23 votes

The Divorce Surge is Over, but the Myth Lives On

11 comments

  1. [3]
    captain_cardinal
    Link
    Thanks for sharing. I was definitely fooled by the media narrative around divorce. I think the most surprising fact from the article was that 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women.

    Thanks for sharing. I was definitely fooled by the media narrative around divorce. I think the most surprising fact from the article was that 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women.

    8 votes
    1. [2]
      acr
      Link Parent
      May I ask why that was surprising to you?

      May I ask why that was surprising to you?

      2 votes
      1. captain_cardinal
        Link Parent
        If someone had asked me, I would have thought it was closer to 50/50. I'm not sure I have any developed thoughts on why one gender might initiate divorce more than another, so by default, I...

        If someone had asked me, I would have thought it was closer to 50/50. I'm not sure I have any developed thoughts on why one gender might initiate divorce more than another, so by default, I thought it would be closer to even.

        4 votes
  2. [2]
    niktereuto
    Link
    My wife and I got married in 2012. We are constantly barraged with "YOU'RE THE LUCKY ONES!!", "FIFTY PERCENT OF MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE!!", etc. by random people. No, we're not "lucky". We're...

    My wife and I got married in 2012. We are constantly barraged with "YOU'RE THE LUCKY ONES!!", "FIFTY PERCENT OF MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE!!", etc. by random people.

    No, we're not "lucky". We're normal.

    That may change soon though- single parent households have been on the rise over the past two decades, and the opioid epidemic doesn't help.

    Anecdotally speaking- all of the friends that I went to high school with that have kids are either unmarried or they're single and raising the kid on their own. Meanwhile, my wife and I are the only married couple we know who's our age (I'm 27, she's 26).

    I personally find this very concerning- an entire generation of children are being raised in mostly single parent households. There are way too many baby-mommas and baby-daddies out there! What's the deal with that?

    7 votes
    1. glass_table_girl
      Link Parent
      Regarding your friends that have kids, I don't think you can say for sure that it's an "entire" generation of children. Like, that's just your friends who had unplanned pregnancies. I'm also not...

      Regarding your friends that have kids, I don't think you can say for sure that it's an "entire" generation of children. Like, that's just your friends who had unplanned pregnancies. I'm also not sure it's fair to think that having single parent households is necessarily bad. Within the article linked:

      And the growing acceptance of single-parent families has reduced the number of shotgun marriages, which were never the most stable of unions, notes Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College and author of “Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage.”

      Having a single parent household could prove to be more stable—and a better environment—than a household where two parents are fighting.

      Additionally, going back to that entire generation part, that mostly has to do with your/our age. I'm the same age as you, and I have several friends who are getting married now, who are financially stable and know that they can live with this person, etc. A few of them are now starting to have children. The fact that all of the people you know with kids up until this point are unmarried and unplanned will probably start changing within the next five years.

      2 votes
  3. [3]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. NoCoolUsrrname
      Link Parent
      I'm not sure that not being married automatically translates to a single parent household, though. The number of people living together without getting married has raised considerably in the same...

      I'm not sure that not being married automatically translates to a single parent household, though. The number of people living together without getting married has raised considerably in the same timeframe.

      (ETA that last sentence)

      4 votes
    2. acr
      Link Parent
      This kind of baffles me. You get married to find your soulmate? Wouldn't you want to find your soulmate before you get married? I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, if I'm getting married...

      It’s just love now,” Mr. Wolfers said. “We marry to find our soul mate, rather than a good homemaker or a good earner.

      This kind of baffles me. You get married to find your soulmate? Wouldn't you want to find your soulmate before you get married? I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, if I'm getting married it's going to be because I want them to be my partner. I look at it as having a partner that I can trust and lean on throughout life. I don't really believe in soulmate ane one true love.

      I believe in finding someone that you can trust and you have enough in common with to bridge any gaps and that is sensible enough to work with you throughout your relationship. You can love anyone.

      1 vote
  4. [3]
    meristele
    Link
    I was married in the 90's and divorced after 18 years. Break up was due to seriously different life views and finances. I think the trend is a good thing. :)

    I was married in the 90's and divorced after 18 years. Break up was due to seriously different life views and finances. I think the trend is a good thing. :)

    2 votes
    1. [2]
      Tetizeraz
      Link Parent
      If you don't mind me asking, are you both in good terms even today? I imagine that a break-up after 18 years is very harsh to the mind.

      If you don't mind me asking, are you both in good terms even today? I imagine that a break-up after 18 years is very harsh to the mind.

      1. meristele
        Link Parent
        We're amiable acquaintances. We had both gotten to the point of damaging each other emotionally, so separating was something of a relief. It took me 5 years to sort everything inside out. I made...

        We're amiable acquaintances. We had both gotten to the point of damaging each other emotionally, so separating was something of a relief. It took me 5 years to sort everything inside out. I made every effort to not say anything negative to our two children as I finished raising them to adulthood. I wanted them to be able to have their own relationship with him and draw their own conclusions. Unfortunately he did not feel the need to spend much time with them, or pay child support. Those two things are the only things I regret. But it was not within my control.

        He calls them on their birthdays. From things his current wife says, I am apparently a Crazy Psycho Bitch™. But we can sit in the same room and politely converse. XD

        6 votes
  5. Tetizeraz
    Link
    Well, it isn't so much of a myth I guess, since people with education don't divorce as much as they did, but people without a college degree still divorce like old times. I know a couple of...

    Well, it isn't so much of a myth I guess, since people with education don't divorce as much as they did, but people without a college degree still divorce like old times. I know a couple of families where the man is still the main provider, even women now work, or women will work until they have kids.