Dating & ghosting people

ducc
2025-02-11T05:40:39Z

I've been seeing this girl that I met on hinge for about a month and a half or so. We've hung out a couple times a week during this period, had deep conversations, gotten to know each other better, had sex, etc etc. However, I ultimately realized I wasn't feeling it, and tonight, I went to her place and told her. I was a bit nervous as I am pretty new to dating dating, and I wasn't sure how she'd take it. (My only relationship was for three years in college with someone I met through school, so I've never really gone on "dates" before, if that makes sense). She said she was a bit disappointed and surprised by this since it was going well, but she was ultimately cool about it. I stayed for a bit, and we talked about what online dating is like.

She said that she appreciated me coming over to tell her this, because I was the only guy that she's seen for about this long that didn't ghost her. I actually didn't believe her at first. But, I talked to my friends, and it sounds like this is just an accepted thing that happens with online dating?

Maybe I'm naive, but it feels strange. When you bump into a stranger on the sidewalk, you say "sorry" - but if you've been seeing someone multiple times a week for a month and been intimate with each other, you just stop texting them back? It feels like not giving someone the common courtesy of even just a text message letting them know you're not interested is almost like not seeing them as a person, even less so than the stranger you bumped into on the sidewalk who you acknowledged.

Maybe I'm just new to this, but online dating feels a bit broken. Is ghosting really as common as people seem to say it is? Am I overreacting and making a bigger deal out of this than it actually is? I'm in the bay area, is this a localized phenomenon? I'm not sure. In either case, I think I'm done touching dating apps for a while. I've met a handful of cool people through them and had my fun, but it's just exhausting. I'd rather let something happen naturally.

I guess this post is more of a rant than anything, but maybe some others with more experience than I have some useful insight to share.

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