RoyalHenOil's recent activity
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Comment on Help me untangle my 3d printer filament in ~tech
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Comment on New accounts on Hacker News ten times more likely to use em-dashes in ~tech
RoyalHenOil Link ParentAs part of my job, I have to localize technical documents between American English and Australian English. American English uses em dashes with no spaces—like this—whereas the style guide for our...As part of my job, I have to localize technical documents between American English and Australian English. American English uses em dashes with no spaces—like this—whereas the style guide for our Australian documents use en dashes with spaces – like this – which I understand is also common in British writing.
So now I use a hybrid approach — em dashes with spaces — for my personal writing. Best of both worlds.
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Comment on New accounts on Hacker News ten times more likely to use em-dashes in ~tech
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentI use parentheses and em dashes to excess; also, semicolons. If I only stuck to one, my sentences would be unreadable (especially when — as demonstrated here — I start nesting them inside each...I use parentheses and em dashes to excess; also, semicolons. If I only stuck to one, my sentences would be unreadable (especially when — as demonstrated here — I start nesting them inside each other).
I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I suspect it's because I'm not a verbal thinker (no inner monologue, for example), and so I think in a more layered/non-linear way that's hard to translate cleanly into text.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentBut realistically, a lot of men are going to end up single, and framing it this way is (whether intentionally or not) is effectively placing blame on those men who fall through the cracks. Like I...But realistically, a lot of men are going to end up single, and framing it this way is (whether intentionally or not) is effectively placing blame on those men who fall through the cracks.
Like I mentioned in my original comment, I think we do a lot of harm when we suggest that people stuck in low-wage jobs can all just pull themselves up by the bootstraps if they put their mind to it. Many people can, but not everyone can because our economy is simply not set up to support meaningful careers for that many people. Suggesting otherwise, even with the best intentions, leaves a lot of people feeling like failures for something that isn't their fault. Some percentage of the population are simply going to be stuck with crappy jobs, and we as a society do them a huge disservice when we tell them they just need to try harder or they have the wrong mindset. Instead, I think we need to acknowledge that crappy jobs are a fact of life for a lot of people and make a genuine effort to materially ease that crappiness as much as we can.
The same applies to single men. Some percentage of men are simply going to end up alone. Denying their reality isn't doing them any favors. All it serves is to relieve ourselves of the burden of empathy and the effort of creating a kinder society.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentWhat are you suggesting then? I'm not sure how to match a smaller number of single women to a larger number of single men without asking those women to change their dating behavior.What are you suggesting then? I'm not sure how to match a smaller number of single women to a larger number of single men without asking those women to change their dating behavior.
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Comment on Third spaces: What do we want, and how do we get them? in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIf you ever get the opportunity, I'd also recommend getting into activities that involve direct cooperation with other people. Something like volunteering with Habitat for Humanity comes to mind....If you ever get the opportunity, I'd also recommend getting into activities that involve direct cooperation with other people. Something like volunteering with Habitat for Humanity comes to mind.
When I immigrated overseas to a town country town (~2700 people), I didn't know anybody other than my partner, and I had a hard time fitting in with the local culture because we just didn't have any kind of shared history, we often had trouble parsing each other's dialects, and the culture here can be pretty standoffish and reserved (at least compared to what I'm used to).
But I got a job working on a farm, and a lot of that work was highly cooperative. To replace the plastic on greenhouses, we needed 10+ people all coordinating to get the plastic in just the right position and secure it evenly with spring clips while fighting against the wind (the plastic acted like a sail once we got it up off the ground). On big harvest days, we had to work assembly-line style to get everything done quickly and to minimize mistakes, and even the office workers would get pulled in; it was all hands on deck. Even on smaller daily tasks, we'd often have to coordinate activities in pairs or trios; there was very little truly solo work.
It was an incredible bonding experience. You naturally specialize into your particular strengths and talents, people respect you and want your help, and you feel like you're part of something. Despite being a huge introvert and homebody, within a year of starting that job, I really started feeling like I was meaningfully part of a community, and other people in the town (even strangers I'd never met before) started treating me like I was one of the locals — as if I'd lived here my whole they and they all knew who my parents and grandparents were. I don't think this would have happened, at least not as quickly, if I'd gotten an office job instead.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIt sounds like your solution is for women to jump between relationships more often? I've been with my partner for 16 years, and I love him deeply. But I suppose I should leave him and give another...It sounds like your solution is for women to jump between relationships more often? I've been with my partner for 16 years, and I love him deeply. But I suppose I should leave him and give another man a chance for a while?
According to surveys I've read, women who've been widowed or divorced are less likely to be interested in dating again than men who've been widowed or divorced — which further contributes to the demographic problem. Expecting women to ignore their own preferences and pass themselves around, so every man can get a go, strikes me as highly questionable. I would prefer the sex-selective abortions, honestly.
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Comment on Third spaces: What do we want, and how do we get them? in ~life
RoyalHenOil LinkI personally find that third spaces work best for me if socializing isn't actually the point, strange as that may seem. There needs to be a draw to keep me coming back even while I barely know...I personally find that third spaces work best for me if socializing isn't actually the point, strange as that may seem. There needs to be a draw to keep me coming back even while I barely know anyone.
In my experience, dog parks are a good example of a third space. People will tend to take their dogs to the park even if no one else is there (which means it won't just fizzle out, like social meetups often do). But when other people do show up, it tends to be the same people over and over again, and they become your friends after a while.
I think we need more public facilities like these — particularly oriented toward small, local communities. Every neighborhood should have a playground, every neighborhood should have a dog park, every neighborhood should have a library, every neighborhood should have some public grills and picnic tables, every neighborhood should have a safe place to jog and cycle, etc. These get people interfacing with each other.
They don't need to be big or fancy. And actually, I think we should be aiming for quantity over quality as much as possible; everyone should live within easy walking distance of a handful of different public facilities like these, and they should aim to serve a very small number of people so that it's the same people interfacing with each other over and over again. Familiarity is how you create community, and a community doesn't need to be big at all.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentUnfortunately, sex and romance are major biological drives for most humans. These drives can vary quite a bit between individuals, just like the drive to eat and sleep can vary, but it's really...Unfortunately, sex and romance are major biological drives for most humans. These drives can vary quite a bit between individuals, just like the drive to eat and sleep can vary, but it's really important that we not inadvertently blame people for having these drives and/or for being unable to fulfill them.
Sexual preference is also something that varies between individuals. As great as it would be if we could just ask single men to all be bi, gay, or asexual, we probably won't have a whole lot of success with it. (Creating a society that's more welcoming of bi, gay, and asexual men is certainly a huge help, of course!)
On an individual level, it might be helpful sometimes to take an "anything's possible" kind of approach; plenty of people who thought they'd be single forever have nonetheless found themselves in stable, happy relationships.
But on a society-wide level, this is not a realistic solution. It's like saying that everybody working low-paid jobs should just find better work; yes, many people will be able to find better work, but not everybody can because there just aren't that many great jobs. Instead, we as a society need to accept that a certain percentage of people will be stuck in dead-end jobs, and we need to find other ways to support them (minimum wage, social safety nets, etc.) to make their lives as stable and fulfilling as possible even if they can't have their dream career. Likewise, we as a society need to accept that a certain percentage of the population will be single against their wishes, and we need to find other ways to support them as well (creating stronger platonic communities, more third spaces, etc.).
And just to be clear, this is not an issue that applies to me directly. I'm a woman in a longterm relationship. However, it does affect a number of men I care about and empathize with deeply.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil LinkSomething that seems to go ignored a lot in this kinds of discussions, but that I think we need to acknowledge: Under the age of about 60 (the exact age varies some, depending on which country...Something that seems to go ignored a lot in this kinds of discussions, but that I think we need to acknowledge: Under the age of about 60 (the exact age varies some, depending on which country we're looking at), men outnumber women. Although women as a whole are more populous than men, this is due almost entirely to the fact that elderly women tend to live longer than elderly men.
Outside those elderly age groups, there are simply going to be a lot of single, lonely men. Even if every last person on Earth were a bastion of egalitarianism, we would still see a lot of lonely men through absolutely no fault of their own or anyone else's, because male loneliness is ultimately a demographic problem, not a sexism problem.
And it's a very real problem. It's not made up, it's not going away, it creates a lot of instability for society all around, and the more we look for someone to blame, the worse we make it. We as a society need to develop better ways to support and empathize with single people, and to ensure life is still fulfilling and meaningful for people who don't find partners, because that's the only realistic way to address it (outside of deeply unethical solutions like forcing sex-selective abortions on the population).
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentThe problem with this type of messaging, from what I've seen, is that it typically misses the people it needs to hit and hits the people it needs to miss. People of generally high empathy (who are...I know it’s easy to see it as “it’s my problem as a man to solve” but that’s not what most of those people are saying. They’re saying “it’s a problem that all men need to solve”. It isn’t just one man. It’s all men as a collective.
The problem with this type of messaging, from what I've seen, is that it typically misses the people it needs to hit and hits the people it needs to miss. People of generally high empathy (who are likely already doing more than their fair share) hear these kinds of messages, feel like failures, and burn out. And people of generally low empathy (who are likely doing less than their fair share) hear these kinds of messages and conclude, "Oh, so it's not MY problem then," and don't change their behavior at all.
I don't know what the solution to this is, but I suspect that sticking to much more specific and actionable advice (e.g., telling managers to double-check their payrolls to ensure there isn't a gender bias in their employees' salaries) would be a lot more effective. People who are already following that advice will just keep following it, and people who aren't will have a harder time making excuses.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
RoyalHenOil Link ParentDo you happen to know how number of suicide attempts are measured? It seems like it must be a pretty difficult thing to record accurately, and those records could be demographically skewed if some...Do you happen to know how number of suicide attempts are measured? It seems like it must be a pretty difficult thing to record accurately, and those records could be demographically skewed if some genders/races/age groups/socioeconomic groups/etc. are more reluctant to seek help or less likely to admit to past suicide attempts.
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Comment on How many Hosers are there on Tildes? in ~talk
RoyalHenOil Link ParentIt's a bit of a fluid term, but I think "bogan" is a bit more specific than that. It's a common subculture that tends to predominate in Australian suburbs (not so much in properly rural areas, at...It's a bit of a fluid term, but I think "bogan" is a bit more specific than that. It's a common subculture that tends to predominate in Australian suburbs (not so much in properly rural areas, at least that I've seen).
Then again, I'd probably categorize "redneck" as a distinct subculture as well, at least when it's applied specifically to Southerners (speaking as someone with a bit of a "hillbilly" cultural background, but basically no connection to the "redneck" cultural background).
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Comment on What are your food aversions? in ~food
RoyalHenOil Link ParentI used to work for a vegetable-breeding company, and I did a lot of work with the company's beet breeder. This is a man who travels all over the world to different farms to select beets for...I used to work for a vegetable-breeding company, and I did a lot of work with the company's beet breeder. This is a man who travels all over the world to different farms to select beets for breeding, and he has to taste test all of them — hundreds and hundreds of beets a year — and he was really good at selecting for flavor.
He told me, "I hate beets — but I know what they're supposed to taste like." Poor guy.
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Comment on The malignant degradation of trust in scientific work in ~science
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentI live in Australia, but my family lives in the US, and it was fascinating how differently the two countries approached public outreach regarding pandemic PPE. Here in Australia (at least in...I live in Australia, but my family lives in the US, and it was fascinating how differently the two countries approached public outreach regarding pandemic PPE.
Here in Australia (at least in Victoria where I live), the messaging was much more consistent. Early on, they basically said, "We don't know how this spreads yet, so we recommend nitrile gloves, masks, and a face shield if possible." As COVID research advanced, they switched to recommending just masks. They were honest from the start that P2 masks (basically the equivalent of N95) were likely the best option and surgical masks the second best, but in limited supply due to the needs of the medical community (plus already in severe shortage due to the 2020 bushfires around Sydney), so they recommended everyone should buy or make the best masks they could (with sewing instructions on how to make masks with double layers of cloth, etc). They even said that in a pinch, wrapping a t-shirt or scarf around your face was likely better than nothing.
In contrast, my family in the US got conflicting messages: that N95 masks don't work or that you needed to be a professional to use them correctly, then that cloth masks don't work and everyone should be using N95. It was messaging whiplash, and we had a lot of arguments because I was following Australian guidelines — using P2 masks early in the pandemic because I had some already, then switching to homemade cloth masks later on the pandemic when I ran out of P2 masks, which was essentially the opposite of what they were getting told.
My attitude was that I was using the best options available to me and those options were working (I never caught COVID at any point), so I wasn't worried. But my family was very fretful that I was using options that were "proven" to not work and that it was giving me false confidence. They caught COVID several times, likely because a lot of people around them had given up on masks altogether due to the confusing/mixed messaging, so I'm not surprised they were so worried about me. But it was extremely frustrating.
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Comment on What do dreams mean? in ~science
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThis is a less dramatic example, but when I was a kid, I definitely had dreams that warned me that I was peeing my bed! Unfortunately, always just a couple seconds too late.This is a less dramatic example, but when I was a kid, I definitely had dreams that warned me that I was peeing my bed! Unfortunately, always just a couple seconds too late.
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Comment on What do dreams mean? in ~science
RoyalHenOil Link ParentThis makes a lot of sense to me, based on my own experiences with dreams. I frequently dream about problems I'm working through, and if I'm bashing my head against a particularly tricky one,...This makes a lot of sense to me, based on my own experiences with dreams. I frequently dream about problems I'm working through, and if I'm bashing my head against a particularly tricky one, taking a break for a quick 15-minute nap often leads to a big breakthrough.
Unfortunately, I also dream about stressful situations I'm not actively trying to work through (e.g., stress dreams about being late for high school classes, nightmares about traumatic experiences that haven't been relevant for decades, etc.). My conscious brain and my unconscious brain seem to have different ideas about what's important.
However, most of my dreams seem totally disconnected from reality — just really bizarre, surreal situations like nothing I've seen in my life or in media, and it's hard to imagine what purpose these could serve (if any). I've sometimes wondered if these dreams might be side effects of processing more "low level" information, if that makes sense. As a less abstract example, maybe dreams about flying serve a function in understanding the 3-dimensionality of objects we rarely get to see from that angle.
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Comment on ‘Baldur’s Gate’ TV series continuing game’s story in works at HBO from ‘The Last Of Us’ co-creator Craig Mazin and Hasbro Entertainment in ~tv
RoyalHenOil (edited )Link ParentThat's too bad. Gale is my second favorite of the companions. Jaheira's my #1, but she's not as fully developed as Gale, since she's just a secondary companion who doesn't really come into her own...That's too bad. Gale is my second favorite of the companions. Jaheira's my #1, but she's not as fully developed as Gale, since she's just a secondary companion who doesn't really come into her own until Act 3.
They're in my top two spots because I think they have the funniest dialogue (albeit very dry, but I love dry humor) and I found them to have the most complex, realistic, and relatable personalities and backstories. But their characters are very much presented in a subtle show-don't-tell way that's easy to miss.
An easy-to-miss example (potentially a mild spoiler)
For example, they're very jokey characters because they use humor to deflect from depression/self-doubt. The game never states this explicitly, but demonstrates it repeatedly through conversations you can have with them as you gain their approval and select dialogue choices that push them in a more emotional or self-critical direction (particularly easy to miss for a certain kind of player because they're usually not the "nice" dialogue choices).
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Comment on Looking for casual hotseat game recommendations in ~games
RoyalHenOil (edited )LinkNoita could be a good option. It has a ton of content, despite being a short-form game, and it's extremely entertaining to spectate. My partner and I have played it hundreds and hundreds of times,...Noita could be a good option.
It has a ton of content, despite being a short-form game, and it's extremely entertaining to spectate. My partner and I have played it hundreds and hundreds of times, and we're still surprised (and often laughing nearly to the point of tears) every new run.
The level transitions offer a good opportunity to swap between players. Alternatively, you could use the game's pause function to do time-based transitions (say, set an alarm every five minutes to pause and swap), which be absolutely hilarious IMO.
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Comment on What's something you've moved on from? in ~talk
RoyalHenOil Link ParentInterestingly, I've gone the opposite way. I was obsessed with documentaries, encyclopedias, etc., as a kid, and I adamantly hated games with too much story (I basically only played games like...Movies/TV Shows/Fiction in General
Interestingly, I've gone the opposite way. I was obsessed with documentaries, encyclopedias, etc., as a kid, and I adamantly hated games with too much story (I basically only played games like SimAnt). The older I get, however, the more I find myself moving away from nonfiction and toward fiction and storytelling — although I think it's less an age-related thing and more a reflection of how the nonfiction media landscape around me is changing.
I do still somewhat obsessively watch/read about things like geology, so long as the subject is presented in a pretty dry manner (like "Here's how to identify different types of soil" or "Here's how this particular mountain range formed"), but I feel like it's become pretty difficult to find nonfiction media that isn't trying to be extremely entertaining (e.g., "The biggest volcanic eruptions in history!"), that isn't biased toward the creator's opinions, or that doesn't contain sloppy inaccuracies. I really don't like the idea of consuming misleading media, and since I'm not in a good position to fact-check most of the media I consume, I find myself reluctant to give nonfiction a chance unless it's been heavily vetted by experts in its field.
So I'm a lot more into fictional media now. I wouldn't say I consume a lot of it (I watch a movie or TV show maybe once a month, for example), but fiction makes up probably 90+% of the media I consume these days. I feel like the quality of fictional media has increased a great deal since I was younger (or maybe I just have better access to quality media now?). I often hated it as a kid because it felt like the creator was trying to forcefeed me some kind of lesson or message. But today, there's plenty of fiction that explores interesting philosophical questions, science fiction concepts, etc., in a much more open way, and I love it.
Untangling horrifying snarls like this is, weirdly, one of my great personal pleasures. It's like a meditative puzzle. I wish I could come help!