I'm 25 and yesterday I came out for the first time in real life..!
I never talked to anyone in real life about it before yesterday, and even though it was really, really difficult, I'm glad that I pulled through.
I had a meeting with a nurse and a doctor at the psychiatric wing of a hospital, but for other reasons - I have a lot of mental health issues so I keep in touch with them in case I have a breakdown or whatever. That way I won't spiral completely out of control; they can catch me. So anyway, after meeting with said nurse and doctor which was a rather quick meeting, I asked my nurse (who is sorta my contact there) if she had a moment for a one-on-one conversation. She thankfully did and we went to her office. I was pretty anxious all along and once we sat down, I could barely even speak because I kept losing my composure, and my voice was super shaky and I nearly cried.
But I managed to get through it, and told her how I'd seen a short film a couple of days ago that made me burst into tears. How I'd been questioning for years at this point, how I'd always felt out of place and like I was the odd one out. How maybe it's all sorts of things, but perhaps it's because I'm trans.
Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I'm really proud of myself for having the guts to do it. I wouldn't have been able to do that just one year ago. She did say that I was cool/tough for being able to say it out loud and honestly she was the best about it! No judging, no nonsense, no crap. She said all the right things and was really empathetic and understanding despite not at all being qualified for this kind of thing.
So basically what came out of it is that it really felt good to talk to someone face to face. She said she didn't know what to do, but she knew how to find out - which is of course all that I could ask! She's gonna get in touch with a different hospital that has a sexology department (don't know if that's a thing in other countries, I don't know the English name for it sorry). And then she's gonna call me on Monday with her findings!
I still don't know if I'm trans though. I feel like I might be, considering the way I could barely even speak when talking about it out loud. But maybe I'm non-binary too - that's why I'm hoping to get to talk to someone from the sexology clinic. Perhaps they know what questions to ask... I'm also moving in two weeks and I have two exams in that very same week, within 24 hours of one another. But the number one thing on my mind is the above... I think that's pretty telling.
Thank you for reading <3
It did feel like a big step. Thank you :)
Congrats girl! 💜🦞💜 Coming out is a huge step and so glad to hear you're doing better. I'm trans too and I'm always down to talk 💖
ps: your identity is valid
Congratulations! That first step can be very scary. Don't worry a whole lot about labeling yourself or thinking thoughts about not being "trans enough". Growing up socialized a certain way can leave lasting impressions and it's totally okay. I'm a transgender woman and I'm still into things that are not stereotypically feminine such as engineering, amateur radio, aviation, guns, etc. I might have a lot of trouble finding other women that are into what I like but it doesn't really matter. Doesn't make me or anyone else any less valid and there's cisgender women into the same thing anyway.
Congrats! I'm so proud of you!
On the whole "Am I trans? Nonbinary?" question, I want you to answer these questions with whatever comes out first. Your instinct.
Am I a woman?
Am I a man?
If you answered "Yes" only to the gender given at birth, then you'd be cisgender. Anything else can be considered transgender, though some people choose not to use the term for themselves for various reasons. They might not want people to ever realize they were any gender other than what they feel. Some nonbinary people don't use the term because their gender at birth is close to their identity. Others don't use the term until they start hormones. But if you aren't 100% cisgender, you fit the dictionary definition.
If you answered "Yes" to one of those and "No" to the other, you're likely binary, meaning you fit into one of the two normally recognized genders. If you answered anything other than that, you may want to look into some of the nonbinary genders. Here are some example answers and what gender they might feel like (don't take this as law, it's just examples!). Remember, anything other than "I am 100% a woman/man" is considered nonbinary, and there are a lot of terms under the nonbinary umbrella to fit all different kinds of experiences.
.1. Yes 2. Yes - Bigender - Bigender people experience exactly two gender identities, either simultaneously or varying between the two.
.1. No 2. Kind of? - Demiboy/Demiguy (Demigirl for the reverse) - a gender identity describing someone who partially, but not wholly, identifies as a man, boy or otherwise masculine, regardless of their assigned gender at birth.
.1. Sometimes 2. Sometimes - Genderfluid - a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities.
.1. No 2. No - Agender - a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity.
.1. No 2. No - Neutrois - a non-binary gender identity which is often associated with a "neutral" or "null" gender.
If you want to wade through some other identities, this is the link I pulled those definitions from: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Wiki
Coming out is super scary! You never know how people are going to take it! Most of the people I've come out to has been over text because I would be too scared to speak if I did it in person. The only one that wasn't over text was basically forced (I don't know if you remember but you commented on my post about it!) I'm glad you could make that first step and I hope you figure yourself out. Don't worry about being "trans enough" everyone's experiences are different. If living as a woman would make you happier than living as a man then you're trans enough! You only get one life, why not try to be happy with it?
I must admit I had to click your username to find out what it is that I commented on :)
I totally agree with this. My problem currently seems to be that I can't figure out whether or not I'd be happier. Because while I absolutely want to have been a girl, and would push the magical button etc. etc., I don't think I'd be happier when it happens through hormones and surgery and whatnot. It's not good enough for me, and I do feel bad about being so shallow that I prioritize attractiveness that much, but it's genuinely how I feel about it :(
I had the same thought process while questioning a few years before I actually realized I was trans. I didn't want to be a trans girl, I wanted to be a cis girl. What I stupidly didn't consider is that literally every trans person wants to "have been" their preferred gender. The transition process seems scary and I wasn't sure if it would make me happy either, but I know that living the past twenty years as my assigned gender didn't make me happy, so I might as well try this while I'm still relatively young and have a good chance of passing. After only two months I'm starting to actually enjoy life for the first time in nine years. The past week I've been actually seeing a girl in the mirror more often than I see a guy and I don't disassociate at the sight of my reflection anymore.
I know my experience is my own and everyone's journey is different, but HRT really is just the "magic button" but slower. This might be stupid and I don't know if it will actually help, but instead of thinking "I want to have been a girl" imagine yourself in five years, fully transitioned, looking back and realizing that for the past few years, you actually have been a girl.
The problem does seem to be that I can't imagine myself as a woman. I want to be one, and indeed every transwoman wants to have been cis to begin with, but I still can't imagine it... I can only imagine what my life would be like if I were cis - like, whenever I'm out, I'll often think and daydream about what my life would be like if I looked like this and that girl. I think it's also about mannerisms - I can't imagine myself walking with my hips instead of shoulders. Speaking in a light voice through training my voice for however long it takes. I can't seem to actually want it enough to go through all of that, starting everything over. You kinda put words into my mouth but yeah, it does feel like I'm not trans enough. Maybe I'm just internally trans, and not externally, if that makes sense lol
I'm sorry for jumping to any conclusions, I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. I wish you luck in figuring yourself out.
Oh I didn't mean that they were the wrong words! You put the right words in my mouth :)
Oh okay great! Glad I could help then!
Congratulations! I'm happy for you! 😁