Sitting with boredom

kuzbr
Tue, 13 Jun 2023 21:22:56 +0000

I was inspired to share this after seeing this comment on another thread: https://tildes.net/~talk/162y/not_entirely_sure_how_to_fill_the_void_reddit_has_left#comment-87j6

Again, new to tildes here, so not quite sure if this sort of thing fits. It's not really a question, more, sharing something I do that I thought could be interesting for others. Maybe it belongs in a different group.

So the last few years I've started doing this little exercise: I will pick a time frame (usually few days, but a 24 hour period is great). I will turn off the phone (not just silence, but turn it off), turn off my modem, turn off the radio and music, pretty much any electronic device, and just... sit there.

I get bored quickly. But when the boredom comes, I sit with it. I analyze it. I try to understand boredom itself, and the unpleasant sensation its causing. I try to be aware of any urge that comes to distract myself from it, and I deny that urge, and see what happens internally when I deny that urge.

The boredom is uncomfortable, I won't lie. I really want to do other things. But I realize I'm capable of enduring it, and I so I sit there, because I want to see what will happen. And then something kind of wonderful happens: once the initial discomfort passes, and I accept I'm going to keep doing this, in the absence of things to distraction myself with, my thoughts begin to gravitate towards things that are genuinely important to me. What are the problems that I want to solve? What are the ideas that I want to work on? How do I want to make the world a better place? (Not what the news tells me is important, or friends, or the internet, it's all fucking noise - what problems are important to me?) This sounds like it should be so obvious, of course you know what's important to you, right? But something about this exercise illuminates it (for me at least). Almost like, I've got this tiny little flashlight, that I can point to whatever is important to me (we all do). When I'm in society, connected, I find that everyone has their flashlight on. Then big companies, news outlets, whatever, they have these giant ones, spotlights, all pointing in different directions. When all of this is on at once, it's so bright I don't even notice my own. I'm constantly distracted. I start to wonder "huh, that spot is bright, I wonder if I'm pointing my flashlight there." It's so easy to get confused. It's only once I turn it all off, and the world is dark, that I can clearly see what I'm pointing at. It's just so easy then.

This is not meditation, actually it's pretty much the opposite. I am not trying to clear my mind at all. I'm trying to see where my thoughts go when it's free of noise. Where they go is very revealing to me.

I'm still uncomfortable with boredom, I don't think that's changed at all. But I've become comfortable with sitting with it, and the fruits of this exercise have made it worth it to me. Moreover, the more I've done this, the more uncomfortable I've become with all the noise. I used to think I loved being connected, but now that I realize I don't have to be, it's actually the opposite... I really don't like having my phone on, I don't like having my modem on, and I dislike news, politics, and lots of that kind of stuff. It makes me feel almost claustrophobic. I find a lot of calm in being away from all of that. I'm still very grateful for these things, I just feel uncomfortable being connected to them 24/7, and I like to be away.

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