This is, without a doubt, a very contemporary problem. Maybe a decade ago women were more repressed and this situation simply did not present itself.
Men are trained by society to always look for the "endgame", which is to achieve sexual intercourse as quick as possible. I was no exception. But, with experience, came the realization that quality comes before quantity, and sex is much better with intimacy and affection.
Nowadays, I'd rather wait for multiple dates before having sex with a woman. That's an odd position to be in, especially in a sexist culture that prescribes a predatorial attitude for men. I am expected to take the initiative at all times, to be always looking for an opening.
It doesn't help that I have a hard containing myself. Not to humblebrag, but getting women aroused is not something I find particularly hard. Sometimes it happens inadvertently.
I understand that I'm supposed to have a conversation about it, but this comes with its own difficulties. How can I do this without implying that...
- her desires are wrong/despicable?
- I do not desire her?
- I have a lack of libido or some kind of performance issue?