes like cigarettes,
a cup of apathy.
wanna sleep inside a noose
on a dramatic tree.*

eyes on gucci cus
they're catching bags
they're getting dark, like the
stones came, painted them black
i wanna move to where the dems are at.
to the palm trees and the medicine.

i fantasize about a booked flight,
goodbyes, and a packed bag.
fresh check, laptop,
in my backpack
new friends, new home,
and a black lab.
but that's all in the clouds
and my drugs are a jetpack.

but now i'm sober
and i'm jetlagged.
and now she's back
turning my dreams bad
woke up, aching head,
and a hurting back.
dig in my closet
for a white bag.

if i'm lucky it's a heart attack.

• this line isn't mine, wish it was though, i love how self-aware it is when it comes to the hyperdramatic bullshit i always write. would love to write some more stuff in this style.

oddly enough, it's from a game grumps episode of super mario galaxy lmao

maybe adding that and fixing the meter in these. i feel like the meter in my sober stuff is really jumpy - i can hear the different parts in my head but i don't think im piecing them together well.

have i ever done post-drunken poetry before?

i've got to be breaking some sort of rule with the amount i've been spamming this site over the last four hours.

I'm gonna go make breakfast and take a few days away to compensate.

sorry. thanks for listening.

much love

i woke up after
three hours of sleep
took a look around my room
and everything was tinted green
had a sobering reminder about
why i shouldn't drink
i get caught up in the moment
and try too hard not to think.

i'd do anything to go numb,
i'm afraid of that side of me.
it's hard, i hate myself
when in the middle of sobriety.
the room is tinted yellow as
the sunlight slips in quietly
i'm at a fork in the road,
man, i gotta choose carefully.

to the left a road of headaches,
heartache, a masochistic fantasy
take everything the hard way.
drunken, spinning memories
thinking of the good days,
accepting they're behind you
and your options won't change.
you're numb but somehow bitter
life is shorter, and it starts to fade.

off right a path of effort and torment,
pushing through the years of shit
that you drink just to forget.
the subtle kisses on your forehead
are bullets of a war chest
you're naked and afraid and
your perspective's all distorted
tryna shake your obsession with the morbid
it's been about a year since you last felt worth it.

and say you choose the better
of the two, here's the evil thing.
the second road is always there,
quiet, calm, and glistening.
internal scars and all the
hurt will start to dissipate
just share another secret,
close your eyes, and disintegrate

you're still quite young,
there's time to do the right thing.
maybe depression in aesthetic
isn't really worth you dying
and you won't find steady love
by telling everyone you're crying
that just attracts the broken, you
need something solid and inspiring
to all of you who noticed,
heard my wishes and my wailing

i'll switch to water, hope
that better starts prevailing

idgaf we going two in one day. ban me if my shit's annoying, just give me my posts first. 's all i ask.

i know a lot of the shit i write is blunt.

i know a lot of it is too straight-forward for people to be comfortable with.

i honestly don't care.

i don't write for them.

i write for my sanity.

i want my words to be your drug.

more drunken poetry.

god bless those who support. you keep me here. i'm glad you enjoy my works and i hope, at the very least, i help you find catharsis or explore a morbid curiosity into the lives of the damned.

i am here for you. i am an example.

from dust we're built,
and to ash we fall
wanna get so high, that
i can't move at all.
turns out her secret
was xan all along
i need some harder shit
just to push me along

never thought that love
was really a drug
that was just some dumb
shit they'd say in the songs
but now it's done, you're
gone, and i'm having withdrawals
i'm getting into drugs and
i'm carving my arms

and you couldn't give a fuck,
you never call
guess all of those years
didn't matter at all
all the shit we went through
can suffer the fall
so why am i even here,
or breathing at all.

had me in a trance, girl
i was under your spell
every command, on
my knees i knelt
really suicidal, that's the
hand i was dealt.
kiss me on my scars, i
think it's sexy as hell

the only thing that turns
me on - facades of real love
so if you're tryna lure me
in, give me a real hug.
pull me close, give a kiss,
that's the best drugs
need you to take the
breath out of my lungs

fuck. i want to die.

"i'd still blow my brains out just for you"

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — Wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air...
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark or ever eagle flew —
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
---By John Gillespie Magee Jr

hey you, reading the text sample on the homepage. open this. read the whole thing.

god i remember why i write when im drunk. i'm back
#bishop babyyyyyyyyyy

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

she asked me
do you trust me?
as rain poured down on the window

.

i replied honey
would you hurt me?
'course not, i didn't think so.

.

and we laid back
here it fades black
a few things i can't tell you.

.

you'd be angry
try to stop me
don't wanna know what things came to

.

but we laid there
sipping night air
as the rain fell, room was candlelit

.

she felt a little-bittle afraid.
are you okay?
i promise you i can handle it.

.

she laid back, she said alright
i hope that you're right
don't wanna send you scrambling

.

then she got close,
told me a secret
my god i felt outstanding

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

(oh my god)

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she trusted me with it, by-
god i can barely believe it
i've got a little friend
with an itty-bitty secret
god i never knew that
i would come to need it

then she made me promise
that i wouldn't go and spread
the word about my findings

.

said she'd be upset with me
and told me all these nasty things
about what she would do to me

.

i gotta tan baby with
a little white secret
......can you believe it

....
....
..my god i can't believe it

.

.

WHISPERS IN THE DARK

WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE A PLAYGROUND

NOW YOU WENT AND GOT IT BAD

WENT POKEMON AND WHITED OUT

YOU GOT A GOOD FRIEND

SHE GAVE YOU A SECRET

I'VE NEVER MET SOMEBODY WEAKER

HOW THE HELL COULDN'T YOU KEEP IT

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

.

i dont know why i even try to write sober lmao.i cant wait to move to a legal state and just stay crossfaded 24/7.

imagine the shit i'll come up with.

making my own music. putting my heart in the lyivs, actually being able to record.

you lot might actually be able to hear one of these "peoms" put to music

cool to see i'm not the only person writing poetry on here anymore. shoutout to @precise and @zoec for sharing their works recently. def looking forward to more in the future.

bishop.

do you think i'm pretty?
do you think of me at all?
i've been laying here and shrinking
oh my god i'm feeling small
every bit of stock that i had
in myself, i auctioned off
invested it in you, hoping
you'd return my calls.

mama i just need a hug
baby need a little love
miss how every day you'd tell me
"baby you look cute as fuck"
now you're gone i'm feeling rough
wonder if i'm good enough
used to be so confident
now i'm into hella drugs
every time i look into the mirror
i start pouring up
yeah she was your better half
you're the worse, and quartered up.
your nose is too big, hair thin
need a tummy tuck
need someone to show you love
warm kisses and tummy rubs

you were my rock and now i sniff rocks.
we had a ball, and now i pop bars.
suicidal thoughts, and crashed cars.
i'm not good enough for any heart.
catch a bag, catch a nose job.
dark eyes, need to nod off.
5'6 never get tall.
take my brain with a sawed-off.

god i wish somebody told me
that the world was gonna roll me
up into a piece of paper
light my ass on fire - smoking.
laying in the dark and dosing
tryna keep my eyes from closing
took you to my favorite cities
love was in St. Louis, growing.
boy you're getting kinda fat,
acne's bad, already know it.
chipped a tooth back in the crash
people cannot help but notice
looking down at my whole world eroded
can't seem to control it
guess this is the life i've chosen
getting high and never coping

mama i just need a hug
baby need a little love
girl what happened to the old
days of us not giving up
you gave me euphoria
fuck, i never needed drugs
i know we had some hard times
i guess i didn't love enough
i know that we would argue, we
would yell, and i would wanna cry
but at least i had someone
to hold and didn't wanna die
hope you have a better life,
peacing out for now cus i'm
gonna take a couple drugs and
pray to god i die tonight

They know
Of their inevitable demise
Those less fortunate
They despise
The politics that are destroying their lives
Inquisition, conquest
It was all a political contest
War torn, occupied
Exploited for all they had
Abandoned, left for dead
No political discourse, fragmented
Left to wither, to their demise
All at the whim of some rich guys

They are neck deep
The desires of the ivory tower
Are now the problems of those with no power
Mass consumption, transportation
All at the cost of their civilization
They scramble, they climb
The pleas for help are heard loud and wide
No answer
The problem is not mine
Engulfed, they weep

A man in his chair
On a balcony, willfully blind
Overlooking all this despair
A storm builds on the horizon
It is close, provokes fear
Storms have come before
They have never gotten so near
Perhaps if he had listened
He shed a tear

A very short poem in 28 words, originally written on the fly for personal reasons, and shown to another audience. Revised for metrical harmony.

O night and secret morning, come to me
Invade this body, use my strange desire
To reenact the birth of midday sun
Contained in cold, recurring, starless nights

hello.

so all of my works have been on here thus far. either existing as posts on tildes if it's something new, or on my desktop if it's a piece from earlier in the year.

i've not gotten the chance to head into a studio yet, thought i'm curious. would anyone care to hear any of these pieces put to music?

if so, which one? i imagine myself being on limited funds for the first few months once i get the fuck out of texas - furnishing a new apartment from the ground up is gonna be money, so i'm limited on how much studio time i'll be able to get but it's definitely going to be a priority.

also - what'd you have for breakfast?

-bishop

how can creativity
be so void of itself
writing poetry is grabbing
beats from off the shelf
finding other words to
talk about the shit you felt
and repeating endlessly
that you want to kill yourself
you turned into a druggie
after mommy up and left
you did the best you could
and now you're feeling all depressed
no money, think you're ugly
and you're wanting to regress
dreaming of the days you'd
lay your head upon her chest

it's the same shit.
ain't shit changed
in the last 90 days
with your lame quips.
hit the drain switch.
catch a liquor wave
write about wanting a grave
in a krater.
baby face it -
your mind is going numb
because you're never number one
in your focus.
but you chose it.
saw the flags, you were blind.
joy in second to the grind
man it's hopeless.

hope we find some other shit now.
find some new words to write down.
otherwise i'm going down.
otherwise i'm going down.

crawl into a corner, fade
into obscurity
never did i think my love
would be the death of me
conflicted, wanting peace,
but i also want to scream
wicca bloody sacrifice
when you show on my screen
tired of this fucking state
i really wanna leave
head out to the west
spend all my money on some weed
maybe in stay in Texas
do some harder shit for free
they say be yourself but
even i'm tired of me.

and i'm solo.
friends don't understand
family do what they can
but they don't know
i feel so alone.
try to play it safe
but the xan's a call away
i could go numb.
is it good though?
maybe shit's laced,
put me in a better place
never come home.
am i done now?
have i said all i can say?
will these ever go your way?
i feel dumb now.

hope we find some other shit now.
find some new words to write down.
otherwise i'm going down.
otherwise i'm going down.

doing it again, i keep
on repeating myself
telling everyone that every-
day's like i'm in hell
never new ideas, why
am i always compelled
to write all of these poems
that are copies of themselves
is this all cathartic,
or at all good for my health?
nowhere else to turn, i
guess i'm feeling overwhelmed
maybe i should call it quits
and keep it to myself
and pray to god that i
will not see november twelfth.

Grey sky
not so high
crushing my soul
it is full
dark thoughts, cynicism
seeing all these whataboutisms.

Grey scale
looking like the silver screen
can’t inhale
makes me wanna scream
no voice, representation
guess they’re all on vacation.

Grey paper
thrown to the stoop
next to the phone book
a tattering of what was
accountability
reduced to tabloid scoops,
fake news.

Grey matter
on the wall
in its place after all
silence, finally silence
no more dealing with all the violence
the vitriol, all that was left
control, I finally have control.

howdy there. had a good day today, landed a new contract! but of course i can't close out the week on a happy post, where's the fun in that?

so i put some drugs in my tea and wrote a thing.

jouissez.

manny couldn't stand in his corner
for his last fight
wilbur turned around, downwind
on his last flight
osipova sat down, and rolled
off her tights
big sigh
tongue-tied
tryna get their words right
don't cry big guy
i know you'll be alright
life builds character out
of all the bad times
why do my characters
always end up bad guys
even james evans is
falling in some bad times

had a pet, but she
left and took it with
every time he close his eyes,
her visions dance around his head
doesn't want to sleep, so
he's turning to the cigarettes
kinda hard to cuddle up
next to a slilhouette
he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus

blind optimists start
to make his stomach sick
you say he'll be fine,
how are you so sure of it

(beat.)

how are you so sure of it

times are hard, sui-
cide epidemic
one heated moment,
rash decisions
one year feeling this shit
i can't live with
remember when you made
me liberated

used to be a loverboy
now i'm all jaded
look at myself in the mirror
and i hate it
wonder if i'm thought about
well, or i'm hated
tryna forget, get
numb in this krater
wondering now if
you were a sadist
otherwise how could you
lie to their faces?
tell em that you'd be
there when they need it?
i'm not the only body
you left bleeding

he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus
"FUK LUV" blood-etched,
tatted on his chest
eyes closed, smile wide, now
that he can get some rest.
high hopes that there's
life in the next.
what he wouldn't give,
just to start over again.

i mean come on how often do i write something upbeat eh?

bishop.

esskeetit.

takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience
takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience

baby mama trauma
got me all
dilapidated
only ever feel
myself when i
get sedated
on some tony
robbins shit my
giant awakened
hope we're
witnessing another
legend in the making

keep the dream alive
i'll make a home
out of chicago
get a new girl
some better friends
and pop some bottles
tryna climb this
fucking mountain and
i cannot let go
thank god i
got my heart broken
by that model.

you called me a snake
and then you took my
heart to battle
grab my neck and threw
my body down
into the gravel
buried me, in
the dirt found
oil and fossils
didn't think i'd
build a rocket and
then have a blastoff

takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience
takin off
rocketship
falling in a krater
look around
supernova
feeling upgraded
on the moon
turned into rocks
i'm integrated
i'm goin up never
coming home don't
lose your patience

so i know nobody asks for my shit poetry lmao.

i just wanna take a second to thank tildes for being a place for me to get shit off my chest.

i wrote a comment on another site earlier today about catharsis, artistic expression, and depression. and it really made me appreciate the little community we've got going here.

i have a feeling it's the same 5-6 people who upvote my posts whenever they come through, and i love you six to hell and back.

i doubt i'd even get that kinda traction anywhere else.

thank you for the support.

thank you for letting me vent.

much love.

bishop.

it's 3:11 like
the band you like
remember dancing
under flashing lights
ripped off your bra
threw it up high
heading home, arm in arm
what a night
i couldn't see it i
guess i was blind
fetish for pain meant
you loved a fight
you came the loudest
when you held the knife
and drove deep into
my chest that night.

you held me close
and kissed me soft
sat in your lap
and gently rocked
empathic smile and
a lying tongue
you made a promise
that we'd still talk.
behind your back you
held a loaded gun
pulled the trigger took
off in a run
into his arms
into the sun
things are getting dark
in our garage.

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

it's 3:11 and
i'm home alone
asking questions
that nobody knows
should i buy
some xans
buy
some coke
would i be upset
if i overdose
it's been some months
and still here i am
hooded sweater, scarred
arms, kicking cans
a black sheep,
a lost lamb
still in the kiln -
shell of a man

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

admittedly i got really high a few days ago and watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World for the first time and i haven't been able to get the whole ramona flowers archetype out of my mind so here we are.

comme d'hab - l'enjoi

Oh Ramona
Black tie, pink hair
converse
geeked on the soda
high heels
tight dress
choker
got my focus
Don't have
insta, if
you did
you'd blow up
that's all hype shit
you don't
vibe with
though, yeah?

Oh Ramona,
spinnin for some days
life on the skates
out of control, yeah.
(beat)
caught in the waves
getting thrown every way
drowned and washed up
(beat)
tryin to see
better life on the beach
getting tired
(beat)
praying that you'll
come and save me,
drop me a line, girl.

Seven evil exes lurking
in and out of Texas
searching for the
next to come and
make me
high.
Two fits of depression,
dragon-chasing some regression
and you come and tell
me it'll be all-
right.
Love you with a passion,
till you burn me down to ashes
drive away and leave my
house alight with
fire.
they want you to join em,
'Mona begging you be stoic,
i can give you love and
you'll keep me a-
live.

Oh Ramona,
Blue eyes, white lies
sharks lie
deep in the waters.
High hopes,
good dope,
cutthroat,
raise my dosage.
So far, this
de-
pression,
magnum opus.
You're my 1-Up
new lifeline
my hope,
love.

Oh Ramona,

Bishop

it's unfinished because i cant finish ayytjomgm but i have to post something

i would rather do coke
than go to bed
have these visions of you
dancing in my head
i don't really want to die
go numb instead
reminiscing on our home
in DTX
now i'm all alone, vibing
on some emo shit
now i'm lost and i'm drowning
in these emoceans
everybody looking at me, saying
i'm full of shit
maybe that's why i phase out
and stay quiet
people always asking me
how'm i doing?
they're just lucky i got plans
i haven't gone through with
i don't really wanna be on
suicidal shit
but fantasizing about dying
helps me get through it.

.....

on some goth shit
meditating in the graveyard
tarring up my lungs while
i'm walking down the boulevard
sad little white boy
crying, thinks his life's hard
you don't know pain,
there's a genocide in Myanmar
people get their throats slit
believing in the "wrong" god
you had a girl make you high
and you fell hard
families are dying
and you want to be a rockstar
so why you taking drugs?
what you trying to get numb for?

i just want a life that
might be worth waking up for
share my music with my
friends and maybe do an encore
invite some people over, get
some liquor that forever pours
their lessons or their lesions,
ask them all about their open sores
sixtysevenhundred people
either shot or burned alive
you're dreaming of a good girl
that you could probably call a wife
this is how real loss looks
this is real strife
you drew a bath of henny
and you want to take a deep dive

on some goth shit
looking out through your red eyes
shades always on like
a blanket to hide behind
bleeding out, wounded
at the first try at real life
how does this shit balance,
do you think you deserve to cry?
praying for a goddess, "i
pray you'll come and cleanse me"
a nation full of people
down the barrel of a cleansing
Jekyll and I'm hiding in
and out of all my draining
should i even feel like this?
there's no way it's the same thing.

this world is so full of energy
constantly amazed by
the shit i see in front of me
all my wishes all my demons
parade in circles surrounding me
it's just the vibe that i keep
it's just the air that i breathe
i guess it's masochistic tendencies
i don't want your positivity
if you have to force it into me
i let it hit me gracefully
got nothing against smiling.

it's great, don't need to say it.
good day, when the chardonnay hits
good friends, gonna make your sides split
good laughs, gonna bust a lung with
but don't, need to make it seem like
i don't, have times when i cry
i don't, wanna force out a vibe
of hope, when it just don't feel right
Sono, l'atarassia
Voi sie-te i Pagliacci
Why act, like the world is ending
on days, when you find you're frowning

this world is so full of sappy shit
Everyone subsists off
forced happiness, false positives
bloody nails digging for
every causative, we're at odds to live
with the negative - shit's definitive
that's why 1 in 5 on anxiety medicine
sadness the civil sin,
at all costs repent against
grin through chagrin it's sheepskin
insomniac meds for sleeping
forget that though, my heart's leaping
I swear to god
every morning, open eyes
birds chirping, and i'm in awe
don't give a nod at my
curtain facade and try defraud
ridi, ridi, Pagliaccio,
e ognun,

.

applaudirà

bishop

i had a dream,
i saw my body
as i stood watching
outside of it
an open door
i had a guest,
a little blondie
baphomet
she crept quiet
up to my bed
laid her hands
upon my chest
through groggy eyes
i saw an angel.
took her hand,
she made me promises.

i sold my soul
and said lets glo
she passed a blunt
said i dont know
she insists
i took a hit
i felt a burning
at my lips
i let a cough
the fuck is this?
opened my eyes
it was a kiss
a little smirk
she bit my lip
she drew a knife
she slit my wrist

she cut her own
said it's a pact
now we're enslaved
the bond intact
the blood'll flow
beyond the cracks
and trickle down
and leave a path
and when we're old
we can look back
say what a life
and have a laugh
i'll be your wife,
the better half
you'll die, i'll write
your epitaph

i had a dream,
i saw her body
bleeding through a
wedding dress
she smiled still
her face was pale
she fed me love,
i starved depressed
an angel or
a siren who would
sing to me in
soft caress
i never thought
she'd be my death,
my little blondie
baphomet

bishop.

ten months, three kings.

fuck.

things you should know if you're gonna fuck with drugs. [reddit link]

relevant shit:

"Legends" x Juice WRLD
"THE BLACKEST BALLOON" x Denzel Curry

let's get to the piece

death always seemed imminent
every track he wrote it in
real goth shit he'd represent
drugs never put him on the fence
geeked off coke, asleep off xans
ate a couple shrooms he was diving in
two hydros and two oxys blend
had a full pill bottle in his hands
nobody knew he would get so bent
nobody knew it was laced with fent
a message from postmortem breath
everybody stop, get off your shit
message rang, got left on sent
looks like nobody's listening
the saddest case that you could present
never heard a peep about this shit again

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

next gunned down midsummer
cut across by two gunners
reached their hands in
to grab his things
then bolted off and
let shots ring
they caught his neck
boy couldn't breathe
blood poured onto the
beamer seats
right as this boy began to preach
a brand new message bent on peace
a brand new face for the world to see
his eyes saw love in the future
tryna inspire life out of the dead sea
20 years old, brought to his knees

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

blue slides on both feet,
just a college kid who loved weed
found himself in a new scene
little more fame, little more green
then he started touring
got hooked off the purp drink
off the cocaine and promethazine
found a swimming pool
poured in the lean
tried to swim out
wouldn't let him leave
pulled him to the deep
wouldn't let him breathe
cinderella, he had a queen
ended, toxic, but they were teamed
now four months later - it's the final scene.

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

"Star Shopping" x Lil Peep

"Snow" x XXXTentacion

"Self Care" x Mac Miller

rest in power my guys.

bishop.

i want to go to colorado
by the fire with a bottle
of champagne with a little
marijuana and a pillow
tired of looking out the window
every tree a weeping willow
done with dying in this riddle
i just wanna live a little and

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
grab a friend and
hit the snow just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

been sober dreaming of chicago
off the loop we're eating tacos
you made a ring out of a napkin
and proposed on south financial
my cheeks on rubies oh like marco
to the hotel that we called home
slept on each other on the green line
highland park right by the water

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
memories got
me all dark, just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

we will travel to mars and devour the stars
run fingers through wild dusty meteor scars in the dunes
of faraway moons till the tunes of their soundless bassoons become ours
when we sight the next staggering flight
from every direction bends infinite light in an arc
you and i will embark to each spark till it's dark and together sail into the night

nowadays i dont
really feel alive
just blending day to day
fuck around to pass the time
sitting on my hands, eating
snacks watching tv.
waiting for a change
pray an angel comes to lift me
maybe this is penance
yeah, the cost of all the sinning
all pointing to the night
when you did some heavy drinking.
bottle to your lips
knife at the wrist
her essence in your head
you can't recall her voice
but you recant the promises

chant them like a cultist
while you watch the silver dance
and your press to the beat
of your alcoholic pants
sweat fills your hair
haze fills the mind
love, pain, and anger
made your soul unwind
now it lays there,
exposed to open air
only to be trampled on
by those who should be there
in a spot of rage you
threw the knife into the floor
rose from your chair and
opened up the closet door
only to write in red upon the white
"STOP ME" in bold, what foresight

you whip your head around
try to shake the thoughts out
you can't recall her face,
now an obscure grey cloud
that radiates depression
makes you feel alone
spent years with a person
they can't once pick up the phone
spent years with a person
yet you can't recall her voice
we said we loved us to death
i'm finding truth in that choice
you've suffered spring and summer
now you're heading for the fall
you look about your broken mind
god-damn it all
you thought you'd built a home
you were in it for the haul
appalled it's all dissolved
your heart it calls for more resolve
you miss her love, your home, your dog
you drove your car into a wall.

.

.

.

.

bones fractured top to bottom
are the mind manifest
codeine sponsored dreams of
laying your head on her chest
instead you feel a tightness on your neck
and this ringing in your head
you've got a neck brace, your mom's here,
you're in a hospital bed.
what's your name, and your birthday,
perfect sir, where are you at?
another nurse coming through
to make sure my mind is still intact
rib cracked, pelvic fracture, hooked
up to an iv and a piss-bag
you wore a seat belt and dont know
if that's something to thank god for
or be pissed at
isn't this the kind of story
that you wanted after all?
just to be so down and broken
hope someone saved you from the fall
have someone to hold you, stroke your hair
and tell you you can beat it all
needing that, having a lack thereof
you drove your car into a wall.

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

• W.B. Yeats, 1919

grüße - i bins.

it's bishop.

its german.

enjoy.

i blut
jo i blut
seit i hab was
vermutet
sie hat mi
verlassen
nach wi teilten
like two years
zusammen
i rauch ja
fach um zu
verbringen
die zeit so
dass ich wer-
de ni mi
zerstören

vleicht kreig
i ein paare
face tats
oder bath bombs
weil i kan ni
mehr lebn
ohne dich
nebn meiner seit
i will einfach
kiffen bis
meiner lunge
sterben
seit du bis
ni mehr hier
i kampfe
to find purpose

im not worth it.

so viele leude
habn ihr probleme,
auf deiner sorg'
im not worth it
i wunsch nach'm
tag wrauf
i sterb i'm
in a hurry

i hofe

i hofe.

i hofe
die tagen
komn gleich und
du zruckkomst
die rinnerung'n
leben noch ja
in mei'm kopf von
when i knew you
i höft dass
du würdst ni
vegessen
alles we been through
aber i hab's
gefunden
's machst di
keine sorgn nach
what i go through.

nowadays it all me
no you

im not worth it

im not worth it.