41 votes

This was a really weird two weeks for me. I'm in my early 20's and just learned that I'm transgender.

So I was just browsing reddit absentmindedly, and I came across a subreddit called /r/egg_irl, which apparently is a subreddit for memes about transgender people who don't know they're transgender yet. I browsed it for a bit and related to most of the memes.

Over the past few days since then, I've been doing some research and soul searching now I'm pretty sure I'm a girl on the inside. I should probably schedule an appointment with a therapist or something.

Edit: Sorry for posting this thread then kinda ditching it for a few days. I was still kind of nervous to admit it anywhere but in my head and kind of chickened out on viewing the responses for a while. I know I don't know any of you but the kind words really mean a lot. Thank you.

36 comments

  1. [4]
    hackergal
    Link
    OP here: I just regestered this username cuz fuck it.

    OP here: I just regestered this username cuz fuck it.

    28 votes
    1. Algernon_Asimov
      Link Parent
      You could check with @Deimos and ask whether he'll change your original username for you (if you don't want to lose your posting history). Paging @hackerman in case you check that account first.

      You could check with @Deimos and ask whether he'll change your original username for you (if you don't want to lose your posting history).

      Paging @hackerman in case you check that account first.

      16 votes
    2. [2]
      cos
      Link Parent
      Hi, hackergal! How are you? :D

      Hi, hackergal! How are you? :D

      4 votes
      1. hackergal
        Link Parent
        I'm feeling all sorts of things right now. I'm happy I learned this about myself though so I guess I'm alright for now :^)

        I'm feeling all sorts of things right now. I'm happy I learned this about myself though so I guess I'm alright for now :^)

        6 votes
  2. CALICO
    Link
    Questioning can be a wild time. How you handle this is all up to you, and you don't need to conform to anything you don't want to. A therapist might be a good idea, especially if you can find one...

    Questioning can be a wild time. How you handle this is all up to you, and you don't need to conform to anything you don't want to. A therapist might be a good idea, especially if you can find one you jive with who specializes in this sort of thing. If nothing else you will surely learn some things about yourself.

    Follow your bliss, my friend.

    19 votes
  3. [3]
    Silbern
    Link
    If you don't mind me asking, what's being a transgender person without knowing it like?

    If you don't mind me asking, what's being a transgender person without knowing it like?

    11 votes
    1. [2]
      Comment deleted by author
      Link Parent
      1. ChelsInMotion
        Link Parent
        That analogy was really fucking spot on lol

        That analogy was really fucking spot on lol

        6 votes
    2. pamymaf
      Link Parent
      I have the extra step of being nonbinary, not a man or woman. As a kid, I got along better with boys than girls, but I always felt 'different' than them. Like I was just a guest in their area. But...

      I have the extra step of being nonbinary, not a man or woman.

      As a kid, I got along better with boys than girls, but I always felt 'different' than them. Like I was just a guest in their area. But it was better than feeling like a complete outsider hanging around girls. I had camo curtains in my room and would tell everyone I hated pink. But I also hated being mistooken as a boy. At puberty I watched my chest grow and would be very alarmed when I saw it. I would bounce between wearing baggy clothes to hide my chest and wearing girly clothes to try and make myself face the lumps on my chest. Every girl that I made friends with treated me like a girl, and I couldn't handle it. But every boy I made friends with either treated me like 'one of the guys' or a silly girl. I would have weird daydreams of cutting off my breasts and running away. When I first heard of transgender men taking testosterone to transition, I had the thought "Man, I wish I could do that. Shame I'm not a trans man..."

      A way that I described dysphoria to a friend (it's not perfect, but it got the general idea across):

      Imagine you wake up one day and somebody says "Ahhh, it's a perfect day! The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and the sky is a lovely shade of magenta." You get confused, because the sky is blue, right? You argue with this person. The sky is normally blue, not magenta. All of your memories and thoughts of the sky revolve around it being blue. But the person takes you to a window, and the sky is indeed bright magenta. You start questioning everything you know, and your brain gets confused at the dissonance. As you go throughout your day you're acutely aware that everything says the sky is magenta. Paintings have magenta skies, people comment on how nice the magenta sky is. How could you ever think the sky is blue? You go home at the end of the day and dig out a drawing you made when you were young and there's a bright blue sky. Just how you always saw it.

      12 votes
  4. [10]
    Nmg
    Link
    OP, you don't need to be one thing or the other. You can just be yourself. Don't let memes dictate how you feel...

    OP, you don't need to be one thing or the other. You can just be yourself. Don't let memes dictate how you feel...

    11 votes
    1. [2]
      spit-evil-olive-tips
      Link Parent
      Well...OP shouldn't feel any obligation to categorize or label themself. But if they want to use a label, there's nothing wrong with that either. To borrow a phrase - if the shoe fits, wear it,...

      Well...OP shouldn't feel any obligation to categorize or label themself. But if they want to use a label, there's nothing wrong with that either.

      To borrow a phrase - if the shoe fits, wear it, but it's also fine to go barefoot.

      16 votes
      1. Nmg
        Link Parent
        I think that might work with parts of the human identity that are fluid, I.e. profession, hobbies, but I feel that gender identity tends to be "sticky" and is difficult for others to accomadate if...

        I think that might work with parts of the human identity that are fluid, I.e. profession, hobbies, but I feel that gender identity tends to be "sticky" and is difficult for others to accomadate if it rapidly changes.

        Let's say, tomorrow OP tells their family that their identity is that of a woman, and next week, they have a revelation and determine that they no longer feel that way. It might be difficult for those around OP to keep up.

        2 votes
    2. [6]
      zaluzianskya
      Link Parent
      This is incredibly dismissive. OP never said that memes were the only thing that helped her realize who she is. A soul-searching impetus can seem really small and insignificant to everyone but the...

      This is incredibly dismissive. OP never said that memes were the only thing that helped her realize who she is. A soul-searching impetus can seem really small and insignificant to everyone but the person who's making the realization; she knows her mind better than anyone.

      12 votes
      1. [5]
        Nmg
        Link Parent
        I agree that OP knows their own mind better than anyone. That being said, if I was OP, would be cautious to jump to any conclusions if one day I feel no gender dysphoria and the next day I relate...

        I agree that OP knows their own mind better than anyone.

        That being said, if I was OP, would be cautious to jump to any conclusions if one day I feel no gender dysphoria and the next day I relate to transgender memes.

        I am not terribly experienced with transgender issues, but I think with issues of importance in any case, it is often important not to jump to conclusions.

        3 votes
        1. [4]
          clerical_terrors
          Link Parent
          Admittedly I am not an expert either, but what I have learned from talking to transgender people both on and offline is that these conclusions are not as quickly jumped to as you might believe....

          I am not terribly experienced with transgender issues, but I think with issues of importance in any case, it is often important not to jump to conclusions.

          Admittedly I am not an expert either, but what I have learned from talking to transgender people both on and offline is that these conclusions are not as quickly jumped to as you might believe. 'Being trans' is not something you do easily or without trouble, it's not a confession you make without thinking it over three or thirty times. It carries with it so much insecurity, so much uncertainty, that by the time a leap is taken people are often fairly sure.

          In fact the whole reason the half-joke of "eggs" exists is because so many people keep these feelings bottled up for years on end, never daring to believe themselves to be actually trans.

          8 votes
          1. [3]
            pamymaf
            Link Parent
            Ding ding ding! As a trans person, this is entirely it. It's like having a sudden breakthrough and suddenly everything makes sense. While it can seem really sudden to outsiders, it's more like a...

            In fact the whole reason the half-joke of "eggs" exists is because so many people keep these feelings bottled up for years on end, never daring to believe themselves to be actually trans.

            Ding ding ding! As a trans person, this is entirely it. It's like having a sudden breakthrough and suddenly everything makes sense. While it can seem really sudden to outsiders, it's more like a pressure bomb just exploded. Too much pressure built up in the egg and it bursts.

            11 votes
            1. hackergal
              Link Parent
              Yeah this is pretty much exactly what happened to me.

              Yeah this is pretty much exactly what happened to me.

              5 votes
            2. Nmg
              Link Parent
              Thanks for explaining it, I think I understand the trans perspective better now.

              Thanks for explaining it, I think I understand the trans perspective better now.

              4 votes
    3. hackergal
      Link Parent
      It's not that they dictated how I felt. It's more that I found a place dedicated to calling out the specific brand of cognitive dissonance that I had, which was the kick in the ass I needed to...

      It's not that they dictated how I felt. It's more that I found a place dedicated to calling out the specific brand of cognitive dissonance that I had, which was the kick in the ass I needed to realize "holy shit I'm transgender."

      5 votes
  5. [8]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. [3]
      Algernon_Asimov
      Link Parent
      OP says she's already in her early 20s; it's not like she's in the early stages of puberty. Wouldn't that window of opportunity already have passed? I'm not saying it's too late for her to start...

      since testosterone causes many irreversible or difficult to reverse changes.

      OP says she's already in her early 20s; it's not like she's in the early stages of puberty. Wouldn't that window of opportunity already have passed? I'm not saying it's too late for her to start transitioning - it's never too late - but it might be too late for her to avoid the effects of testosterone.

      2 votes
      1. pamymaf
        Link Parent
        While I agree on the most part (voice lowering and body/facial hair has probably already set, sadly), she can still help stop any male pattern baldness that runs in the family.

        While I agree on the most part (voice lowering and body/facial hair has probably already set, sadly), she can still help stop any male pattern baldness that runs in the family.

        2 votes
      2. StellarV
        Link Parent
        It's never too late, I've seen people very happy with their transition in their 60's, but it's easier to reverse or halt certain changes such as stopping hair loss, bone structure which is...

        It's never too late, I've seen people very happy with their transition in their 60's, but it's easier to reverse or halt certain changes such as stopping hair loss, bone structure which is possible that it is not totally fused yet (I think mid-20's it's mostly permanent depending on the person), stopping body hair growth (which continues to get coarser and thicker into old age).

        1 vote
    2. [4]
      Nitta
      Link Parent
      What are these long term effects of testosterone? As far as I know when some bodybuilders mess up hormones they develop feminine features, so it may look like the masculine effects of testosterone...

      What are these long term effects of testosterone? As far as I know when some bodybuilders mess up hormones they develop feminine features, so it may look like the masculine effects of testosterone are fragile and are ready to fade once this hormone is subdued.

      1 vote
      1. [3]
        pamymaf
        Link Parent
        What @Cocoa was saying with the testosterone having irreversible changes is relating to trans women, not trans men. Saying to get on HRT ASAP, before 100% of the testosterone changes have a chance...

        What @Cocoa was saying with the testosterone having irreversible changes is relating to trans women, not trans men. Saying to get on HRT ASAP, before 100% of the testosterone changes have a chance to affect you.

        Testosterone thickens your vocal cords, causing them to give a deeper voice. It causes the growth of body hair and facial hair, which wont go away if you start taking estrogen. Same thing with male-patterned baldness. And testosterone actually changes the shape of your hair line, making it so you don't grow hair in a particular pattern. There are a few other changes too, but these are some of the big ones.

        IIRC, if you take too much testosterone, the body converts it to estrogen. But I'm not 100% on that one.

        6 votes
        1. [2]
          Nitta
          Link Parent
          I know we are talking about MtF, and your explanation is informative, thanks. Hair line changes over time indeed, but isn't voice of biological male deep as early as late teens? Same with body...

          I know we are talking about MtF, and your explanation is informative, thanks. Hair line changes over time indeed, but isn't voice of biological male deep as early as late teens? Same with body hair, it can get more full during 20s and even early 30s but it's common to have beard and body hair as early as at 18 or 20. Is there a difference for MtF change regarding voice and body hair in case when they are already formed?

          1. pamymaf
            Link Parent
            Body hair wont go away unless you electrocute or laser it off. Voice wont get higher unless you train it. I'm not sure when the voice fully sets deeper. I'm also female at birth, so these are just...

            Body hair wont go away unless you electrocute or laser it off. Voice wont get higher unless you train it. I'm not sure when the voice fully sets deeper.

            I'm also female at birth, so these are just things I've heard from my trans women friends and extrapolating from the changes I'm going through now.

            1 vote
  6. [2]
    meghan
    Link
    Congrats! The path ahead of you is turbulent but very exciting! I just realized I was trans back in February, so I understand the sea of emotions you're probably feeling right now. It's anxious...

    Congrats! The path ahead of you is turbulent but very exciting! I just realized I was trans back in February, so I understand the sea of emotions you're probably feeling right now. It's anxious but incredibly peaceful to finally find the answer to a life of strife and to realize you're not the only one either. Feel free to PM me anytime you wish or on Discord (Meghan#2032) and definitely give r/traa a look when you get a chance :D

    10 votes
    1. meghan
      Link Parent
      Dysphoria is very real but I'm so much more happier now, now that I can explore my true self

      Dysphoria is very real but I'm so much more happier now, now that I can explore my true self

      6 votes
  7. ChelsInMotion
    Link
    Hey, that's fucking incredible! I'm so glad you found yourself, I was 32 when I finally admitted it, and it's the best thing I've ever done. If you ever need anything, I'd be happy to try to help...

    Hey, that's fucking incredible! I'm so glad you found yourself, I was 32 when I finally admitted it, and it's the best thing I've ever done.

    If you ever need anything, I'd be happy to try to help if I have the answers.

    9 votes
  8. [2]
    StellarV
    Link
    Congrats! That's wonderful! I definitely recommend finding a therapist but make sure that you do your research on good therapists first. There's shitty therapists out there that can be a roadblock...

    Congrats! That's wonderful! I definitely recommend finding a therapist but make sure that you do your research on good therapists first. There's shitty therapists out there that can be a roadblock for you. Don't be afraid to go somewhere else if you don't feel comfortable. But I would find a local transgender support group or even Planned Parenthood to try and connect to a specialized therapist in your area. Also I love how many other trans folks are on Tildes :D

    6 votes
    1. hackergal
      Link Parent
      I'll definitely look into the Planned Parenthood thing. That sounds like a pretty good starting point to me.

      I'll definitely look into the Planned Parenthood thing. That sounds like a pretty good starting point to me.

      1 vote
  9. pamymaf
    Link
    I'm so glad that you found yourself! Cracking that egg can be very very hard at times. But I feel so much better living as nonbinary than I did as a woman. If you want someone to talk to (or have...

    I'm so glad that you found yourself! Cracking that egg can be very very hard at times. But I feel so much better living as nonbinary than I did as a woman. If you want someone to talk to (or have questions about nonbinary genders), feel free to pm me :)

    4 votes
  10. [6]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. [2]
      Algernon_Asimov
      Link Parent
      Someone can feel that something is "off" for a long time without understanding what it is. Then they read/see something which is similar to what they're feeling, and they suddenly understand what...

      Someone can feel that something is "off" for a long time without understanding what it is. Then they read/see something which is similar to what they're feeling, and they suddenly understand what they've been feeling. It seems sudden, but the issue may have been bubbling underneath everything for years.

      9 votes
      1. hackergal
        Link Parent
        This is exactly what I went through, but I was having difficulty putting into words. Thanks doing it for me lmao.

        This is exactly what I went through, but I was having difficulty putting into words. Thanks doing it for me lmao.

        3 votes
    2. pamymaf
      Link Parent
      I posted this above in response to @clerical_terrors, but I think it belongs here too Ding ding ding! As a trans person, this is entirely it. It's like having a sudden breakthrough and suddenly...

      I posted this above in response to @clerical_terrors, but I think it belongs here too

      In fact the whole reason the half-joke of "eggs" exists is because so many people keep these feelings bottled up for years on end, never daring to believe themselves to be actually trans.

      Ding ding ding! As a trans person, this is entirely it. It's like having a sudden breakthrough and suddenly everything makes sense. While it can seem really sudden to outsiders, it's more like a pressure bomb just exploded. Too much pressure built up in the egg and it bursts.

      Discovering your gender doesn't have to (though it can be) be a many year long process full of "Omg am I this? Am I that? What is gender?!" Sometimes It's as simple as "Wait, men don't pretend to be women in their daydreams?" or just simply realizing "Hey, I'd like it much better if I were X."

      8 votes
    3. [2]
      Batcow
      Link Parent
      Are you trans? Because if not, you don't know what it's like to discover you're a different gender. Similar to how I, a non-doctor, wouldn't go around giving critical medical advice, us cis people...

      Are you trans? Because if not, you don't know what it's like to discover you're a different gender. Similar to how I, a non-doctor, wouldn't go around giving critical medical advice, us cis people should be aware of our own ignorance when commenting on the trans experience. In general it's a good thing to keep in mind when talking to marginalised groups about their lived experience.

      7 votes
      1. [2]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. pamymaf
          Link Parent
          I think Batcow were talking about how you seemed critical of how fast OP made the decision. While you likely didn't intend it, the message read as you were saying that everyone had to go through a...

          I think Batcow were talking about how you seemed critical of how fast OP made the decision. While you likely didn't intend it, the message read as you were saying that everyone had to go through a big long process to figure it out, when they really don't.

          4 votes