14 votes

Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (September 2021)

This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.

19 comments

  1. PhantomBand
    Link
    Still stuck in a loop. Social anxiety and some sort of weird OCD-ish behavior (it's kinda like germaphobia from outside but it's really just some weird obsessive behavior I accidentally taught...

    Still stuck in a loop.

    1. Social anxiety and some sort of weird OCD-ish behavior (it's kinda like germaphobia from outside but it's really just some weird obsessive behavior I accidentally taught myself years ago) keeps me indoors, friendless and unable to reach out for help by myself.

    2. Lack of exercise, social interaction, too much screen time and aimless scrolling and general anxiety things gave me derealization.

    3. After a while I want to do something about it, but I'm unable to do anything about it. When I tell my parents about it, the conversation just kinda ends on an "OK" since they're also pretty down themselves (my dad has lung cancer and my mom is quite tired since nowadays she has to do almost everything by herself, plus the whole situation with my dad). That also fuels my anxiety even more.

    4. Rinse and repeat.

    The only improvements lately are that since like 1~2 months ago I've started an internship which gives me some grounding and structure, but it also kinda makes me think "wait, is this it, is this what I'm supposed to do nearly every until I'm like 65 or so? Damn".

    I just wish the following things happened:

    1. My dad's lung cancer gets cured.

    2. My social anxiety would be manageable and not prevent me from even visiting the doctor or going shopping alone.

    3. My derealization would fade away and I would feel alive again (this has been going on for a little over 2 years now nonstop).

    4. The OCD-ish thing would be gone.

    10 votes
  2. [4]
    ShroudedMouse
    Link
    Feels hard to speak out sometimes. Where does one turn when they feel failed by the typical support instutions? Even worse, where does one find protection when those same institutions turn on you?...

    Feels hard to speak out sometimes. Where does one turn when they feel failed by the typical support instutions? Even worse, where does one find protection when those same institutions turn on you?

    Well, hello Tildes I guess. Share the blues around. :)

    Yeah the kindness of strangers has been helping me through some dark moments. Or sometimes I'm finding it helpful to be the kind stranger.

    9 votes
    1. [3]
      vord
      Link Parent
      I've been down this road in one fashion or another. Feel free to share, or not. Sometimes it's cathartic, and this is a (relatively) safe place. A lot of places are trying to fit people into a...

      I've been down this road in one fashion or another. Feel free to share, or not. Sometimes it's cathartic, and this is a (relatively) safe place.

      A lot of places are trying to fit people into a mold, to conform to society. Some of us don't want that, some do. Conflict arises when those insitutions don't match what you want.

      I recently learned more about Salvador Dali, and I think my reaction was "Shame I'm not rich enough to be myself."

      4 votes
      1. [2]
        ShroudedMouse
        (edited )
        Link Parent
        Hello kind stranger. You've already helped... One of the insitutions that failed me was family - for decades. I had no idea they were such horrible people and it terrifies me to see the worst of...

        Hello kind stranger. You've already helped...

        One of the insitutions that failed me was family - for decades. I had no idea they were such horrible people and it terrifies me to see the worst of them in myself. I can't go into detail since I'm still considering legal action. However, today has been fucking amazing for me. Just wandered around with no tech and just a little cash on hand for lunch etc.

        I don't think one has to be rich to be themselves. It just helps to have the cash/notoriety so they don't lock you up for it!

        Everywhere I went, people were wonderful. Even the busy stressed ones were too busy and stressed to pay me much mind. I love getting the grumpiest lookin people to break into a smile. Sometimes it backfires... particularly when I'm too jokey in the face of tragedy. :P

        I'm basically suffering from textbook PTSD though (yeah, I'll diagnose myself) and all I need is more time amongst 'normalcy'. That's hard to define in people but much easier to identify in the rhythms of nature.

        Yeah, I was feeling good til I returned home to see that somebody (family I'm almost certain) had damaged my fence. Whether through negligence or malice, don't really care. Took me from a 9/10 to a 5/10 but I'm gonna wake up again tomorrow and fight. Fuck em.... :)

        @MimicSquid, hope this explains me piping up re. China in that other thread! Yeah, I guess at least in the 'west', ridiculous amounts of money buys you more protection from the state.

        Update: It's very difficult to find the time and space to mend / vent when smallish normal things, by particular institutional standards, relate to trauma. For me, having a pair of elderly governmental census officials show up announced asking questions, tell me I had to fill out compulsory forms, was unsettling. But hey that's just what they do right? Bah...

        Awake this morning feeling euphoric and then was startled to see a second copy of the census(?) thrown inside my fence - unsealed. Ehh, not what I needed before breakfast/coffee. :|

        Update: Another person stopped by while I was trying to relax in yard. Told em I felt anxious and tried to move them on. They just ignored that and asked more questions. Fuuuuck! This time a young dude hawking solar panels. Left me with feeling worse. I didn't even answer the front door, just talking over fence. It's very hard to ignore pushy people when they bang on your door and kinda wake up the household at the same time. Very unfriendly behaviour imo, particularly during covid times when many people are self-isolating for health reasons already. Bah...

        Update:
        Tildes is a relatively safe for opening up but there's always a risk of being misunderstood. Others interpretations of their experience (and even these words) aren't ours to judge - in my opinion. :)

        Anxiety just makes it all that more challenging to manage my own stuff. But who doesn't love a good challenge? That's life! I'll keep on with my love-first motto where I think it's appropriate and a BIG part of that is trust. Trust begets trust. I'll trust the societal panic calms down eventually and we can all chill in whatever yard or space we call home. :D Peace out!

        5 votes
        1. vord
          Link Parent
          I too escaped toxic family. It is a process, one I'm still working through myself. Build yourself a new support network. Consider moving a fair distance. I was referring to wealth and not getting...

          I too escaped toxic family. It is a process, one I'm still working through myself.

          Build yourself a new support network. Consider moving a fair distance.

          I was referring to wealth and not getting locked up (having been there multiple times lready) or homeless.

          3 votes
  3. MimicSquid
    Link
    I'm not ok. My mother, whose health had been declining slowly, has taken a turn for the worse with multiple significant issues in the last week. Whereas she had previously been fairly independent,...

    I'm not ok. My mother, whose health had been declining slowly, has taken a turn for the worse with multiple significant issues in the last week. Whereas she had previously been fairly independent, she now needs full time nursing care. She's still fairly sharp mentally, but I'm worried that she won't last too much longer. She's not very mobile, and this last round of problems are knock-on effects from all of that. I just don't see how she'll really get better again, and everyone keeps acting like everything will be fine.

    She'll get better if she takes the right medicine. If she does the right exercises. If she has the right physical therapist. If. If. If.

    If she's so sick she can't get out of bed to go to the bathroom without help, she's past being on her last legs. I'm supporting whatever decisions she wants to make, since it's far too easy to override someone when they're so dependent on support from people around them. That said, I'm trying to get some of the grieving out now so that I can help her however I can in the time she has left.

    It's funny how the grief is an ever-flowing spring in my heart.

    9 votes
  4. trailrover
    Link
    I'm turning 30 in few months and it's been a lonely life so far. Much of it has to do with my inability to express myself and my needs and a part of it has to do with my indecision. When I look...

    I'm turning 30 in few months and it's been a lonely life so far. Much of it has to do with my inability to express myself and my needs and a part of it has to do with my indecision. When I look around it feels I've failed to build lasting relationships. I find myself reflecting on the life lived so far way too much and it makes me sink.

    I want to turn things around for myself but I'm unsure of how.

    9 votes
  5. moocow1452
    Link
    I'm feeling better. Still got some sinus junk that makes my ears ring some, and it was working it's way out before, but seems to have come back when I was outside longer than 20 minutes and...

    I'm feeling better. Still got some sinus junk that makes my ears ring some, and it was working it's way out before, but seems to have come back when I was outside longer than 20 minutes and smelled the pollen. Got a massage yesterday and they said it may be something jaw related as well. Something to bring up with the dentist I guess.

    On urology fronts, I had a checkup where I said my symptoms were mostly getting better and we decided to cancel the cystoscopy coming up instead going with a follow up in February to see how it progresses. I'm a little nervous about cancelling it if it actually was something serious, and about everything medical from GP to specialist is backed up for at least a month, but I am also feeling better, and when it's been worse, it hasn't been that bad, so idk.

    Brother wanted to go see Shang-Chi this weekend, and I am going to go with him and see how I do. I can bring earmuffs if it gets bad, and I also kinda really want to get out of the house for a little bit.

    8 votes
  6. soks_n_sandals
    Link
    It's been a hard start to the week. Watching Hurricane Ida obliterate coastal Louisiana from afar was stressful and brought up a lot of hard emotions about being away from home during storm...

    It's been a hard start to the week.

    Watching Hurricane Ida obliterate coastal Louisiana from afar was stressful and brought up a lot of hard emotions about being away from home during storm season.

    I know a lot of people in the communities affected. They probably lost their homes, or most of their belongings. They may not be able to return for a while, if they manage to leave now. Others didn't lose their homes but can't live in them for a few weeks, maybe months.

    Oddly, the worst thing was coworkers asking if my family was okay. Thankfully they are, but I know that it means they're okay at the expense of those in coastal communities.

    Answering coworkers is tough because people at work don't want to hear how difficult it is to see tweets from people trapped in their attic, or watch people get rescued from their cars while the water rises around them. They don't want to hear that this is the fifth storm to hit LA in the last 12 months and that you're judging whether it's worth it to move home at the risk of losing everything you've worked to build when storms come through. People at work don't want to hear about the guilt associated with not being able to go down and help cleanup, or not being able to offer a couch to a friend who's displaced.

    So anyway that was a tough start to the week but I've just put all those feelings away til next storm lol

    7 votes
  7. [4]
    rogue_cricket
    (edited )
    Link
    Does anyone have experience with being burnt out? What did you do? I might not be burnt out, I just don't know how to identify what is going on, because I think maybe it's just that my workplace...

    Does anyone have experience with being burnt out? What did you do? I might not be burnt out, I just don't know how to identify what is going on, because I think maybe it's just that my workplace is... bad. Or maybe the whole software industry.

    I actually had wanted to quit in early 2020, but I work in video conferencing. I'm sure you can all figure out why I might value being in that industry at a when things were going bonkers... I legitimately felt, for a while, like I was helping people and the job security was nice in troubled times. Then later I wanted to quit in early 2021, this time just thinking I could earn more and I was getting tired, but I got a promotion literally a day or two after I updated my resume.

    Now I'm just... I'm languishing. I'm bored all the time. I'm utterly unproductive. I no longer feel any sense of purpose here and many of the coworkers I like have quit, not that I have had much social time with them since the closure of my local physical office anyway. But I feel like I don't have the... (energy? attention span?) to look for a new job right now either.

    I have been so tempted to just quit and take a month or two off... I know there's such thing as stress leave, but I'm not sure if this qualifies and I do still have legitimate grievances with the environment (plus maybe undiagnosed ADHD?). Even calling a doctor seems hard. (Even writing a resignation seems very very hard.)

    I'm fortunate. I have enough savings I could go without a job for years with very little lifestyle change. I have a supportive partner who makes almost as much as I do, I own my own home so I don't have to worry about the crazy rent increases that have been occurring here lately. And when I want or need a job again, I have experience in a healthy industry and a decent network and I think I could get a new one without waiting too long (although I dread interviewing... not sure if I could balance a binary tree again without some study time, lol). I think I'd even take a pay cut if I could do something more interesting or more meaningful. But it feels like such a crazy decision. I don't know.

    I just don't think I can keep going like this for much longer without losing myself. I feel like a slug, I have utterly lost all my creative drive and ability and I hate it. I genuinely feel as though I've lost some of my intelligence. Who knows if the time off would even help. Ugh.

    7 votes
    1. rogue_cricket
      Link Parent
      Update: I ended up making an appointment with a nurse practitioner via an e-health service partnered with my government. I did have to pay $50 for the appointment, but it almost certainly allowed...

      Update:

      I ended up making an appointment with a nurse practitioner via an e-health service partnered with my government. I did have to pay $50 for the appointment, but it almost certainly allowed me to skip a months-long waiting period. (Healthcare in my province is very bad, but that's for another time.)

      After the chat with the NP I got a trial prescription of an SSRI and a medical leave from work for the next few weeks while we figure out how it affects me. I have some complicated feelings about the whole thing - I don't dislike medication in general or anything - but I am willing to try.

      I took my first pill yesterday. I was warned by both the NP and the pharmacist that it may take a while for me to feel anything but for me the effect was immediate and very noticeable. I became very fidgety and agitated and flooded with energy in a way that was slightly unpleasant, I was clenching my jaw a lot and ended up playing with some clay to keep my hands busy once I ran out of kitchen to clean. I had to cancel plans with a friend and I used the word "feral" to describe the feeling. But you know what, I can see this being OK once I get acclimated to it a bit better. And now my kitchen is clean at least.

      I also got nausea and sensitivity to smell, I had to hold my breath while feeding my dog because the smell of her food was making me dry heave. Again, hoping for improvement over time.

      I'm looking forward to my time off as well, although it comes at an awkward transitioning time for my workplace. But there would never be a "good time" for it, so I don't feel too bad.

      Honestly this was kind of a big deal for me. I am pretty anxious about interacting with the health care system, I always worry I'll be dismissed or belittled. I am not good at this kind of "real" self-care where I have to take initiative or advocate for my own treatment. I was able to chat with my parents and with my partner, but having this place to rant was nice too. And thanks a lot to @MimicSquid for the encouragement as well. :)

      6 votes
    2. MimicSquid
      Link Parent
      That sounds like burnout to me. You've been wrung dry of any energy, and need time to recharge. I'd suggest that if you can take a month of stress leave that would be a good idea, and it would...

      That sounds like burnout to me. You've been wrung dry of any energy, and need time to recharge. I'd suggest that if you can take a month of stress leave that would be a good idea, and it would give you a bit of time away from your issues with the organization to figure out if your issues with it are things that are intolerable because you're burned out, or if they'd be dealbreakers regardless. Time off is invaluable, and you should have it.

      5 votes
    3. teaearlgraycold
      Link Parent
      I felt very similarly to you late last year. I'd wanted to quit before the pandemic started but that got put on hold. I even started to wonder about undiagnosed ADHD. Everything got better for me...

      I felt very similarly to you late last year. I'd wanted to quit before the pandemic started but that got put on hold. I even started to wonder about undiagnosed ADHD. Everything got better for me after I quit my job, took a few weeks off, and started working somewhere else.

      4 votes
  8. [3]
    Wayzgoose
    Link
    For people dealing with depression or maybe just average people, how do you fight procrastination? Today for example I didn't do any work for my thesis or actual work (I work remotely) or even...

    For people dealing with depression or maybe just average people, how do you fight procrastination?

    Today for example I didn't do any work for my thesis or actual work (I work remotely) or even update my resume to move to better paying job. I'm medicated and I'm not feeling down, but some days I just can't seem to sit down and do things I have to do!

    Not that it is much better on a normal day but these days just make me feel very guilty, and anxious about my future.

    6 votes
    1. [2]
      TemulentTeatotaler
      Link Parent
      A while back I read Atomic Habits and found it to have some fairly pragmatic advice that aligned with other things I'd read. Here is the cheatsheet from that for forming good habits and the...

      A while back I read Atomic Habits and found it to have some fairly pragmatic advice that aligned with other things I'd read.

      Here is the cheatsheet from that for forming good habits and the inversion for breaking bad ones that might worth looking at.

      Based on that, you could try things like:

      • Add specificity. Set a particular time you'll work on your thesis, or piggy-back starting that after something you already do (e.g., morning coffee-->thesis).
      • Make it take as little effort as possible to start the thing you're avoiding.
      • If a task feels overwhelming, reduce the goal you have to just showing up. If you want to run a marathon tell yourself you'll put on your shoes-- if you go for a walk after that's great, but don't shoot for that if you've been failing to start.
        • Pomodoros (15-25 minutes of work followed by a 5 minute break) are popular with some people. Studies I've seen suggest people don't do great with tasks requiring attention for much past that ~20 minutes.
      • etc.

      You want to make things easy and enjoyable, as much as you can. The wrong thing to do--probably-- is to try to change it by force of will.

      In my state there was a study on elders living independently with cognitive decline. Some of them had severe Alzheimer's for over a decade, but were still managing to function. Their living spaces were filled with external cognitive aids, with notes, clocks, other other reminders littered everywhere. That's an extreme example of using your environment or habits to help out.

      Good luck!

      4 votes
      1. Wayzgoose
        Link Parent
        Man so much to comment on... I already use the Pomodoro technique when I have to read. Reading is usually boring to me. I have tons of alarms, reminders and on my phone. I don't trust myself to...

        Man so much to comment on...
        I already use the Pomodoro technique when I have to read. Reading is usually boring to me. I have tons of alarms, reminders and on my phone. I don't trust myself to remember anything.

        I do have to work on the "just showing up" part. But with working remotely it is easy to show up, answer a message on Slack, and call it a day lol.

        I like to work in the mornings. I take my meds (which includes a stimulant) and I drink black tea. Then usually I game for a bit while I gather the will power to start doing something productive and THEN I start working lol.

        I'm going to investigate those cheat sheets and book.

        1 vote
  9. Bullmaestro
    Link
    Things are difficult right now. I have been volunteering with a community benefit society for a while now and rose to the rank of treasurer two years ago. The role has turned increasingly...

    Things are difficult right now.

    I have been volunteering with a community benefit society for a while now and rose to the rank of treasurer two years ago. The role has turned increasingly stressful and I want out. In retrospect I regret taking on the position in the first place.

    Been a mixture of issues like being bombarded with share withdrawal requests, increasingly angry communications from various stakeholders, key volunteers stepping down and leaving us undermanned, tenant issues, etc. Some of the aforementioned comms have escalated to the point of legal threats or threats of further ramifications. Our financial accounts are also overdue and comms with our accountant have been slow.

    Part of me has thought about making a post to /r/LegalAdviceUK to find out where I stand. I want to step down from the role not only because the stress of balancing pro bono volunteer work with AAT course studies and work is becoming too much, but also because I don't want to be put into a position where it could jeopardise my future or leave me personally liable.

    5 votes
  10. superuser
    Link
    First tildes post. But I need to vent so I'll try it out. I feel totally lost. I'm young and in school. I have no direction or interests. I see no point in trying, nothing makes me feel good. I...

    First tildes post. But I need to vent so I'll try it out. I feel totally lost. I'm young and in school. I have no direction or interests. I see no point in trying, nothing makes me feel good. I feel nothing any and every day. I have been in therapy for years. I am plagued by intrusive thoughts and body image issues. Between climate change and social fascism I don't see a future I want to live in. The only thing preventing me from CTRL-Z'ing my life is knowing how much pain it would cause my family and girlfriend. I don't want to work, I have no passion. Is my life solely to work for others? Is that all I'm here for? I'm not able to self-sustain. Joining a commune or cult is preferable to the current future of this reality. I don't know. I'm medicated but I'm lonely. If I could do anything, I would try to make music and video art. Create open source software in relation to the arts. I feel dumb and incapable of learning anything. I fill the hole in my existence with consumerism. I bought a nice e-reader to try and knock off some of the ~600Gb of ebooks I have downloaded. No progress. I am four weeks into this semester at Uni and I haven't done any work. I feel destined to fail.

    5 votes
  11. Basil
    Link
    I am angry. For a while, almost two months I was starting to get pretty satisfied with my life. It is great, being able to just do whatever for almost two months. A bit disappointed I didn't get a...

    I am angry.

    For a while, almost two months I was starting to get pretty satisfied with my life. It is great, being able to just do whatever for almost two months. A bit disappointed I didn't get a job, travel somewhere really cool, or maybe worked on some personal projects during the period. I also didn't mind it, though, as I was going on a lot of walks, sleeping well and just was in a pretty good spot.

    As the summer ended, I was starting to get really anxious about everythimg coming up, had a few nights where I couldnt fall asleep for hours. But I was also quite excited, as I would be studying stuff that I am pretty interested in. And when the semester started I was even more excited, having lectures not over zoom again was really cool and the courses I was taking were living up to my expectations.

    But then, one evening when I was walking back home after classes in the evening, when I fell in a really stupid way. I fell mostly on my arm, which as I got home I realized hurts quite bad to move around fully. After a night without sleep, due to being unable to find a position where my arm didn't hurt too much while lying on the bed, I got convinved by my parents that I really should go to a doctor. Got my arm xrayed, they said that they arent sure if its fractured but that it looks pretty bad so they put in a cast. I also almost vomited and or fainted on the nurse while they were putting the cast on, cause I was so anxious from the hospital.

    When I got home, I was so angry at the world. What the fuck did i do to deserve this, I was starting to be doing quite good. Multiple times I just started yelling expletives cause of how angry i was/am. When i see myself in the mirror, looking like shit, i just say fuck you, fuck you,fuck you,fuck you. Also got a scraped chin, makes me look even more handsome. Now I am sitting at home, not getting any schoolwork done, falling behind on things, and dreading having to do work at the computer with this dfumb cast. or going to school with it. I know nobody cares, but I am already anxious in public places without stuff like this. why the fuck... also I am definitely catastrophizing. But I am so disappointed.

    (sorry for any mistakes its difficult to type with one hand, this took so long to type out but i really needed to vent)

    4 votes