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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (February 2026)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I mean I live in south Minneapolis, so I could use a hug.
Virtual hugs at you @dfed. It will not be like this forever.
Like many others, I am doing what I can. I participated in the spending ban on the 30th, I donate to upcoming politicians like Kat Abughazaleh who strongly oppose ICE and believe in basic humanity, I donated to the Minnesota chapter of the National Lawyers Guild to help support their efforts.
I care. Both in a general sense, and now I care about you, specifically, as well. You are not alone.
One virtual hug with a hot dish, coming right up.
I do too, friend. I know there are a few of us here on tildes. Maybe we could do a meetup and have a small semblance of joy and camraderie sometime.
Be safe.
As a former resident of South Minneapolis, I offer up a virtual hug.
It's affecting my mental health from afar. I love the Twin Cities deeply and a large part of my feelings towards the city are because of the human beings who live there. It breaks my heart to see the people of the city torn apart by government sown division. It heals my heart that the people of the Twin Cities are responding so powerfully. I feel dismay that I am not there, that my silly little life prevents me from being there, that I am not contributing in body.
On a more meta examination I think it is also bringing up a lot of other things. The farce of fiercely independent American masculinity and how it has shaped and defined me even if I see little of myself in it. My complex set of feelings on gun ownership and usage. A weird set of feelings surrounding the very discussions of police/enforcement overreach and denial of rights and how people talk about those who are affected. My personal feelings of accomplishment, validity, and role in society.
I guess what I'm saying is: I get it.
Partner is in the hospital and experiencing some sort of delirium. It's incredibly stressful and upsetting to have someone go from doing crosswords with you to speaking like someone with severe dementia and being genuinely scared about it. I keep crying.
Usually when he's in the hospital I can relax but this has been so awful.
I'm barely holding it together. And I keep having to reschedule my therapy.
That sounds terrifying. If it's any consolation, the causes of sudden delirium are treatable and there's every reason to believe your partner will be back to normal soon. Meanwhile, know that there's a community here which cares about you and wishes you well.
You've been under constant stress for a long time with all the ongoing demands of your partner's medical management. It's a shock that something like this could happen out of the blue, and the likely feeling that it's out of your control. We've all heard the cliché about "putting on your own oxygen mask first before taking care of anyone else's", but taking care of your own needs is essential at a time like this.
See if your therapist can provide an emergency telehealth call, or if the hospital offers counseling services for families of critical care patients. It's an added burden to organize your own care - are there any friends or family who can help provide support?
The irony is he isn't even really "critical" care. He's been in the hospital for almost a week because they keep postponing the diagnostic MRI for a spinal infection. (He needs anesthesia). I am hopeful the delirium is just that but I also feel like I have to keep telling everyone this isn't his baseline. Because he's older than me and disabled and so treating him like he's typically in cognitive decline is so common. They confirmed it's not a stroke or anything
The residents who are his hospitalists just thanked me for being here because I can clearly answer questions and give history that my partner can't right now.
I'm trying to take care of me, my therapist and I pushed to Wednesday so hopefully that works. I'm eating and taking care of the cats and trying to sleep. But it's hard right now
An update, he's still in the hospital, probably no need for surgery but on the one hand his labs sort of make it look like he doesn't have an infection. On the other he's on a bunch of antibiotics (and the Infectious Disease resident who talked with us is an internal medicine specialist on rotation). On a third hand they think the infection is maybe in the fluid around his spine and are probably biopsying it. This is all from the MyChart notes though so no one has told us this for sure yet but it matches up with the broad plan o heard today.
For me, I'm just wiped out driving back and forth. I'm deeply exhausted. I don't have anyone to really fall back on. But I'm trying to do one "extra" thing a day (that's really just a normal household chore but is extra above my survival and the cars survival). So I'm trying to unload the dishwasher and maybe even put away the clean clothes tonight.
I did stop at Costco on the way back to work and brought a cake to the office for "Life's Hard, Have chocolate" day. So... That's nice.
He's come out of the delirium so that major stressor is gone and he seems genuinely happier and healthier than he's been in a while given being in the hospital still, so I think things are getting better. I just need a break. And a cry. And someone to cook for me because I'm very tired of fast food.
So he was supposed to come home today, no surgery, no infection, yay.
He had been moved to his wheelchair, dressed, IV out and then while waiting on discharge... neurosurgery shows up and says he needs surgery on his spine and they want him to stay and have it Monday
He was devastated. I was devastated to see him devastated. We tried to figure out if we could do it outpatient. But it would be so hard and take so long. So he's got minimum another week in the hospital. Probably longer.
Everyone there was so kind to him about it, respecting his emotional rollercoaster and the injustice of it. Getting him comfortable again. I just... Why the fuck can't he get a win? Why can't I get a break? The surgery is needed but he wanted to come home and was in such a good headspace.
I feel like I need a week off to catch up on anything and even though my boss told me to take tomorrow I'm already behind on work things. And I just don't have the energy to eat much less cry. And I can't sleep in, because the cats must be fed and the show must go on.
I've even been taking my Adderall regularly for once and I'm still so overwhelmed and exhausted...
A hug, or two, or whatever equivalent you prefer.
Just something, to let you take a breath, and a short pause with another person.
I'm sending you hugs and care! I just hope you get respite from all the worrying and travel, and that your partner can get some of the attention he needs from others besides you.
I wish there was a community co-operative for you where people could share care of severely disabled loved ones, so that everyone can have a day or two to take care of themselves and connect with others in similar situations for psychological support.
Feeling miserable. I feel like nobody takes me seriously and I'm growing increasingly resentful of the world. But if I speak up suddenly I'm the asshole or nobody is interested.
I feel this to my bones. This is why I barely interact with anyone these days. I mostly keep to myself and try to stay busy with hobbies or something. Just a never ending stream of misery.
Welp, I’m unemployed. Again. This time it was simply the planned end of the work, not a surprise layoff, though. I have significant resources available, so I am not in a hurry, but I would still like a job and I find the process of finding one to be utterly contemptible. It really makes me squeeze right up against the white collar performance that I find extremely grating. LinkedIn is, for me, basically the Torment Nexus.
But compared to the last time I was unemployed I am doing much better, at least. I have found a way of organizing time that has worked for me for a month and a half so far, and this one feels different than other systems I have tried because it’s not really a system that I am imposing on myself. It is one I am building out by determining what works by experimentation and refusing to create hard rules for.
I am still mentally ill or whatever, but I am definitely in a phase where it feels manageable and I am remaining functional, at least for now. For example, my house is kind of clean. It took me a month and a half to catch up to a good baseline while dedicating a certain amount of time every week to the project, but I feel I’m there now and now I can start tackling the dark corners of my storage areas. I feel much the same about my emotional cleanliness.
Other than that I have a solid relationship, I am having lots of fun experiences with my friends, I am exercising my attention span with books and a coding personal project and learning how to draw, I’m exercising regularly. If it weren’t for the job stuff and the political environment I would be feeling the most optimistic I’ve felt in a long time.
Hang in there, you got this!
It sounds like you have a good support system, activities to keep you busy, a positive outlook, and some plans you are following through with.
You seem to be on the right path but feel free to reach out to me if you feel like chatting with some rando on the internet (Tilde-net?).
Have you thought about starting your own business? Cuts through some of the LinkedIn grind, but definitely riskier and more difficult. But also potentially more rewarding.
I'm kind of in a parallel boat with some similar themes. Layoff but it was a surprise, some friends and family, some funds that give me some freedom but those funds are dwindling, and some activities to keep me busy.
I have good days and bad days.
My main problem is getting motivated to keep searching. A mix of procrastination and a defeatist mindset that make it a mental struggle to revisit paths that seem like failures. When applications and interviews lead nowhere, it reinforces the feelings of failure and further demotivates me.
In the grand scheme of things I'm OK and better off than most, but when you're in it, it's sometimes hard to see the positives.
I will do my best to make today a good day and do something productive.
Thank you, I am doing as well as I can be considering the circumstances, I think. In many ways - especially socially - my life is really the best it has been in a while. I have been trying to embrace the problems in a sense.
As for the business thing, I have considered it! I am at a point where I am pretty confident in being a capable human generally and I actually do technically have a business that I created to do contract work with a company I used to be an employee of. That’s the work that ended. So it’s been on my mind to maybe just… keep using that business.
I have a few loose ideas but where I am right now, I want to finish a personal project before I consider where to go next.
I feel you on the defeatism though. I haven’t even gotten rejections yet. It’s all just being ghosted. It’s hard but not the torture I went through after being laid off last time, which I think is a matter mainly of attitude and having positive feelings about the work I had actually done for the contract. Being “rejected” with a layoff really did a number on me psychologically and that’s at least no longer a factor.
You didn't mention ADHD, but your description is ringing a lot of bells for me. I was diagnosed last year after struggling my whole life and am trying to build my own systems. I've been trying the hard rules method and it just doesn't work for me. I know who made the rules and that he's often full of shit, so when it comes down to it I talk myself back into bad habits. Yours sounds like it's more "go with the flow" with the experimentation, which is a mindset that's always worked better for me but I can't seem to get to work for time/task management (unless it's the last minute of course). Would you be willing to describe more about the way you're building your new system?
I do in fact have ADHD. I am the typical late-diagnosed woman, I did paradoxically better at performing academically when my life was at its most stressful and did well enough on tests to make up for never being able to do my homework. Removed from structure I struggled greatly with under-stimulation and task initiation. The worsening of the attention economy also did not help things.
The way I'm tracking was inspired by browsing self-improvement and self-help subreddits - though not in a positive way. I found those places extremely irritating. Something I understood quickly was that the bulk of its users fall into one of two categories: people who are struggling and who are in no real position to give advice, and people who are trying to extract money out of the first group.
The sheer volume of poorly-hidden ads, ChatGPT-written posts about how some system or another changed the person's life, bait that purported to be about discussion but "subtly" encouraged users to check the profile of the poster or DM them for their blog or gumroad PDF or vibe-coded app honestly really got to me. I got angry! And then the more I thought about it, the more I realised that really these apps mostly give the illusion of progress and productivity: they're much like a video game in the sense that they rely on initial novelty and the dopamine produced by the 'fun' of planning and imagining. But the reality of follow-through is something that an app fundamentally can't help me with. Every single calendar system, fancy to-do-list, or thought organizer I tried eventually calcified into a monument to my inability to remain consistent.
I knew the problem was with me, my dopamine regulation, my ideas about discipline and motivation and perfectionism, and the underlying problems that make me want the distraction to begin with. I started with what I felt to be my core issue, and that was that I kept starting over, and told myself I'd do something that would never have a real failure state and that it would be built up and loose and not over-regulated. And almost out of spite I decided to use only the tools that were already available to me on my phone, free and ad-free. Notes, to-do list, spreadsheet, calendar, alarms and timers.
I started from an empty spreadsheet and thought about the stuff I wanted to track and built it up in increments. It is messy and unexciting on purpose. I am avoiding problems of taxonomy with it by just putting in the date, the broad category, and a note with every entry. Everything goes in one big bucket and at 8PM every day I have an alarm that reminds me to check it and think about how my day went - if I have a good day, it takes me two minutes to pat myself on the back, and on a bad day I extend kindness to myself and try and figure out what happened and why and what I can do to make things easier tomorrow. This I think started a mindset shift of really working with myself instead of trying to impose on myself, figuring myself out.
From there it's really just... experimenting. Things that have worked on me:
I could go on, honestly. I've already gone on quite a lot already though, and what works for me is not necessarily going to work for you. But the core principle is really that I am building and negotiating with myself, not taking the "shoulds" of things from anywhere else. I am tentatively optimistic about being able to maintain this basically indefinitely.
I ran across this article [Warning: some, like me, may find this content depressing.] via kottke.org this week, and if anything, it's intensified my gloom. It discusses why neurodiverse people are more likely to perceive incipient systems collapse than neurotypical people. It goes on to say why we need both perspectives, but I'm still shaken by the self-reinforcing imperviousness of mainstream thinking to the grim realities we're facing if we don't do something right now.
At the same time, my brain has a black-humored jolliness today because we've had two entire days of sunshine after months of leaden skies. All the pharmacies in town are currently out of the SSRI (manufacturer shortage) that lets me endure the darkness, but I'm not worried as long as there's real daylight. Everyone is behaving like manic fools, the stores and streets are jammed (despite the negative degree wind-chills and ice), spouse brought home huge tips from the winery, and I've got overambitious cooking plans after overabundant grocery shopping yesterday.
I'll take the win where I can get it.
I don't really like articles like this that claim that neurodivergent people have some 'super power' that neurotypical people don't have. I know plenty of neurotypical people who are super into prepping because they think that society's collapse is imminent.
I'm super aware of collapse theories and what catabolic collapse looks like and I'm really into prepping, but I don't think a lot of people have a good grasp on what collapse actually looks like. I've watched countries collapse on the news, but I've never actually experienced it myself. I know that generally what happens is a millitary takeover, and for the average person living in that country before and after things more or less stay the same. All of the people I've watched live through 'collapse', their standard of living was already well below what I'm used to, they're already used to having to go without things like cooked food or clean water.
I think, with the exception of what happened this past year on the Gaza strip, societies don't really "collapse" any more. Power shifts, different people take ownership, but the name of the country stays the same.
With that in mind, back to the article, what is it exactly that it's suggesting I might be better at seeing? What is collapse exactly and how would it look in a western society? Because the article doesn't seem to answer that, and without a clear definition, it kinda just sounds like noise to me.
Edit: I guess, in the context of the rest of the blog, the writer is defining collapse in the total sense of the word, no more civilization, government, technology, any of it. I really do not see that happening. Our standard of living will go down, our rights will be taken away, but we will still be forced to live in a society comprised of rules that govern our lives. We'll never be free from that.
I don't think the author is claiming that neurodivergence confers superpowers - he's saying that neurodivergent people tend to perceive patterns and are temperamentally unlikely to stop expressing the understandings that arise from those perceptions even when that's socially restricted.
Reading through the author's other articles, I do think he's describing the Doughnut Economics model of "collapse". Not technological civilization suddenly coming to a screeching halt, but rather the long-running consequences of ongoing ecosystem depletion. As an example, one crop failure isn't a "collapse" scenario, but multiple countries experiencing a continent-wide weeks-long dust storm from deforestation and climate change might be. The word "polycrisis" is in vogue right now because we're seeing an increasing number of concurrent systemic crises due to climate change that are taxing the ability of governments and economies to cope. People (in the U.S., at least) are generally poorer than they would have been without the 1970's energy crisis, and it is taking ever more energy and resources to exploit new sources of energy and resources. We're succeeding so far, and solar technology has genuinely changed the game - for now.
As you say, I'm not convinced by the author's thesis that this situation will result in utter anarchy and mass death on a scale that drastically reduces human population, but gradual immiseration and human rights loss aren't anything to look forward to.
I just don’t think that neurodivergent people are any more likely to notice that this is happening. Everyone knows climate change is a thing, everyone reads the news, everyone sees the increased prices at the grocery store and we all know that our rights are being taken away.
There are many of us that believe utter anarchy is the only way to avoid mass death*.
As a neurodivergent person myself, I actually find articles like these to be vindicating, because it's showing that we are not stupid. I've seen "autistic" used as an insult online far too often.
Calling pattern recognition a "superpower" is a bit far-fetched though.
Nothing pisses me off more than people saying my ADHD is a superpower.
It’s not. It’s a fucking curse!
For me its not that, I just don’t see it as inherently any better or any worse at certain specific things, its just different. The only reason people with autism struggle is because we’re going about social interactions differently than most people. This diversity can benefit society on a large scale but I don’t see how it could, by itself, make any one person better at whatever skill.
I feel like you're both taking extreme positions. My ADHD and Autism do both objectively have symptoms that make me worse at doing some things, not just due to being different from those around me, but in objective ways that cause me to require more support than other people. A big part of why I take ADHD medication is to counteract the symptoms that make it harder to live an independent adult life. And that's as someone with pretty low support needs as far as autism goes -- I think it's pretty insulting to those with higher support needs to insist that the only problem they have is other people's reactions in social interactions when that's simply not true. Social interactions aren't even the only thing affected by autism, even among those who would've gotten an Asperger's diagnosis back when that was a thing.
That said, I don't think I'd describe either as a curse, either. I don't think I'd get rid of either if given the opportunity, and the connections I have with other neurodivergent people are really rich and valuable to me. And some of the problems are socially conditioned and would be significantly less of a thing if society were designed in ways that better accommodated certain differences. I sympathize with other people who are suffering enough from their symptoms to consider it a curse, but my own perspective on it is a lot more nuanced and complex I think. ADHD and Autism are too much a part of who I am and how I think for me to see them as some separate thing that I'm suffering from rather than a component piece of me, if that makes sense.
I also don't think either is giving me some secret skills that neurotypicals don't have, though. All humans are pattern-recognition machines, for instance, it's something we're very good at as a species, and I'm not convinced of the evidence that neurodivergent people are better at it.
An example, I take a similar stance to people living with some physical disability. People in wheelchairs are fully functional, its the design of the human made spaces around them that inhibit their function. If they were allowed to design society around their needs, there would be no disability.
This is how I think about autism. If I could design society around my own needs, there would be no disability.
I know that I cannot do that, and thus, disability for me and everyone else with autism.
I think the comparison to physical disability is apt here, but I think it only furthers my point that a strictly social model of disability is not sufficient. A huge proportion of a given disabled person's struggles will be due to society not being designed in a way that accommodates them, but that does not mean that this is the only source of disability. A person in a wheelchair will still have things they are physically unable to do. A society designed in an accessible way for people who can't climb stairs will remove a huge disabling factor in many people's lives, but it doesn't make them capable of taking hikes in the mountains. Society further disables people by placing barriers in their way and being inaccessible to those who cannot do certain things, and the social model of disability is a good way to capture that.
But insisting that society is the sole disabling factor is simply inaccurate to many people's lived experiences, especially when you enter the realm of physical disabilities. Society can and should be structured in a way that maximizes accessibility for as many people as possible, but in the end, no societal change is going to get rid of my friend's fibromyalgia symptoms, and those are absolutely something that disables her. The way society is designed absolutely has a huge role in how easy or difficult life in that society is for her, but it is not the sole source of her disability. This is much closer to how I view my ADHD and autism.
I don't think there's even a theoretical society that completely removes all barriers that these things put in my way, and that's fine. Honestly, I think a more nuanced take on the social model is ultimately more respectful of disabled people. Disabled people have value even if they are genuinely worse at or incapable of certain things. We are not lesser because we are disabled. Especially since a society that completely lacks disability simply isn't possible -- even if you could design a society that completely removes any barriers for one person, there are inevitably conflicting access/support needs.
The social model of disability breaks down very quickly when you consider us as animals, I feel. Wheelchairs themselves are a human-made construction, as are crutches, inhalers, sunglasses, noise-cancelling headphones, insulin pumps, ostomy systems, etc.
That one human-made construction is widely incompatible with another human-made construction is usually ridiculous. But saying that human-made construction makes someone fully functional but it's human-made construction that prevents them from being fully functional makes no sense.
To give a little credit to the social model of disability, it does have explanatory power. We, broadly speaking, don't consider most people with poor vision to be disabled. This is because in our society, there is ready access to corrective lenses that those people can use to function nigh-identically to someone with better vision. While there are still edge cases, society is mostly designed so that someone who needs glasses can have access to all the same things as anyone else. This is very much not the case for someone in a wheelchair, even though both wheelchairs and glasses are manmade devices that allow someone to do something that is otherwise physically difficult or impossible for them. The social model of disability helps explain why this is the case -- our society is designed (not necessarily deliberately) in a way that places barriers in the way of someone in a wheelchair, but it generally is not designed in a way that places barriers in the way of someone with glasses (though I'm sure there are edge cases there too lol).
Left-handedness is a good example of something that is captured well by the social model of disability, as it is something where there is clearly no inherent weakness or inability on a physical/medical level -- left-handed people aren't physically deficient compared to right-handed people in any way, just different -- but the way society treats it and is designed can make it a disability (and we have plenty of relatively recent historical evidence of this). Left-handedness is also a good example of how the design of and access to particular manmade objects can be part of this process. A left-handed kid who has access to lefty scissors is going to have a very different level of ability to complete certain tasks than one who isn't. A social model of disability has more explanatory power in that kind of situation than a purely medical one.
Where I differ with the person you initially replied to is that I don't think the social model of disability captures the sole source of disability. I'm not sure if it was initially intended to do so, but I think it works best as a framework alongside other takes, especially when applied to as broad and diverse a population as "all disabled people".
I live with a parent. It's just the two of us. I can't afford to move out, but the parent used to be abusive but they're a lot more mellow now. We don't bother each other unless we have to.
Except lately I've had to help with their medical situation (it's over now) and it triggered me so badly I constantly felt like vomiting.
Its over now, but I'm constantly on edge and feeling unsafe even though I'm totally safe. More and more things can trigger me now. The sound of their existence beyond my room can put me on edge even when it didn't before.
My body doesn't know that it's safe and an adult.
My heart goes out to that little child.
It is confusing to still be caught up in that trauma.
But I'm glad you know, somewhere, that you are in fact safe now. And an adult.
I have a few more, advice-adjacent, thoughts bit I'll keep them to myself for now.
Thank you! It does help knowing that someone understands.
Felt like making another post about this.
I recently learned that I have this believe that I'm not just replaceable, but also disposable. Like a tool.
I have therapy in two weeks but I've had so many things stacking up and I'm exhausted.
Self love did make the earlier stages of depression way more easy. The difference between feeling depressed and being depressed were way greater. But I am incredibly down right now.
I just want to live my life but so much has been going on and I'm fucking exhausted by all this bullshit.
I’ve been reading a lot about ADHD this past week, and so much of it has been resonating with me. It’s starting to put things in perspective for things I’ve struggled with my entire life. Things I’ve often seen as personal flaws, and which have led to a lot of self-blame and self-loathing.
Thinking clearly can be difficult for me, because my thoughts often overlap or jump tracks before one is finished, then circle back again. It can feel like my mind operates in layers, with traces that are bridged between layers.
Growing up, I was always told I was always told how smart I was. But doing any work outside of school felt nearly impossible, and my grades reflected that. My brain has always been very “out of sight, out of mind.” Things improved only when I was forced into a structured study hall, where the environment itself supported getting work done. That same pattern has followed me into adulthood, and it’s also affected my ability to maintain friendships. I can be very present and engaged when I’m with people, but once we’re apart, I struggle with consistency and follow-through.
My parents didn’t really help with this when I was younger. I was often mocked for being forgetful, or told that if I didn’t remember something, it must mean I didn’t care. That framing stuck with me more than I realized.
There’s a lot more as well, but all of this has led me to consider getting evaluated. At the same time, I’m unsure. I’m nearly 40, and I’ve lived this way for as long as I can remember. Part of me wonders whether it’s worth pursuing now, and part of me worries about what medication might change, or whether I’m ready for that.
I can't tell you whether it's worth it to pursue a diagnosis, but what I can say is that ADHD medication does not fundamentally alter your personality. It improves my life immensely, but in terms of what it might change, it doesn't change anything more fundamental much more than the shitloads of coffee I was drinking beforehand did. ADHD medication also does not linger in the body for very long, so if it does end up feeling bad for you, you can immediately stop it and be back to normal within a day or so -- it's not like antidepressants where you have to wean off them slowly.
Learned that my crush doesn't feel the same. And effectively had to confess to them before we could either meet to prevent it crashing between us. And it may now be crashing anyway, and we may not meet.
It's also causing turmoil within them. Which I was afraid of for reasons I can't specify (semi-)publicly.
Even stranger, some of the things that have happened as a consequence are actually improving my mental state. While theirs is most likely worsening.
It varies a lot per hour but currently I feel like crap. They're distancing themselves for now which I'm glad about - they clearly need it. But consequently, I also feel lonely, and guilty.
I just wish I hadn't developed a crush on them.
Currently we're not in contact. As strange as it may sound, due to their request until I don't have a crush anymore or they contact me.
They do appear to still want to remain friends which I'm very happy about. But we'll have to see how everything goes.
I think I hit autistic burnout during the postnatal depression, but responsibilities and obligations and the energy cost of a toddler are really starting to ramp up now, so there's no time or space to even think about trying to address it.
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I'm in a weird spot to be quite honest, feeling good and not good at the same time. It's been a few months since I've started my new job and I've gotten into a decent rhythm with it. I've got a fairly set schedule of waking up, going to work, eating breakfast/lunch at the office. However, once I get home in the evening, things fall apart. I eat most of my meals at work now so I have little need to cook. However, I've not yet managed to adjust my recipes to account for that so the few times I do end up cooking, I end up with a lot of leftovers which regrettably go to waste, which I hate seeing. I've also been struggling with laundry, partly due to laziness but also just because I have more clothes than I have storage for. I just never got around to getting more storage due to dealing with job stress and job hopping over the last year. I'm hoping to buy some simple shelves and new laundry baskets soon to remedy that.
Focus is completely shot at trying to be productive at the moment, and looking over recent developments with the state of the world, it's a lot to take in and I rather drown myself in YouTube long plays.
On another thread, driving in a routine daily is something I just filed in the back of my head as routine and part of my day. When you're not driving as much, every time is with an intent behind it and if it's a change to your norms, it's a little uncomfortable on top of being kinda fast and dangerous, so justified just enough for me not to be able to put it in the corner of my hand.
I'm sort of volunteering for a group, putting up some boundaries since I'm used to their stuff becoming all encompassing, but I think I'm okay with putting in the amount of work I said I could put in. On one hand, nothing is on fire right this minute, so I have a second to lick my wounds, but on the other, I'm kind of in a rest state, so nice to visit, may not want to live here. Also I'm congested, so hopefully that clears up sooner than later.
I was just listening to this video from Midwest Magic Cleaning titled "Using Cleaning to Treat Autistic Depression". I have very little reason to believe that I am autistic or even anywhere close enough to even tentatively say "maaaaybe I'm somewhere on the spectrum". But one moment at around 28 minutes in really hit me when he talks about being able to articulate his thoughts when other folks unfortunately struggle due to their condition
I don't think I mentioned it to anyone I've talked to about my breakup, but prior to her breaking things off, I struggled with a whole slew of things under the umbrella of communication. I cry easily, I can't keep eye contact especially if I'm trying to not cry, and I'm sitting there struggling to even create sentences when I feel like the emotions just have way too many different attack angles to condense into words. And I'd get pushed to just say what I'm thinking, which I'd try to do, which ended up not even truly capturing the entire picture of what I'm thinking/feeling. I'm told to be more mindful in what I say verbally and through text and then rebuffed for taking too long to say things. Heck, even now I'm aware that this paragraph isn't written in a way that I'm happy with; I'm not trying to make it look like my ex was antagonistic in any way, and honestly I'm not happy with thinking that I, personally, need special accomodations (emphasis on I, not trying to say this is how I feel about anyone else who struggles with similar issues).
Anyways, lately I've been seriously considering recording audio/video diaries to myself. I'm currently trying to keep a written diary which I haven't done regularly since middle school, though I've always written things to myself maybe once or twice a year (the last one I found was actually me writing about my ex agreeing to date me :')). It didn't ever occur to me to try and speak the words - probably because I'm really self-conscious about it even if I'm the only one hearing it - but this issue I have with really articulating my thoughts is starting to come up more often, even if they're in very low stakes conversations, and I'd like to get better at it even if it's through a bit of rote memorization and drilling.
Hey, I just wanted to reach out and thank you for sharing that video, and introducing me to that channel too. I'm not autistic either, but I still found the video incredibly helpful, and I keep going back to it whenever I am feeling down. IMO, one of the comments on that video sums it up perfectly:
I'm glad it has been a boon to you! The channel has honestly been a pleasant gem from the algorithm. At first it was just general household cleaning tips (useful for me both then and now) but they've delved into musings on mental health now and then, understandable when keeping a clean and orderly home can be tied to said mental health.
Well...
I'm trying not to think about it too much, seems to help me stay afloat during the hibernation period of the north (it probably isn't a bad strategy year round).
And me being able to not think about it too much is in itself a testament to my overall well-being in some way. If not only for finding and implementing a coping mechanism.
Anyhooo...
Some things have happened in my life even though I try to hibernate as much as possible ;)
My NP-assesment has started, after a 2 year wait, so far just a first short meet and greet. But I managed to get the next 3 appointments booked, which is good for me, so yay! Also great relief that it is finally happening. In some way I don't care about the outcome, it's just nice to not be waiting for it anymore. But I do care, it would be sooo nice to get a few pieces of my puzzle going forward. If there isn't any ADHD or autism in me I will have to search elsewhere in my quest to find peace with myself and my life before I die (writing that out makes me question that as a weird quest, but since there isn't any other inherit point in living I'll keep it for now!) Not that those diagnoses would give me total peace of mind, but they potentially help explain some things.
I think I've manage to sell my mothers apartment, but I don't really trust my abilities to navigate that kind of interaction with society/money until I have the money in my accounts. I'm irritated that all the automatic emails asking me for ratings have already been sent just for signing a contract. Baffling!!
I've been sick for almost 2 weeks (some kind of cold, maybe a stomach bug on top), I like it. Only no-pressure-time I have. But I felt almost well so I started making plans, then I got markedly worse... I really dislike cancelling plans, especially with other people, oh well: I get to kill virtual Nazis, eat whatever, sleep whenever, not answer any calls or texts, it's glorious!
I finally caved in and agreed to talk with an ex, I think I must write her an email explaining my side a little more. She has a really hard time letting me go (or more like her idea of me) and I don't want her to suffer. I do like her and she is an amazing person, we are just not a good match as a coupling. If you have any thoughts on this, I'm more than happy to hear them. I think I'm too into [...I'm not finding the right words...] resolutions/conclusions/explanations as a way to heal so maybe communicating with her just adds to the hurt. Or maybe I should just drop it and both accept that I've contributed to her pain and that it's not my place to try and help her. Or...? Advice?
Well, thanks for asking, as always!
<3