18 votes

Smart male chastity lock cock-up

5 comments

  1. FishFingus
    (edited )
    Link
    Well, I wasn't expecting this to get reported on Tildes, though it has certainly made its way around various news sites. A Bluetooth cage is only really interesting in concept; the reality is an...
    • Exemplary

    Well, I wasn't expecting this to get reported on Tildes, though it has certainly made its way around various news sites.

    A Bluetooth cage is only really interesting in concept; the reality is an overpriced gimmick. In the case of this model, they also skimped on the build quality, so there were early complaints of them just breaking in the night as the base ring separated from the tube. Trusting a cheap product of this nature from China, beyond just the most basic of metal variants with as few parts as possible, is already asking for trouble; adding IoT to the mix is trouble squared.

    EDIT: Also, it's strongly misleading to suggest that anyone stuck in one of those would have to resort to power tools to extricate themselves. The downstairs equipment is surprisingly pliable, and you can certainly pull your twaddle out with the aid of a little soap and water, by pinching on the top near the base. This makes it easier to reshuffle your bollards one by one toward the centre (where the tube/ring gap is at its widest) and pop them up into your body one by one, then slipping out. A bit of an uncomfortable squeeze, but not damaging, and certainly preferable to causing unrefundable destruction or donating bitcoin toward some teenage wanksta's Fortnite fund. Cheaper devices typically also rattle and give a couple of milimetres at the tube/ring gap, giving you more room where every milimetre counts. Finally, the skin down there actually loosens up and drops after prolonged use, which can make slipping in and out a little easier. Everybody's anatomy is different, like snowflakes, so YMMV.

    Oh yeah, and Smart? More like Stupid. Hyuck hyuck hyuck.

    8 votes
  2. MetArtScroll
    Link
    More seriously: I suggest to add the internet of things tag.

    More seriously: I suggest to add the internet of things tag.

    6 votes
  3. [2]
    Whom
    Link
    Well there's the most cyberpunk thing I've read in a while. [/noise]

    Well there's the most cyberpunk thing I've read in a while. [/noise]

    5 votes
    1. drannex
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      I'll do you one better — Gangs of bio-terrorists in China are dropping swine diseases on farms via drone (extorting them for money, selling infected meat to unsuspecting people) and the farmers...

      I'll do you one better — Gangs of bio-terrorists in China are dropping swine diseases on farms via drone (extorting them for money, selling infected meat to unsuspecting people) and the farmers are fighting back by installing anti-drone units around their farms making them GPS blackholes for aviation. https://boingboing.net/2019/12/23/china-flight-systems-jammed.html

      [/noise as well]

      6 votes