16 votes

A photo exhibition shows what parenting might be like if fathers took six months of parental leave

5 comments

  1. monarda
    Link
    My son was laid off shortly after his child was born. I remember how awkward he was around his own child and how quickly his wife or I would just do whatever needed to be done because we already...
    • Exemplary

    My son was laid off shortly after his child was born. I remember how awkward he was around his own child and how quickly his wife or I would just do whatever needed to be done because we already knew how to take of the baby. If he had not been laid off, I doubt he would have developed the bond to his infant that he did. When his wife went back to work, I stopped stepping in, and instead would say, "You know how to do this," and you know what, he did.

    Mothers are forced through those first awkward moments because we have no choice and we quickly become "the expert." Before we even leave the hospital we know how to hold them, change them, and feed them. We often then hover over anyone else who attempts to do these things that we think don't know how, usually the father, making them nervous and more awkward than if we just walked away.

    My son is an excellent father, and he is so grateful that he was laid off when he was. He tells me that when his son was born he felt strong emotion, but then he had to go back to work the next day, and when he would get home he just felt tired and wanted to eat and go to bed. After he was laid off, he says that everyday he feels moments of pure joy taking care of his son. He gets tired too, and sometimes frustrated, but overall he wishes he didn't have to look for work again. He says he would happily be a house husband if they had enough funds for him to do so.

    I think it's time that we see more men taking care of children, doing housework, and cooking. It's normal and should be normalized. I think a lot of men would get life satisfaction out of it if they were only given a chance. What isn't normal is society acting like men don't belong there.

    5 votes
  2. [4]
    sublime_aenima
    Link
    While the parental leave is awesome, it doesn’t make men be better fathers or make them take on more domestic responsibility. This exhibit is a good start to getting that conversation started, but...

    While the parental leave is awesome, it doesn’t make men be better fathers or make them take on more domestic responsibility. This exhibit is a good start to getting that conversation started, but advocating for more paternity leave is missing the point. If we want true gender equality in parenting we need to encourage more men to take active roles in the lives of their children. We need to have movies, shows and commercials that show dads actively parenting and not just the bumbling moron or workaholic. When my wife’s family from South America comes to visit, they are shocked the first time they see me or my BIL taking care of the kids because back home that would never happen (nor did/does it happen with my FIL). When my wife and I try explaining why I also parent they women look on with jealousy and the men think we are crazy. But as the next generation keep coming, we see the younger dads spending a bit more time with the kids. It’s not going to change overnight, but the more we encourage men to be better fathers and husbands, the better off the kids are going to be.

    2 votes
    1. [3]
      GoingMerry
      Link Parent
      Where are you getting your information around parental effectiveness and share of housework? My experience doesn’t match your claim. I just finished five weeks of parental leave with my young...

      Where are you getting your information around parental effectiveness and share of housework? My experience doesn’t match your claim.

      I just finished five weeks of parental leave with my young daughter (my wife went back to work during this time).

      I think it absolutely made me a better father. I have much better communication and understanding with my daughter than I did when we started. What’s more, I better understand the day-to-day challenges she faces. All of this understanding has made me a more confident, more effective parent.

      As for housework, I actually did more while I was working. In our house the baby’s primary caretaker does less day-to-day housework like cooking and dishes.

      7 votes
      1. [2]
        sublime_aenima
        Link Parent
        I think you’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. Your experience is different from what I described because you were willing to do what you did to be a better parent/spouse. What I’m saying is...

        I think you’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. Your experience is different from what I described because you were willing to do what you did to be a better parent/spouse. What I’m saying is that there is still a very significant portion of the population that wouldn’t be caught dead doing “women work” because it’s not masculine. While we should strive for equality in time off to bond and become better parents, just offering that is not going to be enough. The article even states that many men in Sweden are not using all their paternity leave because it’s seen as less masculine. We need to do a much better job at educating people what it means to be a good father and a good partner. Again, I think this exhibit and equal paternity are great starting places, but there’s a lot more that needs to be addressed as well.

        3 votes
        1. elcuello
          Link Parent
          I see these types of arguments more and more it seems. Slightly validating the approach but then again kind of dismissing it as unreachable anyways because there's so much more to consider on the...

          I see these types of arguments more and more it seems. Slightly validating the approach but then again kind of dismissing it as unreachable anyways because there's so much more to consider on the matter and then make the original claim seem pointless. It's frustrating.

          Yes, there a tons of things that needs to be done in this area BUT men taking more maternity leave WILL without a shred of doubt make them more aware of the task of being a parent. Will it make them better parents? That is subjective but more knowledgeable they will be and that's always a good thing. Just the fact that if you convince a doubting man to take maternity leave it will make an impression no matter what. Will it fix everything? No of course not but it's not just a step in the right direction but a huge leap.

          9 votes