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Making tough decisions: what’s your go-to approach?
Do you go by gut/heart feeling?
Do you analyze by head?
Do you write out long lists of pros and cons on paper?
Do you consult a lot of family and friends and then go by consensus majority?
Do you overanalyze and agonize and hit decision paralysis? If so, how do you get over that or push through it?
I think deep down you usually know what the answer is, you know what you want to do, but your overanalyzing prevents the answer from being able to present itself.
I'll sometimes just flip a coin, and just before I look to see how it landed, how I really feel about the question is revealed. A split-second feeling bubbles up from my subconscious that says basically "I hope it's x".
Haha, the coin flip is exactly what I do to clarify my feelings! That little pinch of disappointment or happiness at the result tells all.
I tend to overanalyze and agonize and hit decision paralysis. And then I consults friends and family. Then overanalyze and agonize and hit decision paralysis, then consult friends and family, then overanalyze...
What I've found helps the most is just time, provided I have it. I have to get the "passed" the emotions, or at least get used to them, then I can kinda push them to the side and settle on a decision. And a lot of times, I've logically made the decision, it's just the emotions that keep me second guessing.
And every once in awhile, I'll just jump. Take the leap of faith.
There's a really great article by Michael Loop that I stumbled upon last year that does a great job talking about this. I expanded on it with some additional info back in March - I would start with these, but some highlights.
There's four types of decision making:
If you're having trouble, it's usually of two things:
If you're having trouble deciding, you're either missing information (and you should go do the thing that helps you think), or you just need to decide (you have all the info you need, and you gotta trust that you've thought through this and are ready).
One final thought - Jeff Bezos famously identified two types of decisions - "one-way doors, and two-way doors". As a few other folks in this thread have mentioned, how you think about the decision depends on whether it's a one-way or a two-way door.
I talk one or more of the people I trust the most to get external input.
I'm the one who has to make the decision.
I'm also the one who has to be comfortable knowing that with the information available to me, I made the best decision I could, however things turn out.
Assuming it's a decision I'm not pressured to make this instant, as best I can I try to orient around outcomes. As in, do I accept what I think will likely be the case, if I do the thing? If the answer is yes then I've got a possible way to go. I'll then consider stuff like what aligns with my principles, what's materially easier, etc. If the answer is no, I try to reason out why. So that I can clarify for myself what's important about this decision, what I want to avoid/what priorities I wish to uphold/etc.
If there is pressure, that analysis still happens but is deliberately kept pretty short. Can't think too far ahead because shit's gotta get done. And if I just can't put anything together, it comes down to what way forward doesn't immediately violate my principles/is actually doable and I do that. I focus then on dealing with what comes and move on from the decision itself. Sometimes you just gotta go with something and figure out how to make up for it along the way.
This sounds very similar to that I do, orienting around outcomes and values that are important to me, and prioritizing when those are in conflict.
One other thing that might be useful: sometimes one or more choices come with the possibility of some negative outcome. Maybe the worst case is something I want to avoid, but it is hard to quantify just how likely this is, and it otherwise seems like the best choice.
In that case, I try to see if there are any steps I can take to mitigate those outcomes or make them less likely. I also try to game out what I will do if the bad thing happens. This can make it easier to put worry about it aside because I have at least a notional plan ahead of time.
For example, during the total eclipse, we wanted to travel about two hours to be in the totality, and the main downside was that people were predicting really bad traffic. I thought leaving early and planning to be patient would probably be enough, but if it turned out to be really bad, I wanted a backup plan. So we traveled with extra gas and plenty of food and water. Actual traffic was worse than busy-holiday-weekend but not as bad as hurricane evacuation, but it was easier to enjoy it knowing our bases were covered.
I definitely think a few steps through too, as an insurance policy I guess. Sometimes too, if the stakes aren't high and the outcomes fairly similar, I'll just sort of go with whatever hits my mind first after thinking of something else for a second. There's usually something simple that needs doing so I'll go do something and then decide, or start a bit slow on a particular decision so I can change course. I try to keep an awareness of time with it too, like if a decision isn't immediately necessary sometimes I will just delay a bit and do something else, to try to make sure my judgment is clear. At least in my own slice of things it's rare that much of anything needs to happen right now, so I try to give myself some time/space to make sure I'm thinking things through, that I'm not missing something.
I have a particular method for sleeping on tough decisions:
One 'trick' I learned years ago is that not making a decision is a decision.
So if Im agonizing over a decision and trying to decide to go ahead on it, that not deciding for so long means that I really dont want to do it. Its turned out to be true numerous times. Not that I cant make hard decisions but when it takes too long its because I already know subconsciously that my answer is no.
For other decisions I make a pro/con list and weight the answers and add up the sides to see which one is stronger. Then I ask my wife and she tells me what to do so I throw out the list.