11 votes

'They have become the new religion': Esther Perel says we expect too much from relationships

2 comments

  1. [2]
    Algernon_Asimov
    Link
    This point really stands out for me: Or, as she says in a blog entry: "we look more frequently to our partner to provide the emotional and physical resources that a village or community used to...

    This point really stands out for me:

    We really have this idea that one person today will give us what once an entire village used to provide.

    Or, as she says in a blog entry: "we look more frequently to our partner to provide the emotional and physical resources that a village or community used to provide". In that same blog, she goes on to say:

    We can think more clearly about our expectations from a partner. Research shows that people who have more social resources, and more people to talk to about various issues in their lives, do better in marriage. So in what areas do we want to invest with our partners, and in which areas do we need to invest in ourselves and our personal networks?

    In other words, it's not healthy to expect one partner to meet all your needs. They're just one part of a larger mosaic of family, friends, and other contacts. Sure, they're an important part, but they should never be the only source of love and comfort and advice and support.

    6 votes
    1. Grzmot
      Link Parent
      Wouldn't surprise me if this is connected to the fact that in urban areas and big metropoli, people are more isolated than ever even though they are surrounded with a huge amount of people. If...

      Wouldn't surprise me if this is connected to the fact that in urban areas and big metropoli, people are more isolated than ever even though they are surrounded with a huge amount of people. If someone feels isolated, then of course they're going to expect all of those needs once provided by a group of people to be filled by one singular person.

      5 votes