Tell me your worst experience with database performance (as a developer)

asteroid
2023-03-24T17:18:30Z

I’d like your help – and your stories!

I’m working on an article with a tentative title of “Tales of the Crypt: Horror stories (about your past) where database performance caused a real problem.” It’s meant to be schadenfreude nostalgia, about your late nights coping with a performance issue (with, hopefully, a happy ending of “…and this is what we did to fix it”).

So, what happened? Tell me about it.

I do want to quote you, but we can be oblique about the attribution – especially because sometimes these stories are from a previous employer and do not represent any current affiliation. But I do want the verisimilitude that demonstrates that these tales-of-woe come from real people. As a result, I’m fine with writing, “Kim’s first job was as a mainframe programmer at a hotel chain, where database transactions required tape changes. ‘Yada yada story,’ says Kim, who now is CIO of a Midwest insurance firm.” Real person, but you don’t need to worry about getting anyone to approve your words. (Though if you’re happy with full name, company, and role, I’m even happier; send in a private message if you prefer.)

I used an ancient example above, but I’m hoping for more recent database performance stories. Ideally some of the “here’s how we fixed it” become practical suggestions for developers who are enduring such a situation today.

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