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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (September 2026)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I woke up crying so that's probably not good.
I had a dream I was taking care of my cat that I put down last year, she was 21 years old, and in the dream she was in a lot of pain and looking up at me to fix it. Last thing I remember is looking into her eyes and then I woke up crying.
Sounds good to me!
Crying is often part of griefing and griefing is not a direct, easy, straight forward thing.
Tell me about her if you want.
Hugs, etc!
Sometimes crying feels good, like in the shower, but not today. This doesn't feel good at all. I don't even think it was about her.
Then, I'm sorry.
I hope you feel better soon.
Hugs, or equivalent that you want to receive.
Thanks, I hope your day goes well too
I'm currently unemployed, although I haven't been seriously looking for a job. I was fired due to performance issues related to my mental health. When I was working, I would sometimes suddenly stop and think about how nonsensical everything was. The planet is dying, and yet nobody seems to care.
I tried to tell myself that I only had to do it for long enough to enjoy some things before everything starts to got serious. I couldn't do that. With the disaster in Nepal, it feels like we're already there and things are only going to get worse from now on. And here I am, trying to find a job that pay the bills, something that I know will only contribute to the state of the world, while pretending that the planet isn't dying. I hate it. I wish I could do something, but I feel like even finding a job that makes a difference is unrealistic for me.
While I don't disagree, I also think we get one shot at life. In a way we live in the best period possible. Imagine being born in the middle ages. You happen to be in the wrong place when a drunken knight stumbles out of a pub, and there goes your head! Born a woman in those days? RIP. You have zero rights. It's still like that in some places today! So if you're not in one of those places, yeah, the world is not doing great, but you got one shot to do something in the short spam of max 100 years you're given, so might as well use it.
I think if you really do want to make a difference, there are many job choices. Maybe not a difference as in saving the world, but you can do good in the world instead of just whatever pays the bills. You can do both, too. If you work for a non-profit that helps environmental causes, you could play a small role in helping the planet. If you work for a local food back, you would do your part in helping the less fortunate who are going to be the first victims when the world keeps getting worse. Anyway, all that to say you can play a small part.
You mentioned you are unemployed. I went through several lengthy unemployment stints in my life so far. It sucks. Probably the worst time of my life to be honest. I prefer to work a job I dislike than to be stuck in the constant grind to find work. It is so demoralizing. What got me through the last such period was volunteering. One, it gives you a sense of purpose. Two, it does not take up 8 hours a day 5 days a week, so you still have plenty of time to apply to jobs. Three, it may help you land a job because you meet people and you never know where the next opportunity comes from.
Just my 2 cents!
Self preservation keeps me going despite those same thoughts. I fully intend to live to see if this situation gets better or not, and for me to live I need to get a job and do it well enough for someone to pay me the amount I need to live.
That's what got me through college, and what keeps getting me through working a boring desk job, pick a thing, do it well, someone pays me money, I get to live.
I'm sorry to hear. Please look after yourself! The world and the however many billion of us in it have a huge momentum and it is unfortunate, but you have to put yourself first. If you're healthy and stable then worry about larger things.
Still here, just been lurking and haven't wanted to participate. Life sucks so much so that it's to the point that I'm so mentally unwell that I couldn't even show up to a close family member's wedding. Everything is a struggle.
I was thinking about you the other day while sitting in a therapy session that felt a lot like platonic prostitution.
I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well. Miss you around here, but I get why you need a break. Thought of you when I saw this today, hope it was your backyard.
I've been feeling like an outsider lately too. It's a feeling that comes and goes for me, though, like a quiet rage inside of me that just sparks up like an old memory now and again. It's because I'm having a lot of really terrible thoughts that I can't share with anyone, it creates a distance between me and the rest of the world. I know I can just wait it out and the thoughts will stop, but going through it is tough, and anything I try to do to rush it along makes it worse, like a clogged drain.
My former therapist is on a long term medical leave of absence, so I've been looking for new therapists. I made a few appointments that went poorly, so it's been a discouraging experience. Struggling to muster the motivation to keep looking.
Off-topic: you have chosen a fantastic screenmane.
Thanks! :)
Bad start to the month unfortunately. From my post from last month, I'm currently trying to leave my company due to a re-org in June changing my day-to-day significantly enough to have a serious negative effect on my mental health. Unfortunately, all the big companies I applied to and had a few interviews with have all rejected me. It's not hard to feel a bit discouraged by these rejections, especially since a few of these companies I had friends refer me and I feel like I failed them and myself. I was fairly confident in my interviews but I guess I didn't articulate myself well enough. I've applied to a few more (and have one more referral I'm waiting on a response to) so hopefully I can land something.
Long read; need a place to just articulate my thoughts - dont expect any advice or feedback so feel free to mark as noise.
Have been working on myself and my deep seated childhood issues, and made an unlikely connection along the way.
They've been with me for around a year and a half now; we slowly built a calming and respectful friendship built on dog walking, sharing culture, and body weight fitness (I'm calisthenics focused and they are pole fitness). 7 months in, they ask if there is any romantic feelings from my side; their ADHD means they arent really sure and dont know how not to ask, so just asked. They respected my autonomy and said they weren't expecting a specific answer either way. We discuss it and i explain relationships are off the table for me whilst i work on myself, however I'd be happy to wind things back if there were feelings from their side and it was detrimental to their health to maintain what we have - i wouldnt be offended. The appreciated my honesty and we had a good, level conversation about things. Gratitude, respect and admiration from both sides.
Build more of a relationship; motorspots, alt clothing (techware and industrial emo), and music. 4 months later, they ask me again if i've thought about what they said in November. I explain that I'm still not in a good enough place - intense fear of commitment due to fear around abandonment and "doing the right thing" stemming from one narcissistic parent's partner and a heavy handed other parent- but I am honest and say I have thought about it. I ask them where they're at, and they said probably the same place, but still open to the idea if it came to it. They highlight the importance of being comfortable in ones self before inviting others in, and this is something I'm working on too, so I enthusiatically agree and thank them for sharing that. I remind them that they're under no obligation to wait for me, and if they wanted to start dating again I had no power to stop them; i'd deal with it. They share they're not looking for anything, and are enjoying the slow burn, so theres nothing they want to change.
More of a relationship builds, and we start having more honest discussions; what we want for the future, what we expect out of future relationships. I share I feel im almost ready but this inner child work is chaos on my mental health and I'm struggling. They support me and share they're not interested in dating outwardly; it scares them, they arent looking, and they were not looking for me. They're still enjoying the slow burn and unlearning some old wiring and trauma through a positive, understanding, low pressure friendship, and think we'd be a very good couple. I agree, and thank them for their patience.
Beginning of last month, they plan and book holiday for my birthday this month. I panic because I dont think i deserve it and cant afford my half; they reassure me that they want nothing in return, just my acceptance. If it made it easier for me, they suggest i cover the food costs to "balance" things out. I accept and start to feel better about it. They then start to feel off about it, because of previous bad experiences with family and ex partners. I reassure them and explain that its 0 pressure, we dont have to go, and if we do, we can take our own entertainment and co-exist with the dogs or find our own quiet corner and just exist independantly. This seems to reassure them and we enthusiastically plan other things. They lead with setting boundaries; physical affection, flirting, etc. I allow them to do this and accept it to begin with, but as it becomes more comfortable I reciprocate and the fears and old wiring i have start to ebb and flow in their intensity.
The week before last, they inform me that they're taking some time to work on themselves because they realise they are being inauthentic and performative and are going to be low contact. They also request they go on the holiday solo. Inner child panic sets in and starts screaming, and i default to problem solving and reassurance, instead of voicing just how much the 180 in their approach has upset me. Not the fact the holiday plans changed, the fact they set up a boundary and withdrew from me completely. Explain "I understand" and that its good that the self help book they're reading has made them realise they want to improve themselves to such an extent - they say they want to channel all their energy inwards to heal themselves and need the space to do it.
Have a week of no contact, and then they reach out to return clothing. I tell them thats fine and use the opportunity to clarify if this is the end of our story. They explain they thought i didnt want to be friends anymore because they'd upset me with the change of plans. Explain that wasnt the case and I'd be willing to maintain the friendship if they had the capacity. They were surprised and explained we can catch up after their trip, because perhaps we will both be in a better place. Small talk that feels like nothing has changed takes place (training and conditioning), and then back to silence.
I follow up the next day and ask them if they'd be open to clarifying new boundaries, based on the development they're making from the guidance in their book. I also reiterate i appreciate them and want to maintain the friendship, but the 180 in contact hurt me deep and my inner child - that i've been actively working on - is running rampant. They respond, calm and measured, saying they appreciated the vulnerability but cant respond in the right kind of way currently because they're directing their energy inwards. They'll reach out when they're back from their trip.
I see my parent with the narcissitic partner the following day, and unleash the inner child on them. I feel bad, but this parent knew what was happening and chose to "keep the peace" which meant asking me as a child to apologise to the person that caused me pain, instead of the other way around. We hug in a way i've not had since i was a kid. They dont apologise. They ask me what im going to do, and i share that i dont really know. I then remember the name of the book the friend was reading, and decide to buy it and read it myself to at least try and understand what is happening if i cant understand why.
I buy the book - the parent pays for it, perhaps as an apology. I feel strange about reading a self help book I'm very clearly not the target audience of, and it feels almost manipulative to know what the withdrawn friend knows. But after speaking to some friends, they all pointed out that it doesnt seem the friend considered how their actions have ripples that affect those who care about them in different ways. I get halfway through the book and realise its just Stoicism, sprinked in radical feminism, filtered through AI to make it as digestible as possible. Its fine? The majority of the exercises and work didnt apply to me, but the section on inner child was what i needed. I made around 20 pages of notes on things that applied to me, and i also considered each of the exercises from the friends perspective too - I understand what they're doing now, just not why. I've read the book in 2 days. Today is day three of knowing how to self soothe my inner child, self parent, promote self love. The irony being, I feel in a good enough place to entertain a relationship; my inner child doesnt scream and throw up the walls anymore. I feel good. I dont have the person that i want to share this goodness with around me at the minute, but I might eventually.
The main thing now, is if they come back, I can apologise if they felt they were made to feel like an option, an "almost" (as described in the book). It truly wasnt my intention - I wanted to be the best version of myself for them, but healing isnt linear and i didnt know how long it would take. That's why i tried to be as honest and open as possible with things. And they appeared to accept that. They might meet my apology with scepticism - the book states "you are the director in your movie - not the side character. Decide whos worthy of your time and let them perform for you" and you know what, I'm ok with that too.
I'm starting to know my worth and my issues were not my fault, and I'm not broken for feeling the way i did. My inner child knew no better, and now I know how to parent and soothe it, if the friend leaves or they do come back, my inner child knows I'm here regardless and will never be alone and questioning again.
Thank you for reading this if you did - i apologise for rambling but consistent, restful sleep has escaped me for the past 2 weeks.
Edits; grammar and spelling.
Thank you for sharing this. It was very interesting to me to see the interplay of two friends each working on themselves and being very transparent about that with each other, and navigating that through the context of a friendship. I want to know what happens next! Please share more if you feel inclined when your friend is back from their trip. I hope you stay friends, but I guess it’s mostly up to them at this point.
On the topic of picking up the book they were reading, I found myself buying a copy of a self help book I liked and sending it to a family member because I thought they would find it beneficial and we might even bond over it. It didn’t work out that way. I think they needed to be more open minded but perhaps I’m wrong. But at the same time I hoped they may clue in about some of the things I feel but haven’t articulated in a straightforward manner. Not sure they did that either. But in your case I think it helped you see where your friend is coming from, so that’s good.
By the way I have dogs and I thought it was cool dog walks brought you closer.
Thank you for taking the time to write out a reply!
I will share updates if things progress, however I dont think I'll be likely to hear from them until the end of this month. My gut feeling is they will want to walk away from all this, or they'll come back with caveats. Either option is fine, and is an opportunity for me to learn at this point. The reality is I really do enjoy their company on a platonic level - we're both very alike and very polarised at the same time, and the balance we provide each other seems to be very complimentary, or so i thought.
I'm sorry to hear your relative didnt receive your book recommendation well. Its learning for you though, and at the very least it can help you recalibrate your understanding of who might be receptive to those kinds of gestures in future, both in terms of family and those outside of that. I'd be interested in taking a look at the book if you wouldn't mind sharing? I've returned to my copy of Epictetus's Discourses translated by Robin Hard, and its a pretty tough read so anything that can make chugging through each discourse would be appreciated.
Lastly, yes, it was quite a timely thing honestly - the friend had recently adopted an abandoned puppy, that appeared to be some sort of Staffordshire Bull Terrier and Pit Bull mix. They were trying to get him (A) socialised but most people were reluctant because of his appearance. My dog is an ex-racing greyhound, found as a stray in Ireland and then brought over to the UK. She (Flo) is a cat in dog form, and can come across as a little aloof, but was actually really helpful in getting him to approach cautiously and calmly because she didnt directly engage with him until there was food around or a specific reason to. "A" is over a year old now, and he's a little boistrous, but I cant imagine how much worse he'd be if he didnt have Flo's calm - read unbothered! - attitude as guidance in the early days. The friends other dogs, a full staffie and a Mini Schnauzer, give him other guidance; the staffie loves to play and the Schnauzer is an old dog who teaches him manners. The Staffie is not fond of Flo though (both female so maybe a territorial thing), however the Schnauzer warmed to her and would regularly rest next to her. I'm going to miss them if things dont work out.
Give your dogs a treat and a pet from me, and I hope you have a good day my friend.
Thanks for painting the picture of the dogs. That's really nice, and a great way to get the puppy socialized and exposed to different dogs. I kind of want a greyhound or a whippet one day, but my spouse does agility with the dogs, and I don't think she'd be up for it. That, and we only just got a border collie 6 months ago, so no new dogs for a long time. I can tell you more about the rest of them separately or I'll ramble on. Maybe I'll find that recurring pet thread haha.
The book I was mentioning is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. If you look it up, don't let the tag line influence you too much. It sounds a bit aggressive, but it's not quite so. I found it resonated with me, the whole "nice guy syndrome". The book does not try to teach you how not to be nice, rather, it helps those who are "TOO nice" and who think that their being nice automatically should bring about a rewarding life. "I'm so nice, so the world owes me x, y, z." An example of what resonated with me a lot was the concept of "invisible contracts". I'd do something nice for someone, and while I don't outwardly signal that I expect something nice in return, at some point in the future, if I need something and they don't reciprocate, I get upset/sad/disappointing. While there is some give-and-take to life, the "nice guy" takes these things to an extreme and feels like the victim when others "fail to recognize all the good he's done". The solution would be dong nice things from a place of kindness, truly not expecting anything in return. Not sure I'm doing this justice, and it may not be for everyone. Most of the book resonated with me, thought there were some parts where I felt I'm not quite as extreme a case as some examples in the book portray. The book helped me identify why I am how I am and gave me some tools to work with. Did I make major changes in life? Did I follow all the advice? No, but I'm introspective enough to pick a handful of solid ideas and those did help me tweak some aspects of my attitude towards others, my spouse, my parents. I think the book helps one gain confidence in one's self, especially for those who feel like they are "too nice" and the world doesn't seem to notice. Re-calibrating that compass in itself felt useful to me.
I'll be sure to give the dogs a treat and a pet once I get home today. Likewise!
Honestly, a whippet or a grey owned from birth will be athletic enough to keep up with any sort of agility, but if its a rescue, they're couch potatoes. Both rescues I've known of have been ex racers, yet the Italian Grey i know has been homed from birth and has so much energy its a little alarming! Happy to listen to you talk about your dogs though - feel free to drop a dm if you want. I'll also keep an eye out on the pet thread, and post pictures of Flo and A in the next one if i catch it!
I think i'll grab a copy of that this week; by your description and some light googling it seems to be what the book myself and the friend read should have been. The book we read, "Unbothered; The art of letting go to find yourself" by Margarita Nazarenko, was perhaps a little too close to the line on the control aspect of things. Granted, her history in the TV and Modelling industries probably has something to do with that, but based on the reading i've done for the book you've recommended, that is a bit more neutral and focused on how passivity manifests in men and how to undo that. Others have also mentioned it ties in quite nicely with some of the stuff Brene Brown talks about with regards to "choosing discomfort over resentment". Thank you for the suggestion - i'll try to remember to reach out once i've read it, as the "invisible contracts" angle you've mentioned is something I've had an awareness of but no real understanding of how to undo. This also probably stems from the narcissistic step parent and their abuse....
Funny you mentioned Brene Brown. I have just picked up Dare to Lead in an effort to start getting a bit informed on leadership. It's something I think I might start pursuing in my career. Early impressions are that some of her advice already sound like "common sense" to me, so that is reassuring. Other parts of the book so far were surprising. She mentioned addiction at one point which I was not expecting to hear about in a leadership book. Always a topic of interest to me as a former drinker (sober for 8 years), but ongoing tendency to get hooked on things (all in or not at all) - striving for more balance is a long term goal and always a wor in progress for me. This is in audio format, so now I want to rewind the whole thing and actually take notes.
I'll look up Margarita Nazarenko. Haven't heard of her yet.
Its funny how things like that work! Everything seems to be connected!
I should look into Brene's online content as it's been recommended to me before, by the withdrawn friend actually. Congrats on the sobriety though, thats genuinely an awesome achievement and you should be proud of that! I can't get into audio-books personally, so ill likely end up watching or reading her stuff.
I prefer reading, but have gotten into the audio option a little bit since starting this current job and dealing with about 1.5 hours in the car 3-4 times a week.
Thank you, I am pretty proud of that! One of the best decisions I made, and quite hard at first, but eye opening on multiple levels. Helped me know myself and taught me things I still use and teach to others if asked or when appropriate.
Shit. Only just holding it together.
I was made redundant a few days ago, first time since starting working at 16 (I'm almost 50) that I have no employment. Prospects are sparse.
I knew the people I worked for were ruthless, I never believed they were this heartless. This situation arose from their mismanagement and arrogance. I'm the fall guy.
Still, I know I shouldn't, but I feel like a failure.
Shit sucks.
I wrote a big wall of text for the old thread yesterday in the heat of the moment, knowing that it'd be better to let those thoughts marinate a bit and rewrite for the new thread.
Okay, I wrote it out again and realized my emotions have gotten worse and not better overnight. I cried a bit and erased it to rewrite.
In short, I still feel a lot of things about a breakup that is now 10 months old. I don't like that these emotions are shifting in tone to that of anger. A lot of my therapy sessions have focused on moving away from feelings of shame and not being enough, and I still struggle with that too. Anger doesn't help, at all, and just makes me dwell on things more. I'm still finding things that I hope I can actually enjoy instead of simply distract myself from, like volunteering to clean out kennels at the local animal shelter and indoor bouldering and regular walks.
All things considered, I'm doing fine - I'm employed, work remotely, and my classes are starting to continue the undergrad I dropped out of over a decade ago. I think I just feel particularly unhappy because none of these things that fill up my schedule really come close to sparking joy. In the case of work, I'm actively slipping and I think the only reason I don't receive as much scrutiny as I could is because there just aren't people with the same level of expertise on this niche platform in the team. But even if I'm not getting in trouble, it just... doesn't feel good to know that I'm doing 20% of the work I could be putting out, because I'm spending hours of the day just feeling upset about life.
I hear you on the work front. I’m pretty uninspired these days myself. Similar to you, I’m in a role where nobody else is doing the work I am, and with some restructuring and people leaving it’s a case of “they don’t know what they don’t know”. I don’t think anyone’s left who knows exactly what I do, but I do enough critical things that they know it’s important that I continue doing it. In the meanwhile I worked from home today and basically played PS5 for 80% of the day. I’m kinda waiting for the day someone will catch on but it hasn’t happened yet. Mind you not all days are like this. There are busy times. But when things are slow they are REALLY slow. I miss feeling that spark at work. I am trying to find another role, internally. I don’t want to deal with job hunting in the age of AI so I think I’ll ride it out here for as long as I can.
I quit my job over a year ago. I thought I would find more fulfilment in a different but related field, but its been a struggle to get my foot in the door without direct experience. I largely have given up on searching, I have one application pending right now but Im not holding my breath on that. Outside of that I dont really have anything else going on in terms of hobbies or friendships or anything, so my life has largely stagnated.
In some ways its the happiest Ive ever been, cutting myself off from everything has showed me there was really nothing in my life I actually cared much about to begin with. Its kind of nice to stop pretending.
But this also isnt sustainable, unless I plan on continuing to mooch off my parents for the rest of my life.
I am currently going through an extremely painful transition period, I was recently diagnosed with an incurable and deeply life-altering autoimmune disease, and everything I had planned for the future seems so much farther away than it once did. I'm having a lot of trouble not feeling too hopeless about it, especially with the constant management of this condition being a consistent reminder that makes even small reprieves hard to find.
I have also historically had a lot of trouble believing that I am as worthwhile or deserving as others, so actually being 'needy' in a not-imagined way is very challenging as well. This goes double when I look at it through a lens of dating more, which has been a recent goal of mine (though without much success thus far).
I will say though, the outpouring of support from those in my life has been pretty incredible. I am both humbled and incredibly grateful for the people I'm close to, and I'm truly not sure I could have survived this past couple months without their help.
That's a horrible situation to be in, and a shocking diagnosis.
I don't know your condition or what options the health care system in your country provides, but I can say from my own experience that "incurable and deeply life-altering" is not the same thing as untreatable or unmanageable. It's hard to see hope when you've been disabled, in pain, and dealing with freshly devastating news.
I've been coping with a couple of autoimmune diagnoses for eight years, and the medication options are improving constantly (and thankfully getting cheaper). With current treatments, I'm living a relatively normal life with minimal disabilities. I've seen a friend who was wheelchair-bound for years able to get up and take care of activities of daily living again.
One thing that's the product of newer research and just beginning to penetrate the rheumatology/immunology/psychiatry practices is the impact of immune dysfunction on mental health. The mind/body dichotomy is a linguistic and philosophical delusion - your thinking meat is part of the same stew of cytokines and macrophages as every other organ. Despair, exhaustion, irritability, brain fog, fearfulness, increased sensitivity to pain - these mental health symptoms accompany autoimmune diseases and are effectively the same "sickness behavior" syndrome that helps protect you by limiting your activities when you have an infectious disease. It's important and helpful to recognize that this isn't a moral or cognitive failure on your part, something you can just overcome by force of will and more therapy. As I got more and more effective treatments for the autoimmune inflammation, I noticed that my mood improved drastically, and I'm hoping you'll find the same.
The transition to being the "needy" one isn't easy, especially if you've spent your life being the capable person who's more attuned to others' needs than their own. We're often encouraged to do this for our jobs (thanks, capitalism!) and families, and mostly we get away with some degree of self-neglect and self-abuse. I'm sorry to say that you'll likely find the safety margin on ignoring your own needs has now disappeared. Nonetheless, you don't need to justify your existence by always giving more than you get back. It's OK to need help, and welcome to the very substantial group of humans who aren't as able, through infirmity or age, that we all join eventually.
You do what you can. It may be less than you desire, and it will remain difficult to resist comparing your present ability to what you used to do without thinking or complaint.
You didn't ask for advice, but I have a few generic tips that apply to chronic condition management:
Keep a daily symptom log. I use Guava on Android, which also has medical record links. It's immensely helpful to watch trends in your condition and have evidence for your health providers if a treatment isn't working well enough, or you're experiencing side effects that you're not paying enough attention to. Some medications take weeks to be effective, and it's nice to see confirmation of improvement as well.
You need exercise, but have to change your approach to be very experimental and gentle with yourself. No more gutting it through pain, or working out to utter exhaustion. Depending on your condition, exercise can throw off more immune system triggers and make things worse; use the daily log to guide you and see if you've gotten drastically more symptomatic the day after. I manage with super-heavy, super-slow weightlifting (fewer reps), swimming, and walking, but YMMV.
Follow your doctors' advice, but be an interactive patient. It's easy to be intimidated or actively bullied by a hurried provider. Interrupt, correct first impressions as needed, and voice concerns. If you can, review the medical record of your visit and e-mail with corrections (especially important with AI transcription).
Don't resist taking medications when and as recommended. Many of them come with long, terrifying side effect lists. Most of the scary effects are very rare and your doctor knows what to do to prevent or treat them. At the same time, communicate with your doctor as soon as you have the least inkling something isn't right - it can be hard to know what's a "tolerable" side effect that will diminish with time, or might get worse.
You'll receive a ton of advice from family, strangers, nutritionists, supplement and quack medicine peddlers, disease-related Internet forums, fellow sufferers, etc. It's human nature to search for sources of hope, and I know I have a personal bias to Try Things™️. Don't do anything without talking to your doctor.
If your doctor doesn't provide timely response to phone calls/e-mail, doesn't take concerns seriously that impact your quality of life (pain management, mobility, side effects, etc.), doesn't explain recommended medications/diagnostics/procedures, or doesn't refer to other providers as needed (physical therapy, etc.), don't hesitate to look for another provider.
This is a very kind and helpful response, thank you for the empathy and the grace that I'm struggling to afford myself. Your suggestions are good ones, and I'll definitely be incorporating them as I can - particularly one about exercise, as I've lost the majority of my muscle in the down-spiral leading to diagnosis. I want nothing more than to frantically start regaining it all, but I know it would be a mistake to go full-throttle now.
Regarding healthcare, I am thankfully quite privileged to have made it past my early career and into a place where I have decent insurance and can still continue my work without being impacted too much by my new limitations. Having that semblance of normalcy and routine to cling to has been instrumental to my mental health this past little bit. Additionally, you're quite right that medicine is pretty incredible these days, and things would certainly be far less tolerable for me right now if that weren't so. I have much to be thankful for.
The level of empathy I continue to receive is awe-inspiring to me. I think a part of the reason I've historically been so hard on myself is that I believed others might be worse if I didn't beat them to it, and I have been thoroughly proven wrong on that count.
I'll also caution that the ability to continue working without much impairment, while providing a comforting semblance of Life Before, can become a trap. If you now have to ration your energies, don't let yourself always put work first and then give the rest of your life the diminished leftovers. I say this as a recovering-and-relapsing workaholic Stakhanovite, who derives an excessive amount of life's meaning from labor for others and devotion to craft. You may not be prone to this, but I hear the fear of dependency you've expressed and it resonates with my experience.
That's a great callout, and I am absolutely prone to this (and have spent much of my life thus far not really living). I definitely regret that now, as the flexibility I had back then now feels squandered in a way.
I don't plan on making the same mistakes going forward. I've been in a headspace of far increased risk tolerance the last couple weeks, and within reasonable limits I plan to maintain that deliberately. Just yesterday I asked someone out who I had been vaguely considering for 2+ years without having the nerve to ask!
Who knows, maybe this can be the very costly wake-up call I needed in certain ways.
Hi, it's me again. This month has been a lot. I'm honestly not sure how to format this or what to write about, but I'll try.
I started therapy! Hurray! So far it's been great, I like the person, I'm keen to go back and I can see some really useful conversations on the horizon.
My Norwegian language course started and it's uh, more intense than I expected. It's 6 weeks, 2 classes a week and 3 hours a class. With homework. I think it's good for me, I feel like I'm learning, but it's a huge chunk of my time and energy I wasn't quite expecting to lose. That plus it runs right up to my holiday to Thailand in October (which I am very excited about) means no break. Then on top of that my work are talking about flying me over to another office the week after my holiday. So it's going to be exhausting for quite a long time, with no real structure.
Speaking of structure, I am getting more and more upset that I have none. Every week for me looks different and I am flying by the seat of my pants. Stuff goes in my personal calendar last minute, I have to adjust meals and sleep to make appointments or see friends. It's driving me crazy. The thought that I won't get any chance to normalise this until NOVEMBER is killing me.
On the good side, my friends group continues to be excellent. I try my best to make time to see them over other stuff and I feel like it pays off. I feel a little bad because I've not had time to see everyone as much as I want, but I think they understand!
I have not got a chance to exercise anywhere near as much as I want to, I just don't have time! And when I do have a few hours I need that time to recharge. I've been yearning to go swimming, but it just doesn't work out. Instead I've been trying to do some basic workout routine stuff, even a YouTube video routine in the morning just to stretch and get the heart going. It helps but it's not much fun.
My psychiatrist had me try new medication, obviously as I am trialling ADHD meds. It took me 2 weeks to realise this stuff didn't really work very well. The effects just weren't strong enough and I was both anxious and unable to start/finish a lot of tasks. So I ended up back on the original stuff with an earlier meeting to discuss next steps. I'm still intentionally avoiding too much detail because I want to post a whole retrospective on this topic at a later date.
Not long after the last post I was feeling really great about myself (I've been going through highs and lows honestly, and they are very much warranted) I made a dating app account on one of the apps then made it extremely clear I was not ready for a long term, romantic relationship. And uh, I got more matches than I expected. I turned it off pretty quickly then ended up talking to around 5 people at once. Which was completely overwhelming. I was also completely unable to filter any of those people simply through text. I've been slowly meeting them one by one in moments I have time and energy.
I've had a really nice time meeting these people, having some light, flirty energy and no expectations. Most have fallen off (thank god) leaving 2 I am actually actively talking to. I like them as people, I could see us being friends! I do admit I completely misplayed the timing with the language course. If I had thought about it then I would have put it off, but hey, we all make mistakes.
I suspect I won't turn the apps on for a while now. November lol. I kinda like the idea that I can turn it on, get some matches, turn it off then focus on a few people. I hated having the apps on every day, swiping and scrolling, getting the crappy notifications and hoping for a "good match". So it feels healthier at least.
In the background I've had family drama stuff bubbling up more and more. Kinda worried it comes to something and becomes a bigger thing. I'm trying not to think about it, because it's technically "not my problem" and I have so much shit going on here I can't focus on it anyway, but it still comes up and affects me.
All in all, I think things are good. It's extremely stressful, busy and I have so much shit to work through it's unreal. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I am taking one step at a time, even if they are wobbly.
A short one from my end. Since last Monday, I resumed my morning exercise routine, and one week in I am yet again reminded how closely health-dot-mental it tied to health-dot-physical. Major improvement in mood. Nothing external changed in a week, but my own capacity to deal with things in a way that they don't feel overwhelming or blown out of proportions increased. Not sure what it is. All those juicy good chemicals from working out? Anyway it creates a positive domino effect. Morning exercise means I have to wake up earlier, means I have to set my alarm for 5:30, means I exercise and feel better even before heading to the office, I get there earlier, I leave earlier, hit that check-mark on my fitness app that's a little pat on the back, means better sleep at night, and a desire to make sure I eat well to feed my muscles good quality nutrients. Week 2 after about a 4-6 week lazy stint. Hope to keep it up!
Asking for advice from any Tilders who've had to deal with hypomania - what are your management strategies, if any beyond "stay medicated"?
Warning - health rant incoming
For the past six weeks, I've been stuck in insurance prior authorization hell over the biologic drug that keeps me functional, and haven't had a dose in three weeks. Biologics aren't cures, they just interrupt the inflammatory cascade from the underlying autoimmunity. What they don't tell you is that if you cease using a biologic drug, you're likely to have a flare that's as bad as anything you've ever experienced.So after a week of increasing pain, depression, and mobility problems, I broke down and got back on prednisone. Prednisone is the worst miracle drug. [Tip for /u/atkion - insurance companies love to see you on prednisone, a $7 drug in place of one that costs thousands, despite the serious harm it can cause.] I'm mostly free from pain and can move again. But prednisone has neuropsychiatric side effects in a substantial fraction of users, in addition to the unpleasant-to-dangerous physical ones.
This time around I've been verging on hypomania. Insomniac, irritable, unfocused, twitchy like a massive caffeine overdose. I've spent too much money, driven far too fast and aggressively, had an appallingly short-tempered interaction with someone at work, embarrassed myself by being nearly incoherent about something that I'm theoretically expert in...
Being this wired up is completely new to me. My rheumatologist is now part of a health system that's absolutely terrible at communications. It's black box-warning dangerous to just stop taking the prednisone; cessation requires a weeks-long dosage taper.
It's the busiest part of the year, I've got some very demanding travel coming up, and I'm terrified that I can't trust my own judgment. I don't know how much I'm pushing the line between "I can manage this" and "I'm going 'til I break just so I get to stop."