Few things are as painful as 5 year old me wishing I would wake up one morning and be white. I still remember 7 year old me scrubbing my skin raw, looking for the lighter shade. It really, really...
And as much as I hate to admit it, I started blaming myself. I thought, “Oh, maybe if I was thinner” or “Maybe if I grow out my hair” and, worst of all, “Maybe if I wasn’t Asian.” For months, I went down a spiral of self-hate, into the darkest recesses of my mind, places where I tore myself apart, where I put their words above my own self-worth.
Few things are as painful as 5 year old me wishing I would wake up one morning and be white. I still remember 7 year old me scrubbing my skin raw, looking for the lighter shade. It really, really fucks me up. What fucks me up even more is when I catch myself still thinking like that. I don't know how I to properly bring across the idea to someone who's never had to experience it, the desperation to erase a fundamental part of who you are -- and the daily realization that you have failed make that immutable part of you go away.
This is a great story. I'm really happy for reading this. At least I know I was not alone in feeling this way.
Few things are as painful as 5 year old me wishing I would wake up one morning and be white. I still remember 7 year old me scrubbing my skin raw, looking for the lighter shade. It really, really fucks me up. What fucks me up even more is when I catch myself still thinking like that. I don't know how I to properly bring across the idea to someone who's never had to experience it, the desperation to erase a fundamental part of who you are -- and the daily realization that you have failed make that immutable part of you go away.
This is a great story. I'm really happy for reading this. At least I know I was not alone in feeling this way.
This woman, is awesome.