As someone whose mother has been in AA for my whole life, I think you're wrong. For her, it provides a community of people who understand the thing she struggles with and provides a space to talk...
As someone whose mother has been in AA for my whole life, I think you're wrong. For her, it provides a community of people who understand the thing she struggles with and provides a space to talk about and deal with an illness that at times has made her life very hard. It's been a great help, and even if she's travelling she'll drop in on meetings in other cities if it's been a while. She's certainly not forced to do so.
I disagree with a lot of AA’s methodology and the religious aspects and all of that, but my fiancées dad is an alcoholic and has been a die-hard AA member for 35 years. It turned his life around....
I disagree with a lot of AA’s methodology and the religious aspects and all of that, but my fiancées dad is an alcoholic and has been a die-hard AA member for 35 years. It turned his life around.
Ultimately I hope society totally moves away from religion, deities, and “woo woo” in favor of reason and science...but until then if it takes religion or god or whatever to get you off alcohol and turn your life around, so be it. I’ve seen it work for some people, even if I’m positive alternative methods would have similar or better results I guess it is what it is.
Frankly, I ultimately believe training yourself in moderation and normalizing it is more effective than living “on the edge” in sobriety until you die.
Disarm your addiction like it’s a bomb instead of burying it in your backyard hoping you never hit it with a shovel. That’s just me though...
The best way to handle something like this is with groups. AA is an option, however its effectiveness is going to depend greatly on the individual people in that group and how dedicated his...
The best way to handle something like this is with groups. AA is an option, however its effectiveness is going to depend greatly on the individual people in that group and how dedicated his sponsor is, no two groups are the same. The important thing is having multiple people present physically and interacting with them, and AA vs a church group or pool league is rather irrelevant - though it does help loads if those people had similar problems and can share their experiences. It's a patch for the social void. Also, you need to go every fucking day if you really want it to work, especially early on. Covid has obliterated these support networks worldwide, relapses are at record-setting levels, so this option is unlikely to be available.
You or his brother might try to get him to do a 'sober October' thing and drop it for one month, but that's not likely going to work if there isn't something going on to distract him from the drinking. Find something that he can swap out the drinking for.
My own smoking is under control (almost down to a pack a week at this point) but when I drink I can smoke an entire pack in less than four hours, it turns me into a total fiend with no self-control. If he can make progress on the drinking that may help with the smoking.
Ecigs do work and are vastly better than cigarettes, but it only works if you do a hard cutover from cigs to vapes and keep the cigs out of the mix from that point on. Vape until the room is solid fog, it's still not as bad as a single real cig. The brain can be tricked into being satisfied with the vapes, but not if it can get both at the same time - then the vapes will do nothing at all. Don't give it the opportunity to make a direct comparison like I did. It was working brilliantly for me up to that point.
Nicotine's physical addiction goes away after about a week, but the psychological addition to it is... well, permanent really. I was fully quit for almost five years and it still managed to make a comeback (thanks to bars). The ecigs help because they preserve the 'ritual' of smoking, which can be as addictive for some people (including me) as the nicotine.
You could also buy him a copy of Allen Carr's The Easy Way for Christmas. Allen is a bit of a psychological wizard, he's very good at putting the bug in people's heads that they should quit and that simple little book is a legendary achievement. It has helped tens of millions of people quit cold turkey.
If they're drinking "half a bottle of vodka" per day they may have a physical addiction to alcohol and they made need medical help to stop. You don't say how big the bottles are, but assuming he's drinking 0.5 litres of 40% ABV per day he's drinking 20 units a day. It is dangerous for people with an alcohol dependence to stop suddenly. Somebody drinking more than 15 units per day may need a community based medically assisted withdrawal programme, combined with psychological therapy targeted to people with alcohol misuse disorders. See 1.3.3 and 1.3.4.1 https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg115/chapter/1-Guidance
I know it’s tough. I unfortunately don’t have experience in dealing with this sort of stuff, but having others does seem to help from what I’ve heard. What has he said when you’ve tried to talk to...
I know it’s tough. I unfortunately don’t have experience in dealing with this sort of stuff, but having others does seem to help from what I’ve heard. What has he said when you’ve tried to talk to him about it?
In that case I concur with trying tele-therapy, virtual AA (there has to be some), or one of these organizations. Edit: I’m sorry you have to go through this right before Christmas.
In that case I concur with trying tele-therapy, virtual AA (there has to be some), or one of these organizations.
Edit: I’m sorry you have to go through this right before Christmas.
As someone whose mother has been in AA for my whole life, I think you're wrong. For her, it provides a community of people who understand the thing she struggles with and provides a space to talk about and deal with an illness that at times has made her life very hard. It's been a great help, and even if she's travelling she'll drop in on meetings in other cities if it's been a while. She's certainly not forced to do so.
I disagree with a lot of AA’s methodology and the religious aspects and all of that, but my fiancées dad is an alcoholic and has been a die-hard AA member for 35 years. It turned his life around.
Ultimately I hope society totally moves away from religion, deities, and “woo woo” in favor of reason and science...but until then if it takes religion or god or whatever to get you off alcohol and turn your life around, so be it. I’ve seen it work for some people, even if I’m positive alternative methods would have similar or better results I guess it is what it is.
Frankly, I ultimately believe training yourself in moderation and normalizing it is more effective than living “on the edge” in sobriety until you die.
Disarm your addiction like it’s a bomb instead of burying it in your backyard hoping you never hit it with a shovel. That’s just me though...
The best way to handle something like this is with groups. AA is an option, however its effectiveness is going to depend greatly on the individual people in that group and how dedicated his sponsor is, no two groups are the same. The important thing is having multiple people present physically and interacting with them, and AA vs a church group or pool league is rather irrelevant - though it does help loads if those people had similar problems and can share their experiences. It's a patch for the social void. Also, you need to go every fucking day if you really want it to work, especially early on. Covid has obliterated these support networks worldwide, relapses are at record-setting levels, so this option is unlikely to be available.
You or his brother might try to get him to do a 'sober October' thing and drop it for one month, but that's not likely going to work if there isn't something going on to distract him from the drinking. Find something that he can swap out the drinking for.
My own smoking is under control (almost down to a pack a week at this point) but when I drink I can smoke an entire pack in less than four hours, it turns me into a total fiend with no self-control. If he can make progress on the drinking that may help with the smoking.
Ecigs do work and are vastly better than cigarettes, but it only works if you do a hard cutover from cigs to vapes and keep the cigs out of the mix from that point on. Vape until the room is solid fog, it's still not as bad as a single real cig. The brain can be tricked into being satisfied with the vapes, but not if it can get both at the same time - then the vapes will do nothing at all. Don't give it the opportunity to make a direct comparison like I did. It was working brilliantly for me up to that point.
Nicotine's physical addiction goes away after about a week, but the psychological addition to it is... well, permanent really. I was fully quit for almost five years and it still managed to make a comeback (thanks to bars). The ecigs help because they preserve the 'ritual' of smoking, which can be as addictive for some people (including me) as the nicotine.
You could also buy him a copy of Allen Carr's The Easy Way for Christmas. Allen is a bit of a psychological wizard, he's very good at putting the bug in people's heads that they should quit and that simple little book is a legendary achievement. It has helped tens of millions of people quit cold turkey.
If a man is drinking under 50 units per week (there are 40 units in a one litre bottle of 40% ABV spirits) they are drinking at hazardous levels. https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ph24/chapter/7-Glossary#hazardous-drinking-increasing-risk-drinking
If they're drinking more than that they're drinking at harmful levels. https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ph24/chapter/7-Glossary#harmful-drinking-high-risk-drinking
If they are preoccupied by alcohol, if they seek out alcohol when they don't have it, if they keep drinking even though they know alcohol is causing them harm: they are dependent on alcohol. https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ph24/chapter/7-Glossary#alcohol-dependence
If they're drinking "half a bottle of vodka" per day they may have a physical addiction to alcohol and they made need medical help to stop. You don't say how big the bottles are, but assuming he's drinking 0.5 litres of 40% ABV per day he's drinking 20 units a day. It is dangerous for people with an alcohol dependence to stop suddenly. Somebody drinking more than 15 units per day may need a community based medically assisted withdrawal programme, combined with psychological therapy targeted to people with alcohol misuse disorders. See 1.3.3 and 1.3.4.1 https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg115/chapter/1-Guidance
Stop hiding his alcohol.
Do you know any of his friends or family? Is there anyone else close to him who is concerned about his drinking?
I know it’s tough. I unfortunately don’t have experience in dealing with this sort of stuff, but having others does seem to help from what I’ve heard. What has he said when you’ve tried to talk to him about it?
Would he consider tele-therapy? I'm sure it can only have so much of an effect, but I can't think of much else to do.
So he at least knows he has a problem?
In that case I concur with trying tele-therapy, virtual AA (there has to be some), or one of these organizations.
Edit: I’m sorry you have to go through this right before Christmas.
My mom is in Narcotics Anonymous and is having virtual meetings, so I know it's happening.