I've solo travelled ~3-4 weeks in the last twelve months - thoughts and AMA

phoenixrises
2023-07-15T14:49:26Z

So in the last 12 months I've been to Japan, Reykjavik, Paris, and London by myself, and a couple of more countries with a friend (Brussels, Madrid, Seville, Paris^2, London^2, Reykjavik^2) and I just wanted to jot down some thoughts, tips, and maybe try to answer any questions that people might have about solo traveling.

A full disclaimer, I'm an Asian guy who's relatively tall and broad in stature. The only reason I want to mention this is because I understand that non-masculine presenting people might have different experiences in general, especially when it comes to safety and perception. I'm not saying everywhere is dangerous nor that you should be afraid wherever you go, but I've never had to worry too much about walking alone at night nor being alone in a bar with only a couple of people. My other point of privilege is that I have a job that gives me a lot of PTO and requires me to take vacation even, which makes it easier for me to arrange these things.

I started solo traveling this year, at the advice of my therapist. The one thing he mentioned a couple of times was that he noticed that his patients with anxiety seemed to make a lot of good progress while abroad by themselves, so I took his advice. My first "solo trip" was actually only 24 hours, in London. It was after a week-ish long trip that I last minute joined with a friend who was going to Spain on a work trip.

My first kinda tip/observation comes here. If you're looking to try and spend some time solo tripping, a quick way to do it is that if you already have a trip planned with friends or family, you can always build in a "long layover" to somewhere along the way at the beginning or end of a group trip. I know that Iceland Air does this on their site for you, and Reykjavik is an amazing place with amazing people. I find myself sometimes sorting for 20+ hour layovers just for this.

In London, I learned the biggest thing about traveling by myself that I really loved - that I could do anything, go anywhere, and not have to worry about the needs and wants of other people. Not that my travel companions are bad or not fun, but there's always something in the back of your mind of, "are these people enjoying it?" whereas by yourself you only need to worry about "am I enjoying it?" and that is a major relief.
I find that I've been able to discover more about myself, the things I want to do and see. I didn't feel beholden to hit all the major tourist traps. In fact, I actually ended up in the Fashion and Textile museum. I've always loved fashion and thought that it would be more about that aspect of things, but when I went it was during an exhibit on quilting. The ticket seller looked at me funny and asked if I was sure I wanted to go into the exhibit, and I soon realized why, I was the youngest person there by a couple of decades, sticking out like a sore thumb. But honestly, it looked pretty interesting so I went through.

I learned another thing that day, if you are interested and polite, people are generally very receptive to that. I walked through the exhibits, and it felt like at every quilt I stopped at, a British grandma would come up to me and ask me what my interest in quilting is, what I knew about it, and what I thought about the quilt. I knew absolutely 0 things about anything I was looking at, and they were all super happy to explain to me things about patterns, specific designs on each piece, why each piece was special, and so on. I learned a lot that day, and got to talk to a lot of grandmas and hear their stories and their interests. One was an engineer, who told me that the best engineers loved both arts and engineering, which still sticks with me now.

My next trip was a couple of months later to Reykjavik and Paris. I booked a trip very last minute, within two weeks of the actual flight, iirc. But I figured if I was spending New Year's by myself at home, I might as well... not. I learned about the Iceland Air thing here, btw, effectively giving me two vacations in one. I spent New Years with a group of people I met on the plane, who graciously invited me to party with them, which was amazing.

The thing I learned about my New Year in Iceland is that even though I was there for myself, doing the things that I wanted to do, it was okay to say yes sometimes to things that make you uncomfortable. I'm an introvert in general, with a lot of anxiety about pleasing people and making sure other people are happy. I'm sure others can relate. But being able to spend New Years with a group of people that I have met that same day was incredible because I realized that, yes, these people liked me, and yes, these people I probably will never see again, which lets me truly, honestly be myself without putting up a front because at the end of the day, if they knew who I was and they didn't like me, it's not like I'll ever have to deal with them again. Luckily, I'm still in contact with a couple of them and would love to visit them in the future, but your mileage may vary haha.

In Paris, I learned that it was okay to cancel plans and lay in your hotel room even though there are things you wanted to do. I got a bit sick from partying too hard in Iceland, so I ended up staying in for a night and then some, missing a tour I booked at the Paris Catacombs (which I still haven't gone to even after going back to Paris a second time later in the year), but honestly it was very relaxing. As someone who likes to plan a bit before I leave, missing out on reservations made me learn that I didn't have to stick to the script all the time, it was okay and I'll still be okay. It wasn't the end of the world, though I was out a couple of dollars (I recognize this privilege though, so if you're tight on money please don't listen to me here), but I was getting healthy and happy and didn't need to push myself to do everything, something that I had to unlearn from my prior experiences with travel.

That brings me to Japan, which I just came back from yesterday. I spent 10 days there and chatted and drank with locals, spent time by myself in an onsen (completely naked with a bunch of strangers btw), and got a new tattoo! I'm not sure if I learned anything too specific just yet, though I'll probably need to sit and think about it for a bit. But maybe the lesson might be that I don't have to take a lesson from everywhere I went.

With alllll that being said, I'd love to answer any questions people might have, encourage people who might want to go solo traveling at least once, and give a place for other people to share their experience as well!

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