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    1. I wrote a poem - Coming Out 2.0

      I'm working on this for a poetry class I'm taking, any criticism is welcome. Edit: Italicized some text I forgot when I copied it out of Word. Edit 2: Fixed some phrasing. Coming Out 2.0 When I...

      I'm working on this for a poetry class I'm taking, any criticism is welcome.

      Edit: Italicized some text I forgot when I copied it out of Word.
      Edit 2: Fixed some phrasing.

      Coming Out 2.0

      When I first came out
      I thought it was over.
      Done.
      I know myself now,
      My life can finally be
      worthwhile and fun.

      But there was always a mess I dared
      not touch. Who do I like? What gaze
      makes me blush? I suspected the feminine
      but held out hope – only taking up one letter
      made it easier to cope.

      And some people do change after starting
      HRT, so patiently I hoped men would appeal
      to me. I had some feelings before, it seemed reasonable
      they would grow. But as time went on I realized I had
      nothing to show. My feelings for men were entirely gone,
      but still hopeful for a straight-passing future, I pressed on.

      I had definite feelings for women before,
      But at times the attraction seemed a bit more –
      Did I want to be them or did I want to be with them?
      The former I assumed, as it helped to distract,
      focus on my work, brush my desires under the mat.

      I’d think “She looks cute”, but “in that outfit”, “with that hairdo” and other qualifiers
      I began to append, convincing myself what I felt was normal and, like a
      Chicagoland road, no bend. When I began to notice some feelings bubbling up I said
      “Female friendships are close, it’s nothing, the end.” But try as I might, they flowered
      and bloomed, and soon I could not help but be all-consumed. Maybe I’m bi, I thought,
      That isn’t so bad. More options for dating, how can I be mad? I told my friend my feelings, and as
      expected, for me she had none. She’s still one of my best friends, so I’d neither lost nor won.

      I dealt with the rejection and moved on. I could still be bi, better not
      jump the gun. You can’t take back coming out, you’ve got one shot – nail it
      and be done. I thought everything would be the same, but the floodgates were open,
      my restraints had been broken. I could finally be honest about my feelings
      for women (endless, confusing and interwoven) and for men, which were at most
      an appreciative token.

      A week after confessing to my crush, it was obvious
      who won. The Sapphic feelings and desires made
      their presence known, their intent to stay,
      and more difficult than coming out
      as trans was admitting
      to being gay.

      15 votes
    2. "We Didn't Start The Fire" parody - Sherry Vine

      I just saw this parody of "We Didn't Start The Fire" on Reddit. It might be a parody song, but it's also a potted history of LGBT activism in the USA for the past 60 years. We Didn't Start The...

      I just saw this parody of "We Didn't Start The Fire" on Reddit. It might be a parody song, but it's also a potted history of LGBT activism in the USA for the past 60 years.

      We Didn't Start The Fire parody - Sherry Vine

      6 votes
    3. How do I combat the "women need safe spaces" argument?

      (I am trans-inclusive. I believe trans rights are human rights. I believe in self-identification. I will use whatever pronouns someone choose, and I try not to assume pronouns.) In the UK recently...

      (I am trans-inclusive. I believe trans rights are human rights. I believe in self-identification. I will use whatever pronouns someone choose, and I try not to assume pronouns.)

      In the UK recently there's been a bit of a debate between trans-phobic "gender critical" feminists who say that for sexual safety women need spaces that are women only, and that this means they need to exclude trans-people.

      I think this is bullshit. I'd like some good quality arguments to use against this.

      What are your ideas?

      14 votes
    4. What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)?

      Introduction Gender and sexuality are complex, personal topics, and asking questions about them can often feel invasive or even offensive. Discussions about them can be tough to navigate,...

      Introduction

      Gender and sexuality are complex, personal topics, and asking questions about them can often feel invasive or even offensive. Discussions about them can be tough to navigate, especially online, where people's guards are often up and hostility and harassment are common.

      In order to help clear the air and provide a safe space for honest and genuine dialogue, we have assembled a cross-section of Tildes' LGBT community to whom you can ask questions. These volunteers have agreed to open up about their experiences, identities, and knowledge.

      In this thread, you will be able to ask our panelists questions regarding anything you've ever wanted to know about being LGBT. Our goal is to provide you with meaningful answers, not judge you for your questions! For the purposes of this thread, LGBT refers to the umbrella term under which all minority gender and sexual identities fall.


      Guidelines for Participation

      Asking Questions
      • Questions will be afforded the principle of charity. Ask any questions you've ever wanted to know, especially those you might feel are "not okay" to ask elsewhere.
      • Feel free to ask informational questions (e.g. "What does 'pansexual' mean?"), experiential questions (e.g. "Are you out to your family? If so, how did they respond to you coming out?"), and opinion questions (e.g. "What are your thoughts on the various LGBT acronyms?").
      • You can ask questions to the whole panel or to specific members. If asking specific members, please ping them using an @username mention in your comment.
      • Follow-up questions are allowed and encouraged.
      • Not all questions have to be serious! It's totally okay to ask fun, non-serious stuff too.
      Giving Answers
      • Panelists have the right to pass on any question they do not want to answer. While they might give a reason for passing, they are not required to do so.
      • Similarly, not all questions will receive answers from all panelists. We have a large group and don't want to overwhelm everyone with 10+ responses to every question.
      • Each panelist is speaking from their own experience and perspective, so you might find conflicting information in responses to a question, and that's okay! We're a diverse group of different people, not a unified monoculture!
      Additional Notes
      • The panel's make-up is based entirely on who volunteered and is not meant to be representative of all identities under the LGBT umbrella.
      • Similarly, any one panelist's voice should not be taken as representative of the opinion of all those who share their identity.
      • Please remember that these panelists are choosing to share intimate and often difficult personal information. Please respect their disclosure in your responses -- they are putting themselves out there for you!
      • If you do not wish to see or participate in this thread for whatever reason, use Tildes' ignore topic feature to hide it from your feed.

      Panelists

      Here are the users who will be answering your questions:

      @Algernon_Asimov
      @CALICO
      @Cleb
      @emdash
      @Gaywallet
      @kfwyre
      @patience_limited
      @reifyresonance
      @ShilohMizook
      @Silbern
      @tindall
      @Whom

      You can get more information on each in their bios below:

      Full Panelist Bios
      Name Identity Preferred Pronouns Bio
      @Algernon_Asimov Gay man I'm "Algernon". I'm a middle-aged gay man living in Australia. I came of age during the 1980s, when "gay" meant "Got AIDS Yet?".
      @CALICO Pan & Poly, Male-shaped, Agender, Non-transitioning Trans None/No-preference Late-20's, military brat, former military, current gov't contractor. Historically lived all over the US; in the past 18-months I've lived in three states and two non-US countries—currently Afghanistan. Out where it matters, closeted where it doesn't. Unmarried—probably forever—in a LT/LDR currently with just one person. Shameless hippie, hobbyist, & aspiring author.
      @Cleb Genderfluid (Agender & Femme, also fine with just Non-Binary) They/Them, She/Her Early 20s, American, white, closeted in real life. Grew up in very conservative & religious area, still live here. Can talk about growing up like that, my struggle with fluidity/internalized transphobia/gender as a whole, things relating to trans culture on the internet, and any of the other standard fare trans and gender-nonconforming person questions.
      @emdash. If you wanted to find my real name and social media profiles, you probably could, but keep it to yourself and don't be a dick, okay? Gay cis-male He/him Early 20s (wow there's a theme emerging) guy living in New Zealand. Software engineering degree, but I hate the industry, so working on my own business and studying to be a pilot instead (aka the backup plan). I also fly a paraglider for fun. I've always lived in New Zealand, but would love to live overseas. Have the Tinder/Taimi profile tuned to a fine fucking art (IMHO). Out to friends, family aren't informed since I'm not particularly close to them anyway.
      @Gaywallet pan, poly, enby (nonbinary) they/them Early 30s, lived in California my whole life. Currently have 5 partners and feeling quite polysaturated. Big into raving, psychedelics, and general hippy stuff but with a queer focus. Out to friends and family, but not fully flying my flag at work (work in progress to happen this year).
      @kfwyre gay cis male he/him/they/them Teacher. Happily married. Living in the US, and grew up in a very conservative Christian area. Came out in my 20s and dealt with severe depression and fallout with family.
      @patience_limited Queer; intersex non-binary they/them/she/her Mainly in the sidebar. US, 50's, raised near a university town, married. White(ish).
      @reifyresonance transfemme, queer, poly she/they 19, living in the southern US. Studied in China for a year and did a field research project on marginalized queer identities in Shanghai nightlife (talked to people in gay bars), so if anyone wants to hear my (white, American) thoughts on that, I'm game :). I also got to help start an LGBT organization at my school there! Spent the last six months or so doing computer programming, and was part of the workplace LGBT affinity group. (Also, general transgender questions.)
      @ShilohMizook (Shiloh) Bisexual, lean mostly towards guys. Cis male. He, Him. 17, I go to a Catholic school in Florida, but the people there are pretty accepting, so I'm out to everyone. My parents try to avoid the subject. I've never actually met another non-straight guy in real life, which has kind of frustrated me, but it's okay.
      @Silbern Gay male He/him I'm an early 20's white guy with Asperger's Syndrome studying Computer Science. I come from a military family, so I've traveled a lot and lived in many places that were across the spectrum in gay friendliness. I currently live in Hawaii, which might be relevant both for my answers as well as possible time zone limitations.
      @tindall bisexual transgender female she/her Software engineer just getting out of college and into my first long-term full-time gig, at a company making cancer screening software. Grew up all over the place (East Coast, then Texas, then California) and I'm now in the Midwest. I care a lot about making the world a gentler and more supportive place for everyone, and I try to apply my skills to do that.
      @Whom (...and Scarlett) Trans lesbian She Early 20s, raised in the rural US (Wisconsin) studying English Education. Oh, and white. That's the important bits for context. I'm very familiar with current youth trans culture on the internet (which is so pervasive within the community that it's necessary for understanding what it's like being young and trans), so I'm well-equipped to answer questions relating to that or, of course, the trans experience as I see it. I might also be a decent resource to ask about how mental illness (particularly depression, severe anxiety, and light dissociation) fits into the whole picture.

      The door is open. Ask away!

      80 votes
    5. Recruiting for a panel for an LGBT-focused Q&A session on Tildes

      A recent conversation resurfaced an idea I've had for a while now, and I've decided to move forward with it. The Idea: a thread along the lines of "What's something you've always wanted to know...

      A recent conversation resurfaced an idea I've had for a while now, and I've decided to move forward with it.


      The Idea: a thread along the lines of "What's something you've always wanted to know about being LGBT but were afraid to ask?" I want to encourage people to specifically ask questions that might be uncomfortable, or questions that might be seen as too forward or invasive in other contexts. Crucially, I also want to have a diverse panel of LGBT people ready and willing to answer those types of questions in the thread. I'm using LGBT here in the Tildes-preferred umbrella manner, so this is open to all who identify with a minority gender identity or sexual/romantic orientation.

      The Location: I feel like hosting it in ~talk would be best so that we are visible to people who do not subscribe to ~lgbt, who are more likely to have questions about our experiences.

      The Panel: I have thought about just putting up the thread with no preparation and letting people respond as they see fit, but I've always held back because I think it's important to be able to have lots of different voices, identities, and experiences represented. As such, I figure assembling a panel of willing respondents prior to the thread would be good, hence this planning topic! We can list the names and short bios about the panel participants in the top level of the topic, which then lets participants know who is responding to them, as well as giving them the opportunity to ask questions to specific individuals should they wish to do so.

      The Time: I am thinking next Monday, Feb. 10 would be a good time to get this up and running, but that is flexible. I expect the thread to be active for about one to three days.


      Next Steps

      If you are willing to be a part of the panel and answer questions:

      • let me know either by commenting here or sending me a PM,
      • include how you identify yourself,
      • include what your preferred pronouns are, and
      • include a short bio about yourself that will be posted in the thread.

      An example of what panelists' introductions will look like in the Q&A thread:

      Name Identity Preferred Pronouns Bio
      kfwyre gay cis male he/him/they/them Teacher. Happily married. Living in the US, and grew up in a very conservative Christian area. Came out in my 20s and dealt with severe depression and fallout with family.

      The bio can include anything you think might be relevant for context, or that you think people might want to ask about.

      Signing on to participate in the panel does NOT mean you must answer every question asked. Panel participants can choose which questions they answer, as well as how much they choose to share. Signing on simply means you're agreeing to participate in the topic to the best of your ability and comfort level.

      Finally, if you have any feedback or ideas for how this should run, let me know!

      23 votes
    6. How rigid/fluid is your gender and/or sexuality?

      The following questions are aimed at gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation, and/or sexual orientation. To cut down on wordiness, all the questions below will just say...

      The following questions are aimed at gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation, and/or sexual orientation. To cut down on wordiness, all the questions below will just say "identity", but know that I'm asking about any and all of the different parts that make up our gendered, romantic, and sexual selves.

      You don't necessarily need to answer regarding all axes or focuses: choose the ones most salient or meaningful to you and your experiences. Furthermore, these questions are open to all, including people who don't identify as LGBT.

      • How would you describe the rigidity/fluidity of your identity or its different parts?
      • Do you experience short-term changes in your identity?
      • Have you experienced long-term changes in your identity?
      • Does your identity have any elements that are unchanging long-term?
      • How does the fluidity/rigidity of your identity affect you? Are there advantages? Disadvantages?
      • Are you certain in your identity right now, or is it unclear to you at the moment?
      • If you are certain, do you think that certainty will persist, or might things change in the future?
      • If you are uncertain, do you think a more definite identity will coalesce for you at some point?

      As always, the questions are just jumping off points and don't need to be treated like a quiz. Also, just to be clear, I am asking this purely out of curiosity and am in no way trying to assert that a more rigid/fluid identity is better/worse. Likewise, I'm not trying to cast judgment on anyone still questioning or engaging in self-discovery. Your process and your identity are valid wherever you're at and however you feel. I'm simply interested to hear what your experiences are, whoever you are.

      27 votes