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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (December 2025)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I am two weeks into a four-week notice period at my job. I've been at this company for ten years (since its founding). Though I've tried to distance myself from it emotionally, having had such a big role in the founding has made it hard to get it to be "just a job". In the early years, my role and influence was very central. But new leadership over the last year has made some big changes in directions that really get away from what has always been the core mission. That's in addition to cutting the dev team to the bone with layoffs, then failing to hire anyone new for 6 months while setting crazy deadlines. They crossed an ethical line in the sand with product direction in October, so I knew it was time to go.
New job starts in January, so I get a nice break in December. The new job is more money, a much bigger team, the company is well funded, and they have an established market fit for their product. I have a few former colleagues who already work there. Even though I know it won't be perfect, I'm hoping I can set aside the feeling of Ultimate Responsibility that has weighed me down at my current job and just enjoy writing code and solving problems.
I feel so ... free. Even though I am trying hard to continue to contribute at 100% through the end, I keep realizing I can raise a concern (once) about tech debt, then just ... not worry about it. It's going to be someone else's problem, and if they value speed over good engineering, that's a FAFO situation of their own making.
New job is always fun. I love the feeling of a fresh start, a blank page. Job-wise, it stays with me for about 1 year. Then year 2 feels like sharpening my tools, and by year 3 I am likely getting bored. I've been in almost the opposite scenario compared to you. I was in a "just a job" mindset, and it was good. Then my leader decided to leave! Being a very small team, I ended up inheriting a bunch of responsibilities, but not the actual position, the pay, or the power. So here I am about one year after this change, doing all the extra work but still not getting paid more, still no additional help, still no additional authority. It's frustrating. I am hoping that with the new year will come some new positions that I might be a good fit for.
I think I'd do this about 6 weeks and I'd raise the issue of pay. And if they weren't moving on it in another month, I'd start interviewing elsewhere. My tolerance for "taking one for the team" is all used up because it's just exploiting your work ethic.
I hope it gets better for you soon!
Thanks for the advice. I hear you and I am getting to the point where I'll either apply to something internal soon, or external if I cannot stay here. I do like the place I work for quite a bit, so I tried to be patient.
Congratulations! While I'm sure getting from point A to B wasn't as direct (at least emotionally) as it may seem from your comment, it sounds like the outcome is perhaps the best you could have hoped for.
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Also I don't read news much except about infrastructure or urban planning but it sounds like AI will take away a lot of jobs and I don't see a solution, unless someone does something really smart really fast. It just seems like the AIs are getting better faster than people can make new companies to create more jobs. Anyway that's scary and I don't want to think about it, but it's the only thing anyone is talking about, so I can't avoid it.
Honestly, I'm struggling. Really working on just keeping my chin up, and not sliding into depression over a major shift in my personal life which I don't feel ready to dive into yet here. I've got a great support network of friends and family, which has been a big help. I feel what I really need is a big change in environment. I can't achieve that though, not yet, and not for a while, so I have to manage what I can.
Professionally, some of you may recall that I was elated after finding a job last minute this summer (I work teaching elementary school) and it's been such a great transition for me. It shook up a lot of cobwebs for me and had presented amazing challenges to overcome. My coworkers have all been amazing and helpful, without any apparent drama or politicking between anyone. It's so refreshing.
I was even invited to join a D&D session!
Currently the major challenges I face are from two students. I'm working with my team to find solutions to help them, yet it's been difficult dealing with consistently disruptive students. I'm working with an entirely different demographic and age, so it's been a learning curve there for me.
Teaching is hard. For a number of years I worked in corporate training, which was great. The "students" were dedicated and wanted to learn. The training sessions were concise, I was in control of the material and topics for the most part, so I'd say it was even fun. I was interested in the subject matter for the most part, which kept me engaged. Then stuff happened and after a different type of role, I circled back to teaching, but this time at a college. I taught some 1st year general computers course that was mandatory for all faculties. It was so different compared to corporate training. Most students seemed either apathetic or downright bored. The worst was a class full of guys (maybe one or two girls). Several were so uninterested that they were playing video games (of course I could not see their screens as I was in front of the classroom). I tried different methods to minimize this behavior, with limited success. I was very demoralized. I realized I was spoiled in the corporate training world where everyone actually wanted to be there to learn. These young adults just did not want to be there. Now that I am much older and with more work experience, I regret not being tougher in that scenario. I was still thinking being a "nice guy" will eventually get results. Needless to say, I did not stick around that college. I went into other kinds of work, and left teaching behind. All that to say, I get how students can be a serious challenge. It goes far beyond "Jimmy doesn't want to pay attention". It's like whatever you do your actions will also be judged by every other student, even if that action is really aimed at one or two bad students. I'll sound like an old man now, but back in my day, when I grew up in Eastern Europe, teachers had serious authority and commanded respect implicitly. Nowadays, here (in Canada), I feel like tables have turned and teachers are servants. In my province, recently, there was a teacher strike and the provincial government got tired of it after about 1 month and simply penned some back to work legislation. No respect for the teachers whatsoever! Very sad times to be honest for the education system.
Give yourself grace! You're handling so much change and doing the best you can. Hope things settle in life for you. You'll figure things out with your students.
A lot of stuff has been bothering me lately and things feel hopeless.
This time last year, I was in the process of buying an apartment and finally moving out of my parents' home. And then I got laid off back in March, struggled for over six months to find another job and now work in a shitty temp purchase ledger position where I'm earning just barely above minimum wage and have to either drive for 2 hours or take two buses and a train to get to work. I spent six months having the job market tell me to get stuffed, and now some asshole recruiter is earning commission off of my misery.
When I finished school around 2008, I still lived with my parents. My goal, much like you, was to move out to my own place. But finding work was very difficult. I was caught in the no-experience-no-job / no-job-no-experience vicious circle. Finally some recruiter took pity on me and threw a 2-day job my way. After that a slightly better opportunity popped up, and then a little later a longer-term contract that finally allowed me to rent a cheap studio apartment. The recruiter was still profiting from this, but I did not care. I was finally out of my parents' place. To this day, the months spent looking for work, then and more recently between jobs, have always been the worst times of my life. It is just very demoralizing applying to jobs, putting real time and effort (customizing my resume to each role, writing cover letters, etc.) and just hearing nothing for weeks and weeks and months and months. Hang in there... keep applying now that you have a job. It's easier to get one while you are employed. It's weird... you're unemployed and ready to start the next day - crickets. You're employed and maybe even happy with the job - that's when the offers come!
I understand what you're saying and had been in that same awkward situation eleven years ago, but things feel different.
We're on the cusp of being replaced with AI. Society simply isn't ready for the 20, 30, even 50 percent unemployment rates that are sure to follow.
Last time I was looking for work, AI was just getting started. I can only imagine job searching is changing now. I hope I don't have to look for work anytime soon.
I am halfway through ending a marriage (house sold, going to do paperwork soon) and have been comfortably dating someone for a few months. Things are looking up, just need to keep my head on straight and regulate emotions. Was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism so im dealing with that as a life project as well. New gf has been amazing helping me navigate it all.
I got laid off about two weeks ago from a job I was at for 7 years. Most of my friends work there, my wife works there, and it feels really awkward that this whole piece of my life is just gone and I can't be there anymore. I've roamed those office halls so many times, had so many conversations, been to so many places in the vicinity.
I was in a deep depression for the first week, and I've gotten out of it, but I'm still not happy yet. I updated my resume and my Linkedin last week, and I'm looking for a small career transition to project management from being a devops engineer. I've applied to a handful of roles, but I haven't gotten any bites or interviews yet, only one rejection (on Thanksgiving!).
I've always been afraid that my stint working in tech was only temporary and I'll end up backsliding back into working a retail job, and trying to change my career to a different role that I don't have formal experience in makes that fear a little more real. I don't believe I would be able to get a new role as a devops engineer in this economy with AI and such, because it's moreso a role I stumbled into and worked at for a long time, but don't have formal software engineering experience, a degree, and I don't think I could pass any whiteboarding exams.
Hello, I am a Software Engineer (doing architectural stuff mostly nowadays). I also have quite a bit of friends in DevOps.
I have helped several folks transition careers (including one who was a Barista at a coffee shop!) into Software Engineering.
I don't want to come off as if I'm some miracle workers or like I can guarantee anything, but if you are amenable to it please reach out to me via DM.
There may be some information I can help provide. Feedback I can give, or even just connections.
I'm sorry to hear you were laid off, especially after so many years and with so many connections within the place you had worked.
That must have been a punch in the gut and I imagine it probably has shaken up your identity a bit.
Regardless, I hope things take a turn towards the positive for you.
Complicated. At the same time, I'm getting in a better and better position to move out and live my own life, slowly but surely. But I'm also experiencing an unusual kind of stress over my crush.
We have yet to meet irl. And, by their own admission, they're a bit different irl. So I won't know for sure whether we'll click until then. At the same time, we already talk daily, a lot, and are quite vulnerable with each other. Some days, it almost feels like we're already in relationship. Some days, it feels like it's all in my head. There have also been a few reasons why I first was hesitant to even consider pursuing a relationship, although by now I am rather certain it can be healthy.
Given how this has been going on for quite a bit, it's causing a mental stress I haven't experienced before. We are set to met in a bit more than two months though. So then I'll both learn of whether we click irl, and whether they feel the same.
It is, however, a particular kind of low-key exhausting to be so invested in someone for so long, without being able to confirm how they feel.
My partner and I met online, and were friends first, then in a relationship, over about 2 years prior to finally moving to the same city. That was almost 15 years ago. I think starting a relationship like that has its challenges. It is hard being so far from the person you love, but you know what? It also meant that we had a long time to just talk and get to know each other. Basically we were able to take things slowly and build a foundation prior to taking a chance on things like living together. I think these days things happen so fast. It's not a bad thing to get a chance to take it slow.
Thank you! You're right and for now, I at least enjoy their presence and will continue to do so. It also very much gives me something to look forward to.
To build on to what @Paul26 said, sometimes relationships don't follow a linear path.
I met my partner on a dating site. We talked there for a few days or more before switching to texting. Took a while to get comfortable enough for a first date.
First date went great, second was less great but not terrible. She wanted to go separate ways at that point, which I later learned was just her own nerves.
About a month later she asked if we could stay friends and go out and do something together. We did, and she shared some of her internal feelings with me. About a week after that she was interested in dating again, and while there have been moments of tension and stress, we did eventually get married!
So I would recommend staying open to the idea that this could take a while to transition to a full relationship, especially since it is very normal to be nervous about meeting someone you're already very comfortable with when chatting online.
I've been feeling a little off. Overall, I have a good life, all needs met, nothing to really stress me. However, I always have a voice in my head that wants more, or seeks new things. After not playing many video games earlier in 2026, I found I am once again playing on a regular basis. This is ok in moderation, but I don't know if it's really that good in the long run. It's easy dopamine, and easy to get addicted to it and find it more fun than most other things out there. I'm keeping an eye on this concern, but I'd lie if I said I'm not enjoying it a lot.
Work is OK, but I've hit a point (2 years into the job) where I am becoming a little bored. Work always meant a lot to me as I do spend such a large part of my life working (8 hours a day 5 days a week). In my mind, I have to love at least some parts of it, otherwise it's downright depressing. The pay and benefits are good, people are good, so those 2 things keep me going. The work itself is meh or boring. The fun tasks are rare. I'll try to move internally if some interesting roles pop up in 2026, assuming I fit and there is leadership support of course. I really don't want to hit to job market and apply elsewhere. This role deviated from what I have done so far in my career, so it will be hard to market myself effectively.
Family-wise my parents are getting older and showing more health issues, which weighs on me. They live in a different province, so I feel unable to help them quickly if need arises. My sibling is going through some hard times and moved back with my parents for now, which is placing additional pressure on all 3 of them. I helped them financially to some extent, but otherwise not too much I can do hands-on from this far away.
To top it off, I stepped into my 40s this year and while mentally and physically I do not feel it, I sense it through the world around me. Parents issues, state of career, the way others interact with me, the notion of time itself. I feel the hourglass is slowly ending, and that the second half of it will likely bring more and more hardships. My parents will one day pass away, for example. Or they will get sick and I'll have to make drastic changes in my own life to help them. Maybe I'll have to drain all my life savings to help them with who-knows-what medical bills. I guess I am not very excited about life in general. Everything feels very routine and big bad things feel inevitable. I don't have kids. I try to find joy in hobbies, work, my partner. My life looks great on paper, and I seem to be my own mental obstacle to recognizing all the good things and being more grateful. Many would kill to have my life. Wish I could flip a switch in my head and quiet all the negative thoughts.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I have been where you are in many ways, not exactly but at least there are a lot of parellels.
I have been in a bit of therapy to learn some things that have helped me tremendously.
To provide direct insight, one thing I struggle with is similar to you: video games. I also derive a great deal of "joy" from them. They are one of my primary recreational activities, they probably do keep me sharp (considering the types of games I play), and I have several friendships built around them. However, I also have this nagging feeling that they are not "what" I want to be defined by.
To elaborate: it is valuable to sit and stew about what it is we truly want and what it is that bothers us about things. Personally, I find that indulging in games can be fun and sometimes even appropriate, but sometimes it can lead to an upheaval of expectations we may subconsciously have for ourselves.
All of this isn't to say that our natural intuitions are infallible, but there is still value in questioning it. If you find you are not pleased with your video game consumption, either you could question that. Is it really so bad? Why are you so hard on yourself?
If you find it is something that is damaging, how is it damaging? Is it causing escapism? Is it that you have too high expectations for yourself?
The answer is different for everybody, but the solution is sort of the same. Introspection, reflection, and meditation on the matter.
You're right, and I forget too easily that "comparison is the thief of joy." I don't even know what I am comparing too, because I am not looking at friends or strangers and thinking "I want what they have" or 'I should be more like X." I think it's some sort of unrealistic expectation I have of myself, some idea I created, like a self-imposed standard. "I should do more of X and less of Y." As if there is some sort of universal ranking of activities. I think I am indeed too harsh on myself. I need to relax a little. If I like playing some games and they don't interfere with responsibilities (partner, job, family, pets), what's the harm? It seems the only person keeping score is myself and the reason for it is becoming increasingly blurry to me. Maybe some residual stuff from childhood.
As far as what I truly want goes, it's always been an elusive topic for me. Most of the time once I get what I want, I just end up wanting something else. Perhaps what I want is not to want, but to be; to be happy and content with what I have rather than wanting anything else. Thank you for the advice. I will continue to reflect on it and also stop robbing myself of my own joy too!
So I'm struggling quite a bit with motivation and executive function and I don't know what to do.
Some context, I was let go dramatically a couple months ago by an employer who was trying to soft fire me by making me miserable, but ended up going nuclear after I, unexpectedly to them, wrote a software that fixed all the little things they were criticizing me for.
I just recently got a new job, but I'm worried it's going to end up the same as all my last jobs, where I get hired to fix a problem, then when I start fixing the problem everyone gets annoyed and I get let go.
My apartment is a mess but I can't find the energy to clean it. It's not a hoarders situation but it's definitely a depression nest.
I can't find any good thoughts about my hobbies and projects. I want so badly to design 3d printable terrarium designs and the idea seems great in my head and I enjoy thinking about it, but when I sit there and try to DO it I can't.
I can't even bring myself to play video games.
Probably the only thing I can bring myself to do is listen to audiobooks, right now I'm on the Dungeon Crawler Carl series, and that's probably mostly because of escapism rather than anything else.
I survived fall semester and am on winter break now, all while still working full time. Finished with A's in A&P1 and Microbiology. Loved both classes but they were challenging. And yet, I'm excited for A&P2 to start (end of January). But I didn't realize how burnt out I was until this last week. I've slept so much and am just finally getting my energy back. In talking with my husband, he pointed out that all I had time for before was work, schoolwork, and a little sleep. This rest has been very welcome, and he's reminded me that breaks are important.
Separately, I've been working with my psych to find a better combination of medications because now I have a bunch of evening meetings for work, in addition to the only time I have to do schoolwork. A higher Adderall XR dose was not lasting as long as I needed, so I brought up trying a non-stimulant and going back to the lower XR dose that generally works really well for me. She agreed, but added that if this doesn't work, we should try Vyvanse. So now I'm on 1mg guanfacine, 10 mg Adderall XR, and 5mg Adderall IR as needed. It's definitely helped me get into a normal sleep schedule finally. I feel better when I wake up, and I'm not hitting snooze a ton of times. It's easier for me to get up in the morning. This week I have all my evening meetings (some are every other week), so it will be a good test to see if I can focus as intended on them.
I'm nervous about applying to accelerated nursing programs, but here's hoping it goes well. This will be one of my focuses next week.