65
votes
What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others?
You do it, and it's against the grain -- outside the norm.
But you like it, or think it's worthwhile.
In fact, you'd recommend that more people do it, so that it can shift the grain or become the norm.
What is it, and why do you recommend it?
Make time to cook myself a proper breakfast every single day. I started doing this years ago and made it my non-negotiable anchor of each day. I believe it's the ultimate form of self-care.
I'm late for work? I guess I'll be extra late, because I'm making myself breakfast.
I'm super hungover and slept in until 1pm? Tough shit, time to make breakfast.
It became my rock to stand on. A hill to die on. It was almost an act of protest. Fuck you, world! You can wait! I'm making myself breakfast!
Ugh... I really don't feel like cooking breakfast...
Fuck you, self! I'm making you breakfast and you will like it!
From this habit, more habits formed. It became easier to just wash my breakfast dishes right away, instead of leaving them for myself to do later. I stopped buying snacks and coffee in the morning.
My morning routine stopped being so rushed, because I wasn't just rolling out of bed, getting ready, and then leaving for work. My morning was finally for myself, and later, for my family.
Eating breakfast isn't necessarily atypical. But taking the time to make yourself a proper breakfast every single fucking day, who does that?
Well, starting tomorrow. You do.
Not me. Unfortunately my stomach is a wreck in the mornings. I am always super nauseous for the first few hours after I wake up, so there is no way I can eat breakfast without throwing it up. Intermittent fasting, waiting until at least noon (after I do my cardio) before I eat for the first time, and stopping eating at 8pm, works far far better for me, personally. Doing that helps me keep my food from coming back up, and also helps control my caloric intake, which is a Win/Win.
I'm pretty nauseous first thing in the morning too. Not to the point where I have a strict dietary schedule like you, but I definitely can't eat breakfast for an hour or so, which is why I wait until after my morning poo and shower (not at the same time). I'm glad you have a system that works!
Heh, thanks. And yeah, to each their own. Not gonna lie though; I am a bit jealous of people that can actually eat breakfast at breakfast time. It's my favorite kind of meal, so even though I can't actually eat it in the morning, I often eat "breakfast" foods (eggs and toast, pancakes/french toast/waffles, or cereal) for my dinner. :P
Hey, breakfast is a state of mind, not a time. "Brinner" is truly one of life's greatest pleasures.
Breakfast for dinner is like #1 comfort food ever. Not cereal. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, coffee, juice, all the things.
But for dinner.
Man, I just ate breakfast and you have me planning out brinner now...
Thanks for the clarification. Haha.
Didn't want tildes thinking I'm out here waffle-stomping every morning.
I'm one of today's unlucky 10,000.
waffle stomp : (
you’d be in good company with Andre the Giant.
Oh god I have the same problem and have had it for years. Apparently it's not unusual for women with ADHD (yet another 'gift' it's given me). I joke that I've had morning sickness for decades but never once been pregnant. Breakfast is hard as hell, normally I just won't eat it at all. However, I've had to up my protein uptake, so have started making eggs and/or loaded greek yogurt for breakfast. Thankfully I work from home three days a week so I can allow myself to eat later in the morning.
Do you wake up regularly in the night? I have ADHD too and I've always connected the irregular sleep with how I feel in the AM. I don't necessarily have a solution, just curious if your experience is the same.
I've started waking up between 3am and 5am a few times a week, then fitfully go back to sleep, but that's a more recent development. It's either because I'm very anxious about something, there was noise or, more often than not, I need to pee (one of the perils of being over 30). However over the years I've noticed the nausea is way worse if I don't get enough hours of sleep, and my anxiety goes through the roof too. Below a certain number of hours I'm retching all morning.
Oof, that sounds no bueno, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I've tried a myriad of shit to try and sleep soundly through the night, and nothing ever brings consistent results. I'm super jealous of my spouse, who can seemingly fall asleep and wake up on command.
Sleep and ADHD feels like a mismatch made in hell. I love when ADHD advice articles tell you to sleep better. Like, oh wow why didn't I think of that?! My wife is the same as your spouse, I'm so envious!
I forgot to mention , and I don't want to assume your gender but in case you are a cis woman or AFAB, you might find this video interesting (the sound quality is horrific though): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QSFSAa1-NCs
It certainly opened my eyes to the differences in ADHD manifestations between men and women (or boys and girls really) and was the first place I heard of the connection between ADHD and difficulty eating breakfast in the morning. I'm sure there are other resources about this but I haven't gone looking.
I'm cis male, but I will still gladly watch this video since I madly consume all ADHD-related content 🙂 Plus a good friend of mine (cis woman) was recently diagnosed and we often swap our experiences, which has exposed me to more and more of the differences between men/women ADHDers.
You're a good friend :) and hey if you have any particular recommendations I'm all ears!
iirc there are some indications that ADHD may be related to some sleep disorders, actually! There's obviously a lot we don't know but sleep issues are not uncommon among people with ADHD. Luckily for me, I got the "sleeps too much" variety -- I've considered going for a sleep study or something to look into it independently before, but apparently the treatment for the "sleeps too much" kind is also just stimulants, which I've already got, so I haven't bothered. I actually had someone on reddit suggest ADHD long before my diagnosis when I mentioned constantly struggling to resist long midday naps.
Yeah I got the "sleeps too many hours" affliction, but it's married to the "can't go to sleep" variety, which is what causes problems for me. Thankfully my schedule is a lot more flexible these days so I can work around it. In your case, do you mean something like narcolepsy? I'd heard stimulants are used to treat that as well. And side question - does coffee make you very sleepy?
Coffee does sometimes make me very sleepy -- a morning coffee is usually fine (and I drank a lot of coffee before I was on stimulants) but I would frequently have my intense afternoon nap right after a cup of coffee. My suspicion is that the small degree to which it alleviated some of my other ADHD symptoms made it relaxing in that context.
That's interesting, the same thing happens to me. Back when I used to drink coffee at the office I'd be nodding off at my desk (then had an even worse time falling asleep at night). What you say makes me wonder if it's similar to the effects of stimulants. When I take ritalin my anxiety actually goes away, everything becomes so much quieter.
Well, caffeine straight-up is a stimulant, after all. A much weaker one with some differences in how it works when compared to the ones used to treat ADHD, but I think it makes sense that their effects would be similar. My college friends are shocked that I don't drink like 4-5 coffees a day anymore but in retrospect it was definitely a form of not-super-effective self-medication.
We are once again twins, except I usually prefer a diet soda because it took me until adulthood to like coffee and I don't love black coffee so Coke Zero is at least just energy no calories.
Oh, I still drink tons of diet soda lol! But the caffeine in soda wasn't enough to really do much for me back then, and honestly even these days it's not much of an issue.
It's more a stop gap (and tbf I was getting the largest gas station option so, truly concerning amounts of soda) for days I forget my meds.
Your poor digestive system XD
But yeah all that makes a lot of sense. If only stimulants didn't come with all these weird side effects...
I have to take medication first thing in the morning on an empty stomach and then wait at least 30 minutes before eating anything. Atm my cats wake me up at 7am for their breakfast, despite the fact that I'm currently unemployed and otherwise would not be up so early otherwise, so after I feed them I take my meds and go back to bed. I think I may try starting a breakfast habit when I properly wake up later! I like eggs and they're luckily not as expensive here as in the states, and they're perfect for breakfast.
I mean, glass half full, your cats are just taking care of you as well ;) Having a rhythm and sticking to it even when not employed is beneficial for most people.
Do it! If you have a small frying pan, like the size for only two eggs, it's perfect. Great for trying different ways to cook your eggs and super easy cleanup.
So I had that for years and it turned out I had a low grade stomach infection that just kind of maintained forever. 3 rounds of antibiotics ended up dealing with it and now I wake up feeling great. That and I eat kimchi daily now.
I appreciate the concern, and advice. I'm also glad you figured out what was causing a similar issue for you, and hopefully it helps others who read it who might be suffering from the same. But unfortunately, I doubt that's the cause for me. I have had "sensitive stomach" issues since very early childhood, and over the years have had several upper and lower GI endoscopes, barium and stool tests, and blood work done, amongst other things, and nothing has ever shown anything of major concern. No ulcers, no polyps, no inflammation, no signs of infection/disease. So it's more than likely just related to my panic disorder (which often causes me to throw up), and I've just had to learn to live with as best I can. Hence the intermittent fasting, and diet with no caffeine, limited sugar intake, no red meat and only select leafy greens (since red meat and some leafy greens, like iceberg lettuce and radicchio, digest too slowly for me), etc. etc. etc.
p.s. I have tried taking digestive enzymes before every meal too, but they didn't help with the morning nausea. They did help me digest leafy greens and animal proteins noticeable faster... but they're also f'n expensive so not really worth it for me.
Ah, sorry to hear it. I had a phase where I thought morning stomach pain and nausea was something everyone experienced until a friend told me it was odd. It took forever to get diagnosed and only did because it responded to antibiotics I took for a sinus infection. Sorry to hear but it sounds like you're managing it well!
What does a “proper breakfast” entail?
For me, my breakfasts change every few months. My current fascination is chorizo with peppers and onions, served over rice with hot sauce, cheese, and a sunny side up egg. I make it for my wife and I every morning before work.
Any variation of or addition to eggs, rice, and hot sauce is a winner in my book
Complete Breakfast
(There is legitimately a Stardew Valley cookbook. My daughter just received it as a gift, so we haven't had time to try it out.)
Hmm. Good question. I don't presume to be the expert on such matters, but when I first started doing it, really my only rule was that I had to make it myself and it couldn't be cereal.
It started as being two fried eggs, toast, and a glass of milk (I know, I'm a weird milk drinker, I've come to terms with it). But slowly adding other food items, like fried potatoes or salami, was not that much more effort.
So really I'd say a "proper breakfast" is just something homemade, filling, has decent nutritional value, and most importantly, is delicious.
Eggs, scrambled for the kids. I found out you can buy bacon ends from a butcher for $0.99/lb. These I keep in the freezer and I take a single ~1" cube and slice it into a thin pieces and cook them to get some oil in the pan. One of the kids likes a breakfast "burrito", which just means scrambled eggs with ham (now bacon ends) in a tortilla, so I cook said tortilla in the bacon fat until it turns crispy. I set it aside with the bacon ends on top. The tortilla will soak up a good portion of the oil, so I will need a bit of butter for the eggs. The eggs cook quickly, especially as my kids are picky about scorched eggs. This goes into the tortilla and the bacon ends.
The other kid just likes scrambled eggs with shredded cheese mixed in, so that goes out quickly, too, with a bowl of cereal on the side. My wife likes her eggs over medium, but with the yolks broken, but I need to clean the pan because she prefers eggs cooked in butter. This goes out with toast and an avocado or orange, as available, along with coffee (cream and sugar) and orange juice (also as available).
At this point, I'll probably fix my own breakfast "burrito" and finish it off before everyone else gets down to eat breakfast. This is my favorite part, where everyone gets to enjoy this made-to-order breakfast before heading out.
They all depart at 7:35, at which point, I have 40 minutes to clean everything up and get ready and leave, myself.
But yes, I have to agree: a full breakfast is truly wonderful.
Man, that's quite the regiment! In some ways I'm jealous. My boy is just getting to the solids stage, and I'm excited. When he was born, for some weird reason, one of the things I was most excited for was being like those moms in the old sitcoms who already had breakfast ready by the time her family came downstairs to start the day (I'm technically a dad, but the point remains). It sounds like you have a really fun, albeit busy, morning routine!
I sort of do this, if you substitute "a proper breakfast" with "a proper espresso".
I don't eat before midday, so my breakfast routine was non-existent. Making myself a "proper" coffee first thing in the morning means I'm forced to spend at least a few minutes of "slow" time and I get to start my morning with something that tastes nice.
We were lucky enough to get a nice espresso machine for cheap not too long ago. Do you use any specific beans/blends? Do you take your espresso straight up? I've been making americanos and I'm definitely not going back to drip coffee anytime soon.
You'll probably get about as many opinions about specific beans for espresso as you will espresso fans, but now I'm obligated to ask what your setup is lol
lol I shall happily answer. I haven't gotten too deep into it yet, but at have a Breville (not sure the model, but it has a grinder and a milk steamer built in).
Haven't futzed around too much with the grinder settings yet, but I grind it fairly coarse. I'll grind a "single" portion, but I brew a doubleshot from it. I brew directly into a mug filled halfway with pre-heated water.
I get the beans from a local shop with like 20 dispensers on the wall. One of the baristas will usually pick a blend for me, give me some of the flavor notes which I promptly forget, and then I go on my merry way!
I will say, I am surprised by the diversity of flavor from blend to blend. Even store-bought beans have distinct flavors that are nowhere near as noticeable with drip brew imo. Sometimes I'll start drinking a new batch, and the first cup will seem so bitter to start with, but after a few days the flavor really grows on me.
This is weird, but the flavors make me feel like a cowboy. Like I'm sitting out on the open range, watching the sunrise. I pretend my coffee was brewed over an open fire, rich with flavor from the grounds steeping in my tin brewer.
Then again, maybe that's just because I'm usually listening to Hermanos Gutiérrez while I drink my morning cup.
My sister has the same machine as you, I think, and it can make some pretty good coffee!
If your beans taste super bitter when you switch to a new blend, it's often worth tweaking your grind setting -- though if you're already grinding coarse and it tastes bitter it's probably not too far off. Different beans sometimes need slightly different tweaks on that front.
I also definitely recommend seeking out a local specialty roaster if you enjoy experiencing the different flavors of your espressos. An Americano definitely gives you enough of the flavor from the beans that it'll be worth it to try something nice. I'm more of a cappuccino person and that's a bit more forgiving, but it also means I get less of the unique flavors bc some of it is disguised by the milk. Probably for this reason, I get more of the flavor of a specific blend when I do pourover, since I don't add as much milk to that.
I do the same. If there's one thing I do before leaving for work it's pulling myself a shot.
I roast coffee for a living so I always have a constant supply. My machine is a Cafelat Robot.
I really like the idea of the first thing you do in a day being for yourself. Something to look forward to and help you get out of bed.
However, if I have anything other than a light breakfast, I lose all motivation to do anything productive. Whereas if I don't eat in the morning or have a simple and light breakfast like oatmeal, I am able to stay focused and productive for a few hours.
Maybe that state is an evolutionary trait that helped us get food in the past.
I guess I ought to find some other fulfilling morning activity to look forward to and help me get out of bed.
I think that's a totally reasonable stance. I think you should definitely stick to whatever you think makes you most effective and reduces friction in your day to day life. Maybe you can put together a sort of lunch routine that does the same thing. You keep your productive hours, give yourself a nice break with time for yourself, and maybe even give yourself an afternoon recharge! I'm pretty much worthless (from a capitalism standpoint) after 2pm. I'd love to be able to knock that and be more productive in the afternoons.
Actually I do that too! Breakfast is my biggest, most varied, most colourful, most effortful meal of the day, and I legitimately put a lot of time and effort into it.
My second (see: last) meal of the day pales in comparison to my breakfasts. BREAKFAST GANG, RISE UP!
Ain’t this the truth. I do it too. It confuses a lot of people who know me because they have the “grindset” and I don’t. I “waste” time in the kitchen that I could be using to work on becoming the next Jeff Zuckergates.
Stealing this, though I might go with Jefflon Zuckergates
I agree 100%, you might appreciate this other post I made not too long ago about my breakfast ritual. I was feeling sentimental that day.
I put the water in my mouth before the pill(s) rather than the conventional method of pill then water. That way I can immediately swallow the pill without it sitting on my tongue for a couple seconds.
I take all pills with food. Take a bite, chew it up, toss in the pill, swallow. Goes down easy and it’s always easy on the esophagus and stomach.
I use the applesauce method. Pairs well with cottage cheese too
Bear in mind some pills should be taken on an empty stomach, such as flucloxacillin ( although new evidence suggest the effect might not be as bad as thought)
Yes, definitely. Always take as directed! But if it isn’t specified, I have found that my body is happier if I take it with food.
Finally another person who sees sense!
I had no idea this wasn’t conventional? I’ve always done it this way
As someone who learned to swallow pills as a kid to get away from the chewables due to taste, this is the way
Oh yes, this! Mouthful of water (more often, coffee), drop the pills in, swallow the whole gulp quickly. [I've got one med that can cause mouth/tongue sores on contact, and the doctor also told me to do this when prescribing it.]
I do this, but I also drink like normal too, so bit of water in mouth ahead of time, pill, then drink new water and swallow it all at once. I think I do that because I can't fill my mouth up with enough water to get a clean swallow and get the pill in there, so it sort of floats on the bit already there, then one shot to take it all down.
Organize your cutlery in the dishwasher!
Sorting a mess of spoons, forks, and knives likely with different sizes, to put them back into the drawer is an awful chore. You can avoid it altogether if you just have a spot within your basket or drawer in the dishwasher for each type.
Every time I’m emptying the dishwasher and I scoop up all of the small spoons in one hand and all of the big spoons in another, and put them into their respective slots in the drawer, I feel a little bit better about my day.
I always intentionally distribute the utensils in a sort of round robin way to do the exact opposite of what you do. I remember being taught as a kid not to put like utensils next to each other because the utensils will, in some percentage of cases, nestle together and fail to get fully sanitized. Thinking about it, I don't think I've ever reassessed if that's a real concern...
I've had it happen but only with spoons. But also I put my silverware in handle down, and my silverware basket holds them apart so it helps
I’ve never really had that happen but have heard about it as a worry. If they’re handle down, I imagine there’s enough water pressure to knock them around a little bit. I pre-sorted for years with a basket and never noticed any issues, but now I live somewhere with a drawer at the top.
I'll be the chaotic element here: I put my silverware in the silverware bin in my dishwasher, which has a separator lid. So like: this
When I unload, I grab all of the silverware (family of 4 over 2 days, it's not nothing) in two clean hands, walk to the drawer, and then separate as I put them away. All other systems have been suboptimal.
Oh my god. I was about to comment "yeah, the lids on my basket are too short for ANY of my dinnerware... And then I realized you're supposed to put them in handle first. You've just blown my mind a little. I think the next load I run, I'll give that a try.
Ha, this is fantastic. I am also a former-tines-downer-converted-by-lids, so I get it. Hope it helps!
I grew up in a household where we put the silverware in “head” down (our dishwasher has baskets without the slotted lids).
In my new apartment this year, the baskets in my dishwasher have slotted lids and I started loading the baskets that way (“heads” up, handles in the basket) (for everything but knives anyway).
I’m still getting used to it, but I think it probably does a better job of keeping them separated & washes them better. And now I do the pre-sorting as well.
Separating like that is one of my least favorite things to do. It’s so tedious and everything has to go into the dishwasher basically one at a time anyway so it’s no extra time to sort it then.
True. But if I'm worried about things "nestling" And not getting clean, then I might as well (as I do):
Otherwise, sure, separate by type when loading the dishwasher bins and risk nestling (I've never worried seriously about this).
Even better, if you hate doing it at the drawer, sort into rows within the separator bin lid (this is more precisely what I do). No nestling, still sorting just once.
I just put them all on the counter above the dishwasher as I take them out, and sort from there before transporting. Takes multiple trips anyway and lets me double-check they're clean. Especially because lately the knives have just... Have a 50/50 chance of not being clean? Can't tell if it's rust or what, but some definitely need hand-scrubbing because the dishwasher just isn't getting them so there's brown bits we can scrape off.
Sounds like a good system to me! Maybe doublecheck that your dishwasher filter is clean if you haven't. I find many people don't realize there is a filter that needs cleaning periodically. I hope that clears up soon.
Somewhat similarly, I match my socks before I hang 'em up to dry. And while taking everything down, I fold the laundry directly into the basket. It makes the whole thing much less annoying, and I don't even really miss my parent's dryer anymore
My parents have a slimline dishwasher, where the cutlery is actually laid out in a drawer on top of the dishwasher. So it's always knives at the front, forks at the back and spoons radiating out from the middle.
Makes cutlery a piece of piss to clear.
Explore your gender, how you express it and what it means to you. Who knows, it might not match what you always assumed. And if it does match, that great too, but now you actually know instead of just going with what you were told.
Either way the process of self examination can be hugely beneficial to your sense of self and society as a whole.
In our current society this shit can be extremely painful, but it doesn't have to be.
More broadly speaking this applies to all forms of introspection, but gender in particular can be really helpful
Edit: Some resources for folks. Happy Trans Day of Visibility!
The Quick and Easy Guide series by Archie Bongiovanni is a useful starting point. I have a few copies of the one about They/Them pronouns in case I need to hand one out
Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon is another useful guide that goes a bit more in depth, but is still pretty accessible
She/He/They/Me by Robyn Ryle and recommended by @DefinitelyNotAFae further up the thread. I haven't read this one myself but it seems pretty cool.
There are lots of other great resources out there, and I'll update this list with more later.
I see people say this, but I never understand what that actually means, and whenever I ask I usually get a trite answer like "haha nobody knows" that doesn't seem to understand that no I'm not joking, I literally don't know what's being talked about.
That's fair, and it's a difficult process. There's no one single answer, but for me a lot of it came down to exposing myself to stories from trans and GNC (gender non-conforming) folks. Meeting and talking to trans people, listening to what they had to say.
Trying things like presenting differently or going by different pronouns. But most importantly a lot of self reflection. Sitting with my own thoughts, reflecting on them and why they are that way.
As a simple starting point, if someone refers to you using various gendered (he/she) or non-gendered pronouns (they), how do you feel? Why do you feel that way? Do any of them feel right? Do any of them feel wrong? Are any of them scary? Why? Really sit with the question. Think about what they mean to you.
Does it make you ask any new questions?
I've thought about the pronouns question and been referred to in a variety of ways before (long hair will do that to ya), but it always felt like putting the cart before the horse. That is, if for example someone calls me "straight" or "gay" I know what those mean and thus can answer if the word is accurate or inaccurate, but if someone calls me "he" or "she" I have no basis by which to judge it (excluding the physical definitions, which evidently many whose judgments I trust find to be inadequate) and thus I feel nothing about it. I've never cared much for labels of any kind beyond their utility for communication, so questions that center around choosing them without conveying any kind of commonly-understood meaning befuddle me.
Sorry, I appreciate the advice and this isn't meant to argue, just me kind of thinking aloud about the topic.
Edit: For another example, if someone refers to "bad food" I have a general idea that they mean "food with a taste that gives a negative impression", even if their exact list of qualifying foods might be different from someone else's. But I have no grasp on what "manhood", "womanhood", etc mean—there's the traditional definitions around physical traits, or around cultural masculinity/femininity, but you can find feminine people with female bodies that might even use she/her pronouns yet who very strongly identify with the label "man", so evidently there's SOMETHING else I'm not grasping. I just have zero clue what it is, so the labels don't tell me anything and thus I feel no connection to them.
It's funny that you say that, because for me terms like "straight" and "gay" lost a lot of meaning after I came out as nonbinary, they assume a certain framing that no longer holds for me. Whenever someone asks me that question I need like 3 caveats.
But to your point, are you looking for answers? Or are you okay with that sort of ambiguity? I'm nonbinary and uses exclusively they/them pronouns, and that's right for me at this moment. I have other friends who are also nonbinary and literally don't care what pronouns you use for them, as long as you're doing so respectfully, he/she/they are all good for them. I know other folks that switch them around from day to day. And I know one person who has a strong preference to only that person's name (which I will not reveal here), never pronouns.
My point being, that there are lots of different ways to be. Labels, when used descriptively rather than prescriptively, can be a great tool for communication and finding community, but I know some folks who place a lot of value on finding the exact label or labels for themself, and I don't personnally get that.
I'm sure by now you've come across the term agender, which is a way some folks that feel disconnected from the whole concept choose to describe themselves. But if you literally don't care, that's fine too.
Someone who actually doesn't care about their gender is in a much healthier place than someone who claims they don't care, but goes ballistic if they get misgendered.
This is only slightly related, but I have a question, if you don’t mind helping me out. I don’t really understand what it means to be non binary. Do you have any resources I could watch / read to learn more ?
I am really not trying to marginalize anyone. It’s just that I’m a straight white male who grew up in the USA. I have family that is gay or trans, but no family or friends that are non binary. These aren’t questions that I have ever had to confront. I understand straight / gay / trans. As you hint at, they fit in with the framing most people have. I know I am not trans or gay, but I can understand how someone could be. I know what the definition of non binary is, but I just don’t understand what it means on a human level.
I really would like to know more for my own self improvement. If you could recommend me some resources, that would be fantastic.
Im not the person you asked, but i am non-binary so i figured id chime in. The wikipedia article is pretty good and very thorough. If you want a lighter intro, this article from the national center for transgender equality is good.
You could also check out Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. This book was pretty instrumental to me personally when it came to figuring myself out. 10/10 do recommend, along with anything else written by hir that catches your interest.
I am agender, and here's what made it click for me:
If I were to upload my consciousness to the internet, with no more access to the meat suit, which gender(s) would I be as I interact with other disembodied consciousnesses?
Answer: none. Any and all connection I feel to gender is (apparently) strictly within the societal construct, and I would just as soon ignore that completely because it just doesn't mean anything to me. It doesn't convey any useful information about me, and it feels like a purely intellectual touchstone that, while useful for meatspace, would be rendered wholly irrelevant in an exclusively digital space.
Most people would still "feel like something," I think, even in that context, but I just cannot relate to that feeling at all. At this point I'm equally uncomfortable with all pronouns, so I just tell people to use whichever comes out. I adore it when people use it/its for themselves, it's just so delightfully punk somehow, but sadly it/its doesn't ring any truer for me than he/she/they (and it can make people uncomfortable) so I tend to just not touch that one. Anyway. Hope this helps a bit!
That’s interesting - I’ve never heard it put quite like that with that thought experiment. I’m honestly not sure what I’d do… It feels like the main reason I’d choose male is because of my relationships, which gets at what you said about it being more of a social thing rather than being inherently me. Hmm. I’ll have to dwell with this.
It’s always been harder for me to really consider my gender as something I could change from what I grew up with. I realized a handful of years ago that I’m pretty far down the asexual spectrum, but that was easier to recognize since it feels more akin to a preference than something “me”. But maybe that’s just part of being asexual?
Clearly I’m still processing all of this.
As are many of us!
I'm ace as well, and that discovery felt somewhat simpler than the gender one, because outside influences seemed more relevant, I guess? There's more of an objective touchstone for it, outside of my own experiences.
One note I'd like to make (this isn't an attack, just something that might be helpful to have pointed out): trans folks aren't changing their gender. That's what's meant by "trans women are women," for example~ they always were women, what's changing is the expression and the bodies that didn't match up before. I get what you were meaning, and like I said this is not an attack on you or anything you said (you've been perfectly kind and respectful, and that's all anyone asks). But yeah, might help with your own processing of yourself to reframe it from "changing ones gender" to something more like "removing an externally imposed costume."
While this is a good rule of thumb for cis people to keep in mind, it's not necessarily reflective of every trans person's beliefs about their gender. The "born in the wrong body" narrative is popular because it is quite close to many trans people's experiences, but it's an oversimplification at best. There is definitely a subset of trans people who perceive themselves as having chosen to change genders rather than their gender being an immutable fact about them that they were born with -- that's honestly closer to where I fall tbh. Gender is complicated and messy, and in the trans community you'll find myriad different perspectives on it.
Very good point, thanks!
Sure, but I can only speak about what it means to me:
The first thing you should know is that nonbinary is a blanket term, a lot of different terms fit underneath it.
The second thing is that, at least for me, a huge part of it is about letting go of ways of being that were forced upon me, but I never chose.
And third, many nonbinary folks consider themselves trans. But not all. And both are correct. By certain definitions nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella, but if you really want to understand nonbinary folks you'll want to let go of hard definitions and classifications.
For me I never really felt right in men's spaces, both physical and social. I "knew" I was supposed to be there, because everyone said so, and I hadn't yet realized there were more options than just doing what I was told.
After some soul searching, which I'll skip over here, I realized that rather than trying to force myself into a roles and spaces where I didn't fit, instead I could step outside of those roles.
New pronouns, changing up how I present myself, redefining how I see myself, navigating relationships, and more.
It's scary and painful, but also incredibly liberating. I could finally be and see myself within a context that felt right.
I hope that helps. I'll compile some resources and post them in the top level comment when I get the chance!.
When you do, please ping me. I would love to read more.
That was incredibly helpful, thanks. If I understand correctly, it’s basically just a rejection of societal gender roles, at least as they pertain to you? It seems weird reading that back. That seems like the academic, sterile definition of non binary. I knew it conceptually, but didn’t understand it. I think I might have been conflating it with physical sex and sexual attraction.
One more question, if you don’t mind. What can I do to make the world better and more welcoming to you folks? When I am told about someone’s preferred pronouns, which in my life has been just once, I do my best to use them (habit, general forgetfulness, and ADHD means I slip up sometimes, but I try to get better over time). I also try to be a pleasant person, which makes the world better for everyone regardless of gender. Anything else I can do?
A big thing that helps, especially from allies, is speaking up when you hear people make homophobic/transphobic jokes or comments (This also applies to other shitty things people say - racism, fatphobia, etc). The social pressure of "that's not cool bro" to a friend is often more useful than 3 paragraphs from a trans person that's a stranger trying to educate.
It's become acceptable to be a really horrible person out loud, and lack of peer acceptance will start changing the habits even before their beliefs might change.
I’ve heard this before, and it’s definitely something I try to do. I don’t think I am very good at it yet, but I am trying to get better. My main problem is that I’m just a bit clueless, and often don’t realize someone said something hateful.
I had a situation come up this year in school. One of my classmates apparently said some pretty terrible things. It was directed at pretty much everyone for a wide variety of reasons. The last incident was a streak of antisemitism directed at another classmate who is Jewish. She reported it to the school, and they are hopefully taking care of it.
I got a general bad vibe from him, but didn’t notice anything particularly hateful. When I heard about everything he apparently said, I had to mentally think back over all my interactions with him. I don’t think he said anything hateful around me, but it’s very possible I just didn’t notice it.
Anyway, this is something I try to do, but it’s difficult for me. But that just means I need to keep trying.
I put a few up there already, but I'll probably add more later today.
And yeah, that captures some of it at an academic level, but a large portion of it is also about accepting that I'm part of the larger LGBT+ community and can find community there in a way that never really made sense before.
It's about self definition outside of what I had been told and reclaiming my own agency as it relates to self-identity. And then acting upon that to reshape myself into who I want to be.
As far as what you can do to help trans and non-binary folks:
Advocate for us. We're a very small percentage of the population and don't really have strength in numbers. Call politicians, donate to trans causes, when people threaten us or try to take away our rights, push back. Especially in situations where it's not safe for us.
Advocate for gender neutral policies in the workplace or public, and especially when it applies to government policy.
Normalize talking about gender and pronouns. Not just when someone there is visibly queer, but like, just as a part of regular life. But casually, it doesn't have to be a huge thing. "Hi I'm [name1] and my pronouns are they/them", "Nice to meet you [name1], I'm [name2] and my pronouns are he/him". That SHOULD be a normal and chill conversation in a sane world.
And if you do slip up with someone's pronouns apologize, correct yourself and move on. Don't make it a whole big thing. If someone was referring to me and said something like "Yeah, I saw him over, shit, sorry, I saw them over there" that's so much nicer than them making the same error and then just apologizing over and over and going into a 10 minute spiel about how good of an ally they are.
If someone comes out to you, comfort them and maintain that relationship (unless other factors come into play). Many of use lose large numbers of family and friends, just to exist.
Most of us just want to be left alone to live our lives, but there's a huge hate campaign targetting us. Being trans and/or non-binary could and should be a just a normal part of every day life, but unfortunately we don't live in that world.
This but with the entire queer community, including folks who don't include themselves in the queer community for reasons of race or religion. Queer language is squishy. It's why there are he/him lesbians and pansexual, aromantic, demigender folks out there.
Heh, that does make things tricky!
I'm pretty fine with the ambiguity for myself, but gender's a topic I've been trying to understand for a while because of its importance to trans friends and acquaintances, yet have never quite been able to grasp despite talking with them (those conversations being where a lot of the "who knows haha" responses have come from). 'Course if someone tells me to refer to them a specific way I'll respect that regardless, but I like to try and see where people are coming from, especially if I'm close to them. And especially given the current state of things in the US.
I've heard of agender, yeah. I use it as a descriptor when relevant, though I'm always a little hesitant to "claim" it because for some others I know it's an important part of their identity that they're not gendered, while for me it's more like "I haven't heard of that song you're referencing, sorry". (For that reason I'll sometimes oversimplify and just call myself a cis guy because it paints a more accurate picture of my life experiences; depends on what the person seems to be trying to get at and how much detail they expect.)
Re: agender: a lot of these terms are fluid and flexible, there aren't hard rules around when and how you use them. It sounds like you've already got a handle on that part.
As to what gender is: this is a huge topic, I could go into multiple essays without coming to a single answer. There are lots of different schools of thought of varying quality and the term is also actually a bunch of different terms in a trenchcoat, all of which refer to "gender" but mean different things. And social, cultural, historical and individual context are hugely important, because this shit is complicated.
But none of that is an answer. So let me see if I can summarize it into anything useful.
People like taxonomies. Systems of classification that help us make sense of the world. Both for personal understanding, but also for systems of control. Gender exists in a weird spot where it's both descriptive (a way of describing the world and things in it) and prescriptive (the act of changing the world by fitting it into boxes... Sort of)
In the US, I would say that the dominant culture works off two major categories: Men/Male and Women/Female (capitalized for effect). These are assigned at birth based on how your genitals appear. And if you don't fit neatly into one of those bins, the doctor will "correct" you surgically so you can fit into one of the neat bins.
From there, you're raised and taught a series of behaviors, expectations and ways of being that correspond to the bin you were placed in. Over time many people internalize these and see it as a part of themselves. They teach you how to act and also how to treat others.
This is where you get concepts like masculinity and feminity and the attributes associated with them.
Men™ are tough and strong. They like the color blue. Football and power tools! And they don't talk about their emotions (except anger)
Women™ are sensitive and caring. They like pink. They're more emotional and need to be kept away from the levers of power for... reasons.
I'm being glib and oversimplifying, but trying to make the point that there are socially constructed boxes that are mostly vibes based.
And as long as you stay in your box people know how to treat you.
Many people perpetuate these systems and they also grow and change over time. Sometimes in ways that are relatively benign or even beneficial, but other times in ways that are more sinister.
Because they're also a useful tool for people and systems in power: a way of classifying people into groups that determine someone's rights and their role in society. ~50 years ago a valid answer to the question "What is a woman?" was "someone who we don't allow to have a bank account". 200 years ago it was much worse, but 20,000 years ago it was much more egalitarian
Some people claim Men and Women map neatly onto chromosomes (XY and XX respectively) and for many people that's in the ballpark, given the context from earlier. But it's a huge oversimplification for many reasons, and there are major issues with this. This is the preferred argument of many transphobes who are more concerned with the "forcing people into boxes" part than any sort of truth or understanding.
Some people claim gender is your internal sense of self, completely separated from your physical body. This framing also has issues.
Others would say that gender is an action. Preforming or defying the aforementioned roles and behaviors. You determine it by doing it. This is closest to my personal belief.
It certainly helps to recognize that there is no one agreed-upon framework for what gender is and how it affects us. It's a lot of different things all fitting into one word that cause a lot of confusion.
So, what is gender?
Is it our biology? Partially
Is it our internal sense of self? Also partially
Is it something we do? Definitely (IMO)
Is it something we determine or something forced upon us? Yes
I hope that was helpful and not just me rambling.
That was helpful, thanks! Still confusing, but, well, sounds like there's a reason for that lol. The "internal sense of self" interpretation sounds like the root of what I've been having a hard time grasping, I think, but I suppose that's probably hard to describe in the same way describing "happiness" or "sadness" is.
Yeah, that's a very popular interpretation. I think it's useful, though incomplete. We are physical beings living in a physical world and many of us wouldn't go to extreme lengths to reshape our bodies or outward appearance if our internal sense of self was all that mattered. So I don't subscribe to the purely internal interpretation but do agree it's an aspect.
That being said I do understand what it's like to feel disconnected from your body and not be able to match the vibes that everyone else seems to navigate flawlessly but uncritically. Though perhaps not in the same way.
For me before I started poking my gender with a stick, I felt a sort of small tug in my mind. Just sort of gently pushing me towards queer and especially trans media and resources. I wanted to know more because it was interesting and because I was such a Good Ally(lol, lmao even).
Over time it got louder and louder until I finally had to directly address it myself and figure out if there was a reason I was so fixated on these questions.
That kicked off a larger and more intentional search for answer where I was finally able to start making sense of things.
After that point, it got much easier for me to be able to make sense of it. Everything felt wrong and nonsensical before because it was wrong and nonsensical.
At least that's how it was for me. And some agender folks I've talked with are just like "gender is meaningless to me" which I find as a sort of hilarious reflection of my own views
I poked my gender with a stick for a while before finding the demigender label that fits for me. I just considered what being a woman meant and was I that? Was I something else? I'm not strongly attached to my gender but I'm also not agender, so it was finding a middle ground for me. I'm not a dude but I'm only sort of a woman... Ish.
But also I want to recommend She/He/They/Me - it's a choose your own adventure style gender exploration. It was available in my library app!
I’d say in general it’s kind of just allowing yourself to do whatever you want. For a lot of people that’s not difficult. For me, I am a super anxious person so I just never tried anything that I thought wouldnt be viewed as normal.
I first allowed myself to explore my gender a bit somewhat accidentally thru cosplaying a very feminine character at a convention. I felt like it was a safe place to be “weird” so I was ok with it, but since that weekend I kinda realized how much I liked it, and since then have been much more gender nonconforming.
So basically if you already do everything you might want without being scared of shame that’s it.
I think this exploration of gender, as well as exploration of sexuality, is good for everyone to do, even if you're pretty confident about where your identity currently is.
I explored this in my late teenage years. Not in a physical "experimentation" way that a lot of people/media stereotype, but more as a thought experiment. I landed on being comfortable with my assigned-at-birth gender and mostly heterosexuality, but with the conclusion that I would be fine having a partner who is transgender. (And I don't think it is unreasonable for people to not want to have a transgender partner.)
But this exploration made me more understanding and respectful of those who don't "fit into the box" that most of society previously expected. As a younger teen I would make jokes that included calling boys "gay" if they were involved in a "girly" activity. Gay sex jokes were common in many of my circles (which I partially blame my father for as he had some friends with absolutely awful behaviors like this).
But I don't feel ashamed for having said these things. I was a teenager still figuring things out (while living in a very right-leaning area). I learned from these experiences and adjusted my future behaviors to do better.
I just wanted to say, thanks for posting this. It took me more than 2 decades of bottling up that shit before the bottle exploded and broke me and my whole reality for months.
Since I started transitioning and came out to most people in my environment, it's been the happiest and most alive I've ever been, no matter the hardships and the state of the world.
I also genuinely want to thank all the trans+ folks who are out on this website. Y'all have a special place in my little heart.
I feel that, I really do.
I just wish everyone could be less weird and controlling about gender. None of this has to be painful. None of it SHOULD be painful, but some of the biggest assholes in the world insist of drawing hard lines around everything.
Brush your teeth in the shower. Until I started doing this, it was a chore to get it done, ADHD and all. When I set it up to do it in the shower, suddenly I do it every day. Same with flossing.
It's always been part of my natural routine, cause I've got medium-long hair (bit past my shoulders) so I've always used conditioner. Conditioner needs time to... Condition lol.
So my routine is:
Rinse hair
Shampoo
Rinse hair
Shampoo
Conditioner
Brush teeth
Flosh teeth
Wash body
Rinse body
Wash face
Rinse face and hair at the same time
On days that I don't wash my hair I just start the shower and start brushing my teeth while I wait for the water to get warm.
I do a somewhat similar routine:
If I am conserving hot water (our gas is quite expensive), I only run the shower during the four rinsing steps.
We have the exact same shower routine. I also have pretty long hair, so it makes sense.
You wash your hair twice in the same shower?? My head dandruff is getting itchier as I read this.
Once is a quick rinse of the shampoo. The general rule (for long hair) is once for the dirt, once for the properties of the shampoo. I.e. quick dollop of shampoo, massage it in for 10 seconds, just to get through whatever product (like hair spray, or dry shampoo) is in there. Quickly rinse (not thoroughly) and then apply more shampoo.
Not sure if you've had long hair, but for me my shampoo won't really 'foam' if I don't do this. It feels like it sits on my hair instead of getting all the way through to my scalp.
Okay interesting, I can see that. Thanks for sharing.
I love brushing my teeth in the shower!
Same here! Couple it with a little seat in the shower and you’re golden.
Do you use a manual toothbrush? I use an electric, so I don't think this would really work unless there's a waterproof electric toothbrush.
I’m almost certain my electric toothbrush is at least a bit waterproof because I make an absolute mess with it, and if it wasn’t waterproof I’d have killed it by now. And I don’t take it in the shower with me, that’s just in front of the sink.
If you know the brand and model of toothbrush you have, you should be able to look up the waterproof ratings. It might look like IP22 or IPX6 or something. The first digit is dust rating and the second is waterproof rating. Anything IPX4 or higher should be plenty for in a shower, maybe IPX5 if you’ve got a particularly powerful shower head pressure
I do use an electric, it is waterproof. A cheap oralb one.
Use Trackpoint on a Thinkpad.
Most people seem to hate it, but when you don't have a mouse, it is far more accurate and considerably faster and easier to use than a touchpad. It allows you to have a middle mouse click without using "gestures", it takes-up less space and you can actually use it to play action games on the go.
I can't think of any other atypical stuff I do, at the moment.
Hold on, that's atypical? I was under the impression that almost everyone likes the clitmouse....
People I know in life are utterly baffled by it. I've tried to convince them to no avail and often YouTubers reviewing ThinkPads are again, completely baffled by it and often just complain about it.
Even people on the ThinkPad subreddit often don't use it and more like it for aesthetic reasons (not everyone, of course, but they're there). It's gotten so bad that Lenovo is even removing it on some newer ThinkPad models, which is just sacrilege. I've been buying ThinkPads almost exclusively for the past 12+ years, not the least of which is because of the Clitmouse.
Honestly, if they get rid of it entirely, I'll probably start buying other brands. I do like the build quality and keyboards of the line, but without the feature that makes them unique and provides them with superior usability over any other laptop, I see no reason to really continue buying them when I can get other extra features for less money in other brands and model lines.
Case in point
https://tech.yahoo.com/computing/articles/lenovo-removing-iconic-trackpoint-thinkpad-180000857.html
I scoff at these plebians.
The first time I tried it (as a young kid a LONG time ago mind you) I hated it. Once in a while I try it and it seems good but then I forget its there.
This is properly weird. I haven't met one of you in a couple decades at least. I assumed your ilk must have died out or stopped using computers by now but the vestigial nub that adorns most business laptops to this day spoke otherwise. I knew you must exist, but it's such another thing to encounter you in the wild.
I've got a P15 Gen2 with a proper TrackPointTM clit mouse, and let me tell you, I gave it a legitimate try today based on comments here... Based on my experiences today either you're all wrong or I'm overestimating my knowledge of female anatomy. It's so fucking sensitive. I can't even.
You can tweak your sensitivity settings to your liking. I also prefer to set the middle button from scroll to middle mouse click.
It takes some getting used to, it's not immediately intuitive like a touchpad, but once you've got it down, it's difficult to go back.
Just as an example, take an icon on your desktop, use the touchpad to drag it from one side to the other. Now do the same with the Trackpoint and see how it works. Just be smooth and gentle, it will accelerate based on how much pressure you're giving it, so start with a light touch.
Just like female anatomy, if you go in there and beat it up, no one is going to be happy.
I've already been playing with my icons. Either I'm bad at this or y'all are trolling me. Thanks for your help though.
I way prefer it! (understatement) And Lenovo's are so much better than anything off-brand that I will only buy lenovo laptops, JUST so that I can have a good trackpoint mouse, which is always a pretty big price differential. It's an absolute requirement for me for a laptop.
(also you can edit the sensitivity in windows (or I assume any other OS) just like any other mouse)
You're so weird! I love you!
I have so many questions. Have you tried HP Elitebook / Dell latitude nubs? How do they compare? Is there any difference between the Lenovo TrackPointTM in their premium models verses their cheap Yoga and even chromebook models? Also have you tried a really good touchpad like on a macbook?
For me a really good trackpad negates the need for a mouse or nub. Two finger scroll for me feels much more natural than holding middle click while fondling the clit. I will say though, if you're a thinkpad person, you might have never experienced a good touchpad before. Try a macbook for a week.
I bought a $6000 Lenovo laptop and it comes with the crummiest two inch plastic coated touchpad you've ever seen. Real touchpads are made of glass and use capacitive sensing like a cellphone screen. Lenovo fails hard at this.
Not even close. But this might be characteristic for a specific type of person and a specific type of work.
I type, a lot. All day. If I'm sitting down at a computer, all 10 fingers instinctively park in their resting positions on the keyboard, both index fingers searching for the little nubs on the F and J keys. When I'm forced to work with a touchpad or a Real Mouse^TM, I have to expend effort to return my right hand to JKL; after. And because I primarily use the mouse to quickly reposition the text courser or choosing the next email/file, repositioning my hand ads significant friction.
Compare that to using the ClitMouse: You type, you give the clit a flick with the right index, click with the left thumb, leave the mouse pointer where it is and go back to typing. No wrist movement, no searching for the J key.
It is, of course, absolutely essential that you have practice/muscle memory with the clit mouse. If each course placement takes 5 seconds because you've overshot your target and need to move back the other way - using your eyes as a closed-loop feedback system - working with the hardware becomes pure pain. But you get use to it quickly. I think I can get to any word on the screen with two flicks and a keyboard shortcut (e.g. cursor target beginning/end of word).
Haven't used a Dell clit in years at this point (though, I think I have an old latitude in my office with it, haven't used it in ages though), but I remember it being fine enough. I've seen other ThinkPad people complain about it, but I don't recall it ever being much of an issue with me.
Also been years since I've used a Mac touchpad, but I do recall them being quite nice. I won't make any proclamations, but I can't imagine it's so much better I'd switch. It still has the fundamental problems of touchpads, meaning I have to either use gestures and pick up my fingers and replace them when I get to the end of the surface.
That said, I've been using the Thinkpad X1 Series exclusively for well over a year now and recently used a Dell XPS 9560 for two weeks, both have high quality glass touchpads, both of which are very nice and I do use them in conjunction with Trackpoint, but neither are a proper replacement.
I tried several on friends' laptops in college and I hated them all
Also friends' laptops in college yes, I can't stand them. I particularly hate doing two-finger scroll, it's twice as uncomfortable lol
This, I am not sure. My current laptop is on the cheaper end and it seems fine although I've had to replace the nib a few times (which makes a bit difference, the rubber gets worn out I think)
I've used an Elitebook in my past job. For my Thinkpads I use the middle button as scroll, and that's something that's lacking in Elitebooks. You can sort of get around this with some arcane registry hack to make left+right button press act as a middle button, but it feels clunky. What you're meant to do is to use the right button as a scroll toggle. Except I'm already using the right mouse button for mouse gestures (with software such as StrokeIt or browser extension like Gesturefy). With mouse gestures you use the right button as a drawing tool and depending on the shape you draw you trigger different action such as "back", "new tab", etc. This is equivalent to multitouch gestures on large Trackpads. Speaking of which...
I'm currently back to using a Macbook as my main personal laptop (I got a very good deal). I don't miss the trackpoint because of the superb integration with the OS, but every time I have to work on the train with my nondescript Dell I long for a trackpoint (I'm using a mouse otherwise in the office).
Grab bag thoughts:
Scrolling and browsing is pleasurable and tactile on a Mac because of inertial scrolling, but it's necessarily choppier than on a Thinkpad where you can have continuous scrolling. I feel that browsing through long files feel better on a Thinkpad compared to a Mac.
While there's theoretically more possibilities with trackpad gestures, I found that I can have a pretty good equivalent with regular mouse gestures:
Of course on top of that you can add Exposé control with four fingers (I use 4F up for all the windows, and 4F down for only the current app), but there's no equivalent in Windows (yeah I know about win+tab, but have you seen how slow it is ?)
I mean, I've worked with some fucking sensitive clits myself...
There's also the advantage of not having to lose your hand position on the keyboard when you're typing and have to click something.
It’s a bit limiting to only be able to buy ThinkPads, but I definitely see the value in a trackpoint. At some point I want to design and build an ultimate (for me) travel keyboard and when I do it will undoubtedly incorporate one. A keyboard and decent pointing device in a single, compact, easy to pack accessory is nice.
It is limiting, for sure.
I recently decided to put my X1 Nano up for sale and move over to a P1 Gen 4, but in deciding to replace my Nano, I was looking at gaming laptops. MSI (though they're too gaudy) and Lenovo's own Legion and both are quite nice and offer excellent specs for the price.
But a friend recently gave me a Dell XPS 9560, which I decided was the perfect chance to see if I could live without a Trackpoint. I ended-up using it as my main machine for about two weeks before buying the P1. I did like it and it has plenty to recommend it, but the Trackpoint is a huge usability feature for me. Using the XPS with only a touchpad felt like I was trying to use a laptop with one hand tied behind my back; it's what convinced me I need to have another Thinkpad, even if I'm paying more for less (though I got a good deal anyway.)
Also, do you have one of these?
I've been using mine with my Surface Go recently as well as my Steam Deck when I've got it docked. Just using that bad boy makes me realize I'd give up the trackpad in an instant if it meant I could have Trackpoint forever. Though, I do like having both, I kind of consider them Yin and slightly less, but still useful Yang.
I have a Nano G1 myself that will need to be replaced sooner than later once battery health drops off (it’s already down to like 85%). It doesn’t do any heavy lifting so a current gen Carbon or X13 should be adequate when the time comes. That said I have a 13” MBA too and its strengths are numerous enough to offset the lack of trackpoint so that might just take the Nano’s place (though having a modern laptop that boots Linux around is nice).
I do have one of those ThinkPad Keyboard IIs, I use it for TV PC setup. It’s nice but for my travel keyboard I’d like a different layout.
Yeah, regarding the MBP, that's kind of what I was thinking when I was considering a gaming laptop.
A few weeks ago, I went to Microcenter to take a look at them and I was really impressed with what they were offering compared to the last time I bought one, maybe around like 2009? They were running very strong in the competition for me and honestly, if the Thinkpads didn't have Trackpoint, I probably would have picked-up a Legion. Build quality definitely isn't quite the same, but they still feel pretty good, the keyboards are nice, the trackpads are nice and the high refresh rate screen's just look fantastic.
That's probably the route I'll end-up going if it ever comes down to it.
I use the trackpoint when I forget my external mouse and need precision or long distance click and drag, but for most routine clicking (which I typically avoid altogether, if it's possible via keyboard I will 100% use the keyboard) I just use the touchpad -- I find it to be faster for things that don't need precision.
I sneeze into the crook of my elbow. I was doing this long before COVID. Working in a lab or a kitchen, the last thing you want to do is smack your mouth with a contaminated glove, spray a lovingly prepared sterile sample or foodstuff with spittle, or drop everything to wash your hands. Sneezing into a tissue or handkerchief still puts your hands in the path of that high-velocity pathogen aerosol, and you ought to wash up afterward.
Your arm makes a better blocker than the fingers of your hand. You generally turn your head away from what you're working on or the person you're speaking with when you bring up your elbow. Dry cloth on your sleeve is less friendly to bacterial growth and viral survival than hand skin. You're unlikely to touch and contaminate other surfaces with your elbow.
Same! That or my shoulder, if I'm wearing a T-shirt. Been doing it ever since we saw a video about sneezing in a seventh grade science class. It emphasized sneezing into fabric when that's an option, not just bare skin (I remember one silly shot had a woman sneezing into a spaghetti strap, and a formal party of well-dressed people with "sneezing sleeves" on one arm).
Years later my cousin said his school also showed the same video... At lunch. Interesting choice by the school.
I remember that too, from health class in probably 7th grade. It certainly made an impression, and instilled the clearly correct way to sneeze.
This was taught to my daughter at school. I try to do it too. Sometimes if I am in very close quarters, I will sneeze down the neck opening of my undershirt.
This seems simultaneously practical and really gross. Do you ever have problems with snot getting stuck under your shirt?
Link is dead?
I do not usually have that problem, if it's a little wet you just rub it in ;)
I learned this from a story my father, who was a captain in the army at the time, tells about doing it once to avoid sneezing on the Colonel's wife.
Apparently imgur doesn't like hotlinks any more. It goes to a Calvin and Hobbes comic, which I am otherwise unable to link.
That is excellent.
Sorry to piggyback off your comment, but since you brought up sneezing: I don't know how common this is, but as far back as I can remember I've pretty much always just stifled my sneezes. Like I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but I feel the sneeze coming and just.... don't let it come out. I'll still sneeze, of course, but nothing comes out. It sounds as if I had a silencer attached to my nose. I'm sure some amount of germs still come out, so I still try and cover it, but it really does feel like it's significantly reduced.
If I'm somewhere where I don't mind getting germs everywhere (like at home or outside by myself) or if I'm actively trying to de-clog my nose, then I'll definitely let it rip and just sneeze normally and forcefully. But the vast majority of the time I just stifle it. And I've never met anyone else IRL who does this, so I don't know how common it is, or if it's bad for you.
I've tried stifling sneezes, and it's certainly possible to hold back long enough to get an arm up and block it. Unfortunately, I've got some sinus weirdness from an old nasal/facial fracture. The back pressure from throttled sneezing (or blowing my nose too hard) resulted in a couple of prolonged nosebleeds and once, an eye bleed... In my case, better to just let it rip.
I know it's an old, silly cinema/TV trope that a mistimed sneeze will always reveal a person in hiding. But the sneeze reflex is fairly strong and abrupt - that burning itch seems impossible to ignore or control for long.
Jesus fuck, new fear unlocked.
Oh I agree. I definitely don't control it or anything. The sneeze still happens, it just sounds muffled and not like 100% of the force. If you weren't directly next to me you probably wouldn't know that I sneezed. It just sounds like a little bit of exhaled air. If I were in one of those TV/movie situations where I'm hiding and feel a sneeze coming... I might actually remain hidden, lol.
Sorry for the scary details!
For the data, I do this also. It's not very quiet when I do, in fact sometimes I think it's louder, but still. Dozens of us!
I was taught to do this in elementary school, it has always just seemed nasty to me to sneeze into your hand especially without washing it after. The one downside is sometimes you end up with a chunk of snot on your sleeve and it's awkward to clean it off, whereas if you did it in your hand you could just wash it. But that's rare enough that it's still better to just use your elbow.
I've always lifted my shirt over my face and then held it in place with my elbow so that I'm effectively coughing/sneezing into my shirt, which I plan to wash and shower when I get home anyhow.
I have several, which I guess tells you a lot about me. 😅
This reminded me of:
I think big or small is relative, but a good goal (that is almost Un-American, but definitely anti-capitalist) is to be able to decide something is enough and to stop pursuing more. I acquire new hobbies on reg. The old hobbies sit dormant until needed, which is great for teaching my daughter, but bad for free space in our basement. But we've driven the same two cars for 13 years (living in one of those car-required places), and I try to repair things instead of replacing them, though this gets more difficult as time goes on.
You can’t really “perfect” this, so there’s no sense in trying. Mindfulness around the subject is usually enough to curb the tendency for bigger, better, more. I’d still count that as a win.
My husband is also a handkerchief person but I think for him it's an environmental commitment.
We live in a small space but rents are terrible here.
Definitely on team bidet. I'm not sure whether it was travel to Japan or the covid pandemic that was the deciding factor.
My original impetus for switching to the handkerchief was environmental. I assumed at the time it would be an inconvenient and inferior alternative in other respects. I was surprised to find I was totally wrong about that.
I've been team "my TV is just a big monitor" for over a decade now and I love it. I only even see the remote a couple of times a year usually. Plugging the TV into a smart plug has been awesome, just turn it on with my phone.
I want to make the switch to fabric handkerchiefs but my face does fine with kleenex tissues, and any time I try to use something different I end up with a super dried out face.
If I’m allowed to ask, what brand do you use? Can you put yours through the washer?
I used to use just whatever. About a year ago, I bought a bunch of Vala Alta linen handkerchiefs. They’re a bit rougher than the old ones but still don’t do anything to my face at all. They just have a bit rougher feel that gets softer as you wash them… and, yes, I put them through the washer. I skip the dryer though. Linen dries so quickly it wouldn’t be necessary, but I understand it also extends the life.
I feel like I’m in this comment! Agree with every single point.
Would also add that habitually skipping breakfast (at least for lengths of time) can be good too.
Eating kiwis with the skin on. It adds a little tartness that I don't mind. Makes it into a simple one handed snack with no garbage at the end.
It's pretty common now but opening and eating bananas by pinching open the ass end works better than the tab bit at the top.
I hardly ever wash my tea thermos. I somewhat recently discovered you're not "supposed" to wash a tea kettle in order to season it and my thermos is where my tea gets brewed so the haters can hate I feel vindicated on this one.
OK, so, the year is 2012. It’s the summer. I’m living near Geneva, Switzerland (but within the French border).
Some friends decided to drive to an event in Linz, Austria (about a 13-hour drive back then).
On the day that we drove, I decided to eat a whole kiwi for breakfast because I had been told that it was “healthier”.
The four cars start driving. About two hours in, I get really sick, and threw up (thankfully, into a trash bag). I keep on throwing up a few times along the way. The car had to frequently stop. My then ex-girlfriend was in the car too (I was the only man). It was embarrassing and slowed us down (the other three cars just drove on ahead).
When we reached the Austrian border, I needed to throw up again (though I ended up not). We stopped by a gas station just in front of the border crossing. The driver noticed a sign saying something about a $20 “sticker” that you needed to be allowed to drive on Austrian highways. She promptly bought it and we continued driving.
Two or three hours later we reached the agreed-upon midway point where we were going to have lunch (I didn’t eat anything until the next day at lunch). All three of the other cars had been approached by the police and made to pay a $120 fine each for not having the stupid sticker on.
So, thanks to the whole kiwi that I ate, the driver saved $100.
I never ate kiwis with the peel again though.
What a wild ride! I love these kinds of stories.
From the first part of this story I thought you were going to make a joke about eating the peel of a kiwi being a violation of the Geneva Convention.
One might get more traction with this tip by not referring to it as the "ass end" :) I do it too, and the person who taught it to me (going on 27 years ago) told me, "This is how monkeys open a banana." It is my favorite appeal to authority ever.
I might be a psychopath, but my favorite way to open a banana is by ripping it in half. It's surprisingly easy to do (unless it's very old and mushy, then I go for the ass-end method)
Yes, you're a psychopath. Now teach me. Is this like a two hand grab like you'd snap a twig? Against or with the curve? Some freaky twist and pull motion or maybe like a karate chop off the side of the counter? I must know!
I just kinda quickly pull at both ends with both hands. Sometimes I need to twist slightly, but it usually rips apart easily, especially when it's in the early stages of ripeness. I can report that it feels super badass to do it
Yes to kiwis with the skin on! It adds a bit of tartness that totally changes the flavor balance too!
Been pretty much sticking to a strict 9 PM to 5 AM sleep schedule since 2015 or so.
I love my slow mornings. I get so much done.
Everyone I know thinks that I’m insane and tells me that they physically can’t go bed that early.
Well, I couldn’t either. I just decided to develop that habit.
I also get criticized for missing out on events or activities that happen after 9 PM. I feel like such a rebel for ignoring all of those. lol
God I wish. That sounds amazing. Do you start working early? If not, what do you do in the super early hours of the day before you need to start doing things. I've tried sleeping and waking up early before, but I hate the feeling of segmenting my day into pre-work, work, then post-work. I'd rather wake up super close to when I actually have to go out and do things, that way my day starts and then I have a long post-work period afterwards. If I have like 2-4 hours before work, I'll constantly feel the ticking clock of 'oh only 2 hours before work, can't get too distracted since I still need to get ready'.
Somehow, that has never been an issue for me. I always know exactly how much time I need to get everything ready (probably because I’ve been doing it for so long).
As to what I do: reading for one hour, followed by a slowly-prepared, full breakfast that I enjoy with my wife (who also spent an hour reading).
Do you live close to the equator?
In the Northeastern United States, I'd be waking up to 90 minutes of darkness for a decent chunk of the year. That part sounds miserable.
I live on the 57th parallel north, meaning that I’m less than 10 degrees away from the arctic circle. lol For a long period of the year, the days are either very long or very short, so for a while, I wake up either right around sunrise or several hours before.
There's a few things, and I hope this doesn't sound preachy. It's more about things that have improved my life and my outlook. In both cases, I used to act differently.
I try to drive in a way that allows other people in traffic to "get away with stuff". If there's a long line to turn right, and someone zips around on the left and then tries to get into the right turn lane, I'll let them in. If there's a zipper merge and someone needs to merge right at the end, I'll let them. If someone is trying to get into traffic, I'll try to leave space. At all times I try to leave room for people to merge and move in traffic. Traffic isn't a zero sum game - if someone "does better" than you and gets ahead of you, it doesn't matter. What matters is the maximum number of people alive after being in traffic.
I try not to judge other people in for weird social norms. For example, my kids all do music, and at all of the performances, someone always says "Please don't leave in the middle of the performance, stick around for the other kids." I kind of hate that; it sets people up to be judged if they need to leave, and we never know what someone else has going on. It's the same with cart returns at a grocery store; sometimes people have no valid reason to leave their cart at the ass end of the parking lot, and sometimes they do. It could not possibly matter less why someone leaves a recital, or leaves a cart, or whatever.
I try to compliment my male friends on their appearance. I like getting compliments, and almost every other man I'm friends with does too. I extend this, within reason, to people I don't know that I interact with, even when they're not friends. Dudes love getting compliments.
A dental hygienist told me recently that I had "probably the cleanest third molars" she'd ever seen.
I rode the high of that compliment for, like, a full week. No joke -- I was BEAMING. I bragged about it to everyone I knew.
Good brushing and waterpik for the win!
It's amazing how much one can get out of simple recognition and compliments. I'm still riding on "serving in those selfies, gurl". ;)
I’m beaming again now!
Also, no joke: I almost PMed you with another compliment this weekend.
Now that I’m in the process of growing my beard out, I gain a new appreciation on a daily basis of just how glorious yours is! The length, the shaping — it’s magnificent! I now understand the substantial time and care it takes to get something that well-developed.
Mine is currently in the awkward phase of “too long to look neat but too short to look substantial.” I’m hoping that after another couple of months it can graduate from beard puberty and into full mountain-man realness.
I appreciate the compliments! I've changed it up slightly this year - it's shorter on the sides now, but longer in the chin area, with longer moustaches than before. And I've also invested in even more silvery grey.
I'm excited for your beard to come in. Did you end up shaving your head? My brother-in-law has been rocking the bald with beard - though if you look at this style list his is more of the Jason Statham, shaved with a short stubble. It looks great.
I hope you're enjoying the process! <3
I haven’t shaved yet and honestly might be holding off on that for now.
I had a recent friend meetup which, as adults, is a rare treat. That means I was seeing some of them for the first time in months or even a year.
I noticed that, of the guys my age, I actually had more hair and less obvious balding than most of them. They were all still rocking hair, though two of them opted for hats most of the time.
It helped me put my hair loss into perspective. I was a bit shocked by it on my own head (in part because I never actually get to see that part of my head), but in comparing it to others my age, it turns out I’m in the mild beginning stages. As such, I’m thinking I might keep the hair until it really starts to thin out (maybe a year or two? I’m not sure how quickly it will progress).
Well, as fine as the style list I posted above is, I understand not shaving as well! I've held off on it myself. Maybe considering our other similarities, you'll be like me. My pate shows through, but it hasn't really progressed at all beyond that - it's been at about the same level for what feels like a fairly long time.
I'm mostly with you on the driving - in general my reaction on the road is to slow down and leave space. It does irritate me when people do things like wait until the last possible moment to merge, or when people pass on the shoulder to try and get ahead when there's stopped traffic, but the reason it frustrates me is just that it makes everything worse for other people, I don't really care that much about whether it slows me down - I'm going to get there when I get there.
I won't claim to not be frustrated when I see someone doing something like a late merge, or driving on the side of the road to get by traffic, or by people who are leaving their carts at the far end of the parking lot when they seem to clearly be able to return them. But I always try to be mindful of feelings and realize that those feelings are more about me than the other person.
@Mendanbar said below "assume positive intent" and I think that sums it up perfectly. Maybe that guy who is merging late or driving on the verge is trying to get to the hospital to see his mother before she dies. I realize it's statistically impossible that all the people I see driving like idiots are speeding to see a dying loved one, but I'd rather never contribute to making someone's worst day worse, and let people who drive like chuckleheads arrive alive as well.
I had a manager at a job once that always urged everyone to "assume positive intent". That mantra stuck with me, and I think it synergizes well with a lot of the things you outlined. I think I'll add your scenarios to the memory banks to keep for the future. :)
I love how many of the answers here are procedural - the equivalent of eating pizza with a fork.
I only found one high level atypical option which in turns makes me happy to suggest that people talk to themselves more. Like, outloud.
Mental dialogue is great, but on my own at least, I find that vocalizing parts of my stream of thought helps me to organize my thinking.
It's sort of like singing to yourself. I'm sure it would look ridiculous but for me, it's part of a long journey of doing what I want to, however atypical, and expecting that if I'm honest about why, people won't care. In fact, they might be curious.
I will put this in my basket of things to really teach myself one day.
Intuitively it feels like a basic and extremely available variation of rubber duck debugging, body doubling or plain old listening to background music.
Thank you!
Wow, both of those methods are super interesting. Walking often leads to great ideas, too.
Apparently putting one foot in front of the other helps the brain to process thoughts and think more creatively. Add in talking to yourself and you'll be writing the next Ulysses.
Yes, this is exactly what I need to further my image as the village idiot/eccentric...
Walking barefoot, talking to myself about imaginary things (with no visible headphones/earbuds, since I shave my hair).
Thank you!
The above comment is both a sarcastic joke AND an inspiring image to strive for in my life
/s is overrated. I picked up what you put down, aspiring Dorf Trottel ;)
My great grandmother famously (in our family) would talk to herself, and when asked about it, she said "I want to talk to somebody that knows something!"
My wife has ADHD and does it, and my only complaint is that it's at a normal volume, so sometimes I don't know if she's talking to me or to herself.
Your great grandmother reminds me of Gandalf:
For some reason, I only talk to myself out loud in the grocery store, possibly the single most embarrassing place to do it. But I need to have those conversations about what I will be cooking, dang it.
Haha, I just realized I do the same thing! But I usually have my kids with me, so anyone passing by just thinks I'm talking to them. Little do they know that my children rarely listen to me. 😂
Now that I have started teaching children for a living, I have come to the conclusion that the appearance of children listening to an adult has a very high chance of being completely performative.
Popcorn - stovetop is preferable but air pop or even microwave is fine - with nutritional yeast and Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning (the "more spicy" if I have it)
Have a large glass of water, not because it's too spicy but because it's just loose dry spice and I do sometimes sort of mace myself.
Also I will eat the extra seasoning in the bottom of the bowl with slices of cheddar cheese.
As an addendum, I am an evangelist for making popcorn in a wok. I think it's legitimately the best vessel for it.
The shape of a wok, with the small bottom and large sloping sides, makes it super easy for popped kernels to be removed from the heat when you shake it, making it easier to pop almost every kernel without burning the popcorn. My parents had one of those stovetop contraptions specifically for popcorn with a crank to circulate the kernels, but a wok is just as good for the specific task and is also useful for other stuff. Plus, a carbon steel wok heats up faster and is easier to clean.
And, conveniently, if you're someone who wants to use a wok for other cooking, making popcorn in it is actually super good for the wok itself! The popping kernels leave a relatively even, thin coating of oil which really helps build up layers of seasoning. Grace Young's cookbook Stir-frying to the Sky's Edge actually explicitly recommends this and says she does this whenever she's going to gift a wok to a friend so that it starts with a nice seasoning layer.
I don't currently own one but when we made it on the stove we talked about getting one just for that. Well I talked about getting it just for that. My partner's the cook and he has other opinions.
I'll have to look up the creole seasoning, but I'm a big fan of finely grated parmesan on top. Tastes good and it makes me think I did something other than hit some microwave buttons.
Yeah the nutritional yeast hits the unami flavor of Parm pretty decently. It's a common vegan alternative - I'm not vegan it's just good on popcorn. The Creole seasoning is salt (the spicier versions have less) red pepper, black pepper, chili powder (chili pepper, spices, salt, garlic powder), dehydrated garlic
I think creole seasoning is just salt, garlic and paprika but I'm not certain on the ratios.
It's not, at least Tony's isn't. There are other mixes out there.
Ah, just checked the bottle of Louisiana Fish Fry Products Cajun Seasoning and noted the mysterious "spices" as the second ingredient... But you're correct! More than just those three.
My wife and I used to go through phases of putting TC on everything until we would get tired of it and move on to something else for a while. Then, a few months later we'd rediscover it and the whole thing would start again. We've gotten a little less likely to go on tears like this since we had kids (although we got really into chili crisp a while back, and I got obsessed with Kewpie mayo) but we pretty much always have a couple of shakers of TC on hand. It's so good on so many things!
Any chili crisp recommendations? I want to try it but don't know if they're all about the same or if the brands my local store stocks are any good
Lao Gan Ma is a legit Chinese brand and their chili crisp is solid. Other brands are probably fine (I haven't tried them and we probably have different ones available anyway) but I can't imagine anywhere with multiple brands of chili crisp doesn't have Lao Gan Ma anyway. Brian David Gilbert actually has a video making popcorn using Lao Gan Ma chili crisp as the seasoning!
BDG's Pepcorn is genuinely awesome (he can do no wrong) but it's also So. Much. Work. for a convenience snack.
Enter kfwyre's Lazy Pepcorn:
I promise it's amazing (and undoubtedly a food crime).
ooh I already like white cheddar popcorn plain, so I bet that slaps. Unfortunately I haven't found it here in Germany, but I'll try this out next time I'm in the states.
Can you find (or acquire) white cheddar seasoning easier? It might be as niche but one shaker would get you far! And it only adds a slight step
hm I haven't really looked but that's a good idea! Worst case that's something I can ask for some in a future care package, since a shaker is a reasonable size and weight for that, but I also suspect it might be possible to find here if I look a little.
I figured it'd be relatively easily shippable if it's not something sold in Europe somewhere easy to get.
Good luck!
Well if the Um Actually fact checker does it >.>
I have a large variety of grocery stores locally, but without going to an East Asian store, it depends on which store in which neighborhood on the options available. Although.... I did see a huge jar of some brand at Costco last month
The one we've been getting most of the time is Lao Gan Ma which I think is the most common brand. I haven't really noticed any major differences the few times we've gotten others, though, we mostly just stick with that brand because you can get it in a huge-ass jar, lol.
Fair! I'll keep an eye out
Is there a brand called "Lao Gan Ma", really? I thought that was the Chinese term for what we call chili crisp.
Lao Gan Ma actually sells a lot of products! The chili crisp is the most popular in the US (and I think probably elsewhere abroad), but the business got big on the back of their original Guizhou-style chili oil with black fermented soybeans, which is still their most popular product in China. They sell a ton of Guizhou-style chili oil-based products! Chinese Cooking Demystified has a good video where they cover the history and culinary origins of Lao Gan Ma and give a rather authentic (but high-effort) recipe for homemade Guizhou chili crisp, as well as a video where they go through every single Lao Gan Ma product, including descriptions of how they're used and ratings on how well they go over the rice.
Someone got on that trademark quick
Edit: Ah it means Old Godmother per @TheRtRevKaiser
Apparently Lao Gan Ma is just the best known brand that sells chili crisp, but I thought the same thing until today.
I know this isn’t super revolutionary or uncommon, but eating chips with chopsticks is great. I hate getting chip grease on my fingers because some brands I weirdly even struggle to wash off with soap.
Also using a wooden clothespin as an ad hoc roach clip has been popular advice with everyone I introduce to it. I didn’t intend to give two pieces of advice on keeping your fingers cleaner or less smelly, but there ya go.
For cheese balls (I get a big barrel of them every year on my birthday), I use a bamboo skewer to stab them. I tape a drinking straw with one end folded over to the barrel to serve as a holster for the skewer. It is glorious.
Wow, that is a professional approach
Dang. I lived in Japan for one year (and exclusively ate with chopsticks). I should try that out!
https://wondermark.com/cheetos-with-chopsticks/
Twice daily meditation. At least 15 minutes, at the very least once a day. For the longest time, I did meditation in that typical arbitrary way, "when I felt like it" and very easily stopped doing it regurarily. But doing it daily really makes a difference. It's like lifting weights, but for your mind. It doesn't make you a buddha, but sure makes you better than what you were without it.
Intermittent fasting. Just once in a while, try not eating anything for 24 hours. It's probably not the life-changing experience that daily meditation can be, but it's an experience. And if you do it enough times, sometimes missing your dinner stops being a catastrophe. But I've also noticed that some even fully grown adult people get really crazy when they miss their feeding time by just half an hour, so mileages on this certainly can vary.
Not consuming porn. Can be a life-changer, as real actual people (which may include your real life romantic partner) will become more interesting. And also your own thoughs may become more interesting. In general, I've found that it makes sex of all kinds just simply better.
Replace coffee with tea. Tea is much more easy-going for your gut and hence your brain. Of all them, this is the most difficult for me. Coffee is just too good.
That's not really intermittent fasting, it's pretty much just regular fasting. ;)
Intermittent fasting is fasting for set intervals on a daily, bi-daily, or weekly schedule, and is usually intended to help reduce caloric intake. E.g. I only eat between the hours of noon and 8pm, although that's primary because of "sensitive stomach" issues, and the caloric reduction is just a bonus.
This isn’t unusual for some people, but it seems like a lot of people find it unusual.
I wash my hair every day. With soap (well actually shampoo).
I have met a ton of people who swear by washing their hair once a week or less. It just doesn’t work for my hair type. It gets oily and nasty quick, and is extremely unpleasant. These people would say I will just get used to it, but I don’t. Not ever. I have tried.
I think the people who say that shampoo dries your scalp and hair either ignore conditioner or have never found a good quality shampoo and conditioner combo. It’s true that some shampoo will do that, but the good ones don’t. Even with short hair, I shampoo and condition every day. For the past few years, my go to has been Giovanni tea tree triple treat standard shampoo and conditioner. Never had a problem with either.
Bonus: I sometimes use shampoo in place of body soap. This started as an attempt to pack less fluids when traveling, but now I do it at home too. My shampoo gets me clean enough, and it’s one less thing to remember to buy (let’s go ADHD).
I think this depends a lot on the individual's skin and hair type, not just the particular shampoo and conditioner. I know for some people with oily hair, washing every day can counterintuitively contribute to more oil because your scalp is trying to make up for lost oils. But it varies so much from person to person that it's hard to make any big generalizations.
I don't really like showering every day more generally, so I just wash my hair whenever I shower and that works out for me.
I think people have wildly different scalps. I rinse my hair pretty much every day in the shower, but I actually haven't used anything but water on it in years. It doesn't smell, it doesn't look gross, it's just fluffy and normal for me. If it actually gets gross for some reason, I'll use shampoo, or if I let someone else cut my hair (a rarity now also), I'll let them shampoo it. But my scalp just doesn't need it. Sounds like yours does, though!
What brand of shampoo and conditioner do you use?
I tried that so many times that I'm convinced that the claim that your oil production will adapt is utter BS -- my hair is so oily that if I didn't wash it every day it was a disgusting mess. The only thing that allowed me to shampoo less often was growing it out -- with longer hair there's somewhere for the oils to go and the oils are protective so I don't wash as often, but 100% when it was short I HAD to shampoo every day.
Out of curiosity, considering you can't manage a day without washing your hair - have you ever had your testosterone levels checked?
Nope. None of my doctor has ever said it was necessary. How is that related to hair ?
Mostly an observation, because the higher it is, the more oils your skin produces, as a general rule. It's not the only factor but it was one of the many factors that ended up getting many of my (women) friends tested for and eventually diagnosed with PCOS. Which is to say, almost all of my friends. I guess I have a PCOS magnet or something.
For cis men, I guess there's nothing you can/should really do though. Unless it's really abnormally high.
A few things I do in public seem to be fairly atypical where I live...
I yawn bigly without covering my mouth in public. I believe yawning is a great way to stretch and get into a relaxed mode so if I manage to spread the yawning all the better :)
I comment out loud when I notice other people having (or I myself have) small accidents, often just an "oops!". Things like dropping something, tripping in tiny ways, bumbing into something, getting caught in something. Like the stuff you where mortified to have happened when you where 10-15 years old before you figured out that nobody cared because everyone is mostly preoccupied with themselves.
When bigger stuff happens I also name them when I offer to help, like "You fell, where are you hurt? May I help you get back on your feet?".
I walk barefoot when the weather permits and the social consequences are not too big. So for example I wear shoes when meeting a doctor for the first few times or if I'm accompanying someone to do something where they should be the focus of s third party (like a health care worker or bureaucrat) but otherwise I go barefoot most of the time between April - November.
I always thought we cover our mouths while yawning not because we try to avoid to spread it, but because it's a nice gesture so others don't have to look at our tonsils. 🙂
That, plus the saliva glands can sometimes squirt quite a bit of saliva when yawning, which is not a great thing to spray around :D
Anthropologically, humans have issues with body boundaries and anything that crosses them: stool, urine, anything coming out of the mouth, etc.
Obviously that is the case, and a very good/polite reason. My apologies for not being clear. (Covered yawning spreads as well.)
I also think it's OK to be a body in public but that is much harder for me to think and communicate about well.
As a child, for whatever reason, I was led to believe that the standard way of eating smoked salmon on a bagel was with mayo instead of cream cheese, sometimes with the mayo mixed with horse radish.
My wife has generally reacted to this with horror, but I don't think I'm utterly out to lunch when I say that it tastes pretty good and I think other people might like it. It's a bit mellower flavorwise than using cream cheese in my opinion.
I use a non-electric kettle and a french press to make coffee, and I'm not a coffee snob! I don't necessarily mind drip coffee makers at all and honestly think the disdain for drip is super overblown. The reason for it all is that I enjoy introducing little "rituals" into my life that force me to slow down and do something a little more manually.
And while I do also own an electric kettle, I prefer the charming, old-timey vibe of using a stove-top kettle. The weird noises it makes while it heats up, the little mechanism and trigger to pour the water, and of course the whistle itself.
Plus it takes so damn long to boil water that I have time to do the dishes or other kitchen chores while I wait!
I actually do the same. I don't think I am a coffee snob either.
When I make a pb&j (for breakfast most days), I put peanut butter on both pieces of bread, then an ample amount of jelly in the middle. It makes a simple sandwich much more decadent.
For breakfast, I am eating it right away, so it doesn't matter, but if I'm making it for later, I usually make it with less jelly, but still use a thin swipe of peanut butter on the second piece of bread. This seats the jelly away from the bread and keeps the sandwich from getting soggy.
Bonus: growing up, it was always two knives, one for the pb and one for the jelly. Use a spoon for the jelly instead. So much easier to scoop, and the back of the spoon is perfect for spreading jelly.
I drink instant coffee and enjoy it!
EQ your headphones. I don't care how expensive they are, they can probably be made even better with EQ. It's a free* upgrade. To start, I would recommend finding your headphones on squig.link and using their auto EQ feature to target one of the preference curves. Most people will be very happy just targeting IEF 2025 (for IEMs) or Harman 2018 (for over-ear headphones) and leaving it at that.
*Equalizer APO is free for Windows. To make use of the parametric EQ profiles exported by Squiglink, you will want to pair EQAPO with Peace, also free.
In case someone is in the weird same boat as me, Voicemeeter can also make use of these EQ curves. I have a dedicated input for my DAC that I set up the EQ profile for my headphones on.
Every morning I run a full mental / strength / flexibility routine instead of just stretching. That way I can use time to insert things into memory by rote memorization while doing static or dynamic stretching. Example mental reps include memorized language phrases (introducing myself in other languages), jiujitsu frameworks, and thinking frameworks.
Just realized I have one to share: when eating apples, I eat from the top-down instead of around the middle. I still have to pull out the seeds, but I find this is actually a bit neater since the shape of the apple naturally catches the juices. Still need to wash my hands afterwards of course, but it's not dripping juice everywhere. And I can eat the core pretty easily that way, leaving me with only seeds and a stem to throw away~
Fitting username. I don't know if I've ever had an apple so juicy that I had to wash my hands.