Gaywallet's recent activity
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Comment on NYT misses what’s true and important about an anti-trans school resolution in ~lgbt
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Comment on My birthday gangbang in ~life
Gaywallet Link ParentConnection, yes. We are social animals. Pair bonding, not so much - there's a lot of conflicting theories there and historical evidence to suggest that pair bonding is a relatively modern social...Our bodies (most of them, as far as I know) are hard-wired for pair bonding and connection
Connection, yes. We are social animals. Pair bonding, not so much - there's a lot of conflicting theories there and historical evidence to suggest that pair bonding is a relatively modern social phenomenon and that smaller, much more intertwined communities were the regular.
However, I'd argue against making generalized statements like "humans are hard wired for" because humans are so amazingly and vastly diverse. I think it's hard for us to think on the scale that the world and the internet operate on, and what is good for us is not necessarily good for others, let alone a group of 100 other people when we're picking from billions.
With all that being said I completely agree that our society and culture are too heavily invested in sex, and weird boundaries around sex as well. The way we hyper-sexualize folks and treat sex as a huge deal are both problematic when it comes to connections, because it simultaneously makes it more desirable and puts it on a pedestal. Tweaking either of these levers would help quite a bit as we could de-emphasize it's importance or make it less of a big deal. Both of those adjustments would reduce the limelight that sex currently gets and make it less important of a factor when thinking about connection and loneliness allowing more space for other solutions such as increasing other social/community connections like friendships and third spaces (an extremely important factor according to academic literature on loneliness).
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NYT misses what’s true and important about an anti-trans school resolution
19 votes -
Comment on Why we’re turning psychiatric labels into identities in ~health.mental
Gaywallet Link ParentWait until someone tells the author that a lot of studies involving MRI are essentially p-hacking, because MRI machines are frequently misapplied or misinterpreted.because fMRI can't tell the difference
Wait until someone tells the author that a lot of studies involving MRI are essentially p-hacking, because MRI machines are frequently misapplied or misinterpreted.
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Comment on Because European sunscreens can draw on more ingredients, they can protect better against skin cancer in ~health
Gaywallet Link ParentBiore Sarasara (Japanese) is often recommend on beauty/makeup spots. I think the European version is called aqua rich. I think the ingredients are the same between EU and JP but not 100% certain....Biore Sarasara (Japanese) is often recommend on beauty/makeup spots. I think the European version is called aqua rich. I think the ingredients are the same between EU and JP but not 100% certain. Either is a huge step up over US brands. In particular for the face I'd say it's worth it, for the body it doesn't matter all that much.
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Better depression relief with electromagnetic treatment
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Comment on Weighing in on "Man or Bear" - from a woman that left society to the Alaskan wilderness in ~life.women
Gaywallet Link ParentIt doesn't matter if 99% of the men leave after you tell them that, what matters is the 1% of men who don't. I think this is precisely the issue that people confront when subjects like this are...It doesn't matter if 99% of the men leave after you tell them that, what matters is the 1% of men who don't. I think this is precisely the issue that people confront when subjects like this are brought up - people take it as an offense to them, because they view it as an attack on all men. The article carefully selects it's words to repeatedly show how this is not a "most men" problem. Most men are nice. Most men respect boundaries. The author even talks about the times she's happy to see men!
Why is your immediate response to doubt the veracity of the claim? Why do you launch into a superlative statement (never left)? Why do you feel the need to defend on behalf of all men? She's not talking about you - she's not talking about most men. She's trying to highlight the fact that it is a rare occurrence but it is not so rare an occurrence that it isn't top of mind or isn't something she hasn't experienced frequently in her life.
As an androgynous person who's been read both directions plenty of times in public, I'd like to chime in with my own similar experience, so it really drives the point home. There was a point starting a few years ago that my presentation tipped towards the feminine side in that more people started reading me as a woman than a man, and I cannot drive home enough how much these discussions matter. I've had diverse friend groups and I had heard from feminine people all my life about these problems and knew they existed and were common enough for most feminine folks to have a similar opinion on it and stories to share on the perils they'd been through. But even with all that I really underestimated how common of an occurrence it would end up being. I have more stories than I can count and it's only been a few years and I'm certainly not conventionally attractive given my proximity to androgyny.
If you come away from this with anything, I hope it's the mindset to listen a little bit closer to the people who are directly affected by this. If a lot of feminine individuals are speaking up about it, there may be more to it than you realize.
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How much research is being written by large language models?
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Comment on I find myself intimidated by the Bear community in ~lgbt
Gaywallet Link ParentYou and @smoontjes are both experiencing imposter syndrome. Your anxiety is making you question whether the space is for you, and you are hesitant to join the space because you are worried you are...I guess I just feel like I won’t fit in with a queer community like that because I was never properly exposed to it
You and @smoontjes are both experiencing imposter syndrome. Your anxiety is making you question whether the space is for you, and you are hesitant to join the space because you are worried you are going to disrupt things. There are absolutely people who are going to enter these spaces and disrupt from time to time, but not a single one of them is worried about disrupting things. The forethought and anxiety you have because you wish to respect the space is more than any organizer could ask for.
These spaces are almost always designed with some amount of inclusion in mind. After all, being queer is an extremely diverse thing! Even when you're thinking about two bears at a bear party, they probably have vastly different backgrounds, they can have intersectional identities (different race different ethnicity different culture hell even different sexuality) that they bring with them, and most of these spaces are explicitly inclusive for a reason - bears have friends and they might want to bring their friends along to the thing they enjoy!
I know a lot of it is both of your anxieties getting in the way, but I would highly encourage both of you to challenge your assumptions about these communities. I think you'd be surprised at how diverse queer spaces can be, and how even among a group that seems like a lot of partiers there will be plenty of folks who aren't, and even among those who do party- instagram is just a slice of one's life, not it's entirety. I can't tell you how many people have been intimidated by my instagram or my dating profiles (which often feature a lot of event photos because I'm wearing the most interesting outfits there) but the reality is that I'm a nerd and the bulk of my time is spent at home or in smaller settings with others. Challenge your assumptions and go. Even if you validate your assumptions for that night go again to a different event and see if that assumption continues to hold - not everyone can make it to every event every night, and you deserve to experience what the community has to offer.
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
Gaywallet Link ParentYes but we live today, not twenty years in the future, let alone fifty. I think it's perfectly reasonable to see what the world is today and see how in many ways it's not getting better and in...Yes but we live today, not twenty years in the future, let alone fifty. I think it's perfectly reasonable to see what the world is today and see how in many ways it's not getting better and in some ways we might be quite close to the end of humanity. It's okay to look at that and think 'it's not moral to bring new life into this'. I certainly don't think it's moral because I know how tough my life has been and how fucked up humanity can be.
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
Gaywallet Link ParentIn more homogenous societies it's typically replaced by a social marker rather than a physical one; caste systems are a good example of this.That function would just be replaced by some other identifiable physical marker. Eye color, height, ear size, whatever.
In more homogenous societies it's typically replaced by a social marker rather than a physical one; caste systems are a good example of this.
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
Gaywallet Link ParentWhy even entertain an idea so divorced from reality as to be akin to trying to imagine a universe without gravity? It's not going to happen in our lifetimes, or the lifetimes of anyone soon should...Would you feel differently about this if you knew your kid was going to have a happy, stress-free life without any of this garbage?
Why even entertain an idea so divorced from reality as to be akin to trying to imagine a universe without gravity? It's not going to happen in our lifetimes, or the lifetimes of anyone soon should our species manage to not entirely wipe itself out through the destruction of our planet or through war.
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
Gaywallet Link ParentI understand what you're saying and I'm happy for you, but I really don't like when people frame non-monogamy as a relationship in which you can't cheat. You absolutely can cheat! Cheating is...I understand what you're saying and I'm happy for you, but I really don't like when people frame non-monogamy as a relationship in which you can't cheat. You absolutely can cheat! Cheating is about dishonesty. Even poly folks can cheat.
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Comment on What is a value or belief you have that is extremely outside the norm? in ~talk
Gaywallet Link ParentI think it's a bit more complicated than that. I'm sexually attracted to plenty of people I will never have sex with. Attraction isn't the only part of the equation here. I also really don't like...I think it's a bit more complicated than that. I'm sexually attracted to plenty of people I will never have sex with. Attraction isn't the only part of the equation here. I also really don't like the idea of "identifying" people at a young age - this kind of mentality is how racist, sexist, and other bigotry has been justified for ages. We "identified" that natives in America were "uncivilized" and forced them to adhere to our mindset. I could absolutely see any sort of child identification program being used as a shield to commit bigoted acts towards individuals because of their characteristics (ethnicity, sex, gender, sexuality, etc). I also think that a child is much more malleable than they are given credit for here and the idea that being a pedophile is deterministic in some fashion is just not something that sits right with me.
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Comment on What was it like choosing your own name? in ~lgbt
Gaywallet Link ParentJust gonna chime in that going by Sparky is dope and you should do it. But of course I say that as someone who is very attracted to the idea of having a name that breaks typical human norms as a...Just gonna chime in that going by Sparky is dope and you should do it. But of course I say that as someone who is very attracted to the idea of having a name that breaks typical human norms as a way to make people rethink what a name even is and be more playful.
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Comment on What was it like choosing your own name? in ~lgbt
Gaywallet LinkMy deadname is extremely common. Even before I knew I wanted a new name, I always hated it for that reason. The number of times I've heard my prior name called in public places was an annoyance,...My deadname is extremely common. Even before I knew I wanted a new name, I always hated it for that reason. The number of times I've heard my prior name called in public places was an annoyance, but also it meant it was a semi-regular name - characters in movies, names in songs, etc. I never enjoyed that.
When I came to the realization that I wanted to change my name, it was influenced by a few factors. First and foremost, I wanted my name to be short. Part of that was that I knew short names were easier for people to remember, and part of that is there's literally research on this which shows you get promoted more, paid more, etc. Past that point I knew that I wanted my name to be cute. So I started looking through websites and books and papers for lists of names - baby names, adult names, I didn't particularly care. I started a list of all the short/cute names that spoke to me. Most didn't, but at some point I had a list of about 10-15 names, with the thought that I would eventually be going through this list to try/choose one. But one day I ran across my name, Sigi, in a book and just knew immediately that it was the name. It was short and cute, different/rare enough to avoid confusion and something that's easy to pronounce in a lot of languages (although people often get confused as to whether it's pronounced like ziggy or sidgi, which I really don't understand - for the record it's a German name and closer to the former). It also happened to be a shortening of both a masculine and a feminine name (Siegfried and Sieglinde) which fit the agender/non-binary mold as a little bonus.
However, for basically the entire time I've been going by Sigi I've also socially been going by Bunny. It took a few years of being called both for me to realize that Bunny is the name I prefer. So in the last two or so years I've been work-shopping a bunch of different variations on my name to include Bunny in my name. I've realized that introducing myself as Bunny and pushing people socially towards that name seems to resolve a lot of it, so I might just make that my last name. But I also like the idea of being more playful with my name, and breaking the mold of names by naming myself something like "Bunny Bun Bun" because the idea of challenging norms even in my name is a really fun space that I enjoy. I also just find it really amusing because I'm on a few papers and regularly get published and having a silly legal name means there will be hard science with a silly name on it.
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Comment on California says restaurants must bake all of their add-on fees into menu prices in ~finance
Gaywallet Link ParentA lot of it is city or state mandated. Not to shift blame off corporations for tacking on fees like processing fees (looking at you online ticket sales), but it's pretty hard to fight when the...A lot of it is city or state mandated. Not to shift blame off corporations for tacking on fees like processing fees (looking at you online ticket sales), but it's pretty hard to fight when the government is mandating it - it's easy to make the claim that hey look, the government mandates fees like this, why can't we do things the same way?
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The disinformation machine: How susceptible are we to AI propaganda?
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Comment on A variety of beginner home server questions in ~comp
Gaywallet LinkTo address your questions: You can configure your router to use your pihole as the DNS server. This will block the majority of ads to your devices, but likely not all of them. This is because some...To address your questions:
- You can configure your router to use your pihole as the DNS server. This will block the majority of ads to your devices, but likely not all of them. This is because some devices will send outbound requests on port 53 to defined DNS servers and bypassing your defined network DNS. The parts you're seeing online about needing to set up your device between the internet and your devices are methods to block outbound port 53 requests. The right router and custom firmware can stop this if you care enough about it. You could have your NAS do this, but I would highly suggest you do not put your NAS direct to the internet and instead have a router manage this.
- Synology will likely have plenty of out of the box tools to help with this. If they don't, someone's likely dockerized whatever software you need and you can run a container on your NAS or server to accomplish this and you don't need to really understand networking.
- Wifi + hdmi sticks is your solution here. Firestick, chromecast, roku, whatever will serve your media to your display easily. To do this you need to run plex (or another media server) on your NAS/server but it's pretty easy to set up, as it's basically just another docker container that you configure/run.
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Enzymes open new path to universal donor blood
12 votes
Honestly this is kind of an archaic viewpoint on steroids and most modern PEDs. The science has come quite a long way since the 60s yet the narrative of how dangerous they are has persisted because it's a part of the war on drugs and that it's an easy target for "fairness".
But perhaps more importantly in this particular context, I find it deeply ironic that PEDs are almost never discussed when we talk about trans people in sports. Instead, we talk about the "inherent biological advantage" of people born men and ignore the details. Steroids and PEDs can bring people to supraphysiological levels of testosterone or induce levels of muscle growth and selection not seen in humans naturally, and people are constantly thrown out of competitive sports when they are found out to have used PEDs. Their use is absolutely rampant in sports at high levels of competition, and despite likely being the most important predictor of success, it is ignored in discussions around trans people in sports. Also of note, trans sports discussions always erase trans men who's levels of testosterone might be on the upper end of "normal" physiological levels (and difficult to detect when it may have exceeded into supraphysiological levels, meaning it would be easier for them to abuse PEDs).
Honestly there's so much to unpack in elite level sports it's absolutely wild to me that people have decided their laser focus should be on trans athletes specifically. These sports are not fair and never were fair - they are designed to find the outliers of humans among billions. People who have webbed feet and toes making them faster at swimming. People who have genetically enlarged hearts, allowing them to pump more blood per stroke and outperform in cardio. People who have the genetic predisposition to pack on muscle almost limitlessly because of the way their muscle building protein works (Myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy or MSTN). The very idea that a single characteristic which has nothing to do with genetics or variation could have such a huge impact on sports on this level of play is absurd. It's a house of cards which absolutely crumbles upon even the most minor inspection from nearly any angle.