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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
Doing really bad thanks!
I've been struggling for years with chronic pain caused by a tumour, which is apparently now growing. The surgeons suggest doing anything will possibly result in more pain, so I'm feeling pretty trapped currently... Have spent a lot of time fantasizing about MAID.
Besides that, I have no real friendships anymore, and my wife and I fight far more frequently than I feel comfortable with. Apparently my therapist also forgot to send me an invite to a meeting several months ago, then didn't follow up after I didn't show. So now I have to get signed up for that again.
I considered making a new reddit account like a week ago to find support regarding my particular mental health disorder, as I generally feel ashamed mentioning it outside of designated areas. Sadly I decided against it, which in retrospect was probably a poor choice!
I hear you.
I don't want to say too much, because we don't know each other and you haven't really asked for anything (besides the implicit of being heard/read).
It sounds like you are in a terrible situation and if there is anything besides listening/reading you think I (or other tildatians) can do please ask.
One thing however stood out to me: it is probably not too late to make that reddit account now. One week isn't that long (since you are still alive and can write here) so it is probably still worth doing.
Anyway: big, firm hug (or equivalent) from an internet stranger offering a shoulder & ear.
I just read this story, "What not to say to someone on crutches" [soft paywall], and thought of you.
So I'll say that I hope things get better for you, and not try to second-guess the state you're in.
But I'm not able to restrain myself from commenting about chronic pain in a couple of respects...
Don't take your surgeons' thought-terminating "There's nothing we can do" as a final answer. I don't know what country you're in or what health system options and costs you're confronted with. Nonetheless, it's worth getting a second opinion at a research-oriented medical center if you can, where there's better attention to evidence-based current practices and integrated multi-specialty care. Community doctors have a tendency to fall back on word-of-mouth and well-rehearsed but not up to date procedures. They don't bring in other specialties like pain management, oncology (even for non-invasive tumors), neurology, and physiatry as often as they should. It is possible to reach a better quality of life than it sounds like you have right now.
I do know that when you're in chronic pain, it makes every other condition worse, and life itself becomes constricted and burdensome. It can seem impossible to muster the persistence in pursuing self-care that navigating health systems requires. The U.S. has the Patient Advocate Foundation, which provides assistance with connecting to resources in our awful mess. I don't know if there's something similar where you are, but you shouldn't have to take on the work of managing complicated conditions by yourself without any support.
Mix of good and bad.
Work has been a rollercoaster. Dad is still being obnoxious and there's still a lot of uncertainty.
Some good has happened though.
I recently took part in a karaoke competition (still ongoing) and advanced to the quarter-finals. The grand prize is £1,000 but I dont particularly care if I win or not, just doing this for fun.
Also, I've been approached about a permanent role going at the workplace where I'm contracting. So it's possible I'm gonna be back in full-time permanent employment.
Chugging along nicely! Well done :)
Thanks for letting us know, I do enjoy when we share more slice of life style moods/statuses too.
An update to that, they've offered me the permanent role and I accepted. Feels weird going back to a place I was laid off from last year, but I've worked with that particular manager before and she's cool.
Congratulations!
I broke my arm a few weeks ago
Then I sprained my ankle
I cant use crutches and I live in a split level house. Ive just been scooting around on my ass for 2 weeks. Haven’t been outside in over a week. Just watching 20 year old episodes of ER and working. No exercise no hanging out with friends just ER.
Really??? You have high standards for what constitutes exercise, in my book moving around in a completely new way sure is exercise! :D
Get well, etc obviously :)
I guess I do, I used to bike 20 miles once a week and do a 1m walk every day.
A whole meter is kind of insane * /s*
I am sure you meant like either a km or like the freedom unit
I'm sad, or scared maybe, at least quite tense and right now I'm crying at work typing this out.
I feel tremendously rejected[0], not only here on tildes after my latest debacle[1] concerning online/consumeristic activism but also on another forum[2] and in my personal life (I'll get back to this).
I think that I'm "just" very, very, very much on edge.
These are the last days of work, only 38h to go before I go on my first really long vacation (6 weeks) in a very long time.
My daughter, and her stuff, moved back in, and now the apartment is overfilled with stuff (as it already was overfilled with my stuff, her old stuff and my dead mothers leftovers). We have already fought and made up a couple times. We're ok, just have communication problems.
A theme, you say?!?!
On Tuesday I will receive my final report from the psychologist who has done my NP-assessment regarding ADHD and/or Autism. It is a big moment and feel very lonely and rejected by my friends who all have decided to do other things rather than to just be with me when I start digesting the information. I'm still waiting for some of them to get back to me, and several have offered to see me and let me vent some other time. But it just feels terrible when I finally[2] manage to ask for help and people just don't show up, ugh!
Well, that will do for now, maybe I'll post more later. Feel free to ask, advice, encourage or engage however you want.
[0] I think I have to indulge[4] myself into reading up on both "Rejection Sensitivity Disorder" and "Pathological Demand Avoidance" to help me understand and navigate this that is me and my life.
[1] See @LukeZaz I can do footnotes too![5] No, but seriously I didn't want to reply in the topic as to not give it more attention. I mostly wanted to thank you (and you too @DefinitelyNotAFae) for your kind words in a difficult context. I might take you up on your offer for more advice later on.
[2] One comment was removed for being LLM-like, a comment I worked on, on and off, for 2 days to make it... *drumroll* clear and structured!
[3] This is not true, I do ask for help from time to time and my friends do help me, I know this, but it still feels like this.
[4] Yes, I meant indulge, like a box of real fancy chocolates.
[5] But I prefer using [ ] rather than superscript.
It's time to go, I should go take a shit and a shower before I go to see the psychologist about the results of my NPD-assessment.
It's so hard to get up from my sofa where I'm having my morning coffee.
I'm quite scared. I've reached out to everyone I feel safe enough to talk to openly without reciprocity[0] and the one who had time to be with me after the appointment semi-cancelled yesterday.
We will meet up, but they might not have the energy to listen to me vent/dump for a few hours as we had agreed, we'll see.
I might have to sit with it alone or try to just talk with people on the phone which I hate, but do as a last resort.
Maybe it will be easy, but my body and mind is not prepared for easy, tense as the tiny springs in a clock ready to explode!
OK, I'm standing up now, I promise!!
[0] I mean without reciprocity this time. Other times we are reciprocal or they need to vent and I'm mostly listening/focused on them.
I'll keep blogging/journaling here until someone asks me to stop and/or helps me sort out my micro-selfhosted server
Today I almost started crying because I had forgotten to pack a T-shirt to exercise in at the gym. I'm very, very tense, sad and exhausted.
My daughter has moved back home and is preparing for a trip, which makes her extra bouncy and loud (as in a bouncy ball or energetic or however you want to describe unmasked ADHD). Normally that's more than fine, but today I just can't.
I will follow her to the city and semi "send her off" on my way to deliver a laptop I've promised a friend.
Afterwards I will go to another, new, gym and lift weights. It's 2 bathhouses (with swimming pools, gyms, group exercise, etc) that share opening hours over the summer and hopefully they have the same models of weight training machines, we'll see.
I kind of got my NPD report on Tuesday (except she hadn't actually written it), it's a lot to take in.
They have concluded that I'm autistic but that I've managed to organise my life in a way so they can't say I have ADHD anymore since I don't have enough symptoms that interfere with my life. I need to write something to the psychologist about that, because it feels so fucking unfair.
If they would have only used the information about me as a child I would clearly have ADHD.
But since I have created a "small" life that doesn't require that much executive functioning they can't say I fit the diagnostic criteria. And it feels soooooo unfair that they won't let me have the option to create a bigger life where I manage to study, keep up an exercise routine, have hobbies that I can do consistently, etc, etc.
Without an ADHD diagnosis I won't get access to amphetamines. I know that amphetamines help me with my executive functioning and they should know that too.
I'm sad.
But I've managed to stave off 3 attempts to socialise today so I won't have to deal with people that much today.
Tomorrow I have some kind of date with a new person and this weekend I'm off to the archipelago with a couple friends, this will be fun!
the saga continues...
I had a great day until just now, when the psychologist sent me a message that she won't change her mind regarding diagnosing me with both autism and ADHD.
Feels hopeless, but I'm used to that, so I can't really muster up any anger, just a simple *meh!*.
But I had a great day today... I've been listening to bachata music while finally finishing a puzzle that has occupied my dinner table since December.
I have intentions to learn how to dance socially (couples dance, is the word in my language), any dance - besides Argentinian tango, that's too hard! - and today I was recommended bachata. The music is ok, most lyrics are aggressively boring but that is most music (or pop culture, really), and I can see myself dance to it. I will check out some very basic tutorial on youtube and then it's about finding a time and place to get beginners instructed asap.
The puzzle is done! I can't believe it, it is such a relief. It has been hanging over me much more than I realised. Now it's finally over and I can move under the next cloud! ;D
Over half a year ago I posted for the first time in one of these monthly threads about going through the absolute worst time of my life. This was quite literally my only outlet.
I am happy to say that I am doing much better today and for one big reason in particular: at the age of 30 I have for the first time been diagnosed with ADHD and was put on appropriate stimulant medication for it (Elvanse, for those curious). I later came to learn that I was actually formally diagnosed with hyperactivity as a child but my parents and the pediatrician just never followed up once I "calmed down" around middle/high school (read: developed enough coping to mask it).
What this has resulted in over the past month that I've been medicated is that I've been able to just do things I need or want to do, be them chores or my job, create routines I can stick to, start eating healthy (down 5 kilos and counting, my weight is finally 2 digits again!), actually pay full attention to stuff, sleep better because my brain isn't running a mile a minute with 50 different thoughts at night, have a good sleep schedule where I wake up in the morning and not in the afternoon, and just overall feel like I'm a functioning human being. My personality hasn't changed, but now I don't feel mentally checked out at every hour of the day.
My entire family has noticed how different I am. I actually talk to people now and can hold that conversation, and I also feel like I want to keep talking. With my hobbies I can do long sessions without feeling bored. And being glued to my phone is no longer something I have the urge for.
I didn't know medication could be this life altering (in a good way!) and I am so thankful that, even though it took 30 years, I managed to talk to a friend who was also diagnosed, and who noticed I had all the telltale signs and suggested I book an appointment with a psychiatrist. It took a while for me to find the courage/motivation to do it, but I'm so glad that I woke up one day and finally called and booked an appointment.
Aside from that, I mentioned in my previous thread that I was having trouble interacting with my dad and sister because it feels like they don't care about me or our living situation and treat me like an obstacle.
Their overall behavior hasn't changed, but my ability to process it in a less negative and spiraling way has. Now I realize that while yes they aren't perfect people and I have my issues with them , they aren't necessarily out to get me. For example me being mentally checked out of everything was a big part of the friction I was feeling back when I made that post, and once I started being able to communicate and be less angry, it alleviated a significant amount of the stress involved, since I could communicate with my dad and sister without feeling angry instantly. That communication has also resulted in at least my dad paying a bit more attention to me and my needs.
Since then, I've been a more active participant in the household and stopped developing an anxious persecution complex and needless hatred and started focusing on the more positive aspects, because being positive has allowed me to focus on saving money and improve my career as well which will hopefully one day let me live on my own. I still sincerely think my dad and sister have big issues they should work on, but I now have the mental fortitude to still press on despite that instead of letting those thoughts fester and bring me down mentally all the time.
So yeah that's the update. Pretty much only positive and I'm glad that I'm now slowly catching up with life I suppose. I hope I can continue this trend.
Honestly, right now is a huge mix of emotions and I'm finding it difficult to sort through them all.
There's a long thread with a lot of detail about the lead up to where I am now I posted on tildes (check my profile) if you're interested or if you already read it then you're up to date!
I'm in a new city. I like Trondheim, I have already knocked it out the park by getting 3 (maybe 4!) phone numbers of people I can try to make friends with. Not everyone is going to work, but I am really happy with the results so far.
I suppose I feel like there's so much right now, it's overwhelming. I'm in a new city, in a new apartment, with new stuff. My job is a mess, it's threatening to become extremely bad any moment now but I dont have the time or energy to navigate it or try to move. I'm trying to be social by speaking to people, meeting new people, going to events and stuff. Some of it is really fun, others are really draining.
Ontop of all of this I'm on a medicine plan for Ritalin. I'm trying different dosages at different times. Some days I feel incredible, I have so much confidence and energy. Then others I'm dazed or back to feeling my high anxiety levels or I get the complete inability to start anything or I'm totally cooked and my actions + words are really put of character.
This is making things really difficult. I'm trying to sit with my feelings, why do I feel like this? And every day I've got a completely different set of stimuli AND medication. I feel like a mess.
It doesn't help that I'm getting bored really quickly, which I think is the drugs. I can't sit in the apartment for any length of time without wanting to do something. And that's exhausting. To some extent I feel like I've forgotten (or I never learned how to?) relax properly. Like what do I do to relax?? Watching TV on the sofa only keeps me busy for like an hour or two, then I'm done. That's enough TV.
Video games are not relaxing, they are a distraction. I can play something for hours and pass the time, but I come out feeling tired because I was focusing on something for a bunch of hours.
Exercise might be the answer here honestly. Not a problem I had before! I'm going to try and go swimming this week and see if I can burn off some of this energy that's driving me insane, then maybe I can sit the fuck down.
In the huge, swirling mix of emotions which I am struggling to sort through, I keep craving physical intamacy, but not sex.
I want to cuddle someone, tell them they look pretty, have them do the same to me. But I'm not ready in the slightest for a relationship, no way. The idea of a one night stand feels so gross to me too. It matters to me that the person actually gives a shit.
When I moved, I joined "the apps" for a couple of days because I was so hype. I felt amazing, I was so ready to dive into the game. I matched some people and then realized it was a horrible idea, I was not ready, I need a lot more time to settle.
Still I spoke to one woman I matched with and she seemed nice, we met yesterday and agreed to just keep it friendly, she's also having a rough time at the moment. Now, I am not amazing at the flirting game or anything, but my "she's into me" alarm went off, even though we agreed to just be friendly. And I am slightly regretting getting this far, as it's another temptation I don't think I need right now. The sensible thing is to stay friends while we are both not ready and have no expectations. But now I've got it on my mind and it's another thing which I shouldn't really be thinking about!
I'm also background worried about learning the language and finding a more permanent place to live, but I know I shouldn't be worrying about that right now. But it still crossed my mind.
I am (ironically) finding it difficult to focus. Things feel like they are moving quickly and if I don't act I'm going to miss out and I don't think that's actually true.
Sorry for the chaos post, maybe it matches the way I feel! I mostly wrote this to try and get my thoughts and feelings on paper, which did help a little. If you have any thoughts or suggestions I'd like to hear them, maybe there's something there for the objective observer!
Edit: I forgot to say. I've been looking for a therapist to speak to and I've found several which are both nearby and have experience in the areas I'm looking to explore. However in Norway (and some other European countries) pretty much everyone is on holiday in July, including health care professionals. So no therapy for you when in summer!
I want to talk to someone, I feel like I've got a lot on my mind that's ready to offload. But another month (at least) feels like it might as well another life time.
I'll be patient though. I know I'll get there and it will take time, but it's frustrating sitting here today waiting!
About 1.5 months ago I found a new therapist. We had in this time around 4 sessions. As usual I try to give them as much information and files and documents from the previous therapist I had.
My old therapist did an assessment about personality disorders and a few were "noticeable". But we never really discussed them in depth. I had from a short survey 4/9 points on borderline. At that time I did not know what to do with this but he felt it significant enough to mark this in its notes.
When the new therapist saw this we went through again the symptoms and also what that means for me specifically.
I for some reason always thought that BPD was Bipolar Disorder which in hindsight makes no sense but that also added a lot of confusion to me.
Anyways as we talked more about borderline she said very clear that she has minimal experience with it and if I display symptoms of it then I will have to go to a another person.
Which just basically happened I analyzed a text and the symptoms of borderline and realized that it might be much more prevalent than I thought.
So yeah and now I'll have to search again for a new therapist.
I am already at my limit: i have to turn in my thesis in like less than 20 days and i am really struggling with "relationships" and just much much more and I know that the new therapist only meant the best for me it still sucks and it still feels like "getting discarded" or getting left alone with my problems but that's okai.
Then ontop of that there are the difficulties of finding a new therapist which most are either not available or just have insane wait times but we will see...
I just hope things get better as soon as i can finish my studies...
Ouff, that really sucks now, but (as you know) hopefully it will be good in the long run.
I'm impressed by your ability and persistance that you've shown here to get help, inspirational!