33 votes

What is a contradiction or dissonance you live with on a regular basis?

For example: knowing that you should eat healthy but still buying junk food.

It can be something internalized, externalized, or a mix of both. It can be from your own cognition, society, your career, your field of study--anything is fair game.

  • What is the contradiction/dissonance?
  • How does it impact you?
  • What do you do, if anything, to address or mitigate it?

49 comments

  1. [15]
    eladnarra Link
    I came to the conclusion during an ethics class that eating meat is probably unethical in a lot of scenarios.* But I still eat it, albeit probably less than the average American. It was weird to...

    I came to the conclusion during an ethics class that eating meat is probably unethical in a lot of scenarios.* But I still eat it, albeit probably less than the average American.

    It was weird to come to that conclusion and not change my behavior, but for now that's just where my life is. I live at home and rely on others to cook my meals (because of health/energy limitations). And when I tried to eat even more vegetarian meals than I already do, I noticed I didn't feel as good. That may have been a coincidence, but I'm very hesitant to do things that could throw my body off more than it already is.

    *Some people need meat for health/dietary reasons, and expecting indigenous people (like the Inuit) to give up part of their culture would be... More wrong? To me.

    31 votes
    1. [5]
      goodbetterbestbested Link Parent
      Hot take: much of the joyful mockery of vegans and vegetarians is due to an underlying (perhaps unconscious) feeling that they may be ethically correct. The contradiction is uncomfortable and...

      Hot take: much of the joyful mockery of vegans and vegetarians is due to an underlying (perhaps unconscious) feeling that they may be ethically correct. The contradiction is uncomfortable and mockery works as a salve by making non-meat-eaters an out-group.

      21 votes
      1. [3]
        NaraVara Link Parent
        Noah Smith surmised that this same drive is what's behind the resurgence in vocal, socially accepted racism. The idea is basically that people have internalized liberal norms about openness and...

        The contradiction is uncomfortable and mockery works as a salve by making non-meat-eaters an out-group.

        Noah Smith surmised that this same drive is what's behind the resurgence in vocal, socially accepted racism. The idea is basically that people have internalized liberal norms about openness and inclusivity, but they have not yet actually cleared themselves the exclusionary thought patterns and belief systems. So what ends up happening is they feel besieged and imposed upon, even though there basically isn't any concrete enforcement of these norms happening around them. They'll attach to any narrative that validates their feelings of being under siege, so they end up gussying up stories about the most extreme people on Twitter or Tumblr or some histrionic activist group at Oberlin or something and decide that means they're being personally attacked and prompts them to lash out.

        8 votes
        1. [2]
          Amarok Link Parent
          Well said. Do you perhaps have a link expanding on this available? It sounds like interesting reading.

          Well said. Do you perhaps have a link expanding on this available? It sounds like interesting reading.

          1. NaraVara Link Parent
            It was on his twitter feed and he has, unfortunately, blocked me. So sadly not.

            It was on his twitter feed and he has, unfortunately, blocked me. So sadly not.

      2. eladnarra Link Parent
        I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case for some folks. I have to say, I sometimes feel a bit defensive when participating in conversations about vegetarianism/veganism. (I don't lash out...

        I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case for some folks. I have to say, I sometimes feel a bit defensive when participating in conversations about vegetarianism/veganism. (I don't lash out because of that defensiveness, though, just make self-deprecating jokes about how hypocritical I am.)

        4 votes
    2. 9000 Link Parent
      I went through a very similar process. I wanted to stop eating meat due to an ethics class, but due to health reasons, don't feel comfortable cutting it out of my diet entirely. But I try to eat...

      I went through a very similar process. I wanted to stop eating meat due to an ethics class, but due to health reasons, don't feel comfortable cutting it out of my diet entirely. But I try to eat less of it as often as possible, and can often go a day or two without eating any meat. Once in a while, entirely vegan! But yeah, I still feel that dissonance and guilt.

      7 votes
    3. [6]
      andre Link Parent
      If you breed an animal solely for the purpose of eating it, and provide it with a good life such that it's better for that animal to have lived than not lived, is eating meat actually unethical?...

      If you breed an animal solely for the purpose of eating it, and provide it with a good life such that it's better for that animal to have lived than not lived, is eating meat actually unethical? The animal would have not existed otherwise. In this scenario, you could make an argument that not eating meat is unethical, as you're depriving an animal of the chance to exist and have a good life.

      I recognize that this doesn't necessarily apply to our culture today given the horrendous conditions in factory farms, but it's an interesting thought experiment. Also, I don't think there's anything unethical about the actual act of eating meat (see: any other carnivorous animal. see also: there's evidence that eating cooked meat was one of the large drivers of human's increased cognitive ability)

      (I originally heard this argument on Sam Harris' podcast)

      6 votes
      1. [3]
        smores Link Parent
        There's a fairly straightforward response to that thought experiment: If you replace the word "animal" with "human", it becomes glaringly obvious that "providing a good life" doesn't actually...

        There's a fairly straightforward response to that thought experiment: If you replace the word "animal" with "human", it becomes glaringly obvious that "providing a good life" doesn't actually negate murder. In some ways, it makes the murder even more awful.

        There are a million arguments to be had about which and to what extent animals deserve to be considered non-human people, and whether the word murder actually applies, but the simple truth is that farm animals have emotions, families, friends, and they don't want to die. And vegans believe that killing a thing that doesn't want to die is ethically wrong.

        It's also a little fallacious to use "other animals do it" as justification for doing just about anything. The vast majority of procreation in the animal kingdom is nonconsensual; rape is still wrong. A large number of birds and mammals kill their children if they don't have enough food, or kill other animals' children if they want to mate with them. Killing children is still certainly wrong.

        Humans can make decisions that take into account the consequences on other beings, which is not something that most (probably any) other animals have the capacity for. We've decided as a society that we should use that ability to minimize harm in a lot of cases (see: all of the laws we have that prevent us from hurting each other). We've also decided that a lot of those ethics simply don't apply to non-human animals. Whether or not you agree with veganism basically boils down to whether you agree with that or not.

        10 votes
        1. [2]
          NaraVara Link Parent
          I don't know how much just swapping out words in an argument actually makes a point. It seems more like you're begging the question and establishing an equivalence without actually doing the work...

          If you replace the word "animal" with "human", it becomes glaringly obvious that "providing a good life" doesn't actually negate murder. In some ways, it makes the murder even more awful.

          I don't know how much just swapping out words in an argument actually makes a point. It seems more like you're begging the question and establishing an equivalence without actually doing the work to substantiate one. If we replaced the word "animal" with "mushroom," for instance, then it doesn't become glaringly obvious at all.

          The idea that having emotions, friendships, etc. inherently makes consumption of an animal's meat verboten kind of adopts an anthropocentric view of what makes them worth preserving. In other words, rather than arguing that there is something about humans that makes us deserving of higher status, you're taking it as a given that being human entitles us to this status and, by extension, everything that can exhibit any behavior that is "human-like" also deserves that status.

          But I don't think this necessarily follows. Animals feel these feelings because they're close to us on the evolutionary tree and developed similar mechanisms as us to conform to selective pressures. We are wired to feel empathy because it was beneficial for us as a species to form pro-social bonds. That empathy trigger is also what makes us empathize with animals who are similar to us. But just because plants evolved different mechanisms based on their selective pressures, why does that necessarily mean that a carrot is any less deserving of dignity? Looking at it this way, offering special privileges to a cow that you don't offer to an onion seems like a cousin to privileging cute and cuddly animals over ugly ones.

          Among some extremely hardcore Jains, they don't even eat any plant-based foods that involves harming the plant. There is a type of penance Jain renunciates would do where they would only eat food that was "given freely." So basically, fruits that had naturally fallen from the trees, milk, and honey. It was essentially a form of self-denial and such renunciates would eventually die of a virtuous malnourishment.

          5 votes
          1. smores Link Parent
            The point of the word replacement "argument" (it's not one, I agree) is to point out the assumption that you have to make in order to use the original reasoning. The original question, "If you...

            The point of the word replacement "argument" (it's not one, I agree) is to point out the assumption that you have to make in order to use the original reasoning. The original question, "If you breed an animal solely for the purpose of eating it, and provide it with a good life such that it's better for that animal to have lived than not lived, is eating meat actually unethical?" can only be answered with "no" if you think that humans are in some way special (with regards to deserving empathy), and that exploiting the lives of non-human animals is an acceptable moral state.

            I'm not trying to make an argument for or against considering non-human animals worthy of empathy here. I only wanted to point out that some people do feel that way, and for them, that question is exactly as easy to answer if you replaced the word "animals" with "humans".

            One final point: Being vegan isn't ever about hardline, black and white, all-or-nothingness. Being vegan is about minimizing harm. The simple, utilitarian answer to "Why is a carrot less deserving of dignity than a cow?" (aside from the fact that it's almost never asked in good faith, though I'm not necessarily accusing you of that in this instance), is that the answer is hardly relevant; a vegan lifestyle results in orders of magnitude fewer vegetables being consumed than an omnivorous one. If the argument is "both vegetation and animals deserve empathy", and the reality is "we currently can't survive without killing vegetation, but can without killing animals", why wouldn't we at least stop killing animals?

            Again, I'm not trying to convince anyone in this thread that they need to be vegan. I don't think that there's a simple black and white answer to the question "Is it ever ethical to kill another creature for sustenance?". I have decided that I don't need animal products in my life in order to feel fulfilled, and since I don't feel comfortable with personally killing or torturing animals under nearly any circumstances, I don't consume animal products when at all possible. I originally posted because u/andre made two points that I think made some assumptions that could just as easily be taken the other way, so I wanted to provide some insight into the opposing perspective.

      2. eladnarra Link Parent
        Yeah, I'm not entirely opposed to eating meat, and I don't have a fully formed view of the issue. Perhaps it isn't unethical, or at least is less unethical, in the type of scenario you describe....

        Yeah, I'm not entirely opposed to eating meat, and I don't have a fully formed view of the issue. Perhaps it isn't unethical, or at least is less unethical, in the type of scenario you describe. I'm also not the type of person who would disparage others for hunting for food (see my Inuit comment). And I'm well aware that some folks will probably always need meat for medical reasons.

        The idea that we'd be depriving an animal of a life if we didn't raise it for food is interesting. I guess it depends on how morally bad you consider not existing is. (I think that's a fairly neutral thing; there's no suffering from not existing.) It also depends on how highly you value animal life. If you're one of the people that considers other mammal life as valuable as a human life, the idea is abhorrent no matter how good their lives are. We wouldn't deliberately have human babies, raise them with good lives, and then eat them (or use them for medical experiments, or whatever).

        The carnivorous/omnivorous animal argument is actually one I stopped believing as a result of the ethics class I took. We could argue for a number of unethical practices (like infanticide) by pointing to mammals that engage in a similar behavior, so whether or not something is found in nature doesn't inherently say anything about an action's morality (to me).

        I also don't think that just because we previously ate meat and that could have contributed to our increased cognitive ability means that we necessarily have a moral argument to keep eating meat- after all, we're now able to use that cognitive ability to think about and discuss these sorts of issues, and potentially come up with alternatives.

        7 votes
      3. NoblePath Link Parent
        The act of breeding an animal in thatbway and to that purpose may itself be unethical.

        The act of breeding an animal in thatbway and to that purpose may itself be unethical.

    4. [2]
      Ephemere Link Parent
      I’m quite with you, and I don’t even have the reason of not cooking one’s own meals to fall back on. Hopefully some day I’ll live my aspirations, but so far not so good.

      I’m quite with you, and I don’t even have the reason of not cooking one’s own meals to fall back on. Hopefully some day I’ll live my aspirations, but so far not so good.

      3 votes
      1. eladnarra Link Parent
        A lot of articles recommend starting with a day or two per week. It seems like a good idea for learning recipes and getting used to it, and it has the benefit of cutting back on environmental...

        A lot of articles recommend starting with a day or two per week. It seems like a good idea for learning recipes and getting used to it, and it has the benefit of cutting back on environmental impact even if you don't start doing it every day. It doesn't quite work for the moral arguments, though... either it's ethical or it isn't, and if it isn't then forgoing meat a few times a week doesn't really work.

        2 votes
  2. [3]
    cadadr Link
    I need to sleep properly, but I don't. Here I am typing this comment in half five in the morning. It messes with everything in my life. My health, my mood, my daily and social life. I'm less...

    I need to sleep properly, but I don't. Here I am typing this comment in half five in the morning. It messes with everything in my life. My health, my mood, my daily and social life. I'm less likely to go out if I wake up after 11am.

    I do know the root cause of this: I did not really manage to get my life going. My main plan for my future is kinda crumbling---I'm feeling what looks like a burnout, and might be loosing interest in it---and there was some uncertainty for the past year. But even before then, after the passing of my dad, especially, I feel disoriented. I have pressing needs (money, social life), and ideals that for the time being conflict with that (do masters & PhD, become academician, do significant work). All this makes me unstable, in the sense that I want to do everything, and end up doing way less that I could really do: I procrastinate a lot, and time flies by; unproductive, unused.

    I sometimes feel a need to scrap all this and just get a normal job. That sounds liberating and very desirable. But I also do desire academic work, and being a student is something I really love. In the end tho, if I did not manage to start an MA by this Fall term, I'll just scrap it, at least for a few years, and go get a proper job. Either way, I will have gotten rid of a lot of confusion and uncertainty (even where I'll be living after August is totally uncertain at this point) will vanish, and my mind will be free again.

    27 votes
    1. [2]
      IncreaseTheDosage Link Parent
      Oh god... Pretty much identical story, except I need to finish my BS and I hate being a student, but also have to finish college. I decided I'm getting a job by the end of this year, and maybe...

      Oh god... Pretty much identical story, except I need to finish my BS and I hate being a student, but also have to finish college. I decided I'm getting a job by the end of this year, and maybe pause my studies. I just feel like I can't take this kind of shitty underfunded life anymore. Good luck to you!

      3 votes
      1. cadadr Link Parent
        Thanks! Good luck to you too!

        Thanks! Good luck to you too!

        3 votes
  3. [6]
    CALICO Link
    I'm a hippie who works for the government. I just want to have a bohemian time with all my hippie friends and grow food on a homestead in the middle of the woods. But I stumbled my way to where I...

    I'm a hippie who works for the government.
    I just want to have a bohemian time with all my hippie friends and grow food on a homestead in the middle of the woods. But I stumbled my way to where I am today, and I have this psychological thing where I need to know how things are being run and a fear that somebody less ethical would be in my place if I left.
    I'm not a very happy person, and I don't really do anything to address it. I have plans though. I anticipate an economic recession in the near-term, and the housing market might get hit along the way. If I can get myself out of debt, build up enough of a savings with this overseas job, there's a good chance I'll be poised to take advantage of the situation when it happens. Buy a house, invest in some stocks before prices recover, that kind of thing. Then I'd like to go back to school. My chemistry background is nice, but that's not going to be gainful employment unless I go for my PhD and I don't enjoy it that much. I've been toying with programs like Mathematics, or Neuroscience. Ideally I'd love to be the kind of person who goes to university and just never leaves, but in a country with prohibitively expensive education (I dream of free tuition legislation) I can settle for having the qualifications to help make the world a better place outside of government.

    18 votes
    1. [4]
      TheJorro Link Parent
      Does your government have a parks or natural resources arm? In mine, all the outdoorsy people work for that one, and they live and exist deep in the lovely forests and wilds of Northern Ontario....

      I just want to have a bohemian time with all my hippie friends and grow food on a homestead in the middle of the woods.

      Does your government have a parks or natural resources arm? In mine, all the outdoorsy people work for that one, and they live and exist deep in the lovely forests and wilds of Northern Ontario. They're known for working early and leaving by 4pm so they can go on their evening camping and fishing trips.

      It's where every public servant hopes to end their career here, haha.

      4 votes
      1. [3]
        CALICO Link Parent
        They do, but my resume is ill-suited for it. My experience more on the high-level side of things, and isn't really applicable anything outside of what I'm already doing. Therein lies my problem,...

        They do, but my resume is ill-suited for it. My experience more on the high-level side of things, and isn't really applicable anything outside of what I'm already doing. Therein lies my problem, and why I'd like to go back to university.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          SpineEyE Link Parent
          Sorry for being so blunt, but I'm kinda seeing parts of myself in you. Maybe you don't actually want to live in the rough nature where you'd have to do manual work a lot to be able to survive or...

          Sorry for being so blunt, but I'm kinda seeing parts of myself in you. Maybe you don't actually want to live in the rough nature where you'd have to do manual work a lot to be able to survive or make an income. But I also feel the desire to enjoy nature as opposed to living in urban areas with their constant noise, fast pace and egocentric people.

          However, I acknowledge that this often saddening city life also has a lot of advantages and that one tends to feel the desire to have exactly those things that one can't have right now.

          Maybe it helps to find some like-minded people, work on a farm for 2 weeks or maybe take a longer break to do exactly what it feels like you need and then experiencing the urge to return to your "normal" life. Or maybe coming to terms with that other life.

          1 vote
          1. CALICO Link Parent
            I've lived in DC. I've lived in the woods. I know exactly what either kind of life entails. I can drive for an hour and I'm in the mountains. I often visit friends who live deep within Appalachia....

            I've lived in DC. I've lived in the woods. I know exactly what either kind of life entails. I can drive for an hour and I'm in the mountains. I often visit friends who live deep within Appalachia. I'm not tired of city life.

            I worked with a guy once, owned a respectably large property. He grew food, raised chickens & pigs. Had a residential solar farm, battery banks, drove a Tesla. Had a well, and a rain-catcher. Baked his own bread, brewed his own beer.

            That's what I want.

            The rich & powerful will allow the world to burn before they give up either, and the future does not look bright. Not if you know all the things that I know, but let's not fight about that. All I want is a life I have control over, at least as much I can ask for without the whole reformation of society. But I wouldn't mind that either.

            4 votes
    2. PathOfTheProkopton Link Parent
      I'm in the same boat. I joined the military when I was still figuring myself out and as time has gone on I've become more and more of a pacifist. I'm a fit guy, I am a good marksmen, I know...

      I'm in the same boat. I joined the military when I was still figuring myself out and as time has gone on I've become more and more of a pacifist. I'm a fit guy, I am a good marksmen, I know military tactics... and I volunteered for a job that no one wants because I know I'll be getting out and just don't want to learn to fight anymore. I'll be getting out in a year, but it's weird to be surrounded by people that think in a drastically different way than I do, and I support their training events but don't participate.

      1 vote
  4. [6]
    Loire Link
    I believe strongly in climate change, the oncoming global climate catastrophe, and the fact that the world needs to take make steps to address the issue, right away. I also work in the petroleum...

    I believe strongly in climate change, the oncoming global climate catastrophe, and the fact that the world needs to take make steps to address the issue, right away.

    I also work in the petroleum industry, and love what i do. I'm the kind of guy that watches There Will Be Blood and get excited by the drilling scenes. The science is exciting, and I was born into it (parent was in the industry). They pay me extremely well straight out of school. I'm erasing my debt, and making great progress of savings, could probably buy a house outright in fiveish years if this keeps up. But is it worth having a house or investments in a world wracked by climate change?

    17 votes
    1. [5]
      tindall Link Parent
      That seems like a false dichotomy. You can work in the industry and still do your damnedest to get fuels replaced by renewables replaced as much as possible. It's not as if, even with a totally...

      I'm erasing my debt, and making great progress of savings, could probably buy a house outright in fiveish years if this keeps up. But is it worth having a house or investments in a world wracked by climate change?

      That seems like a false dichotomy. You can work in the industry and still do your damnedest to get fuels replaced by renewables replaced as much as possible.

      It's not as if, even with a totally renewable energy economy, the oil industry will go away, right? We use petroleum for lots of things other than energy.

      5 votes
      1. [4]
        Loire Link Parent
        The petroleum industry is one dependant on growth. Every time worldwide consumption so much as plateaus for a few months the entire industry go into shock and starts laying off 30% of the...

        The petroleum industry is one dependant on growth. Every time worldwide consumption so much as plateaus for a few months the entire industry go into shock and starts laying off 30% of the workforce. There is so much oil in storage right now that if any of the "decrease consumption by x large ammount by 2030" predictions come true I can't see the industry surviving beyond a skeleton crew. With the push for less plastic going on the other avenues of hydrocarbon usage are being eroded as well.

        Maybe I will be one of the ones to survive the layoffs in a greatly diminished oil industry, but Im not betting on it.

        9 votes
        1. [3]
          tindall Link Parent
          Fair enough. Well, get that house and then become a full-time climate change activist I guess :P Joking aside, what's your speciality? I'm sure that as the petroleum industry wanes other fields...

          Fair enough. Well, get that house and then become a full-time climate change activist I guess :P

          Joking aside, what's your speciality? I'm sure that as the petroleum industry wanes other fields like neomaterials manufacturing, software (ugh, but it's true), and logistics will see more growth and it might be possible to transfer your skills laterally.

          3 votes
          1. [2]
            Loire Link Parent
            I am a geologist and while there are other fields out there for us, oil is the big one. Theres going to be a glut of geo's when the ship eventually goes down. I'm hoping and praying geothermal...

            I am a geologist and while there are other fields out there for us, oil is the big one. Theres going to be a glut of geo's when the ship eventually goes down.

            I'm hoping and praying geothermal takes off in a big way. The process is almost identical to drilling an oilwell and will take many of the same people/technologies.

            4 votes
            1. tindall Link Parent
              Oh yeah. I have a bunch of friends studying geology and a lot of them are looking into the mining industry. One of them just got an internship at Blue Origin in selenology, so maybe that's the...

              Oh yeah. I have a bunch of friends studying geology and a lot of them are looking into the mining industry. One of them just got an internship at Blue Origin in selenology, so maybe that's the future!

              But, yeah, I see how you're kind of in a fix. Best of luck.

              5 votes
  5. [5]
    Staross Link
    I hate throwing food away but I'm also worried about getting sick from food, so I often delay eating something in my fridge if it's old, which makes it older, and forces me to throw it away at the...

    I hate throwing food away but I'm also worried about getting sick from food, so I often delay eating something in my fridge if it's old, which makes it older, and forces me to throw it away at the end... I often struggle to decide if I should eat something or put it in the trash.

    14 votes
    1. hmm Link Parent
      i am the exact same. often i'll end up having to stuff myself and try finishing it so i don't have anything left over and won't end up wasting it.

      i am the exact same. often i'll end up having to stuff myself and try finishing it so i don't have anything left over and won't end up wasting it.

      4 votes
    2. [2]
      smoontjes Link Parent
      I'm the same way, and my solution is to do my grocery shopping often. Doing it every day or every other day means that I have almost complete track of what's getting old. The downside is that my...

      I'm the same way, and my solution is to do my grocery shopping often. Doing it every day or every other day means that I have almost complete track of what's getting old. The downside is that my fridge is rather empty and I'm halfway forcing myself to eat those things. I can't just cook something different if I feel like it, because I just don't have the ingredients. The upside is huge though - I avoid waste, and it's incredibly frugal to do it like this because it means I never buy more than I need.

      4 votes
      1. vektor Link Parent
        Keep good staples. Check what keeps well and learn to cook with it. I could whip up Tarte flambee right now without shopping much. The only thing I'd need that I don't always have is diced ham and...

        Keep good staples. Check what keeps well and learn to cook with it. I could whip up Tarte flambee right now without shopping much. The only thing I'd need that I don't always have is diced ham and that keeps for weeks. Pasta plus a simple marinara is similar in that way.

        Also, sort your fridge. Put things that don't keep for much longer to the front.

        2 votes
    3. cadadr Link Parent
      There is an endless supply of cats around my house with which we share such food. But I hear stray animals are hard to come by in the West.

      There is an endless supply of cats around my house with which we share such food. But I hear stray animals are hard to come by in the West.

      2 votes
  6. [4]
    euphoria066 (edited ) Link
    I feel like I would be highly in favour of actual, mandated socialism, and also I'm weirdly highly in favour of anarchy and stupid bureaucratic rules make me bristle like crazy. (following...

    I feel like I would be highly in favour of actual, mandated socialism, and also I'm weirdly highly in favour of anarchy and stupid bureaucratic rules make me bristle like crazy. (following building codes - IN MY OWN HOME!? I can't have a chicken because of the GOVERNMENT!?)

    I want everyone to feel comfortable and free to express their culture - but not their religion. But cultural and religious practices are not distinct, so where to draw these lines is very complicated and perhaps impossible?

    14 votes
    1. [2]
      spctrvl Link Parent
      I don't think that's very weird or contradictory, the two are very closely intertwined, and the vast majority of anarchists would also consider themselves socialists.

      I feel like I would be highly in favour of actual, mandated socialism, and also I'm weirdly highly in favour of anarchy and stupid bureaucratic rules make me bristle like crazy. (following building codes - IN MY OWN HOME!? I can't have a chicken because of the GOVERNMENT!?)

      I don't think that's very weird or contradictory, the two are very closely intertwined, and the vast majority of anarchists would also consider themselves socialists.

      5 votes
      1. euphoria066 Link Parent
        WELL WELL WELL! I never thought to look and see if this was an actual thing! Cool, thank you!

        WELL WELL WELL!

        I never thought to look and see if this was an actual thing!

        Cool, thank you!

        4 votes
    2. Keegan Link Parent
      How come you don't want people to be able to express their religion?

      How come you don't want people to be able to express their religion?

  7. [3]
    Omnicrola Link
    My natural inclination is to try and please others so that I will feel better. This leads directly to me not paying attention to my own needs and feeling worse in the long run. Recognizing the...

    My natural inclination is to try and please others so that I will feel better. This leads directly to me not paying attention to my own needs and feeling worse in the long run.

    Recognizing the ways in which this has and continues impacts all the relationships in my life is a process that I am still working through with the help of friends, my wife, and a therapist.

    11 votes
    1. [2]
      firstname (edited ) Link Parent
      I am in the same boat as you, what progress have you made so far? I feel like i have become better at it. First and foremost i work on the fact that i cannot control much in life, especially other...

      I am in the same boat as you, what progress have you made so far?

      I feel like i have become better at it. First and foremost i work on the fact that i cannot control much in life, especially other people, to be able and let go of things outside of my control. This was an easy and early realization during my teens, and i thought that because i knew this, things would be fine. Even now at 33 i am unsure if i really made the honest breakthrough of realization.

      The only worry i have/had is that i might go down the easy path and just stop caring for other people around me. I have gotten hurt to many times, i have gotten defensive, not letting people in or close anymore. Then again, i do care deeply for the ones i love like my family and close friends, perhaps getting better at choosing who to care for, and be happy to please those people, is the next step to focus on.

      2 votes
      1. Omnicrola Link Parent
        I'm pretty happy with my life overall right now, I'm 38. Your right though, there is a distinct difference between knowing a thing and doing something about it. I think the best piece of advice I...

        I'm pretty happy with my life overall right now, I'm 38. Your right though, there is a distinct difference between knowing a thing and doing something about it.

        I think the best piece of advice I could give to my younger self is: learn about boundaries in relationships. It is such a basic concept and often is not taught to people explicitly. Know and accept that having boundaries is normal, healthy, and even if it upsets other people, that's not your problem to solve. Some people will be familiar with boundaries in the context of a friend asking to much of you, eg: "can you loan me $10,000?" That's an easy thing to assess, most of us don't have that kind of cash lying around, so no. But it's even more important when the ask is simple, and the effort is purely emotional or metal, but you've already spent the day helping other people.

        When people ask too much of you, even by accident, it is ok to say no even if for no other reason than "I have done enough for other people today, and I'm going to stop before I do too much and deprive myself of the care that I need."

        The most important part of the previous statement is before you do too much. Being able to recognize and defend your boundaries before they are crossed is a skill, and must be practiced.

        Truly grokking this concept is an ongoing process for me, as I recognize new places in relationships where I need to recalibrate where my boundaries are.

        2 votes
  8. lepigpen Link
    I am a young white male but raised poor (and kinda stupid). Also from Los Angeles so people will likely assume I am affluent and wealthy. Truth is I was raised a LOT like poor hispanics in the...

    I am a young white male but raised poor (and kinda stupid). Also from Los Angeles so people will likely assume I am affluent and wealthy.

    Truth is I was raised a LOT like poor hispanics in the area. Even being mostly baby-sitted by my hispanic neighbor while my parents both worked jobs.

    I am 28, physically and mentally healthy, and unemployed. I have submitted what feels like a hundred applications and done just over half a dozen interviews to no avail...

    I can live with the fact that nobody needs/wants me, this area is insanely overpopulated with a huge homeless and unemployed demographic so I don't feel like a unique butterfly... But it drives me insane that I'm doing nothing and wasting my time on this earth. Wasn't really raised with "skills" so entering certain trades is going to be a rough gamble. College feels completely unattainable at this point (I did a single year at a 2 year college). All the skills I do have fall under the art/creative category, meaning they are becoming increasingly worthless as people spend more time online using pre-existing services and buying non-local products.

    Basically, money. Everything has a barrier to entry and when you have 0 dollars even a $100 expenditure to pursue something feels like a risk. All I want is a day job so I can save (living at parents house of course) so I can invest in a different path. Also I have no criminal record, no vices basically straight edge, and only minor social issues :) lol

    5 votes
  9. [2]
    DanBC Link
    Self harm is the best predictor of a future death by suicide. Men die by suicide far more often than women. Women self harm far more often than men.
    1. Self harm is the best predictor of a future death by suicide.
    2. Men die by suicide far more often than women.
    3. Women self harm far more often than men.
    4 votes
    1. Tau_Zero Link Parent
      That seems logically fine once you consider other factors. Completely making up some numbers to show it can work: Self-harm has an 80% likelihood of future suicide Other (perhaps one, perhaps "all...

      That seems logically fine once you consider other factors. Completely making up some numbers to show it can work:

      1. Self-harm has an 80% likelihood of future suicide
      2. Other (perhaps one, perhaps "all other misc indicators") group has a 30% likelihood of future suicide
      3. For Men, 1% exhibit Self-harm and 80% exhibit Other, assume mutually exclusive
      4. For Women, 10% exhibit Self-harm and 1% exhibit Other, assume mutually exclusive
      5. (1 & 2 & 3) Men: Out of 10,000: Self-harm(10000 * 0.01 * 0.8) + Other(10000 * 0.8 * 0.3) = 2,480 suicides
      6. (1 & 2 & 4) Women: Out of 10,000: Self-harm(10000 * 0.1 * 0.8) + Other(10000 * 0.01 * 0.3) = 830 suicides

      Conclusions:

      • (1 & 2) "Self harm is the best predictor of a future death by suicide." - 80% is a much better predictor than 30%
      • (5 & 6) "Men die by suicide far more often than women." - 2,480 is far more than 830
      • (3 & 4) "Women self harm far more often than men." - 10% is far more than 1%
      6 votes
  10. hungariantoast Link
    I'm a flake. I routinely mention that I'll do something and either don't do it or take forever to get it done. I've gotten a lot better about not doing it with major things, especially compared to...

    I'm a flake. I routinely mention that I'll do something and either don't do it or take forever to get it done.

    I've gotten a lot better about not doing it with major things, especially compared to how I was as a teenager. I think a big part of why I'm like this is due to apathy, maybe a lack of interest, specifically.

    Like, I'm interested in the result of what I'll say I'll do more than I am in the process of doing it.

    Still, I've gotten a lot better about it. My flakiness is almost exclusively confined to minor, insignificant things these days, but even here I stress about the things I've failed or am failing to do. It is as if every minor failure brings me one step closer back to the way I was and so I must follow through on everything.

    The other side of this is that I'm eager to learn and experiment, but I'm also exceptionally busy. I want to try new things and learn and experience but I'm also in over my head and underestimate the time and effort required.

    Even just here, on Tildes, there's at least a dozen things I've said I'd do but never did. Comments I made or things I mentioned in topics. I've edited out or deleted most of them, once I realized they'd never be done, but some of them are still out there, exposing me for what I am. I remember them all, even if I have not tracked them down.

    And that's just here, on some random link aggregation site (which, to be fair, I spend way too much time on). I'm sure you can only imagine the dozens of tasks waiting for me to complete them. The unfortunate todos that will never be checked, merely deleted out of shame.

    I'm a flake.

    4 votes
  11. Triton Link
    I'm really conscious about climate change and try to limit my impact on the environment (going by bike or using public transport whenever I can, not using plastic bags, saving electricity, etc.)....

    I'm really conscious about climate change and try to limit my impact on the environment (going by bike or using public transport whenever I can, not using plastic bags, saving electricity, etc.). However the last few months I've been taking some time off to travel and it was often really convenient (sometimes basically necessary) to take a flight.
    I know how bad flying is, but it seems really difficult to get to know different places without it. Right now I think I'll just stay close to home for a while but I still haven't found a solution to this dilemma.

    3 votes
  12. Luna (edited ) Link
    Like eladnarra said, I would like to be vegetarian for ethical reasons but meat is hard to cut out for long due to limited options in my area. I also take a train and bus to work, even though it's...

    Like eladnarra said, I would like to be vegetarian for ethical reasons but meat is hard to cut out for long due to limited options in my area.

    I also take a train and bus to work, even though it's slightly more expensive than driving (even a small spike in gas prices would reverse that, however), takes ~10 minutes longer in the morning (assuming everything is running on time and my bus doesn't fill up), and I have a 20 minute layover waiting for a train on my way back (meaning it takes ~30 minutes longer in the evening assuming no delays). I just prefer to let someone else handle traffic, even if I have to work late because my morning train was delayed.

    Edit: In light of recent events, gas is now averaging $3/gallon where I live. It is now more expensive to drive.

    3 votes
  13. gpl Link
    I am a hard scientist (physics/cosmology), but also sympathetic to religion and moderately religious myself.

    I am a hard scientist (physics/cosmology), but also sympathetic to religion and moderately religious myself.

    1 vote