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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2025)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I started using iPhone's health app's mood tracker so here's a graph from that for December. Not everything is apparent from it though, so a couple of notes as well - mood swings as always and more than anything very obvious. The first week of the month I went traveling to see a friend so that was great. But then crashing when I got back home to nothing. For reference, on the graph 'very pleasant' would be pure happiness and 'very unpleasant' is needing to be committed which I got very close to. But after that, improving a little bit again. I think from the middle of the month until now is more or less my baseline.
I hit a significant milestone last week too - abstained from sh for the longest time since 2020. Tomorrow will be 100 days. And despite a lot of awful dread about Christmas and having to see my abuser, as well as sitting alone in my room for new year's, I still didn't give in. I'm proud of myself for that and that is a rare feeling for me to have about myself. I think more than anything it's helped that I'm getting tattooed next month. Just won't do to have new cuts if I want to do that.
Anyway.. still struggling. A lot of days are a battle. Enough about that though - instead, something from Instagram that sums it up lol https://i.ibb.co/kX97d5Z/image.png
Your comment really resonated with me. I have panic disorder and agoraphobia, and have been on disability for decades now as a result. And what you've described was basically me about 20 years ago when I was my heaviest (300 lbs), and at my worst in terms of my mental state (I had recently gotten out of hospital after a failed suicide attempt).
Since then it's been a super slow slog to get back down to a healthy weight again, and gradually feeling like maybe, just maybe I might be able to eventually become a somewhat functional human being again (not that I ever really was, or even am now, but I suspect you know what I mean).
As for how I managed to accomplish at least some of that... I started out super simple by just cutting out sugary soda, chocolate, and red meat from my diet and essentially going pescetarian, which helped kick things off. And, this is kind of a dumb reference, but one of the mantras Bill Murray's character uses in the movie What About Bob? is "baby steps". He repeatedly says it out loud, and takes is way too literally, but for whatever reason that mantra has stuck with me, and actually works for me. And now whenever I feel myself getting super depressed, really lazy or anxious, and putting things off for way too long as a result, I just start repeating that in my head for motivation to get me to take that first baby step towards doing something productive for the day.
I typically start really really small by picking a very easily achievable goal for the day, like "baby steps, take out the trash today" and then repeat it in my head over and over to force myself to do that thing. Not worrying about anything else I need to do that day, just focusing on that one thing until I get it done, even if it takes me 3 hours to do something it would take a "normal" person 20 min to do. But once I get that first thing done I can then move onto the next, like "baby steps, do the dishes", which I find I can more easily motivate myself to do since I am already up and doing something productive anyways. Rinse, repeat, until I do more of the things I need to do that day.
The key to starting the whole thing is just to take that first baby step though. And even if you don't do everything you needed to do that day, at least you got one or a few things done. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just try to kick off another chain of baby steps tomorrow, and see how long it lasts for. :)
And 5 years ago one of those "baby steps" involved buying myself a super cheap exercise bike on Amazon. It surprised me how much I actually enjoy using it, since I can just zone out and watch TV or YouTube while I do it. And as a result I am back down to simply being "overweight" rather than "morbidly obese". Hurray! :/
Anyways, I don't know how much this will help, or if the last part is financially feasible for you at the moment, but that was my journey from abject misery to where I am now (not amazing, but at least filled with a bit of hope, seeing progress, and not chronically suicidal anymore).
p.s. Even if you delete your comment, if you ever feel like you need to chat, or vent, or whatever, feel free to reach out to me via PM. I don't know if I can help, but I can at least be a sympathetic ear, and I have been through the ringer myself as well, especially as a former addict too (cocaine and ketamine, in my case).
Baby steps is great advice.
It has helped me so much the past six months or so, and I have thankfully really internalized it. I used to need to do all chores at once and it would take hours and leave me exhausted after. So obviously, once it came time to get it all done again, I would dread it because of how much work it is. And then when I kept procrastinating and postponing it until dishes and laundry piled up until I had nothing clean.. things like that. And then I would indeed beat myself up about it.
Learning to only do baby steps has helped give me a peace of mind about things. I still postpone chores a lot, but I don't hate myself for it as much. Learning how to dial back my expectations to myself was really hard though. It took some time and made me feel useless for a while, but.. I'm not. What I struggle with is legitimate (which is another hard thing to work on - affirmations)
PS: morbidly obese to overweight is still a hell of an achievement. I reject your :/ there! It should be a :D
Everything you said is pretty much exactly what I went through too. I would put off doing chores until they were totally overwhelming, before I eventually went into manic mode, started doing them like crazy until I had completely exhausted myself but kept going anyways, and only stopped once I had a major panic attack. Then I would inevitably spiral down again, and gradually hate myself more and more as the weeks went on and the chores started piling up again. But I just couldn't build up the motivation to do anything about it because I was terrified of having another panic attack... Until I had another manic episode and went crazy doing chores again, before inevitably crashing again. Repeat ad nauseam.
So learning to respect my own limits, just do a few small things every day to start with, and be satisfied with what I could accomplish in a day no matter how small, was what genuinely turned things around for me too. And after many years of simply focusing on doing that, slowly building my self-esteem back up in the process, I've actually gone from doing a few small things every day to doing one or two major things a week/month... like re-grouting my bathroom, and re-laying the stone patio so water doesn't pool near the door anymore, and landscaping my front yard, etc.
But I also don't want to oversell it either! It's been a painfully slow process. I am making progress, and have thankfully come a long way since that last suicide attempt 20+ years ago. However, I still have plenty of days where I can get a bit manic, or have a bunch of panic attacks, or a migraine, so can't get out of bed... or even weeks/months where I seriously struggle to get anything done. However even with the setbacks, I am in a much much muuuuuuch better place (physically and mentally) than I was two decades ago.
(BTW, the :/ was kind of tongue-in-cheek. I am super proud of the fact that I am no longer morbidly obese. :)
cc: @HeroesJourneyMadness
Speaking of learning to set realistic expectations for yourself, a bit of background about myself to explain why I struggled with that for so long too, since I'm in the oversharing mood. ;) I come from a family of rather high achiever, super successful, type-A, extremely extroverted personalities... y'know the annoying assholes that can go to bed at midnight, wake up at 6am super chipper, and still go to work every single day even if they're insanely hung over or suffering from the flu? Yeah, that's my dad, sister, godfather, godfather's kids, and now my BiL as well. And I tried to be like them too, even though I am almost the exact opposite in every way, which resulted in me having a nervous breakdown at 16 due to the pressure I had put myself under by going to a special "technology and international business program" high school.
I just started crying one day in the middle of the cafeteria after having my lunch money stolen, and genuinely wasn't able to stop for several days, until my parents finally had me committed. I eventually snapped out of it, but rather than deal with the underlying issues in any way, I just started self medicating... which is where the drugs and alcohol came into it. And later, cocaine to keep myself going, and the ketamine to come down when I was reaching breakdown territory again. Not exactly the healthiest of coping mechanisms, which is what eventually lead to my panic attacks becoming more and more frequent, and finally the suicide attempt when they became unbearable. :(
So I would definitely not recommend self-medicating, especially with cocaine or ketamine... although funnily enough, doctor prescribed micro-dosing of ketamine is actually showing promise in treating panic disorder.
p.s. I'm genuinely super happy to hear that you've been making some progress over the last six months by doing similar "baby steps" too. :)
I hope I can get to a point where I can do those major things too. I'm happy to hear that you are in a better place. And glad that you actually are proud for the weight loss!
I tend to overshare on here too lol, sometimes I feel I should reel it back because it's really just.. pouring all my secrets out here. I even had a dream/nightmare tonight that someone blackmailed me by reading all the stuff I've posted over the years.
I relate to your background. Was always the black sheep and obviously, with those high expectations of everyone your age in the family going for university degrees or at least bachelor's/diplomas.. recipe for disaster and for crashing when you can't live up to such a standard. I managed to complete what compares to a GED in 4 years instead of the normal 2 since I couldn't manage more than 20-25 hours per week. The normal is 35-40. I was proud of myself at finishing it even though it took me so long and I was 28 years old, so a decade behind almost all family and everyone in my parent's social circle.. and then after that I went to university. Had an anxiety attack on the first day and never returned. This is all 3 years ago and I don't see how I can ever actually do it. Hope I can get on permanent welfare.
PS: Thank you! And likewise I guess, really good job at getting to the other side of the self medication. That shit is hard as hell
I've been doxxed before on reddit, which is one of the reasons I stopped using my cfabbro account there and retreated into my alt accounts. It wasn't fun. But I feel a lot safer oversharing here on Tildes, even using the same account name, since it's invite only. That and Deimos is pretty good at removing bad actors, and willing to help users out in ways the reddit admins aren't or can't. E.g. If you're genuinely worried about being doxxed and blackmailed, you could always ask him to wipe your comments from X time ago, or something to that effect, and I'm sure he would be willing to do it for you.
I also got a GED a few years after I should have graduated thanks to that nervous breakdown, BTW. I was super proud of it too, especially since I took it in the US (I'm Canadian) so a lot of it was on American History, but despite that I almost aced it, and was supposedly only 1 mark off an automatic scholarship. The testing center administrator even suggested I retake it and try to get that 1 extra mark. But I didn't since taking the tests was stressful enough the first time, I didn't need the money, and didn't want the added pressure of going some place on a scholarship. Instead I just went to art college, but didn't finish that either, despite having the majority of the required credits, due to a different suicide attempt. :/ So when I say I've been through the ringer, I unfortunately mean it. I've been involuntarily committed several times in my life, and been to several inpatient programs as well. Rehab is about the only thing I haven't done; I got clean on my own (with my parents, a GP, and a pharmacist's help).
I'm just lucky enough that I have always been good with computers, enjoy working on them, and so just went into IT, where I remained employed full-time until my last suicide attempt. I still do the occasional bit of freelance stuff, but no more full-time office jobs for me, thanks. I crumble under that sort of pressure, working those sort of hours, and in an environment where I am forced to mask my anxiety/panic attacks in front of clients and coworkers. That would just be a recipe for relapse. :(
Thank you. I appreciate it and may even take you up on it at some point.
:)
I hope it helped to get all this off your chest. It's a lot to deal with and we seem to be in the same boat - different things to deal with but similar in how difficult it all is.
I'm sorry the holidays were so rough, it sounded like you were bracing yourself for it in the Christmas thread. I always feel similarly for the holidays but have the same trauma with family, so I can only try to imagine. I just want to send over a huge, huge congrats on abstaining even with all of those triggers flying at you.
Also, thanks for linking to the mood tracker. You've inspired me to give it a go. Here is to more days above the pleasant line in 2025!
Congratulations on reaching such milestones. No, really. Not drowning when it's constantly flooding is amazing, and I hope you can allow yourself to not compare to those who are lucky to have a pleasant climate all the year around and thus can thrive.
Surviving is for more of us an achievement than we like to think in modern society.
I feel silly talking about my minor concerns in a thread where people have serious things going on, but I think it will be cathartic to type it out.
I picked up running during COVID at the age of 34 and it has been a huge boon to my life. I was an athlete in high school but stopped exercising altogether in college. I ran three to six times a week over the past few years and it felt great. I looked and felt better physically, but the mental health benefits have been the biggest positive. Running has drastically improved my mental well being and it made me sleep like a baby. I run by myself but was looking forward to signing up for my first real race (a half marathon) in 2025. I was also hoping to join a running group to make some friends.
Anyway, I was walking from the kitchen to the living room a few weeks ago and suddenly had shooting pain in my left knee. It was a lot of pain out of nowhere, and I had to drop to the couch while my knee was spasming. After the initial incident, I found that I couldn't put much weight on my left leg without pain. I limped around for the next few days to avoid stressing my knee, but I was more or less mobile. It's gotten better over the past few weeks but my knee feels different. I've been tempted to try to jog, but I don't want to risk causing any more damage before I see a doctor. I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor next week and I'm worried I'll be told I shouldn't run anymore.
I'm only 37 but, between this issue and throwing out my back a month before, I've never felt older. I've always been healthy and physically capable, so this sudden enfeeblement is pretty scary.
I think I've written a lot in the past about feeling bad for various reasons. And this time I think I'm going to write specifically because I feel good.
I mentioned some time in the past about quitting my job. I've got to say that it has undoubtedly been one of the best things I have ever done. Sometime around the beginning of the last month or the end of the previous one, I had dropped my therapy to once every other week, and then two weeks later we both agreed that I didn't need it. It's so hard to realize it thankfully, but the experience of having depression is actually much worse than it feels when you have it. You don't realize what you're missing when you don't get those days where you feel like you could just break out dancing from happiness.
Working that job gave me much worse effects than depression. I had some really bad body dysmorphia and really hated myself. Leaving it hasn't exactly allowed me to love myself or my body, but I'm at the point where I can accept myself, which is more important because you can't love yourself if you don't.
I have come to think of depression as less of a disease of the mind as it is a disease of the environment. Before this, I had bad depression from my home condition living with emotionally abusive parents. All of the friends I have had with depression were also in very poor, stressful environments. Of the two times I've dealt with bad depression, they were both resolved by exiting that environment. And I wonder how much therapists and other mental health professionals think along that line? I think that I was getting that from my therapists this time around, but I know for sure that I wasn't when I was a kid - though to be fair, I don't think they would be able to keep their job if they told a minor to run away from home.
One of the most surprising things about this journey is that I actually managed to find a job fairly quickly, though it's not the kind of job I would have expected. It has the potential to pay more than I was making, but in reality the take-home pay will likely be much lower for the forseeable future since it's a contract job and it doesn't have the benefits of a regualr position or the pay hours. I graduated high school during a recession, so I had really bad experiences with job searches, and thinking about that was probably one of the things that kept me at that dead-end job for so long. I was there for more than a decade. It was so bad for me! I really hate to say this, but I don't think I would have been able to do this if my grandmother didn't die and leave me an inheritance. Even though it wasn't much, I ended up not needing it nearly as much as I thought I would.
Another unexpected benefit of getting out of that funk was gaining the ability to let go of a lot of the physical junk I was holding on to. I don't have that insecurity about things anymore and I'm a lot more sensitive to the mental toll they actually caused from living with so much clutter. Unfortunately most of the junk I'm living with doesn't belong to me so there's no way to get rid of all of it. I've just finished combing through the back of my closet and have found so much stuff I've been storing that I will never ever use. I've literally spent days decluttering and I found out that one of the things I own is actually a fairly rare Hong Kong Famiclone computer variant. It's got an undumped ROM so if anyone knows anyone who would be interested in buying it to dump it I would be open to it.
I’m still on what we’re calling paid furlough in my previous position and have no idea what the future holds. I’m a little overwhelmed with the situation, and am doing the best to get it out of my head while coming up with backup plans for a new job, or new classes, or working on certs.
I did also attempt a relationship with a friend I knew. I ultimately broke it off after a week because while I had the time due to the outstanding circumstances above, and was willing to test my comfort zone, so much churn in my life all at once wasn't good for me. I was emotionally spent and was unable to keep up with the new vibe. I probably damaged that friendship.
Good to hear an update about that. Sorry to hear that it didn't work out though, /hugs
Is good. I can second guess if I handled things responsibly, and if I really wanted in, and why I really wanted out, but I stand by my decision and feel good about it.
If you're dealing with too much time on your hand, I would recommend taking some classes. They're good at filling time because you'll spend time wrapping your head new ideas even outside of class. But if uncertainty is the thing you are worried about, I'd say to go for certs. They're more professionally valuable and can help you find a new job if necessary.
I was thinking Certs too, because I can use an old student ID to buy test vouchers on the cheap and job post by day and study by night. Classes are expensive, and while I have a 2 year, it’s not something that can easily transfer to a four.
My associates is in Business with a Cybersecurity concentration, and while I can build that into a four year, I’d need to decide to either focus on Business as that’s where my credits are, or Cyber Security if that’s where the jobs are, or some hybrid interdisciplinary thing to try and use all of what I have. Or do I take community college courses to try and fill in the gaps then transfer with more to try and maximize financial aid? Do I apply to 4 years based on potential financial aid, or what transfers in and how much I can build with?
Or I could put all that time and energy into studying A+ and/or whatever else is of the moment, and roll the dice on that. Seems way more simpler, and a lot of the colleges and research I’m doing can let me apply for a semester months in advance, so I can hedge my bets a little on what I’m putting effort towards when.
I don’t know how old you are but I will say this in theme with the topic: it’s better to go down a path you enjoy rather than what you think will be worth more money. If that path ends up leading nowhere it doesn’t mean your story ends, it just means you end up on another path.
My therapist is on vacation. She said I could give her a call if I need to but I don't want to disturb her.
I'm trying to deal with some minor spiralling on my own. So I hope I get through this and sort things out.
Physical health wise, my physiotherapist says that I'm in a good trajectory for recovery. I've gotten flare ups recently but he says it's because I'm better and moving around more. So it's a flare up because you're in a new stage and not a set back.
He also said that realistically it'll take about 2 or 3 years for full recovery. So I'm hoping it works out. Even if it's long.
Job wise, I need income incredibly soon or I'll have to borrow money again. I've applied to so many and have had no response. Got to keep trying. I'm planning on doing part time in between to keep me afloat.
I'm hanging on by a thread day by day. Such is life.
I've recently reading more about neurodivergency, adhd, autism and the more I read the stronger I feel I may be somewhere closer on the spectrum. Also, my relative had ADHD diagnosed recently, we think another one also is of this type, etc. So, I've been reading people stories, their struggles etc. and I relate to them very often. I always thought somethig's wrong in me, but now I think it may not be wrong, just different, because all in all, I think I had many successes in my life. Reading about it literally opens my mind and I can finally navigate through days.
There's one of my thoughts - after finishing university I really don't have any goals and purpose to live. It's just day after the day and nothing special happens, no direction, no roadmap, nothing. I've change my field of interest, from music to software development, but have soooo hard time to be motivated to do stuff. I had to go to psychotherapy, psychiatrist, because I felt there's something very wrong here, I thought I have depression or something but sometimes I felt pretty good, so maybe borderline, but then I hear about untreated borderline crazy behavior and no, that's not me. Then I've learny about ADHD, what do they struggle with, and bingo - I share majority of my issues. But still not that, however there are different adhd types, so well, I'll get myself diagnosed to either finally get some modifying therapy or cross out this condition.
So, let's go back to struggling with doing stuff.
After reading these words
from one of the comments here: https://szmer.info/post/5536442/8027232
I'll paste my comment:
So, to finally deliver a response to the thread:
I'm ok, in the process of realizing where is all the good and bad stuff coming from and why I feel bad/good in particular situations. Also, in the process of cleaning up my place, my workplace, my whole environment, because I'm veeeeeeeery easily distracted by literally everything.
Back in the days, when I was playing instrument, I was playing instrument, I could literally dive deep in the music and not see anything else around me. Maybe it's a solution, coming back to the previous field, maybe music was the best track for my life and wellbeing and it was very easy to make whole process interesting - every new piece to learn, every new exercise, every new performance - those were actually very visual stages/milestones and deadlines and easy-to-spot progression that was driving curiosity.
Or maybe it's possible to create distraction-free environment to do programming. Maybe I can somehow use some things from IT to mimic and make the process constantly interesting.
I don't know, I think I'll be doing some experiments this year.
Feeling much like a fraud. Waiting on benefits/welfare to come through as my last savings are dwindling and my mental health still is down the drain. Spent NYE with friends and felt a little upward draft from that yesterday for a few hours. In that timeframe I already started planning out all the stuff I would do the coming days, months andddd just as my mind was racing for positivity it all came crashing down again while trying to fall asleep. Feels like I want it so bad I make it nearly impossible for it to become a reality at this point. Depression just clawing me back down and perfectionism making it nigh impossible to feel any sense of achievement for the slightest thing. Happy New Year I guess.
You reminded me that real progress for me is just taking to tops off those highs and the bottoms off those lows. If I can even out that internal roller coaster just a bit, that’s winning.
Focusing on stuff other than the coaster itself helps me do that. That’s just a reminder for me.
Seriously considering pulling back from more social media. My big one is Reddit. I moved on from Facebook about a decade ago. Twitter in late 2020. Deleted my Instagram account recently. It was handy for local events and businesses, but oh well.
Why do this? Because my mind is fettered, my attention is hijacked, and I am disgusted by much of what I read across the major platforms. It pains me to read some of the commentary online. Mastodon and Lemmy don't get a pass either. I see garbage comments in Lemmy, just like I do on Reddit or when I was on Twitter. WRT to Masto, it's just another thing I compulsively go to, but I don't even follow anybody and barely do anything with it.
I think I'm addicted. Actually, I think many, many people are. I'm also hooked on nicotine vapes after being nicotine free for over a dozen years. I'm over it. All this stuff. I mean, I'm sick of it at least. Not sure yet if I'm really over it. I think I will be once I've separated myself for some time.
Where do Tildes and the little niche interest message board I frequent fit into this? I might have to block them as well as I detox. At least for a bit. I would hope to return to some of my online activity. I do appreciate certain online spaces. I don't say much on Tildes, so my presence isn't too noticeable, but I do like it here. Thankfully at least with Feedly I can get some news and filter out some key words and phrases.
It's been a rough 2.5 years. Actually, it's been rough since 2016, but the more recent past has been turbulent. Things really started to snowball when my dog died suddenly and traumatically in 2021. At that time I was in decent physical condition thanks to picking up physical fitness for the first time in, idk, 15 years, I was eating well, and had recently returned to a practice of meditation. Then he died. He was a part of my morning mindfulness routine. Thank goodness I had been meditating, because I think it helped me get through what, so far, has proven to be the biggest emotional event of my life. Then a eight months later I ended a 10 year relationship, left my city and the first home I'd purchased, our cats (ugh), and tried to start over. I've since had several seriously deep, dark depressions. I had another event happen I don't want to discuss. Then my dad died in 2023, which was something I had years to do some emotional prep work for, but it still hit super hard. I also have a lot of work and financial pressure. But also, current events are not helpful.
Yes, there has been therapy. LOTS of therapy. Things are smoothing out, but I want big changes. And my experience is that often big changes take big actions.
So, I think to ward off another bout with depression and be a healthier happier me, I need to kick some habits I believe are blocking me from success and pick up the healthy ones I've had in the past and know how to develop. I miss being in good shape. I miss having an attention span. I miss having a calmer mind. I miss me.
I recently mentioned in another thread that my girlfriend had ordered a David Lynch book for me a few days before he passed away. It arrived the day after he passed. It was indeed Catching the Big Fish. When I opened it up and started reading it, I was hit with a wave of emotions. Good emotions. But nearly tearful emotions. It reminded me of some other meditation related books I'd read and the sensations I got when reading them. It really smacked me in the face that I'd drifted away from my center. That I haven't been present. That I need to meditate–regularly.
Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm not a great writer, so this may be a disjointed post. I'll be okay. I hope I can do this. I know what to do. I have identified some of the ways I'm blocking myself. I went from "seriously considering" to convincing myself. Time to take action.
~ peace
It's been a taxing few days. A mix of health concerns with my dad, stress with work/house move, and feeling like people have been treating me unfairly.
Woof, this year started with the kind of bang no one wants in my city. As most of you have heard about the awful events in the French Quarter during the NYE celebration. Trying to remain positive and continue with the positive changes I'm implementing.
On the bright side, some friends and I are going to start group reading philosophy starting with a little Zizek. Also, thanks to the puzzle game Murdle I am starting an independent study in deductive and propositional logic. Shouldn't say independent because my dad is a propositional logic buff.
I'm also grateful to have the opportunity to take welding lessons for free through my union. Even though the events of last year (political and familial) have me feeling pretty down, I'm trying to keep pushing forward with positive changes on personal level. Who knows I may even start swiping left (shudder).
Murdle is a lot of fun! I have the first book and I'm looking forward to working through it this year
I bought all three volumes and am trying not to speed through them. The temptation is very real.
In a weird place really. My new job suits me well, but some of my long term problems remain because, well, macroeconomics. Housing crisis won't be solved anytime soon. While I'm lucky with my parents I do want a live of my own.
At the same time, this is also a pretty strong indication of how much I've improved over the years. Because most of my problems are material and not mental. And for that, I'm grateful. Because it's been a long, long road. There are more than enough issues remaining but it's not nearly as red zone as it used to be.
I've come to the realization that I might not be able to keep my two dogs anymore, we've been together since 2019 and recent changes in my life have extremely reduced my free time lately. I feel like they would be better with somebody else, I don't want to but after some deep and long thinking I came to this conclusion last night, of course I'd like them to be adopted by a person able to love them and give the good care that they deserve.
Last weeks have been very sad and complicated because of this. I feel that the thought of wanting to keep them no matter what might be an obsessive fixation that is hindering the possibility of them being happy and loved as they should. Compounded with the fact that getting them rehomed might be a very long, and maybe impossible, process to achieve without recurring to a city shelter or the pound since I'm in Mexico.
So, this might not be as big of a deal but still is a very emotional and personal ongoing drama that has me feeling in an existential hole with no way out at the moment.
What sort of life changes? Work? School?
Work, and we are alone so it's a bit hard. They are not ignored but it's a very tight window to be with them and have their walks and some quality time. I don't like leaving them alone for that long.
Anyone in your neighborhood who’d be able to take them for a walk during the day for some cash? That way they get out some while still being able to be with y’all.
I will look into that since this might be the more viable solution, the idea of asking somebody for this kind of favor is a little uncomfortable but it needs to be done, at least for the time being.
Something similar came to my mind when I was thinking of what to do but didn't really consider it, thanks a lot for replying, reading your comment made me feel little bit more hopeful and determined to do it. At least there's less gloom lingering over the whole situation.
One of our dogs is a bit destructive when we aren’t around. For awhile, we’d crate them and have a walker come over several times during the day to let them out. These days we take them to doggy day camp, but that is a very expensive option. If your dog is fine with being alone, and does well with strangers, a walker coming over once or twice a day would be the best option. What kind of dog?
Well, there's been a twist of fate. Free time to tend the dogs won't be an issue now since I'm not working anymore. My worries have changed focus now haha, thank you for the conversation it really helped with how I felt about the issue.
You’re welcome! Sorry about the not working. Hope the pups keep you company!
Yes, it's funny how I'm far less stressed now that this has been "solved".
Really struggling to see a point in going on when it's abundantly clear that everything everywhere is just going to get worse and worse until I'm dead, naturally or otherwise. And the only advice anyone seems to have is "just don't think about it" as if that actually solves anything, as if I'm supposed to see the world we're in and pretend like it's all fine and everything's going to turn out okay.
It's not fine. But the world is better for you being in it. People have survived worse and come out of it better. We cant change things if we quit. It's not ok. But the only way it will be is if we try to change it.
It's not easy. And I'm not pretending it will be, I hope you have a community around you.
Having been suicidally depressed myself, I would like to suggest: what can you do, before you go, naturally or otherwise, to make the most positive difference in the life of any living creature? Maybe the world is going to shit, but while it is still here, and you are, what can you relieve another creature's suffering? I'm still here because a little girl brought an abandoned kitten to my door. Since then, I know if I had gone through with it, the lives of several people (some I hadn't even met at that time) would have been considerably worse. It's hard to see when you are feeling so bad. Please reach out to whoever you can find to help you. Every one of us matters.
Late in the game for this thread.
I've kept in touch with my late father's second wife. Called a lot, visited a lot.
I've tried in the past reaching out to her kids and grand kids, but that sort of dissipated. Health issues on their part, being busy, not having a lot in common.
Her daughter ( late 60s ) posted on Facebook today that her son ( 70s ) just went into hospice care.
I don't feel so much of a sense of loss for him. He was a difficult person to be around.
I feel very bad for my father's widow. She will be 91 in the fall. Has a collection of health problems. I feel very bad for the strain it will put on her. I've been worried that she might not have very long to be around, and this impending death just makes that seem closer. I've always felt there was something I wanted to say to her, have told her so, but have never been able to come up with anything. Even during good times she can be a hard person to listen to as she gravitates toward the negative at times. I plan on calling her, perhaps more often to give her support, though I don't know what to say. My thinking is that contacting her/"being there" is enough.
Ugh, this is upsetting.
I fell bad for her daughter too. I got to know her a little bit before her health problems, retirement, and busy schedule made it hard to be in touch. It can't be easy to lose a brother.