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    1. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      11 votes
    2. What features would you add to languages?

      If you had the option to add new features to your primary language, what would they be? Is there something from a foreign language you'd like to import to your primary language? A couple examples:...

      If you had the option to add new features to your primary language, what would they be? Is there something from a foreign language you'd like to import to your primary language?

      A couple examples:

      • A prefix to indicate intensity or degree. BBS/early hacker jargon had terms like "k-rad" to mean 1000x (2^10?) as radical as "rad" without the prefix.
        That Montessori preschool was t-cool but why would they think calling it "Hobbledehoy" was a good idea?
      • Making an indication of how confident you are in an a statement obligate and easy. I hedge all the time because I think it's important to convey, but it's clunky. We do a bit of that non-verbally but that doesn't translate to text, and has the other complications of non-verbal cues.
        It would be nice if there was an established vocabulary to quickly convey things like "experienced first-hand, repeatedly", "99% certain", "I've heard but never looked into", etc. From there it would be nice if this was as required as the gender, in gendered languages.
      12 votes
    3. How do you actually meditate?

      So, for this thread, I'm specifically not asking for detailed explanations about the spiritual or philosophical aspect that goes behind your motivations to meditate. A brief explanation is almost...

      So, for this thread, I'm specifically not asking for detailed explanations about the spiritual or philosophical aspect that goes behind your motivations to meditate. A brief explanation is almost certainly required, though.

      Mostly, I wish to know practical things, details that often go unsaid, like:

      • What kind of meditation do you practice?
        • How can I Google it?
      • Where and when do you meditate, and why?
      • Do you do it alone?
      • How do you prepare for meditation?
      • What you do afterwards?
      • How frequently do you meditate, and for how long?
      • If you sit at all, in what position do you sit?
        • Where do you sit? The ground, a mat, a cushion, a chair, your bed?
      • Do you keep your eyes closed or open?
      • Do you concentrate on your breathing?
      • Do you breath through your mouth or nose?
      • Do you count your breaths or visualize them in any way?
      • Is there any particular breathing technique involved?
      • Do you use any aid such as noise generators, soundscapes, timers, meditation apps, etc?
      • Do you push thoughts away?
      • Do you concentrate on any object, physical or otherwise?
        • statues, amulets, images, mental images, mantras, etc.
      • What do you do if...
        • your legs go numb?
        • there's a fly on your nose?
        • there's mucus on your mouth or throat?
        • you must cough or sneeze?
        • you're itchy all over?
      14 votes
    4. Does anyone else feel like they don’t know how to talk to people anymore?

      I never considered myself an introvert or shy. I’ve always been comfortable talking with strangers, whether that was in my college class or just sparking up a conversation with someone next to me...

      I never considered myself an introvert or shy. I’ve always been comfortable talking with strangers, whether that was in my college class or just sparking up a conversation with someone next to me in line.

      I haven’t talked to a stranger irl since the pandemic started and I’m running scenarios in my brain about how I would talk to someone when I just met them. And every situation I’m going through I’m being awkward and uncomfortable.

      I can talk to my family and my cousins, who are essentially my only friends, just fine but that’s different since there’s already an established way of communication there.

      I just feel like I’m gonna be so rusty at talking to people, which is a shame because I’ve spent years learning how to talk to strangers in a certain way to make them comfortable and to very easily have a conversation. And I feel like I lost all of that now.

      25 votes
    5. Have you ever met a psychopath?

      For the past month, I have been reading "The Wisdom of Psychopaths" by Kevin Dutton which delves into traits, behaviors, and motivations behind psychopaths. This book isn't just about serial...

      For the past month, I have been reading "The Wisdom of Psychopaths" by Kevin Dutton which delves into traits, behaviors, and motivations behind psychopaths. This book isn't just about serial killers but rather also the "successful" functional psychopaths such as stockbrokers, politicians, and business executives. You can read an excerpt from the book here if interested. A few interesting takeaways that I have had from the book so far are the innate cues that some people have on picking up on psychopathic cues. This is like speaking to someone and getting the heebie-jeebies from them for some reason. Apparently, women are more perceptive to this than men.

      So, I'm curious if you have ever met a person that gave off that vibe, and what in particular gave you that vibe?

      18 votes
    6. What are your cognitive biases, and how do they affect you?

      From Wikipedia: A cognitive bias is a systematic pattern of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment. Individuals create their own "subjective reality" from their perception of the input. An...

      From Wikipedia:

      A cognitive bias is a systematic pattern of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment. Individuals create their own "subjective reality" from their perception of the input. An individual's construction of reality, not the objective input, may dictate their behavior in the world. Thus, cognitive biases may sometimes lead to perceptual distortion, inaccurate judgment, illogical interpretation, or what is broadly called irrationality.

      For obvious reasons, it is much easier to identify biases in others than ourselves. Nevertheless, some of us went through practices (such as psychotherapy), experiences, and introspection that allowed us to put our biases in check. So, instead of scrutinizing the behavior of others (something that comes naturally to us, especially on the internet), here I ask you to exercise some self-criticism. What intellectual tendencies you have that obsessively repeat themselves in different contexts?

      I should note that cognitive biases do not always lead to bad outcomes or falsehoods, as stated in Wikipedia:

      Although it may seem like such misperceptions would be aberrations, biases can help humans find commonalities and shortcuts to assist in the navigation of common situations in life.[5]

      On this thread, I am deliberately not asking about political bias or anything of the sort, including all the juicy controversial subjects surrounding it. Anything that often leads to uncivil discussion should be considered out of bounds.

      For inspiration, look at this list (you don't need to identify a named bias, though... a subjective description of something you believe to be a form of bias is enough).

      Dear Mods, due to the contentious nature of the subject, please feel free to act more aggressively on this topic than you currently do.

      9 votes
    7. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      5 votes
    8. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      7 votes
    9. Our dead bedroom, and our journey to fix it. Any interest in the journey?

      I've been married for about 20 years. Our bedroom has been mostly dead for half of that. When I left to go take care of my mother, I didn't know if I would come back home. My husband and I like...

      I've been married for about 20 years. Our bedroom has been mostly dead for half of that. When I left to go take care of my mother, I didn't know if I would come back home. My husband and I like each other well enough, but we have each been in our own personally narrated relationship hell for too long. While I was away, we started writing each other letters, the distance seemed to let us "get it all out." We both seem committed to making the next 20 years better than the first. If there is any interest, I'm willing to chronicle our journey back from the brink of divorce, as well as answer any questions anyone might have. I'm the one with the lower sex drive, and with sex more tied to emotional intimacy than my partner. I like Tildes as my personal space and don't really want my husband to have an account, but I would let him use mine to speak his own words if that is something someone would want to hear. If there is no interest, I'll delete this topic in about a week, as I would find it a bit embarrassing in my history.

      Edit: I would also be interested in hearing how other people worked through this if anyone would like to talk about it.

      46 votes
    10. You got a one way ticket to 200 years into the future. Do you go?

      You're guaranteed to have at least the same level of comfort and subsistence you currently have. Anyone in the present that depends on you financially will be taken care of. Other than that there...

      You're guaranteed to have at least the same level of comfort and subsistence you currently have. Anyone in the present that depends on you financially will be taken care of. Other than that there are no guarantees whatsoever. You cannot go back. It's definitely a gamble. Can you resist the curiosity?

      17 votes
    11. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      12 votes
    12. How do you tend to your digital selves?

      How do you tend to your digital selves? Do you create archives for your blogs/journals/social-media-interactions? How meticulously do you organize your pictures? How protectful are you of your...

      How do you tend to your digital selves? Do you create archives for your blogs/journals/social-media-interactions? How meticulously do you organize your pictures? How protectful are you of your backups? Have you thought about where it'd all end up after you've died?

      16 votes
    13. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      8 votes
    14. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      14 votes
    15. Fuck cancer

      Just getting this off my chest because the number of people I can talk to about it right now is very small. My mom got diagnosed with cancer a few days ago. Tumors in her breast(s?) and the cancer...

      Just getting this off my chest because the number of people I can talk to about it right now is very small.

      My mom got diagnosed with cancer a few days ago. Tumors in her breast(s?) and the cancer has made it into her lymph nodes and possibly her blood as well. None of us have much idea where that puts us right now and we won't know much more until her consult + surgery next week. It's gut-wrenchingly awful. The unknown of everything gnaws at you -- I don't wholesale trust what I read on the internet but it certainly doesn't seem great. I'm still in disbelief -- my mom is only in her mid sixties and she is extremely healthy. My mom is obviously scared but she is doing ok otherwise -- she is a fighter and my whole family is behind her and ready to support her however we can. This next block of time is going to be so hard on both of my parents it physically hurts to think about. I guess as we learn more information things will become easier to deal with because it certainly isn't easy right now. Lots of tears, but lots of video chat smiles and laughing too.

      The saving grace has been knowing how much time I have been able to spend with my parents through the pandemic as they have been helping us out with childcare. My mom has loved being a grandma, getting to watch her eyes light up when she holds our daughter has been amazing and I just want so, so, so badly for her to be able to continue to watch her grow up and for my daughter to know her. If you have a mom in your life please give her an extra hug/ehug this mother's day for me.

      Also, if anyone has any personal experience of battling or having people close to you battle cancer please feel free to share if you want to. Cancer fucking sucks.

      27 votes
    16. Let's talk about attention

      I've been doing a lot of thinking about my own attention lately, and I'm curious to hear others' thoughts. I don't want to prime the thread, but I'll probably type up some of my own considerations...

      I've been doing a lot of thinking about my own attention lately, and I'm curious to hear others' thoughts. I don't want to prime the thread, but I'll probably type up some of my own considerations in a comment later.

      Any and all comments/experiences are welcome, especially those from people with ADHD or other similar conditions that impact executive functioning.

      • Are you happy with your ability to manage your attention and focus?
      • Do you feel like you're in control of your attention? Is it something you have to manage?
      • Do you feel as if anything has changed over time?
      • How would you describe your attention/focus to someone who experiences theirs in a different way from you?

      Those are simply guiding questions to get the ball rolling, but I don't want to limit the conversation to just them. Really I'm interested in hearing anything anyone is wanting to share about their relationship with attention and focus.

      27 votes
    17. Is there anything considered pseudoscientific/unscientific that you suspect has some truth to it and might be re-examined in the future?

      (Also, how open are you to being dissuaded from it? I'm always open to new information, so if you're concerned about me embarrassing myself in public with these ideas, enlighten me, by all means.)...

      (Also, how open are you to being dissuaded from it? I'm always open to new information, so if you're concerned about me embarrassing myself in public with these ideas, enlighten me, by all means.)

      Two examples come to mind for me.

      • Astrology. I don't think the positions of the stars have any actual bearing on people's destinies, but there are definite traits that seem common to the individual signs, across cultures and eras. Perhaps there's a natural cycle of some sort that affects our collective psychology or even biochemistry and we misattribute zodiac stereotypes because it happens to align with the celestial "movements"?

      • Graphology. The notion that particular characteristics or tendencies could be expressed in something like handwriting doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Our minds physically express many things in our body language, and I could see how handwriting might essentially be an extension of that, or another translation.

      Of course, this could just be self-selection and delusion, but these are likely complex issues and there's still quite a lot we do not understand.

      28 votes
    18. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      7 votes
    19. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      8 votes
    20. What's something that took you a long time to like?

      The first time you encountered it, you were lukewarm at best or completely put off at worst. Over time though, you changed, and slowly you came around to it, changing your position from one of...

      The first time you encountered it, you were lukewarm at best or completely put off at worst. Over time though, you changed, and slowly you came around to it, changing your position from one of distaste or disgust into something rooted in genuine fondness or appreciation.

      Tell us that story.

      Anything is fair game: foods, movies, people, ideas, careers, etc.

      26 votes
    21. Logged in for the first time in awhile. Update on my phone and other stuff

      Heya! Man I haven't been on Tildes for a minute. How the heck is everyone? I've been on a bit of a roller coaster since I posted about looking for a new phone and have been keeping busy. Just...

      Heya!

      Man I haven't been on Tildes for a minute. How the heck is everyone?

      I've been on a bit of a roller coaster since I posted about looking for a new phone and have been keeping busy.

      Just right now I really should be:

      • Editing a book my dad wrote about our ancestors in the US - think Little House on the Prairie. It's going to be a surprise gift for his 90th. I'm having it printed all nice and whatnot.
      • I need to contact the free lancer I work with in India to help me put together new online courses for the website I run as a side hustle. Hoping for a break out cycle next time and have it become something that might replace my primary income in the next 4-5 years. It's paying off but the work can be super boring.
      • I have a lawn care landscaping guy coming over today to see about putting a french drain in around the basement foundation to get some water away. I am working from home full time now so I want to make the basement nicer (where I work from). Basically it's going to still look like a basement, just nicer. Going to epoxy the floor and put up that commercial type baseboard, fresh white paint on the walls and ceiling, then new lights. Then I'll add storage for things we don't use everyday. Should be cool but a ton of work.

      Other stuff that's happened since I last talked to you all:

      • I need to get passport photos for the family for a cruise in Nov that we probably will end up canceling unless the kids can get vaccinated by then. Bought it cheap at the height of the pandemic.
      • Just yesterday I was at Costco and do you ever get annoyed by the check they do before you leave? Like normally its cursory but this time they really went through everything and it was this much older guy with a lot of Veteran-wear and he like really went out of his way to touch each item in our cart multiple times. I literally said "Are you going to touch everything?" But I don't think he heard me. I guess the issue was we had what looked like 11 items and only 10 on the receipt but one thing was a two-pack of shirts. We also weren't dressed particularity well and probably smelled like weed so there's that too. But no fun for sure.
      • I took up stock trading during the March lows and lost about $8K then after a lot of work and mostly luck made that back plus $2k. Then I took a break for a while because it was hella stressful. Then I got in on gme early in my retirement account. So now I don't have to worry about retirement so much. Really mind blowing. I'm going to a financial advisor soon.
      • I kind of called the pandemic early ... I have some neighbors who are Chinese and they told me how bad it was getting over there. So we went and got n95s when you could still get them at the big box stores and bought supplies including a handgun and a o2 machine. I remember driving up to the bank drive through window and getting $10k in cash out just for saf e keeping. We've basically been hunkered down ever since.

      It's been a long strange trip man, how have you all been?

      tl;dr: Got a Samsung Galaxy 8. Generally like it but dislike having to deal with both a Samsung layer and the Google layer - having just the Apple layer on the iPhone is nice. I didn't put any cool OS on it like I was talking about. The fingerprint reader works really well so I totally get why people use those.

      20 votes
    22. What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across?

      Intro A while ago, we held a LGBT Q&A panel that allowed people to ask questions to LGBT people that they might have been afraid to ask otherwise. I think this was incredibly valuable, and I would...

      Intro

      A while ago, we held a LGBT Q&A panel that allowed people to ask questions to LGBT people that they might have been afraid to ask otherwise. I think this was incredibly valuable, and I would like to try a slightly less structured and topical version of the thread.

      This thread is for questions about any topic that you're worried might come across as insensitive or invasive or uncomfortable or whatever -- questions that might get responded to negatively if you were to ask them elsewhere. Ask a question that you tend to keep to yourself, for whatever reason.

      My hope is that people can ask some questions in good faith and get answers in good faith. In order to do that though, I do think it's important that we have some norms in place:


      Ground Rules

      Anyone can ask questions or provide answers or both. This topic is not a panel but a Tildes-wide discussion.

      Askers

      Ask a genuine question that you want a genuine answer to. Feel free to ask informational questions, experiential questions, and opinion questions. They will be afforded the principle of charity, but also understand that this is not a thread for hot takes or passive aggressive shots or anything like that.

      Follow-up questions are allowed and encouraged.

      To keep threads organized, post a new top-level comment for each separate question, unless your questions are all related to the same topic and work better as one comment.

      Answerers

      Give genuine answers to the questions given. The goal of the thread is education and understanding. Even (and especially) if a question is difficult, frustrating, or off-putting, I think one of the best things you can articulate is why it is that way for you as a way of helping others understand your experience and perspective.

      All

      Please abide by this principle: if your words have the potential to cut, then please have the courtesy of using some anaesthetic. If you know you're entering into potentially inflammatory territory, please go out of your way to soften sharpness and defang your words. The last thing I want this thread to be is a set of escalations or inflection points.

      If you're worried your question might look provocative, openly state your intention and give some background for why you want to ask, to show that you're acting in good faith and willing to listen to answers. If you're worried your answer might slam on someone, openly state your intention and give some background for why this is a topic that elicits such strong feelings from you.

      If a question or answer does cross lines or occurs in bad faith, please label it as malice.

      If you do not want to see this topic in your thread for any reason, please use the ignore post feature.

      I am hoping that we can have some very thoughtful, compelling, and insightful conversation here, and, based on what I know of the Tildes community and our last attempt at a thread like this, I have full faith that we can achieve that.

      42 votes
    23. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      11 votes
    24. What do you think late 2010s-early 2020s nostalgia will look like?

      Asking mainly because we generally view this period as a rock-bottom, but nostalgia seems to be as good as natural, so what do you think people in 5, 10, 15+ years will remember overly fondly...

      Asking mainly because we generally view this period as a rock-bottom, but nostalgia seems to be as good as natural, so what do you think people in 5, 10, 15+ years will remember overly fondly about the present?

      17 votes
    25. What are some examples of times when sanctions "worked"?

      The US, EU and assorted allies have gradually gotten into the habit, in recent decades, of using targeted sanctions (a lot) against both individuals and govts when the targets do something the...

      The US, EU and assorted allies have gradually gotten into the habit, in recent decades, of using targeted sanctions (a lot) against both individuals and govts when the targets do something the West does not approve of.

      Do they work? Do they help?

      I think Obama-era sanctions on Iran played a part in getting Iran to at least consider the nuclear accord that Trump promptly renigged on ... but I also think Rouhani also wanted to develop a better relationship w/the US (and I'm sure he had at least grudging support from the Ayatollah), and gladly used the sanctions as the justification for speaking to the Great Satan.

      Details aside, I think sanctions helped in that case. I can't think of any other examples where they were effective in helping achieve their intended effects.

      OTOH, I think aggressive sanctions against North Korea have, at best, done no good at all, and have probably made the situation worse.

      Any other successes come to mind?

      11 votes
    26. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      12 votes
    27. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      10 votes
    28. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      7 votes
    29. Does anyone else take other people's negativity pretty badly?

      For some reason I don't really have much issues with most things if I'm by myself, but when there's someone else (either irl or online) venting about the issue at hand, another issue or their own...

      For some reason I don't really have much issues with most things if I'm by myself, but when there's someone else (either irl or online) venting about the issue at hand, another issue or their own issues in a super negative way it always brings me down so hard.

      Like, if I were watching the news and there was something about a murder or something on, I would watch and think "that's bad" but move on pretty quickly, but if you check for comments on the news online it's all super misanthropic and pessimistic shit about how the world being a vile place, etc, and funnily enough that's the thing that triggers far more of a reaction that the issue at hand itself.

      Similarly, if I read all sorts of comments of people online about stuff like "hope being a joke", "life being a piece of shit", "humanity being a disease", etc, I feel all anxious and hopeless until it eventually just fades from my attention or if I see someone argue the opposite.

      I've also always heard people in school complain about this or that, and I just... do it and shut up about it? Sure, I complain too sometimes, but overall I don't really got bogged down into a swamp of darkness like that.

      This is really making me want to severely cut my internet usage since it's like this on an almost daily basis, though I'm not really in the position to do this atm since I don't have a job, education or anything else so this is like my main source of socializing. But I'm definitely going to go through with it once I get back into the flow of things.

      Does anyone else have this problem?

      20 votes
    30. What's your proposing/marriage story?

      I'm interested in knowing how fellow Tilders became engaged and subsequently married. Let's just say I was given some personal reasons to think about the subject lately... I'm interested in...

      I'm interested in knowing how fellow Tilders became engaged and subsequently married. Let's just say I was given some personal reasons to think about the subject lately...

      I'm interested in knowing what steps led you and your significant other to consider the possibility, how you became engaged, how long did you know each other beforehand, etc...

      You know, the kind of thing someone that never considered marriage as an option is utterly ignorant about :P

      Any advice?

      13 votes
    31. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      6 votes
    32. A Goodbye

      I apologise if this comes off as self-indulgent. I'm not have a good few days and writing this has helped. I'm also not entirely sure it's in the right place so please do move if needs be. --...

      I apologise if this comes off as self-indulgent. I'm not have a good few days and writing this has helped. I'm also not entirely sure it's in the right place so please do move if needs be.

      --

      Goodbye then. I think we both knew this day was coming but it was always going to come too fast, too soon - I would always want one more day, one more stroll in the woods together, one more evening snuggle by the fire.

      But in the darkness of loss a whirling, glittering constellation of memories shines brightly. The first moment I saw you in that badly lit, chilly ferry terminal, you were all wobbly and woozy from the boat trip. You never did get over that travel sickness, despite everything we tried. All the first times, all the adventures, all the unspoken moments of connection between us.

      I remember running around the garden together as summer storms drenched the thirsty ground, yelping and laughing and soaked to the skin by hot rain. Eating raspberries fresh off the cane for breakfast as the dew sparkled on our toes. Lying quietly by the fire as the party slowly died away. The awful long, hot, car journeys to far-away places where your eyes would light up with joy at the sight of a new beach, a new hill to climb, new people to meet or a new place to explore.

      The time we clambered over the rocks and you terrified me with your boldness, seemingly unafraid to fall. The time after we were first apart for days, overflowing with happiness and relief to be together again. The time we went camping and you were not sure about it but discovered the wonder of waking up with the dawn and being outside all day. The time you first saw the snow, the sheer amazement in your eyes as we stepped outside to a blanket of white just waiting to be played in.

      The time, all those years later, we first brought the baby home and you were so gentle, as if his tiny body might break at your slightest touch. Don’t think I didn’t notice you quietly taking guard over him, for all your gruff standoffishness, I know you loved him and wanted to protect him as much as I did.

      And the worst time of all, the blackest star looming large in my mind’s sky. The nurse taking you away as your life drained from you, tired and afraid and so far away from me. I’ll always regret I couldn’t be there with you at the very end, but such regrets are dwarfed by the enormity of the joys of all that came before.

      The small things stand out more than the big. The little rituals of the day that I get partway through before remembering you’re not there any more. The patterns are broken - getting ready to go to bed, getting up the next day, preparing food or finding our cosy places in the evening. All those familiar shapes to life are gone, shattered like ice, the shards of how we lived together destined to quietly melt away, as unstoppable as the tide.

      You touched so many people’s lives, brought so much joy and love to the world, but to no-one more than me. Those days when my back hurt so much I could barely bring myself to do anything, you gave me the strength to at least go for a walk, and that always helped. Those dark nights when I felt alone and afraid, you’d always notice and come over with some love to make me feel better. It might be too much to say you saved my life but it might not.

      I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you as much as I could have been for the last year, we’ve all struggled, we’ve all been tired and I know now you probably needed me more than you could tell me. Neither of us knew the cancer was taking you from the inside, not until it was far too late. If I could have the last few months again I’d be by your side every day, I’d be more patient with your struggles because they were so much more than I understood.

      Goodbye, old friend. The pain is over now, and the life before it was beautiful. I love you.

      31 votes
    33. How do you read books that defy interpretation, logic, semantics or even language itself?

      After loving Waiting for Godot in the theater years ago, I recently tried to read the novel Molloy, by Samuel Beckett, in the Portuguese translation. It was a humbling experience. Most of the time...

      After loving Waiting for Godot in the theater years ago, I recently tried to read the novel Molloy, by Samuel Beckett, in the Portuguese translation. It was a humbling experience. Most of the time I did not know who was talking, where they were talking, to whom they were talking, or what they were trying to talk about. The words were definitely arranged in interesting ways that pleased me at times, but I can't really say if what I was doing could be qualified as reading.

      Half the book doesn't even have paragraphs, it is just one continuous block.

      Maybe that is the point? I don't know. Critics do seem to get a lot more from these than I do, to the point that I ask myself "are they just deluding themselves, creating meaning where there is none just to justify their very existence? Wouldn't a work with little to no meaning render critics useless anyway?".

      I don't know, I'm rambling. I'm looking at Molloy defeated, like one day I looked at Joyce's Ulysses.

      Maybe I should read these books without thinking, like listening to music with lyrics in a language I don't speak (I can kinda do that in a movie, but a movie is only 2 hours...).

      Maybe I'm not worthy.

      6 votes
    34. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      7 votes
    35. So, yesterday, I turned my ToDo list into a Product Backlog and started my first personal improvement Sprint

      Where to post this feels tricky. The terms in my post title -- "Product Backlog" and "Sprint" are very IT-specific terms from a popular business management philosophy (Agile) and methodology...

      Where to post this feels tricky. The terms in my post title -- "Product Backlog" and "Sprint" are very IT-specific terms from a popular business management philosophy (Agile) and methodology (Scrum) for creating software.

      However, I am intentionally trying to adopt and adapt these concepts to my own life goals, personal improvement efforts and general day-to-day "get shit done" task lists.

      Has anyone else done this? It only just now occurred to me to search the 'Net to see how unusual this idea is, and of course, I'm seeing plenty of evidence that I'm not the first person to think of it.

      For the non-IT folk, here's the nutshell version. Large, long-term software development projects get broken down into bite-sized tasks, those pieces get prioritized and best-guesstimated as to each one's difficulty, and then short-term "Sprints" (each generally 1 week to 1 month long) are devoted to completing a selected subset of those tasks.

      As an on-going process, the overall project goals and tasklist (the "Product Backlog") get reviewed, re-evaluated and re-prioritized, and past efforts are regularly evaluated for effectiveness, and the lessons learned get incorporated into future planning.

      Probably the most significant piece of the Agile philosophy is the iterative process. Never lose sight of the overarching goal, but focus -- hard -- on those bite-sized pieces, always review your own efforts and learn how to improve your process of getting things done, and always be ready to modify all mid-term and long-term goals as the journey unfolds, as new information comes to light.

      ... And I realize I'm meandering, perhaps, a bit too much into the philosophy of software development ... but I hope it's clear how well this could translate over to personal development, life goals, self-help, stuff like that.

      At any rate, that's what I'm doing over the next two weeks ... I'm running my own personal "Life Goals" Sprint, adopting the various tools and terms and ideas built into Agile -- and specifically, the Scrum-style implementation of Agile (which is more philosophy than process). Depending on how it goes, I may well be doing this for a long time to come.

      Would love to discuss the idea, get feedback, pros and cons, yada ...

      16 votes
    36. What are some analog alternatives to digital services or products that you use?

      There has been a bit of talk here recently about people who don't use the internet, why and how they don't. It's a common assumption that it's truly impossible to live without the internet, and to...

      There has been a bit of talk here recently about people who don't use the internet, why and how they don't. It's a common assumption that it's truly impossible to live without the internet, and to some that may be the case. I don't think this should be a roadblock to those who wish to try to withdraw at their own discretion. So what are some analog services or products you use? Maybe it's something that's not broken so why fix it? Maybe in your opinion something is better the old way as compared to the new internet version? I'll start it off with these:

      • I still read paper books. I know this is super common, but I've met several people who consume their literature in exclusively electronic formats. I just can't concentrate when reading eBooks or listening to audio books. I also like the feel and smell of books, reminds me of hanging out in the library as a kid.
      • I really try to not use mapping applications while driving. I think the ubiquity of GPS and mapping applications makes it really easy to not focus on where you are. It takes your eyes off of the road and there are privacy implications as well. I tend to look up directions ahead of time and write some notes down or print it out (cheat). I started doing this after an incident where I called 911, but couldn't tell the operator where I was despite the fact that I drove that route every day.
      • I still write letters. I think letter writing offers element of intimacy, and helps foster good relationships. There's no "lol" or "k." in letter writing (except for one letter a friend sent as a joke), it lends to careful and purposeful composition as clarification is not always a text or phone call away. You can also get creative with your letter delivery. I've picked up more than one letter from bulletin boards at national parks (yes, if you ask they'll probably do that), I once had a friend send me a wax sealed letter via registered mail to a hotel which got quite a face out of the receptionist, and I once had a several letter exchange where the letter contents were encrypted with a basic ciphertext.
      31 votes
    37. What does analog have that digital doesn't?

      I saw another Tildes thread that was discussing radio stations, and it threw me back to when I was very young and not totally digitized - the tactile feel of the dial as you click-click-click your...

      I saw another Tildes thread that was discussing radio stations, and it threw me back to when I was very young and not totally digitized - the tactile feel of the dial as you click-click-click your way to your desired radio station, or the kind-of-subconcious-but-not-really memory you have of which buttons to press to jump to a saved frequency.

      What do you miss about analog controls and devices? What do you think we're missing out on in the digital age? If we're missing out, did we still make a leap forward into the digital age?

      25 votes
    38. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      6 votes
    39. Recommend a piece of fiction that gives a specific feeling, regardless of genre or medium

      I've been looking lately for something new to read/watch/listen to/play and I've been chasing a particular feeling that some of my favorite works have given me in the past. It's something that's...

      I've been looking lately for something new to read/watch/listen to/play and I've been chasing a particular feeling that some of my favorite works have given me in the past.

      It's something that's hard to describe succinctly, so it's not exactly easy to just google search for something, and usually just telling people I like x thing gets me y recommendation which is maybe a similar style or genre but doesn't really elicit the particular feeling that I'm after.

      I figure other folks might have a similar problem, so I thought it might be fun to have a thread for requests for works that make you feel a certain way, regardless of genre or medium.

      I'll start mine in the comments and other folks feel free to ask for requests as top-level comments as well!

      22 votes
    40. Is it ethical for services to exclude those without internet access?

      I've been turning the question over in my mind since I read this article the other day. A company that delivers milk and basic groceries is moving to online-only billing and account management -...

      I've been turning the question over in my mind since I read this article the other day. A company that delivers milk and basic groceries is moving to online-only billing and account management - the article quotes various people who are "disgusted" that the company are cutting off their "elderly or vulnerable customers". It's one relatively niche example that raises a much broader question, and the idea of people still living without some form of internet access genuinely caught me by surprise.

      The UK has 94.6% internet penetration, relatively low costs (£10/month or less) for basic access, and a variety of subsidised schemes available for people to get basic hardware. That said, there are always gaps for people to fall through, and that last 5% still represents over three million people. At what point does it become reasonable to assume everybody is, or has the opportunity to be, online?

      20 votes
    41. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      8 votes
    42. What are the main news sources in your country?

      Here in Brazil we have: Globo, the generic "centrist"/neoliberal TV news outlet. Used subtle methods of backing a right-wing candidate in the 90s who then ruined the Brazilian economy and...

      Here in Brazil we have:

      Globo, the generic "centrist"/neoliberal TV news outlet. Used subtle methods of backing a right-wing candidate in the 90s who then ruined the Brazilian economy and (apparently) massively exaggerated the Car Wash operation, even if Lula did something wrong.

      Record, which is owned by the largest evangelical Church here and I'd imagine is often a mouthpiece for them.

      Cultura, which is the only traditional news outlet here that can actually be called left-leaning, and I don't think they are as ostensibly "moderate" as the American news outlets, which is good.

      Band, which is the one all about showing all the crime all the time, presumably to justify the law and order policies as opposed to welfare to it's viewers.

      From here we have various (mostly but not entirely) right-wing and religious 'news' channels.

      Online there are news outlets like Nexo, El País (for Brazil) and the international news outlets which will occasionally cover the big Brazilian news stories, but I don't think most of them are very popular, at least among most people who, for how divided we are, aren't that political, especially if you aren't a Bolsonarist or Leftist.

      14 votes
    43. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      8 votes
    44. Megathread: April Fools' Day 2021 on the internet

      (Is it really that time again already?) It's already started a little, but over the next day or so, the internet will be filled with jokes, pranks, fake "announcements" from companies, fun...

      (Is it really that time again already?)

      It's already started a little, but over the next day or so, the internet will be filled with jokes, pranks, fake "announcements" from companies, fun interactive activities, games, and so on. A lot of these can be quite clever and interesting so I think posting about them in general is fine, but in the interest of preventing them from completely taking over Tildes, let's try to keep as many of them restricted to this thread as possible. Ideally, a separate top-level comment for each individual item would be good.

      If something particularly discussion-worthy comes up (like an ARG or activity that a lot of people want to talk about), a separate thread is reasonable, but please make sure it has the "april fools day" tag. That way, if anyone wants to avoid seeing the April Fools' Day threads, they can use the topic tag filters and filter that tag out.

      I'm going to use the "official" styling for this topic (that's usually only for ~tildes.official topics) to make it stand out more to try to encourage people to notice it. If you notice people making individual topics for April Fools' Day things that don't really warrant their own topic, please (nicely) encourage them to delete and post in here instead.

      43 votes
    45. Do you tend to participate in April fools day?

      (Well, let's play a game of trust, shall we?) I personally don't because most of the things that come to mind in my case are mostly doing really out of character things that would require way too...

      (Well, let's play a game of trust, shall we?)

      I personally don't because most of the things that come to mind in my case are mostly doing really out of character things that would require way too much effort in my part and hoping people will find them funny, which will probably not happen and generally trust-based games like April fools aren't really my thing and I'm pretty sure I've struggled enough with irony and naiveness enough as is.

      11 votes
    46. What did you do this weekend?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      6 votes
    47. If humankind left Earth and came back after 100 years, how much of our digital files would still be readable?

      That's something that concerns me a lot. A lot of what we know about our history came from analog media that was preserved throughout history. Will future generations (100, 200, 1000 years from...

      That's something that concerns me a lot. A lot of what we know about our history came from analog media that was preserved throughout history. Will future generations (100, 200, 1000 years from now...) be able to access our digital documents to understand how we lived?

      Edit: the scenario I proposed in the title was just a way to express my concerns more concisely. I don't think it will actually happen but answering it is equivalent to addressing my concerns..

      24 votes
    48. What did you do this week?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      6 votes
    49. Repeatedly finding myself upset with the conversations on Tildes

      DISCLAIMER - The following is all my impression of discussions happening. I do not wish to call out any particular individuals or make any strong statements about 'truth' or 'fact'. This is a post...

      DISCLAIMER - The following is all my impression of discussions happening. I do not wish to call out any particular individuals or make any strong statements about 'truth' or 'fact'. This is a post about how all of this information made me feel and I will try my best to avoid language which paints any of this as definitive statements of truth.

      Yesterday there was a thread which got nuked in which people were seemingly arguing on the validity of eugenics. Right now there's a thread about what's going on with Reddit which at times elevates the accusations raised by a group of troublesome individuals.

      I'm not comfortable with people discussing whether there's any legitimacy to eugenics. I feel extremely alienated when people elevate accusations lead by kiwifarms and lineham and other bigots - frankly speaking I don't want to see anything lineham has to say on this website, ever, except perhaps when it is prefaced by a long post explaining the background of the troublesome individual and the post is being linked to explain why they are troublesome.

      How do we stop this? Am I the only one who feels alienated and like I don't want to participate in Tildes anymore? If so, at what point is a discussion veering into the realm of intolerance and how can we stop this from happening and how do we culturally enforce this to happen?

      48 votes