I had this book, among many others like it. I can't remember whether this particular one was explicitly anti-gay or if it simply mandated a very narrow definition of heterosexuality as holy....
I had this book, among many others like it. I can't remember whether this particular one was explicitly anti-gay or if it simply mandated a very narrow definition of heterosexuality as holy. Regardless, it was one of the several books I read on dating that contributed to the fear and self-loathing I lived with for a long time.
I think the larger harm with books of this type weren't just the anti-gay sentiments they supported but the very narrow gender roles they promoted. I know straight people who grew up in the church who were equally damaged by their prescribed identities. In a particularly heartbreaking example, someone close to me was counseled to stay in an abusive relationship far longer than she should have because submissiveness was continually encouraged for her role as a "Christian woman." Correspondingly, her boyfriend's abuse was treated not as a personal or even legal issue but was overlooked and even tacitly supported because of the outsize authority Christian men were given in relationships. Prayer was used in place of intervention, and his abuse was always treated as a personal lapse into sin rather than something much more serious: direct, repeated harm against his partner.
Books like this one helped enable many devastating situations like the one above because of how strongly they paternalized Christian relationships. Furthermore, they so strongly prioritized fidelity and keeping a relationship together, particularly once it had reached the point of marriage, that they added significant pressure for incompatible couples to remain together, even if it was a detriment to both parties or their children.
It's nice to hear the author change his position. It's no doubt difficult for the author because it comes from his loss of faith overall, which is not an easy experience. Nevertheless, I will always welcome someone who decides to expand their empathy. There is a lot of healing and forgiveness that needs to happen between those in the Church and those outside of it, and steps like this are ones in the right direction, in my opinion.
So how long before it emerges that he was doing all of this bigoted preaching as a way to try and stop himself from liking men? It's a shame that so many people leap to such radical beliefs in...
So how long before it emerges that he was doing all of this bigoted preaching as a way to try and stop himself from liking men? It's a shame that so many people leap to such radical beliefs in order to prevent themselves from being... well, themselves.
Apologies, not my intention to imply that, just that it seems odd that a long term marriage is falling apart so he apologizes for his thoughts on dating before marriage, but ALSO at the same time...
Apologies, not my intention to imply that, just that it seems odd that a long term marriage is falling apart so he apologizes for his thoughts on dating before marriage, but ALSO at the same time apologizes for LGBT+ bashing. It just seems very circumspect for that second apology as it wasn't the central tenant of his previous writing.
I had this book, among many others like it. I can't remember whether this particular one was explicitly anti-gay or if it simply mandated a very narrow definition of heterosexuality as holy. Regardless, it was one of the several books I read on dating that contributed to the fear and self-loathing I lived with for a long time.
I think the larger harm with books of this type weren't just the anti-gay sentiments they supported but the very narrow gender roles they promoted. I know straight people who grew up in the church who were equally damaged by their prescribed identities. In a particularly heartbreaking example, someone close to me was counseled to stay in an abusive relationship far longer than she should have because submissiveness was continually encouraged for her role as a "Christian woman." Correspondingly, her boyfriend's abuse was treated not as a personal or even legal issue but was overlooked and even tacitly supported because of the outsize authority Christian men were given in relationships. Prayer was used in place of intervention, and his abuse was always treated as a personal lapse into sin rather than something much more serious: direct, repeated harm against his partner.
Books like this one helped enable many devastating situations like the one above because of how strongly they paternalized Christian relationships. Furthermore, they so strongly prioritized fidelity and keeping a relationship together, particularly once it had reached the point of marriage, that they added significant pressure for incompatible couples to remain together, even if it was a detriment to both parties or their children.
It's nice to hear the author change his position. It's no doubt difficult for the author because it comes from his loss of faith overall, which is not an easy experience. Nevertheless, I will always welcome someone who decides to expand their empathy. There is a lot of healing and forgiveness that needs to happen between those in the Church and those outside of it, and steps like this are ones in the right direction, in my opinion.
So how long before it emerges that he was doing all of this bigoted preaching as a way to try and stop himself from liking men? It's a shame that so many people leap to such radical beliefs in order to prevent themselves from being... well, themselves.
probably never? the idea that it's mostly gay people who are oppressing gay people is wrong and kind of harmful.
Apologies, not my intention to imply that, just that it seems odd that a long term marriage is falling apart so he apologizes for his thoughts on dating before marriage, but ALSO at the same time apologizes for LGBT+ bashing. It just seems very circumspect for that second apology as it wasn't the central tenant of his previous writing.