Akir's recent activity
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Comment on I can kinda see why social media sites use divisive topics to solicit engagement in ~tech
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Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~talk
Akir Link ParentYeah, no. That’s not real. Things are not as hard as you think they are. I’ve also had to deal with cycles of depression and social anxiety, and so that’s why I’m confidently telling you to...Yeah, no. That’s not real. Things are not as hard as you think they are. I’ve also had to deal with cycles of depression and social anxiety, and so that’s why I’m confidently telling you to distrust the metaphorical voices in your head that are saying these things. In fact, I am on a drug that has caused me to be on one of those cycles right now, and unfortunately it will be a few weeks to be able to ween off of it. So I very much empathize with you!
Honestly you might be surprised at how many times you get random people talking to you at the grocery store if you are open to it yourself. Your body language really makes a difference. When I am having a good day and I’m loose, I get people - women most often - initiating small talk with me. One day I had a lovely chat with one of the workers at a local market about a stray cat who lives in the area. And where I live, bowling alleys and arcades are also having a resurgence. I had a play date with a friend at one about a month ago, in which we rented out one of its karaoke rooms and belted off very off-key tunes.
And if you are having such a hard time meeting people offline? Meet them online first, then meet them somewhere offline. Find a good coffee spot - usually it’s not hard to find someplace better than Starbucks, and you’ve got a place that’s an instant draw to meet someone at. I’ve got a place that has a pour-over coffee that’s so good that adding milk and sugar actually ruins it, and that usually gets people intrigued.
The thing about depression and social anxiety that sucks the most is that if you want to get out of them, you have to do the things that they make you want to avoid; you have to go out and see people and do things. Otherwise things tend to get worse.
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Comment on How do you handle being around other people? in ~talk
Akir LinkI swear at least 80% of all of society's problems seem to be traceable in some way to people not being able to figure out how to make friends as adults, and the remaining 20% is just the stuff I...I swear at least 80% of all of society's problems seem to be traceable in some way to people not being able to figure out how to make friends as adults, and the remaining 20% is just the stuff I haven't finished mapping out yet. One of these days I will write a how-to manual.
In short:
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Define what it is that you want in a friend.
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Be aware that the vast majority of people on this earth won't be your friend, and be OK with that fact.
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Openly tell people what it is that you want. That includes potential friends and the people you already know. Network!
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Work on it, constantly and consistently.
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Build on the relationships you do have, and don't feel afraid to start new ones.
Signed, an ex-loaner
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Comment on What do you watch on Nebula? in ~hobbies
Akir Link ParentOh my god, so many political ads! The one good thing I have gotten about it is discovering that if I block the mid-roll political ads it tends to skip them altogether. It doesn't tend to work for...Oh my god, so many political ads!
The one good thing I have gotten about it is discovering that if I block the mid-roll political ads it tends to skip them altogether. It doesn't tend to work for the starting ones, though.
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Comment on Maybe I hate technology in ~tech
Akir Link ParentIt’s the intent that matters. The intent of a general campaign is general enrichment. The intent of an advertisement is to make money. There is a very clear line in the sand. Perhaps the better...It’s the intent that matters. The intent of a general campaign is general enrichment. The intent of an advertisement is to make money. There is a very clear line in the sand.
Perhaps the better term would be “commercial”, which would be clear since it is short for “commercial advertisement”.
I'll also admit that I'm so fully entrenched in a capitalist society and mindset that I might have some level of blindness or bias to this type of thinking. In a truly "free" economy maybe my entire mindset doesn't make sense?
Ironically I deleted a joke about this before I wrote my earlier response! But yeah, I do think that might be part of it. Its a rare thing to be able to reflect on oneself to see the limitations of one’s thinking, and I know it’s something I still bump into from time to time.
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Comment on Maybe I hate technology in ~tech
Akir Link Parent@Grayscail noted that it would be campaigning. And while they noted that it would be similar to advertising, I would argue that if it’s significant enough to be given a different name that it is...@Grayscail noted that it would be campaigning. And while they noted that it would be similar to advertising, I would argue that if it’s significant enough to be given a different name that it is significant. Advertising has campaigns but the difference is that the beneficiary is obscured - they promise to make your life better when the company selling you the product is the one getting the better end of the bargain. If I am campaigning you to read my book it is going to be because I genuinely believe it will make your life better. We’d still have PSAs telling us to eat healthy and exercise. Campaigning, in other words, would be for the public, collective good, instead of tools for wealth aggregation.
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Comment on Developers are using AI to strip ads and tracking from smart TVs in ~tech
Akir Link ParentThe creation of laws and threats of violence, same as alwaysThe creation of laws and threats of violence, same as always
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Comment on Electronic Arts to cut 400 jobs, shut down BioWare in ~games
Akir Link ParentIt’s the EA tradition, after all. Same thing that kills every EA studio.It’s the EA tradition, after all. Same thing that kills every EA studio.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
Akir Link ParentI’ve come to the realization that I have actual depression. It’s not too much of a bad deal this time around though because it actually has a simple cause: it’s a side effect of a medication I am...I’ve come to the realization that I have actual depression.
It’s not too much of a bad deal this time around though because it actually has a simple cause: it’s a side effect of a medication I am taking. Unfortunately it’s not a medication I can simply stop taking; I have to ween myself off of it over the course of a month.
I have a history of depression so I am turning back to some of those strategies to manage it. Unfortunately that means I am zombie mode Akir for a while.
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Comment on #YesAllMen #NotAllMen #MaybeSomeMen How to be better? in ~life.men
Akir LinkGay man here. My experience with sexism is different from yours because I’m not part of the in crowd. I only get to see the worst of it when people forget that I’m not in it, and while I have been...Gay man here.
My experience with sexism is different from yours because I’m not part of the in crowd. I only get to see the worst of it when people forget that I’m not in it, and while I have been “straight-acting” enough to see it, I know I haven’t seen the worst of it. And what I do know is that when straight men talk about having sex with women they rarely ever talk about them in a way that brings up simple things like respect or even consent.
So if you want to be proactive in the fight against sexism, just do the things that women keep asking you to do. When you see people talking about women like they’re meat, when you see people making dirty jokes that reduce them to objects, cut them off and let them know they are being an asshole and that you will not tolerate that level of disrespect, and if you ever see them treating a woman that way you will take steps to intervene.
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Comment on Non-queer men of Tildes: PLEASE consider before commenting on ~life.women and ~lgbt without careful consideration. We are losing members over this issue. in ~tildes
Akir Link ParentOur federal government is fascist at this point and barely bothering to hiding it. Conservative is practically a euphemism.Our federal government is fascist at this point and barely bothering to hiding it. Conservative is practically a euphemism.
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Comment on Developers are using AI to strip ads and tracking from smart TVs in ~tech
Akir Link ParentI’m all in on this. I’m sick of a world in which tech corporations have so much control over us. If our governments refuse to legislate proactively why not use the anarchy to our benefit? But who...I’m all in on this. I’m sick of a world in which tech corporations have so much control over us. If our governments refuse to legislate proactively why not use the anarchy to our benefit?
But who am I kidding? The government will protect the corpos because they will pay them the bribes they love so much.
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Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women
Akir LinkJesus fucking Christ. I hadn’t watched this because I have been depressed and I’ve seen that this is long and probably difficult to watch. So this morning I watch and I see that Google added...Jesus fucking Christ.
I hadn’t watched this because I have been depressed and I’ve seen that this is long and probably difficult to watch. So this morning I watch and I see that Google added Gemini to YouTube and so I get the summary and I see the “rape kit” and go hear her talk about that. I couldn’t watch any more than that.
I’ve got a friend who’s a revolutionary communist. I can totally see why it’s appealing to say “let’s just overthrow the government and get rid of the bad people so we can fix things”. But what do you do when everyone around you is “the bad people”? And worse - what do you do if they are bad and you just don’t know because you haven’t seen them with power yet. From my perspective as a man, maybe that’s why women are getting the short end of the stick; women are perceived as being powerless, thus they are mistreated, to put things lightly.
What I do know is that I’m tired of injustice and wanton cruelty. It feels today that all of the people, organizations, and structures that existed to fight for social justice have died, are dying, are diminished, or are kneecapped in some way or another.
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Comment on Zach Bryan - Lies ft. Lana Del Rey (2026) in ~music
Akir LinkI wonder if labeling this country is hurting the reception to this? Much like pretty much all modern country genre music, it doesn’t sound much like country music to me, it sounds like a regular...I wonder if labeling this country is hurting the reception to this? Much like pretty much all modern country genre music, it doesn’t sound much like country music to me, it sounds like a regular ballad.
It’s a shame, because it’s a beautiful and haunting bittersweet song.
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Comment on Anyone read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"? What was your experience with it? in ~health.mental
Akir Link ParentThat wasn't quite how it was; our estrangement was in 2008 and his death was in 2020. Though really, by the time I had sent it, I think it was just about a year or so between sending it and his...That wasn't quite how it was; our estrangement was in 2008 and his death was in 2020. Though really, by the time I had sent it, I think it was just about a year or so between sending it and his death.
I really don't regret anything I wrote in the letter. It was cathartic. Maybe he just couldn't read it because the ink got smeared from my tears? I told him that I knew that things were really hard for him, because yes, they really were - it was an economic depression and he was a small business owner with an undiagnosed mental disorder, in an industry that had basically been disappearing and is mostly gone these days (electronics repair). It was as close to forgiveness as there could ever be.
But honestly, after all of that? The only reason I was able to remember the year he died was because he was in the Army at one point and he was buried in a military grave, and those are easy to look up. My sister, on the other hand, is seven years older than me, and remembers a younger man who wasn't as tortured by his illness. She remembered having a "fun dad", and in some respects she got a much worse experience than I did.
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Comment on Swedish game developer Liquid Swords goes bankrupt – Samson, their only released project, received mixed reviews from critics and gamers this year in ~games
Akir LinkThis is literally the first time I've heard of this company or it's game. While I did enjoy the Just Cause games, they really kind of struck me as games that kind of stretched a fun gameplay...This is literally the first time I've heard of this company or it's game.
While I did enjoy the Just Cause games, they really kind of struck me as games that kind of stretched a fun gameplay concept just a bit too far. Jumpsuit-grappling is fun, but it would be more fun if I didn't have to do it everywhere all the time everywhere for everything.
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Comment on Anyone read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"? What was your experience with it? in ~health.mental
Akir LinkI haven’t read the book but after reading a summary and hearing about the healing fantasy that was harrowing. There are two childhood memories I have which I consider key to me growing up: Me,...I haven’t read the book but after reading a summary and hearing about the healing fantasy that was harrowing.
There are two childhood memories I have which I consider key to me growing up:
Me, alone, wailing in a bunk bed as a final “Hail Mary” (metaphorical - we were Southern Baptists) prayer to god to fix my father because I knew there was something wrong with him. After this I lost my faith in God.
Then, later in life, me and my father sitting in the kitchen, with him wailing loudly because his wife was in the hospital. Yes, it was bad, but she was getting the help she needed and she was getting noticeably better. He was so helpless that he brought his ex-wife in to take care of him and take care of basic things like washing his clothes and preparing basic food like Mac and cheese. That was the point in which I realized that not only was I more mature than he was, I had been for years at that point and he wasn’t actually worth all of the sympathy and effort I had been giving him all that time.
As one might guess from that last sentence our relationship wasn’t the most friendly after that and we weren’t on speaking terms for the rest of his life. He had undiagnosed schizophrenia, it turned out, so he was a proto-MAGA type, always on the next conspiracy theory, and he died of COVID.
My resolution wasn’t his death though. It was shortly before. I wrote him a very long heartfelt handwritten letter explaining how I felt and what I needed if he wanted to have a relationship with me.
He responded with a single typed paragraph asking me when I would see him.
As my sister put it, the man who was our father died long before his body did. That is what untreated mental disorder does to you.
Your only choice is to love the good things that happened, accept that the bad things have, but in the case of surviving relationships, recognize that you don’t have to accept their continuing bad behaviors.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
Akir Link ParentMy god this week has been rough. I had so many breakdowns over the past few days that I don't know if I should count them or if I should just chalk this week up to a single long-form breakdown. I...My god this week has been rough. I had so many breakdowns over the past few days that I don't know if I should count them or if I should just chalk this week up to a single long-form breakdown.
I wrote a dozen paragraphs but I realized how insane it made me look - and to be fair, I probably actually was. Basically, I was stuck in healthcare bureaucracy. The thing that was driving me crazy was that the issue I have been dealing with was related to sleep apnea, so as part of this, I haven't slept well for the last 2 months. The last week in particular have seen me average about 4 hours per night.
Over the past week I've been talking to at least a dozen people in the way of my doctor. Maybe two or three of them were nurses, but most of them were some form of receptionist, scheduler, or administrative whatchamacallit. I'm not sure if there's been a day when I haven't been dealing with them for one reason or another. There's been false starts. Mistaken calls. People making the wrong appointment types.
Today was the worst, because we finally got it done, in theory. A phone appointment was made. 9AM. Because they call my Google Voice number and not my cell phone number, it goes straight to voicemail. I try to call back, but get a call center; I have to make a new appointment. I scream and have a panic attack. I call back a bit later and come to the decision of going in person to try to talk to the doctor and even then I can't go in and talk to the doctor who is just a few paces away, the receptionist literally just emails them to try to call me - this time with the correct phone number so there's no mistakes!
They call and it goes straight to voicemail.
I'm broken at this point so I go home.
After a bit of recovery time I try to get things fixed. I realize that there's a simple reason why I didn't get the last call - I couldn't have. There's terrible reception at the clinic and I was too neurotic to think about connecting to the wifi. Shortly after I realize this I get a call.
it's the doctor.
The call log shows that the conversation was 9 minutes long.
If I had the energy for it, I'd be pissed at how much time and effort has been put in place to prevent such a small amount of care from being performed. I was literally right there: just a few yards away from him. I was able and willing to do everything it took to cut away the barriers, but in the end I was fighting against a rigid system instead of cooperating with one that should have been building toward the same goal.
On the other hand my actual doctor is still pretty great, though I have very little faith in his assertion that an allergist is actually the right direction.
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Comment on Metallica’s James Hetfield has a message for entertainers who bring their ‘bullshit‘ agenda to the stage in ~music
Akir Link ParentGenerally speaking, if you are a public figure and you haven’t made a public statement about a controversial subject I just have to assume you have the bad opinion. I.e. you like Trump, support...Generally speaking, if you are a public figure and you haven’t made a public statement about a controversial subject I just have to assume you have the bad opinion. I.e. you like Trump, support Israel, are pro-life, etc.
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Comment on I deliberately bet like a problem gambler. DraftKings made me a VIP. in ~tech
Akir Link ParentFrankly I don’t understand how we as a society suddenly decided that gambling was something we decided was just going to be OK everywhere instead of a thing that the mafia handled.Frankly I don’t understand how we as a society suddenly decided that gambling was something we decided was just going to be OK everywhere instead of a thing that the mafia handled.
There is a really beautiful scene in Digger where the titular character is testifying in front of the EU (which in this case is really representative of all of the planet who isn’t the US) after a massive life-extinguishing accident caused by his company. He gives a speech that, paraphrased goes like this:
“Well guys, I’d love to shut off my oil wells. Problem is, though, that YOU GUYS DON’T FUCKING WANT ME TO!”
He goes on for quite a while, jumping on tables and kicking people.
God if I haven’t loved and hated a scene so much in my life. Never have I seen something that called out so many people. Onviously it’s not just the leaders that it called out, but everyone in the world who wants everything that oil promises; the great riches and materials that only can come at the expense of our planet.
But damn, it’s pretty obvious that things like gambling and social media are hurting us more than they are helping us.