BusAlderaan's recent activity
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
BusAlderaan (edited )Link ParentFull disclosure, my wife and I both grew up in evangelical churches, but grew up with different versions of it. Hers was what most mature Christians that I know would probably describe as...Full disclosure, my wife and I both grew up in evangelical churches, but grew up with different versions of it. Hers was what most mature Christians that I know would probably describe as "Understanding the plot, but not getting the message." Lots of shame, judgement, rule setting, manipulation, etc, etc, etc...
Conversely my experience was emphasized grace and understanding. Give people the benefit of the doubt, assume the best, just keep trying, you can always change, help those in more need than you, etc. We somehow ended up in a very similar place in our mid 30's, having been married for about 15yrs. The result being that we feel like we see all sorts of ways Christianity has been telephoned through the ages and imbued into white culture. The messages around marriage being a prime example.
Marriage, at least the ones I would consider best, is two people choosing to walk their path in parallel. There are all sorts of ups and downs and you might be experiencing different ones at the same time, while keeping your pace with each other. Sometimes life speeds up for one or slows down for another and the question is always "Does moderating my pace in life (Literally and metaphorically) mean more to me than untethereing and letting our paths drift as they may. I think many marriages end because of this, the paths just drift too far apart and at some point you can't be a team anymore, you can't even relate sometimes, your lives are so foreign to each other.
Those rock solid marriages are the ones that see the partnership that see the value in being a team, but also give each other the benefit of the doubt in all things. It's a risk, you're opening yourself up to deep hurt that is hard to recover from, but the benefits, good lord, the BENEFITS. Partnering with another human and lowering your defenses to them, which is a long process that can span your whole marriage, you uncover authentic versions of yourselves and you by becoming more and more intimate with each other, you are incentivized more and more to manage your life in a way that will not just include your partner, but entice them closer. When both people are doing this, trying to adjust and serve each other in the best way we can right then, life becomes a lot easier.
My interpretation of the scripture I've read concerning marriage is basically that when God was like "Yo treat your partner like you would me or I you," the message was what I described, but humans made it what it has been all this time. I think the things written. I feel like I read the Bible now and see a lot of nasty humanity in the plot, it's pretty disturbing, but woven throughout it is this story about a dude that seems to just want us to do well and enjoy our lives. The stuff written about marriage in the Bible is beautiful, if you can parse out all the shit.
Congratulations and I wish you all the happiness and luck!
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Comment on What are three things you're feeling positively about today? in ~talk
BusAlderaan LinkWhen I woke up this morning, I asked my wife how she was feeling and she said she was for sure getting sick, so I got our dogs ready to take their daily trip to the dog park and came in to say...When I woke up this morning, I asked my wife how she was feeling and she said she was for sure getting sick, so I got our dogs ready to take their daily trip to the dog park and came in to say goodbye to my wife. She was surprised and very appreciative, because it was her day to do it. It's a small inconvenience, but it does eat up the little time I have before work.
She text me and thanked me for helping her without request, she is a therapist and talks with wives all the time about how little their husbands do to help them, how upset they get when extra effort is requested, and I'm just really thankful for that. I regularly feel like a bad partner and her constantly having a contrast of how bad it could be has been such a help in making me feel like enough for her.
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Comment on Reddit shares soar 14% after company reports revenue pop in debut earnings report in ~tech
BusAlderaan Link ParentI do tread carefully when throwing around the "It isn't what it used to be," because I know how it was thrown around Reddit and I truly believe I could just be bias. It's nice to think that I was...I do tread carefully when throwing around the "It isn't what it used to be," because I know how it was thrown around Reddit and I truly believe I could just be bias. It's nice to think that I was on the right side of opposing the API changes and, by relation, the purification of the platform to become corporate facing. It's not like there's not still things on Reddit that corporate figures wouldn't scoff at, but the API change was such a huge leap into the enshitification of all things to make money. But it does seem different and I have to admit, that kind of bums me out, because I really loved the years I spent on Reddit, early on. It was such a cool place, IS a cool place, but the growth and eventual attempt to make it a profit machine sucks.
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Comment on Reddit shares soar 14% after company reports revenue pop in debut earnings report in ~tech
BusAlderaan LinkI'm genuinely curious to see what Reddit looks like in the coming years. I left after the boycott and have no plans to reactivate my account I started in 2010, but I still know plenty of people...I'm genuinely curious to see what Reddit looks like in the coming years. I left after the boycott and have no plans to reactivate my account I started in 2010, but I still know plenty of people who use it and their reports about the changes are interesting. Most of what we have discussed is how the front page looks different now, less thought provoking and more meme-y and how the tone of many subs have changed from being more progressive and anti-establishment to center/right with more athority praise than I'm accustomed to seeing on Reddit. I recently skimmed the daily WorldNews thread on Israel and Gaza, curious to see what was being talked about, and the predominant thread in the comments was "Good for Israel for being tough, they should have always controlled the migration in and out of all ways to/from Gaza" and a general indifference to civilian suffering, even a downplaying of it.
All of this could be purely subjective, I'm willing to admit, but I'm not going out of my way to tell friends what I think about it and they come to me with thoughts on "How different Reddit feels now." I was never one of those people who believed Reddit would be even a little phased by my and others exit, so I'm not shocked they're doing fine, I'm just a bit sad that it doesn't exist like it used to.
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Comment on Philips agrees to pay $1 billion to patients who say they were injured by breathing machines in ~health
BusAlderaan LinkWhen I read about stuff like this happening and get to see how wide a company's reach is, I shudder at the idea that so many of them lobby for less oversight or regulation, as if they've proven...When I read about stuff like this happening and get to see how wide a company's reach is, I shudder at the idea that so many of them lobby for less oversight or regulation, as if they've proven themselves trustworthy.
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Comment on Alan Wake 2 still hasn't earned back its budget in ~games
BusAlderaan Link ParentYes, we are in the minority, no matter how solid OP's friend group is. People buy what they want and they don't abandon it, just because of their principles. I wish they did, but they don't.Yes, we are in the minority, no matter how solid OP's friend group is. People buy what they want and they don't abandon it, just because of their principles. I wish they did, but they don't.
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Comment on US Federal Trade Commission bans new noncompete agreements in ~life
BusAlderaan Link ParentA lot of the contracts I've had were in CA, yeah. I guess I hadn't thought about state law limiting them, but that makes total sense.A lot of the contracts I've had were in CA, yeah. I guess I hadn't thought about state law limiting them, but that makes total sense.
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Comment on US Federal Trade Commission bans new noncompete agreements in ~life
BusAlderaan Link ParentThis is wild, I don't know anyone who's under these types of restrictions, but then again, maybe I just don't know. How often does that kind of stuff come up with friends? I work in a very private...This is wild, I don't know anyone who's under these types of restrictions, but then again, maybe I just don't know. How often does that kind of stuff come up with friends?
I work in a very private industry, many projects hushed up until launch, and I don't even have to sign noncompetes.
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Comment on US Federal Trade Commission bans new noncompete agreements in ~life
BusAlderaan Link"from minimum-wage earners to CEOs" Ok, I'm gonna need someone to give me an example of a minimum-wage worker who is bound by a noncompete agreement. These seems like something that will largely..."from minimum-wage earners to CEOs"
Ok, I'm gonna need someone to give me an example of a minimum-wage worker who is bound by a noncompete agreement. These seems like something that will largely benefit executives and some niche associates.
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Comment on Asking neighbors to turn down noise in ~life
BusAlderaan LinkMy wife and I lived in apartments for about 8 years, until we moved into our home. Our policy was basically 1st time: Do and say nothing, sometimes people's lives are loud and our need for grouped...My wife and I lived in apartments for about 8 years, until we moved into our home. Our policy was basically
1st time: Do and say nothing, sometimes people's lives are loud and our need for grouped housing just makes that hard. If your apartment complex is typically quiet, you can infer that everyone is working their best to be quiet, that makes this anomaly perfectly tolerable.
2nd time (Within 30 days): Follow up the following day and ask them to let us know if they're going to have people over late and things might get loud. It helps us coordinate and it gives us a baseline of how easy it is to talk to this person, because we're not asking for them to change their behavior yet, just to be courteous.
If they give us notice and it's not happening really often, we're happy with that. Again, it's hard living around people and as long as it's not happening all the time, we can make space for that and plan to wear earplugs or use white noise.
3rd time: Typically this is a person who's started being loud right after moving in, will not honor our request for notice, and escalates when we try to talk to them. Management, immediately. I don't interface with them at all, I go to management every single time and I document everything. We had one really bad experience with a neighbor and we realized it's easy to spot the difference between someone who is the main character and those who understand they are living in a community and that means compromise.
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Comment on What makes someone a "decent" person to you? in ~talk
BusAlderaan Link Parent...but subvert who? You're describing a loop that has no definition....but subvert who? You're describing a loop that has no definition.
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Comment on What makes someone a "decent" person to you? in ~talk
BusAlderaan Link ParentI'm not 100% sure you're allowed to use the word being defined in the definition, how do you determine if the person you're encountering is decent?I'm not 100% sure you're allowed to use the word being defined in the definition, how do you determine if the person you're encountering is decent?
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Comment on Flourishing romances are more the result of proactive behaviors than soulmate spark, study finds in ~life
BusAlderaan (edited )Link ParentI spend a lot of my time with young people who are dating/married and I will say that the vast majority of them are just playing out the models they were given for marriage when younger. The men...I spend a lot of my time with young people who are dating/married and I will say that the vast majority of them are just playing out the models they were given for marriage when younger. The men aren't trying to be themselves, they're trying to be the man they're "Supposed to be," as are the women. It all plays out in a hilariously obvious way to an outside observer, but these people are truly confused when play acting marriage doesn't work. They don't even know how to building something unique to themselves.
edit: mistakes
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Comment on I bought a house, now what? in ~life.home_improvement
BusAlderaan Link ParentI do it every few years or whenever I think of it. The nice thing about the videos is that, even if it's out of date, you still have evidence of most valuables and random household items. You can...I do it every few years or whenever I think of it. The nice thing about the videos is that, even if it's out of date, you still have evidence of most valuables and random household items. You can piece together the few newest valuables through receipts at that point.
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Comment on I bought a house, now what? in ~life.home_improvement
BusAlderaan Link ParentI learned that the best way to document for insurance is to walk around my house, recording a video, and just opening stuff up and taking a quick glance. I can do all the leg work of watching the...I learned that the best way to document for insurance is to walk around my house, recording a video, and just opening stuff up and taking a quick glance. I can do all the leg work of watching the video and documenting the things I see if there's a fire, the record is the only thing that truly matters, and I'm much more likely to do it this way. Also, it documents much more than I would think of if making a list of "Valuables." What most people hurt from after a fire isn't replacing expensive things, those are easier to remember. They get screwed forgetting they had 1200 worth of house cleaning supplies and 800 in random house toiletries and spices. By having a video of your whole house, you're covered on all fronts.
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Comment on I bought a house, now what? in ~life.home_improvement
BusAlderaan LinkCongratulations! Now that you own your own house, my only advice is to do what you want to your house, make it yours. Yes yes, your house can be an investment, but it's also where you live. If you...Congratulations! Now that you own your own house, my only advice is to do what you want to your house, make it yours. Yes yes, your house can be an investment, but it's also where you live. If you want bright green walls, give the place a nice lime coat. If you have cats and want to cut holes in the walls to give them a overpass of shelf space that connects throughout the house, do it. Your house should fill it's main role of being somewhere you enjoy being first and act as an investment second. Do you want to dig up your backyard and make a mud wrestling pit? Sick bro.
Oh also, evidently weeds are best controlled by diversity in the landscape, so don't make your yard all cut and regimented, with duplicate plants and uniformity. Mimic your local landscape and let it grow more natural. It seems like it would be more upkeep, but it's not and it's great for your local ecosystem.
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Comment on Why do negative topics dominate social media sites, even here? in ~tech
BusAlderaan (edited )LinkI guess I'm curious what you consider news worthy and by that measurement, what do you suspect is the split between good and bad news worthy things? My impression is there is a whole lot more bad...I guess I'm curious what you consider news worthy and by that measurement, what do you suspect is the split between good and bad news worthy things? My impression is there is a whole lot more bad newsworthy stories because we don't seem to be solving much.
edit: I wanted to add that, while it might be uncomfortable or inconvenient, much of what people are "Pessimistic" about pertains and impacts their life greatly. It's reasonable to want to talk about things that have a big impact on yourself.
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Comment on You don't need to document everything in ~tech
BusAlderaan Link ParentNot that I indicated in my last comment, but internally I distinguish between someone obviously obstructing and/or interfering with my experience and someone just experiencing something...Not that I indicated in my last comment, but internally I distinguish between someone obviously obstructing and/or interfering with my experience and someone just experiencing something differently in proximity to me. That's an important distinction. So hyper focus is the people who can't just enjoy anything if someone else is "Doing it wrong."
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Comment on Discord to start showing ads for gamers to boost revenue in ~tech
BusAlderaan Link Parent"All the spam" Can you elaborate? I use discord every day and sometimes see a single pop up when I launch."All the spam"
Can you elaborate? I use discord every day and sometimes see a single pop up when I launch.
I think I may have confused you based on what you chose to reply to, my reference to "Two people" wasn't an argument against multiple partners, just a slip of old brain. I don't think God cares one bit about who gets married and how many people are in that relationship.