fuck you.
God
put me at ease
deliver me to peace.
if you're above
deliver me to love.
there's not a sign
you're months without a call.
i begin to think
you never cared at all.
in winter breezes
hang me from the trees.
god i'm sick of
never feeling enough.
make me crease and
break me at my knees.
tarot prophet guide me
with your crystal ball.
.
read the names i've
written in my skin.
banish me to walk
alone in cold.
hit my face and tell me
this is it.
kill me, say you
never cared at all
.
screaming in your car
you said you'd call the cops
if i don't take my seatbelt off
on our way home and walk.
.
screaming in our home
you'd always slam the doors
and leave the silence ringing
in the halls
.
alone in dark i wailed
you didn't care.
as you sat there on your phone
and talked and talked.
.
always acting like
i wasn't there.
even asked me to pretend
that we were not.
.
remember back in college
when you made some friends
and tried to make me hide,
not show me off?
.
tried to tell them
i was just a friend.
and when i protested
god you told me off.
.
but when i made you mad
how mad you went.
and appeared inside my room
without consent.
.
i walked in and found you there
sat at my desk.
it should've ended there
but i regressed.
.
i said we would grow past it
never did.
always made me second guess
the life i live.
.
it's not my fault
that you stayed home alone.
why do i slash and cry and pray
that you'll pick up the phone.
.
tell me why i love you
when it's wrong.
.
.
.
tell me why i want you
when you're gone.
.
.
.
i want you to ignore me,
miss my calls.
.
.
.
if at least you'll speak
to me at all.
fuck you.
i'm sorry.
i love you.
fuck you.
fuck you too.