"Enterprise Network Security With C and XML in 30 Seconds for the Brain Dead" (c. 1997-2013)

macleod
2025-07-31T17:03:39Z

Who is this book for?

For almost anyone who is afraid of viruses, trojans, greeks, or lefthanded satanistic poodle pruners who want your data. For those cipherpunks who know that The Man is out to get 'em. For those who realize that masking their identity when they buy dog food online is imperative to democracy and freedom as we know it.

Now, the author recognizes that people vary in skills. Consequently, the steps increase in skill level as they progress. The skill level is neatly placed in the margin next to each step.

[BEGINNER] Step 1. Turn off your computer

If you don't know how to do this, you can yank out the power plug from the wall. If you don't know how to do this, just stop paying your electric bills. NOTE: If you take this latter approach, this will take longer than 30 seconds.

Once the computer is off, you're 80% of the way there. The computer is secure from all but the most insidious of blackbag attacks. Anything beyond this step requires an advanced knowledge of computers. (And some biceps. Eat your wheaties!)

[ADVANCED] Step 2. Smash monitor, case, hard drive, ethernet cable and (why not?) mouse with C and XML 1000-page doorstops, er, textbooks.

Now the computer is completely secure from all attacks.

[GURU] Step 3. Go outside, away from computers. Become a lumberjack or something.

Why are you still reading this? You're supposed to be outside. Some guru you are. Can't even read.

Found this while browsing through the first ever wiki hosting the "WikiWikiWeb" over at C2. As the site and content changes, I am submitting this as a text post. Community is still around, and it has an excellent layout and its just full of very funny and old school (and informative!) things. The site comes to mind on occasion and I just get lost browsing and seeing the amount of information hidden within those pages. I might finally get around to working on a spiritual project.

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