I admit the post made little sense to me, but if it helps you process whatevers happening better, than it's all fine mate. Sometimes we need to write shit down so the Gordian knot in our heads can...
I admit the post made little sense to me, but if it helps you process whatevers happening better, than it's all fine mate. Sometimes we need to write shit down so the Gordian knot in our heads can be unraveled.
This kind of story repeats itself often, and I'm wondering why it might be so. I suspect it has something to do with humans, for the majority of our history, were not clustered in large numbers...
This kind of story repeats itself often, and I'm wondering why it might be so.
I suspect it has something to do with humans, for the majority of our history, were not clustered in large numbers and exposed to hundreds/thousands/millions of voices all at once.
When people were loosely clustered in roaming clans, it was easier for personal relationships to develop, and if there were any serious problems, departure or exile from a group was easy, since there were plenty of other places to go.
Like tends to attract like, so when problematic actors start problematic behavior, it must be quelled quickly. Otherwise it will propagate as others as the behavior seems ok.
Just walking away yourself, owning your exile rather than feeling forced out, is likely often the better option from an overtaken community, perhaps with a 'farewell, if you wish to keep in touch PM me'.
That was meant as more of a generality than a specific one. Perhaps just the 2-3 people that kept you around? Or, as you mentioned, walk away entirely.
That was meant as more of a generality than a specific one.
I get you, something like this is nuanced and weird so there's no one way to slice it. It's fairly common but to different degrees, and honestly I think that's how most groups are formed. Weird...
I get you, something like this is nuanced and weird so there's no one way to slice it. It's fairly common but to different degrees, and honestly I think that's how most groups are formed. Weird subgroups that broke off from a larger server/community because it just wasn't for them anymore. There's a discord for a swedish indie games company and i know for a fact that it has had dozens of different eras and different circles of friends, all ultimately making their own server and mostly being active there.
I'm not sure if it was your experience but for me the hacking scene always attracted a certain edgy type, but whatever the reason the community just had a tendency towards toxic behaviour and might have fell into a positive feedback loop with it. All it takes is a few public incidents and you'll have driven away everyone who is appalled by it and it'll just be laughter next time. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration since its a slow insidious burn, but that's how it goes usually.
Sometimes you can change the tide but other times it's just impossible to fix something toxic without harming yourself in exchange. I'll happily tell you to block them and never look back, but I know how easy it is to just keep giving people benefit of the doubt without realising. I'd taken months of verbal abuse shit from my ex before I finally blocked her, and even then I left other platforms open "just in case". You'll feel bad and conflicted no matter what you do, but if you're doing it for them then it takes forever and a day to actually get over it. Although it's not the exact same thing, you do need to allow yourself to be selfish and the option to cut contact entirely without feeling like a shitty person.
Also at the risk of sounding like a cliche, but i think this is one of those character building moments. Or at least a moment where you've noticeably grown out of something, that sort of thing. As time goes on you'll experience bits of drama that'll give you flashbacks to this because now you've got this red flag defined.
tldr?
If you genuinely don't respect that group anymore then answer from that frame of mind, not because you hope they'll work really hard to change if you accept their invitation back.
I admit the post made little sense to me, but if it helps you process whatevers happening better, than it's all fine mate. Sometimes we need to write shit down so the Gordian knot in our heads can be unraveled.
This kind of story repeats itself often, and I'm wondering why it might be so.
I suspect it has something to do with humans, for the majority of our history, were not clustered in large numbers and exposed to hundreds/thousands/millions of voices all at once.
When people were loosely clustered in roaming clans, it was easier for personal relationships to develop, and if there were any serious problems, departure or exile from a group was easy, since there were plenty of other places to go.
Like tends to attract like, so when problematic actors start problematic behavior, it must be quelled quickly. Otherwise it will propagate as others as the behavior seems ok.
Just walking away yourself, owning your exile rather than feeling forced out, is likely often the better option from an overtaken community, perhaps with a 'farewell, if you wish to keep in touch PM me'.
That was meant as more of a generality than a specific one.
Perhaps just the 2-3 people that kept you around?
Or, as you mentioned, walk away entirely.
I get you, something like this is nuanced and weird so there's no one way to slice it. It's fairly common but to different degrees, and honestly I think that's how most groups are formed. Weird subgroups that broke off from a larger server/community because it just wasn't for them anymore. There's a discord for a swedish indie games company and i know for a fact that it has had dozens of different eras and different circles of friends, all ultimately making their own server and mostly being active there.
I'm not sure if it was your experience but for me the hacking scene always attracted a certain edgy type, but whatever the reason the community just had a tendency towards toxic behaviour and might have fell into a positive feedback loop with it. All it takes is a few public incidents and you'll have driven away everyone who is appalled by it and it'll just be laughter next time. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration since its a slow insidious burn, but that's how it goes usually.
Sometimes you can change the tide but other times it's just impossible to fix something toxic without harming yourself in exchange. I'll happily tell you to block them and never look back, but I know how easy it is to just keep giving people benefit of the doubt without realising. I'd taken months of verbal abuse shit from my ex before I finally blocked her, and even then I left other platforms open "just in case". You'll feel bad and conflicted no matter what you do, but if you're doing it for them then it takes forever and a day to actually get over it. Although it's not the exact same thing, you do need to allow yourself to be selfish and the option to cut contact entirely without feeling like a shitty person.
Also at the risk of sounding like a cliche, but i think this is one of those character building moments. Or at least a moment where you've noticeably grown out of something, that sort of thing. As time goes on you'll experience bits of drama that'll give you flashbacks to this because now you've got this red flag defined.
tldr?
If you genuinely don't respect that group anymore then answer from that frame of mind, not because you hope they'll work really hard to change if you accept their invitation back.