A good rule of thumb I have is that whenever someone presents their illness as something quirky and cool, they're faking it. People I know with dissociative disorders (not just DID) or autism keep...
A good rule of thumb I have is that whenever someone presents their illness as something quirky and cool, they're faking it. People I know with dissociative disorders (not just DID) or autism keep quiet about it and find it challenging and frustrating, not something they're excited about and eager to share.
A better rule of thumb is that it's not really any of your business to sniff out whether others are "faking it" and that your own judgment of whether someone "presents their illness as something...
Exemplary
A good rule of thumb I have is that whenever someone presents their illness as something quirky and cool, they're faking it.
A better rule of thumb is that it's not really any of your business to sniff out whether others are "faking it" and that your own judgment of whether someone "presents their illness as something quirky and cool" is not a remotely reliable way to assess that. Plenty of people who have been professionally diagnosed don't "keep quiet about" their mental illnesses and/or developmental disorders and are very eager to share their experiences and bring more visibility to those with their diagnoses.
Moreover, the linked article itself has a far more nuanced and evidenced-based view of the situation even when applied directly to DID specifically.
I don't think it's that simple. People are free to describe their own lived experiences. However for someone familiar with a disorder, whether having it themselves or a loved one having it, it can...
I don't think it's that simple. People are free to describe their own lived experiences. However for someone familiar with a disorder, whether having it themselves or a loved one having it, it can be infuriating to see it trivialized and made a mockery of to the public by people who are fabricating it for attention. And for these people who are knowledgable about the disorder, it's often easy to tell if someone is indeed fabricating it.
Dissociative disorders are particularly frustrating for me as someone who is dissociative and dating someone with DID. Don't give me rules of thumb about how I should feel about something which heavily impacts myself or my partner.
I used to feel the same way about the specific disorders that loved ones close to me were dealing with, but I’ve since changed my mind. a) I’ve come to terms with the fact that certain shitheads...
it can be infuriating to see it trivialized and made a mockery of to the public by people who are fabricating it for attention.
I used to feel the same way about the specific disorders that loved ones close to me were dealing with, but I’ve since changed my mind.
a) I’ve come to terms with the fact that certain shitheads on social media will absolutely not have their behaviour swayed by me having or expressing this opinion, so I may as well keep my emotions and energy for myself, and also b) by having it more visible (even if somewhat misrepresented) it actually paves the way for making it easier to advocate for support in future because instead of a dubious “what the fuck is that, are you making up disorders or something” you can have visible and maybe even relatable to point to, and also, c) to a smaller degree, having strong emotional opinions against “people faking it” will inevitably catch some people in the sidelines who are genuinely questioning whether what they’re going through counts as a disorder or if “everyone is a little bit XYZ”, and I’ve found the concept of “if it’s not diagnosed then it’s not legitimate” to only be harmful for the people in my life in inducing them to not seeking genuine support when it’s needed
EDIT: this is a whole wall of text and not super coherent, apologies for that. Also I just wanted to let you know, I don’t think my comment here will change your mind, but hopefully gives you my perspective to at least think about and consider when you choose to shape your own opinions
Those people can simultaneously have accurate diagnosis and present they're lives differently than you. Your personal experience is not the only true form of it. You may also conceptualize it...
Those people can simultaneously have accurate diagnosis and present they're lives differently than you. Your personal experience is not the only true form of it. You may also conceptualize it differently than others who suffer the same, causing them to present a different viewpoint on the matter.
That said, just because someone has something in common with you, it doesn't mean they can't also be grifters about it. In the world of social media, the presented persona doesn't have to match reality. Plenty of people over and under represent their conditions in attempts to gather fame and fortune. You'd be best served by not trying to compare yourself to social media personalities. This applies to all types of situations, not just those with mental disorders.
Eh, autistic people I know, ones diagnosed by professionals and everything, are plenty clear about their diagnosis and are advocates for their own children. Everyone's got frustrations but I...
Eh, autistic people I know, ones diagnosed by professionals and everything, are plenty clear about their diagnosis and are advocates for their own children.
Everyone's got frustrations but I wouldn't lump autism (or ADHD for example) in with DID in that way, personally. ADHD is a pain in my ass, but I also am open about how my way of thinking and responding makes me quite good in a crisis. I can't separate out the skill set from my neurotype anymore than I can my difficulties with focus.
And my ADHD + my autism means that I'm a shitty team player because my teammates frustrate me and, even though I very much don't wish them the same, I frustrate them. EDIT: To be fair, I was...
And my ADHD + my autism means that I'm a shitty team player because my teammates frustrate me and, even though I very much don't wish them the same, I frustrate them.
EDIT: To be fair, I was diagnosed autistic 2 weeks ago and I'm grieving it. I'm likely hyperbolizing, by degrees.
Hey legit your feelings are valid. I would not accuse you of faking them either way. For some folks labels are validating and for others they're constraining. I hope you have folks, professional...
Hey legit your feelings are valid. I would not accuse you of faking them either way. For some folks labels are validating and for others they're constraining. I hope you have folks, professional or otherwise, that you can work through this with.
Sometimes it can result in mutual understanding that y'all think differently and thus to work together requires doing things differently. But not every environment is set up for that. I wish you the best, and I know lots of folks with both diagnoses (AuDHD resources may be helpful) who have learned to navigate a world not designed for neurodivergence.
I'm dubious. I'm 51 and was diagnosed with both of these very late. I've had a career and personal life full of far more misery than joy. It's hard to imagine or believe that changing, even...
I'm dubious. I'm 51 and was diagnosed with both of these very late. I've had a career and personal life full of far more misery than joy. It's hard to imagine or believe that changing, even knowing another primary cause of it.
Hey, I relate to this super hard. I can definitely understand your frustration and grief over these things. There are things that genuinely suck about living with autism and ADHD, and you're...
Hey, I relate to this super hard. I can definitely understand your frustration and grief over these things. There are things that genuinely suck about living with autism and ADHD, and you're allowed to feel those negative feelings about the way they make life harder for you. It sucks to live in a world that isn't designed for you. It sucks to have deficits in executive function that make things way harder for you than for others. It sucks to know all the ways your symptoms hurt you and those around you but to be unable to completely avoid doing it anyway, no matter how hard you try.
You are not obligated to feel a certain way about your ADHD and autism, and you're especially not obligated to exude positivity about something that negatively impacts your life like this. Some people cope better when they focus on the positives, but that doesn't need to be you. Allowing yourself to grieve these recent diagnoses is probably a lot healthier for you emotionally than bottling it up and trying to force yourself to feel positivity and acceptance. Maybe someday you'll find yourself feeling more at peace with these diagnoses, but that does not need to happen on a certain timeline.
I'm not sure if you're currently in a position where you want encouragement. I know sometimes it's better to just let yourself vent and feel your current feelings without trying to think about the future or cheer yourself up. But for whenever hope for the future is something that could help you -- these diagnoses do not mean you are doomed to be a shitty person. Through a mixture of learning to work with your autism and ADHD rather than against them and working hard to avoid falling into your worst pitfalls, self-improvement is possible. It may not be easy. But it is possible. I don't know how much this sentiment helps you -- but it's something I myself need to hear right now and hold onto. So I hope it might be good for you to hear it too.
Very kind. Thank you. One constant in my life: other ND people are far easier to relate to than NTs. There's a reason, it seems, that my wife happens to be ND as well. She also discovered it recently.
Very kind. Thank you.
One constant in my life: other ND people are far easier to relate to than NTs. There's a reason, it seems, that my wife happens to be ND as well. She also discovered it recently.
Yeah, a pretty huge fraction of my closest friends are also neurodivergent, even among friends I made long before either of us knew. ND folks tend to unconsciously flock together in a lot of...
Yeah, a pretty huge fraction of my closest friends are also neurodivergent, even among friends I made long before either of us knew. ND folks tend to unconsciously flock together in a lot of cases, I think!
I'll cosign with @sparksbet And I've worked jobs where I've been miserable because I couldn't fit into the culture or the expectations and I'm currently in a job I love because it works with and...
And I've worked jobs where I've been miserable because I couldn't fit into the culture or the expectations and I'm currently in a job I love because it works with and my team works with me (and supports my passions and my weirdness and my family responsibilities, they do exist!)
I'm genuinely sorry that you haven't. I don't know what you do for work or if looking for something else is an option but I'd recommend a good therapist to help you find your joy somewhere if...
I'm genuinely sorry that you haven't. I don't know what you do for work or if looking for something else is an option but I'd recommend a good therapist to help you find your joy somewhere if you're not getting it anywhere. My bad job made everything else miserable
I have a therapist—though he hasn't helped me find joy but feel more of what's going on inside me. I've been a software engineer and then most recently a manager of them and now unemployed for a...
I have a therapist—though he hasn't helped me find joy but feel more of what's going on inside me.
I've been a software engineer and then most recently a manager of them and now unemployed for a couple years after burning out. Too much moral suffering due to demands of capitalism versus what seems fair and compassionate.
A good rule of thumb I have is that whenever someone presents their illness as something quirky and cool, they're faking it. People I know with dissociative disorders (not just DID) or autism keep quiet about it and find it challenging and frustrating, not something they're excited about and eager to share.
A better rule of thumb is that it's not really any of your business to sniff out whether others are "faking it" and that your own judgment of whether someone "presents their illness as something quirky and cool" is not a remotely reliable way to assess that. Plenty of people who have been professionally diagnosed don't "keep quiet about" their mental illnesses and/or developmental disorders and are very eager to share their experiences and bring more visibility to those with their diagnoses.
Moreover, the linked article itself has a far more nuanced and evidenced-based view of the situation even when applied directly to DID specifically.
I don't think it's that simple. People are free to describe their own lived experiences. However for someone familiar with a disorder, whether having it themselves or a loved one having it, it can be infuriating to see it trivialized and made a mockery of to the public by people who are fabricating it for attention. And for these people who are knowledgable about the disorder, it's often easy to tell if someone is indeed fabricating it.
Dissociative disorders are particularly frustrating for me as someone who is dissociative and dating someone with DID. Don't give me rules of thumb about how I should feel about something which heavily impacts myself or my partner.
Your rule of thumb more or less accuses me of fabricating my own professionally-diagnosed mental illnesses/developmental disorders.
I used to feel the same way about the specific disorders that loved ones close to me were dealing with, but I’ve since changed my mind.
a) I’ve come to terms with the fact that certain shitheads on social media will absolutely not have their behaviour swayed by me having or expressing this opinion, so I may as well keep my emotions and energy for myself, and also b) by having it more visible (even if somewhat misrepresented) it actually paves the way for making it easier to advocate for support in future because instead of a dubious “what the fuck is that, are you making up disorders or something” you can have visible and maybe even relatable to point to, and also, c) to a smaller degree, having strong emotional opinions against “people faking it” will inevitably catch some people in the sidelines who are genuinely questioning whether what they’re going through counts as a disorder or if “everyone is a little bit XYZ”, and I’ve found the concept of “if it’s not diagnosed then it’s not legitimate” to only be harmful for the people in my life in inducing them to not seeking genuine support when it’s needed
EDIT: this is a whole wall of text and not super coherent, apologies for that. Also I just wanted to let you know, I don’t think my comment here will change your mind, but hopefully gives you my perspective to at least think about and consider when you choose to shape your own opinions
Those people can simultaneously have accurate diagnosis and present they're lives differently than you. Your personal experience is not the only true form of it. You may also conceptualize it differently than others who suffer the same, causing them to present a different viewpoint on the matter.
That said, just because someone has something in common with you, it doesn't mean they can't also be grifters about it. In the world of social media, the presented persona doesn't have to match reality. Plenty of people over and under represent their conditions in attempts to gather fame and fortune. You'd be best served by not trying to compare yourself to social media personalities. This applies to all types of situations, not just those with mental disorders.
Eh, autistic people I know, ones diagnosed by professionals and everything, are plenty clear about their diagnosis and are advocates for their own children.
Everyone's got frustrations but I wouldn't lump autism (or ADHD for example) in with DID in that way, personally. ADHD is a pain in my ass, but I also am open about how my way of thinking and responding makes me quite good in a crisis. I can't separate out the skill set from my neurotype anymore than I can my difficulties with focus.
And my ADHD + my autism means that I'm a shitty team player because my teammates frustrate me and, even though I very much don't wish them the same, I frustrate them.
EDIT: To be fair, I was diagnosed autistic 2 weeks ago and I'm grieving it. I'm likely hyperbolizing, by degrees.
Hey legit your feelings are valid. I would not accuse you of faking them either way. For some folks labels are validating and for others they're constraining. I hope you have folks, professional or otherwise, that you can work through this with.
Sometimes it can result in mutual understanding that y'all think differently and thus to work together requires doing things differently. But not every environment is set up for that. I wish you the best, and I know lots of folks with both diagnoses (AuDHD resources may be helpful) who have learned to navigate a world not designed for neurodivergence.
I'm dubious. I'm 51 and was diagnosed with both of these very late. I've had a career and personal life full of far more misery than joy. It's hard to imagine or believe that changing, even knowing another primary cause of it.
I have hope but I have so much more doubt.
Hey, I relate to this super hard. I can definitely understand your frustration and grief over these things. There are things that genuinely suck about living with autism and ADHD, and you're allowed to feel those negative feelings about the way they make life harder for you. It sucks to live in a world that isn't designed for you. It sucks to have deficits in executive function that make things way harder for you than for others. It sucks to know all the ways your symptoms hurt you and those around you but to be unable to completely avoid doing it anyway, no matter how hard you try.
You are not obligated to feel a certain way about your ADHD and autism, and you're especially not obligated to exude positivity about something that negatively impacts your life like this. Some people cope better when they focus on the positives, but that doesn't need to be you. Allowing yourself to grieve these recent diagnoses is probably a lot healthier for you emotionally than bottling it up and trying to force yourself to feel positivity and acceptance. Maybe someday you'll find yourself feeling more at peace with these diagnoses, but that does not need to happen on a certain timeline.
I'm not sure if you're currently in a position where you want encouragement. I know sometimes it's better to just let yourself vent and feel your current feelings without trying to think about the future or cheer yourself up. But for whenever hope for the future is something that could help you -- these diagnoses do not mean you are doomed to be a shitty person. Through a mixture of learning to work with your autism and ADHD rather than against them and working hard to avoid falling into your worst pitfalls, self-improvement is possible. It may not be easy. But it is possible. I don't know how much this sentiment helps you -- but it's something I myself need to hear right now and hold onto. So I hope it might be good for you to hear it too.
Very kind. Thank you.
One constant in my life: other ND people are far easier to relate to than NTs. There's a reason, it seems, that my wife happens to be ND as well. She also discovered it recently.
Yeah, a pretty huge fraction of my closest friends are also neurodivergent, even among friends I made long before either of us knew. ND folks tend to unconsciously flock together in a lot of cases, I think!
I believe the same.
I'll cosign with @sparksbet
And I've worked jobs where I've been miserable because I couldn't fit into the culture or the expectations and I'm currently in a job I love because it works with and my team works with me (and supports my passions and my weirdness and my family responsibilities, they do exist!)
I've never really had this in 25 years or not such that the feeling lasted for more than a few months except just the once.
I'm genuinely sorry that you haven't. I don't know what you do for work or if looking for something else is an option but I'd recommend a good therapist to help you find your joy somewhere if you're not getting it anywhere. My bad job made everything else miserable
I have a therapist—though he hasn't helped me find joy but feel more of what's going on inside me.
I've been a software engineer and then most recently a manager of them and now unemployed for a couple years after burning out. Too much moral suffering due to demands of capitalism versus what seems fair and compassionate.