Nefara's recent activity
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Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt
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Comment on Thoughts on VR? in ~tech
Nefara Link ParentYep this was basically how I stayed active during Covid. It's way more fun than body weight exercises and there are so many great custom maps out there it makes it easy to stay fresh and challenging.Yep this was basically how I stayed active during Covid. It's way more fun than body weight exercises and there are so many great custom maps out there it makes it easy to stay fresh and challenging.
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Comment on Sid Meyer's Alpha Centauri lovers, tell me what sets it apart in ~games
Nefara Link ParentYes, this absolutely. I think Stellaris is the only other 4x game I've played that has been able to really embrace the aspect of role playing you would usually get in other genres, but even then...Yes, this absolutely. I think Stellaris is the only other 4x game I've played that has been able to really embrace the aspect of role playing you would usually get in other genres, but even then it's not to the same extent. I found my decisions, strategies and mindset very influenced by the character I was playing, both from their mechanical bonuses and weaknesses and from the lore and story. I wasn't just going for science domination as Zakharov, I was attempting to transcend the human form and bring humanity to the next step in evolution! Why can't those uneducated primitives understand that?!
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Comment on Sid Meyer's Alpha Centauri lovers, tell me what sets it apart in ~games
Nefara LinkI played it obsessively back in the olden days, it got a 98% from PC Gamer back when the original Half Life was the only other game to be scored so highly (as far as I remember). As a 4x game, it...I played it obsessively back in the olden days, it got a 98% from PC Gamer back when the original Half Life was the only other game to be scored so highly (as far as I remember). As a 4x game, it allowed for a huge amount of flexibility for strategies, allowing many development paths a decent chance at victory. This is in contrast to Civ V for example, where science is overpowered and anyone able to lead in it dominates basically everything. Prioritizing military might, or expansion, or secret projects, or taming the ecology, or economy etc, were all valid and relatively equal paths to victory that each faction had their respective strengths in. There was definitely a sense of flexibility, adaptability and evolution. As others have said, as you play, the ideologies and characters of these leaders is revealed and they speak about their visions of the future, the things they find important, and their feelings about each other. There are also some story interludes as you play that are just text on a screen, but it will change based on the decisions you make and projects you complete. It all makes for a compelling and interesting story experience where you get to play through a scenario that itself feels like a self contained sci-fi story. I found myself feeling aligned with my leader, trying to propagate my own values and ideologies and visions for the future onto a new and alien planet. Again as others have said, a lot of the science fiction elements were quite prescient and quite a few things in the tech tree are no longer fiction. It was a very thoughtful, deep and ground breaking game that is still worth a play through 25 years later.
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Comment on The spectacular failure of the Star Wars hotel in ~movies
Nefara Link ParentRight. I just agree with her, because it's hard to believe they whiffed it so badly with such a well established franchise with such good bones and seemingly infinite money. I just wonder if...Right. I just agree with her, because it's hard to believe they whiffed it so badly with such a well established franchise with such good bones and seemingly infinite money. I just wonder if something like it, but done right with the user experience in mind could work without an attached IP? After the breakdown of the Evermore mess it's incredibly frustrating to see how bad management can ruin years of work, creativity and effort. Rather than shut down the hotel, they should have fired the execs and get some people in who knew how to make use of the resources at hand.
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Comment on The spectacular failure of the Star Wars hotel in ~movies
Nefara Link ParentYeah, I am a fan of her work I just don't have four straight hours! Hoping I can watch some more tonight.Yeah, I am a fan of her work I just don't have four straight hours! Hoping I can watch some more tonight.
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Comment on The spectacular failure of the Star Wars hotel in ~movies
Nefara LinkI'm half way through the video and I am getting frustrated and exasperated with her. The "themed immersive experience" is a space in entertainment that seems extremely under-served and wide open...I'm half way through the video and I am getting frustrated and exasperated with her. The "themed immersive experience" is a space in entertainment that seems extremely under-served and wide open for innovation, and you would think that if ANY one would do it right it would be Disney. But they just had to be so damned greedy about it. I get where a lot of things that they did would have high development and operating costs that they would need to cover but many of those things (lightsaber training for instance) didn't deliver and just reek of mismanagement.
Ugh. I hope that this won't be used as an example of "why these things don't work". I share Jenny's frustration at this whole thing. Whatever happened to trying to create a "magical experience" for everyone?
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Comment on Cartoons such as Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, or Avatar? in ~tv
Nefara Link ParentBluey is wonderful, and as a parent of a toddler I feel seen by it. I'd describe it as a slice of life show about parenting that both kids and adults can enjoy. It's beautiful but not what I...Bluey is wonderful, and as a parent of a toddler I feel seen by it. I'd describe it as a slice of life show about parenting that both kids and adults can enjoy. It's beautiful but not what I thought of for OPs prompt of over-arching story and character development. However, anyone looking for wholesome, sweet and funny content should watch it anyway.
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Comment on Cartoons such as Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, or Avatar? in ~tv
Nefara LinkA lot of my picks have already been listed, so I'll pitch in Amphibia. It's another animated series that starts off pretty shallow and episodic, but it develops an overarching story that becomes...A lot of my picks have already been listed, so I'll pitch in Amphibia. It's another animated series that starts off pretty shallow and episodic, but it develops an overarching story that becomes increasingly complex with higher and higher stakes. It has some pretty dramatic character development over the series, where most of the main cast become unrecognizable by the end. I initially was pretty meh about it, but by the end I was binging it and glued to the screen. I don't want to say too much about it since the discovery is part of the fun, but stick with it and it really takes off.
For the record, my other picks from the thread are: She Ra: Princesses of Power, Hilda, Owl House, Dragon Prince (not so much more recent seasons though) and Kipo.
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Comment on Cartoons such as Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, or Avatar? in ~tv
Nefara Link ParentDo, it's wholesome and fun but doesn't lose its emotional resonance. It recognizes and acknowledges the dark but it doesn't ever fall into it. It's a bit like classic Star Trek in that it believes...Do, it's wholesome and fun but doesn't lose its emotional resonance. It recognizes and acknowledges the dark but it doesn't ever fall into it. It's a bit like classic Star Trek in that it believes in the best of everyone and people in general. Has some great story moments and I'd recommend it to anyone.
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Comment on How did you decide on a daycare for your small child/children? in ~life
Nefara Link ParentThat's great! Then the next thing I would try is seeing if your region has a "kid's calendar" of activities, and throw a weekend activity of some kind. Do an Earth Day garden event, Easter egg...That's great! Then the next thing I would try is seeing if your region has a "kid's calendar" of activities, and throw a weekend activity of some kind. Do an Earth Day garden event, Easter egg hunt, that kind of thing, and add yourself to any relevant event calendars. If you host an event that gets some traffic you could probably convert some of them into regulars.
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Comment on How did you decide on a daycare for your small child/children? in ~life
Nefara LinkI recently had to find childcare for my now 2 year old, and here's what I was looking for: One or two days a week State licensed/accredited Competitive rates (obviously will fluctuate based on...I recently had to find childcare for my now 2 year old, and here's what I was looking for:
One or two days a week
State licensed/accredited
Competitive rates (obviously will fluctuate based on region, for us it was around $70-80 for an 8 hour day)
Nice playground/outdoor space
Within a 25 minute drive of homeHere is how I looked:
Map based searches using Google Maps and DDG, and checking results for "childcare", "daycare", "preschool", "montessori" and "nursery".
I checked each listing in my 25 minute range for reviews and a website. I guess I'm old school but having a website was a major green flag for me. I looked for pictures of the location (indoor and outdoors) and the teachers, and having contact info and policies listed (hours, accepted ages etc) was immensely helpful.
I also looked on my town's unofficial community Facebook page and searched for those same keywords. I found other people posting asking about or offering childcare services and then checked if the posters had a page that seemed focused on child care. If all I found was a personal FB page I ruled them out.
So my advice would be to build a web presence! Take nice pictures of your playground and if you have permission, kids playing in your play space or take some short videos of your wife reading a book to them. Add your location as a pin on Google Maps. Make a Facebook page and a webpage specifically devoted to your business. Post about it on your town's community hubs. Hell even go oldschool and maybe put a flyer up at your local library. I had trouble finding a spot and had to wait three months on a waitlist so I doubt there's a lack of demand. I am no fan of Facebook but for a business it can be a lifeline.
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Comment on My marriage is non-monogamous, and I am considering approaching a friend to propose a relationship with him. I would appreciate some advice from monogamous people (and reasonable people in general.) in ~life
Nefara LinkAs a generally monogamous person I would say that in any discussion of a relationship together, finding out and being extremely clear about the goals and general "vision" of what you're proposing...As a generally monogamous person I would say that in any discussion of a relationship together, finding out and being extremely clear about the goals and general "vision" of what you're proposing would be extremely important. The conventional relationship pattern of meet->date->move-in->marry->kids? will not apply here. He might very well want those things, if not now then eventually. In any discussion of changing your relationship together you will have to be explicit about how exactly you see things going forward between you.
I would suggest finding out what he wants from a relationship right now, and what his long term goals are. If it's marriage and kids, and that's not something you can accommodate, then going from platonic to sexual might end in heartache. However, if he's genuinely looking for simple companionship, is not ready to "settle down" and is open to a FWB then you would probably be safe to proceed.
Another aspect will be making sure that he and your husband talk about it together, to work out any possible feelings of jealousy from either side and to establish the "rules" or lack thereof. Sometimes it's hard for monogamous people to imagine not being at least a little jealous or possessive of their partners, and that would be a valuable conversation to have.
A possible problem will be getting him to be honest with himself. Even if you are as clear and direct as you can be about managing expectations, if you do have that much chemistry he might convince himself that he would be fine in that situation but then later learn the hard way that he's not. I don't think there's anything you could do to effect that, aside from encouraging him to really think about it and not to rush into it from excitement. Maybe try to approach it obliquely or even have another friend ask about it by proxy, so that the prospect of a physical relationship with you doesn't change his answer.
You're in interesting waters here so you'll have to use your best judgment, but hopefully if everyone involved is honest (with themselves as well as others) and direct you can navigate this situation to a place you're all happy with.
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Comment on Why don't we help each other? in ~talk
Nefara Link ParentYou should check out your local library! It has become exactly that in many towns and cities, at least it has in every place I've lived. I'm not sure what the situation is internationally, but at...How come the massive and growing secular population hasn't come up with its own replacement yet? How come atheist churches are so rare?
You should check out your local library! It has become exactly that in many towns and cities, at least it has in every place I've lived. I'm not sure what the situation is internationally, but at least in the US your library probably has a calendar of events open to the public that are run by volunteers. You can also always start your own. My local library has a Lego building club, a parenting support group, book clubs, crafting circles and all sorts of things going on a weekly and monthly basis.
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Comment on Why don't we help each other? in ~talk
Nefara LinkAt least in the US, the library seems to be the new secular community hub. In each town I've lived in there's been some great community events with at least some weekly or monthly activity I could...At least in the US, the library seems to be the new secular community hub. In each town I've lived in there's been some great community events with at least some weekly or monthly activity I could get into. It's definitely worth a look and if you want to help your community in a more hands on way you could even start your own regular event. It's a wonderful way to meet new local people with similar interests.
I'm supporting and enriching my local community in my own way too. My husband meets a lot of people through team sports and work so we try to scoop up all of the people we vibe with and then host parties for everyone to meet each other and play board games. I know a lot of adults our age, especially nerds, have trouble making local friends, so we try to be a social hub when we're able to. One of my favorite things to do is throw a Friendsgiving every year for everyone we know who doesn't have somewhere else to be that day. Sometimes 20+ people come and sometimes it's less than ten, but at least I know all of the people I care about will be able to enjoy a nice meal and the company of others that day. I wonder about why it seems hosting parties has become a lost art. You can be that "third place" yourself and provide meals and support for the people around you without any formal labels or institutions. When you do, hopefully you can inspire others to take the initiative as well.
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Comment on Lighthearted movie about someone finding a new direction? in ~movies
Nefara LinkShall We Dance? is one that I really love, there's a Japanese version and a Hollywood version with Richard Gere. I'm partial to the Hollywood one but either would fit the bill. Basically a guy...Shall We Dance? is one that I really love, there's a Japanese version and a Hollywood version with Richard Gere. I'm partial to the Hollywood one but either would fit the bill. Basically a guy living a tedious work-a-day job feels restless in life and falls into the world of ballroom dancing. It's fun and sweet.
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Comment on Best way to recycle cookies? in ~food
Nefara LinkI have an ice cream maker so my immediate thought is to crumble them and put them into vanilla ice cream. However, 90 cookies is a lot so another thing to try would be a bread pudding. You could...I have an ice cream maker so my immediate thought is to crumble them and put them into vanilla ice cream.
However, 90 cookies is a lot so another thing to try would be a bread pudding. You could let them lie out to get stale, crumble them and mix them with an unsweetened french or sour dough bread and soak them in an egg and milk mixture which you then bake. Chocolate bread pudding is delightful, and leaving the sugar out of your custard and mixing in the other bread would definitely cut the sweetness.
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Comment on Standardization of household goods / end user goods in ~life
Nefara LinkI've been pretty impressed by my Land's End bath towels. They do sell a bunch of types and patterns but the basic cotton one has remained consistent. I found one in a thrift store and was...I've been pretty impressed by my Land's End bath towels. They do sell a bunch of types and patterns but the basic cotton one has remained consistent. I found one in a thrift store and was impressed enough with how soft and fluffy it was that I bought a set new. They're different colors (those do change) but they're the same size and same trim with the trim in the same location. If you just bought a bunch of white ones I'm sure you could replace them whenever you wished, because they will always sell white. I've had them for over a year and they still look and feel great. I don't use fabric softener or dryer sheets and they're still plush and soft. They're a big upgrade over my older ones and I'll definitely buy more from them when I need to.
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Comment on General product recommendations in ~life
Nefara Link ParentI think you're right that for most cats <10% is fine, but unfortunately with many foods it's hard to quantify just what percentage of the food is that brown rice or pea protein or pumpkin etc....I think you're right that for most cats <10% is fine, but unfortunately with many foods it's hard to quantify just what percentage of the food is that brown rice or pea protein or pumpkin etc. It's listed as ingredients but there's no easy way to tell just how much of it isn't meat. At this point I would suggest doing pure meat/meat byproducts when buying canned or kibble, and then letting the cat eat wheat/cat grass as you do.
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Comment on General product recommendations in ~life
Nefara Link ParentI've had cats all of my life and have done my best to learn from my mistakes over the years. I believe the health problems that led to their deaths at 16 and 17 years old were related to their...I've had cats all of my life and have done my best to learn from my mistakes over the years. I believe the health problems that led to their deaths at 16 and 17 years old were related to their diets. Now, I'm aware those are fine ages for a cat to reach but I want to do better. With my first kitty I learned how important adding moisture to their food was, as cats have a very low thirst response. She passed away from kidney failure. With my next cat, I would wet his kibble and give wet food sometimes, but he still passed from kidney failure. Now my current cat was on the same diet and has been diagnosed with pancreatitis, which I believe was caused by the high carbohydrate content in kibble. All of this leads me to recommend cat food with little to no vegetable matter and as much moisture as you can add while still being palatable. BJ's store brand (Berkley Jensen) canned food is surprisingly good for this, and great value for its price. I add a bit of water to their patés and it's been great for my old man. He's made it to 17 and is still looking great with silky thick fur and clear eyes. If you don't have a BJs near you, I would also second @patience_limited 's Stella&Chewy's reccomendation if you can afford something premium.
I'll pitch in as someone who identifies as demisexual. Finding a label other than "ice queen" or "frigid" or "cold fish" helped me realize I had a queer alignment rather than something wrong with me.
Like a lot of other people in this thread I was mystified by my peers in MS and HS who had posters of celebrities and crushes they pined over while I was just... ?? Some people were more or less aesthetically pleasing and nice to look at but I had no "targeted" sexual desire.
I got into my first relationship when a gaming friend online "confessed" and made me feel wanted and desired. I was very interested in sex at first, but after we moved in together the relationship went sour and I lost all of my desire. I was celibate for something like 6 years. Sex or being sexual just didn't occur to me, but he was constantly pressuring me and guilt tripping me for "withholding" intimacy.
Eventually I got out of that relationship and started trying to date, which was a whole new challenge. How do you communicate to the average allosexual that you might be interested in dating them, but you're not currently attracted to them, but if we get along things might turn romantic, but if they do then sex might not be soon or frequent or consistent? Thank goodness for online dating. Trying to find partners that had the same life goals and values, with similar interests, with a compatible attitude towards sex in the age range and location I needed was like looking for a unicorn. I finally found my husband, who met all of my criteria (and I met his), who also identifies as somewhere on the ace spectrum. We can share life and physical intimacy, and sex is something we can have if we both feel like it, but sometimes we just don't and that's fine. Our relationship isn't perfect, no relationships are, but he's a great partner and a fantastic dad.