TreeFiddyFiddy's recent activity
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Comment on Goodbye, old friend in ~life.men
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Comment on Donald Trump is killing American innovation, and China will reap the benefits in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentDid you read the article? Were obviously only talking about restricting visas for Chinese citizens and as I pointed out to another uncharitable interpretation- I specifically say that there is no...Did you read the article? Were obviously only talking about restricting visas for Chinese citizens and as I pointed out to another uncharitable interpretation- I specifically say that there is no need to racially profile people for being Chinese. Don’t confound the ethnicity with the citizenship
My comment asks one very specific question. Please go back and read it again
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Comment on Donald Trump is killing American innovation, and China will reap the benefits in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentI am going to have to say it's uncharitable but I don't take any offence. I specifically tried to preempt this interpretation by calling out there is no need to ethnically profile. There are...I am going to have to say it's uncharitable but I don't take any offence. I specifically tried to preempt this interpretation by calling out there is no need to ethnically profile. There are millions of Chinese without deep connections to China, their Chinese heritage should play no bearing on how the US views them.
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Comment on Donald Trump is killing American innovation, and China will reap the benefits in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkMy question is what do you do when ethnic Chinese with deep ties to the country become potential economic, political, and military security liabilities. Sure, anyone - to include a country's own...My question is what do you do when ethnic Chinese with deep ties to the country become potential economic, political, and military security liabilities. Sure, anyone - to include a country's own citizens - is a potential liability but most other nations don't globally staff covert police stations where they can persecute their citizens and relatives of those citizens and induce them to espionage through coercive measures. When the efforts and violations become so blatant isn't the prudent course of action to begin restricting an adversarial country's access to your institutions?
And to be sure, I'm talking only about Chinese who are particularly vulnerable to coercion by the Chines state (which in my opinion applies to any Chinese citizen). There is absolutely no reason to routinely profile Singaporeans or Taiwanese, as two examples, for simply being ethnically Chinese.
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Comment on Where have all my deep male friendships gone? in ~life.men
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentI'm not projecting or judging here, I'm not married so I'd genuinely be interested in your opinion. I've seen a ton of reporting on this exact scenario with men these days where their spouse...Im generally not lonely, but if my wife leaves or the dogs die, Im royally fucked lol.
I'm not projecting or judging here, I'm not married so I'd genuinely be interested in your opinion. I've seen a ton of reporting on this exact scenario with men these days where their spouse becomes their really only close friend and confidant and while the wife usually has a robust friend network to spread their emotional needs around, they usually become the sole emotional outlet for their husbands - and that can be quite taxing when in addition to the duties as a spouse, sometimes, mother, etc. As an outsider it just seems like a potentially very compromising position for both people to be in.
Does that description at all resonate with you? What are your thoughts on this usual commentary?
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Comment on Where have all my deep male friendships gone? in ~life.men
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkWhat are some ways that other men on Tildes have been strengthening their friendships? I've moved around a lot and have male friends spread across the globe. One thing I've been doing is to cold...What are some ways that other men on Tildes have been strengthening their friendships?
I've moved around a lot and have male friends spread across the globe. One thing I've been doing is to cold call them. Some answer, some don't, some only have a few minutes to cordially say hi, but I've had success with others and even had a three hour conversation with a friend who I used to be very close with.
Unfortunately my home life has been a struggle this past year. My closest friend where I live betrayed me and when I tried to work it out with him he was just unable to own up to his actions. The wider friend group knows something is going on with him, in general, and more than a few of us are convinced he's cheating on his SO. The situation is so messy I've just decided to distance myself from it all. Unfortunately he and his partner are very central to our friend group so hangouts have become award and I kind of woke up and realized I don't have a ton in common with the others in the group. I'm now starting from scratch which is difficult when you're well past college aged but I'm not giving up hope.
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Comment on 'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentIt's difficult for me to really quantify that, although I'm sure we could come up with statistics. Portland is one of the, if not the, most liberal cities in the US and has always had a higher...It's difficult for me to really quantify that, although I'm sure we could come up with statistics. Portland is one of the, if not the, most liberal cities in the US and has always had a higher amount of drug use going on. Oregon also has extremely liberal camping laws that basically allow anyone to camp on public property, this is why the city attracts so many homeless. All I can say is imagine whatever you experienced in 2018 and multiply it many times. The police largely gave up policing around the time of George Floyd and the decriminalization efforts were done in tandem, as part of a new approach to "crime." The amount of visible homelessness has seen a stark uptick, drug use became completely open, and people having acute mental health crises became a very common sight around downtown. People stopped crossing the river into downtown and due to petty crime, a lot of businesses left, even longstanding staples like REI. I don't really know the true statistics of safety downtown, my impression is that it is still a relatively safe place to be but that the perception of safety is at tragic lows and perception is still a valid metric as humans have a need to feel safe where they live and conduct business.
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Comment on Where have all my deep male friendships gone? in ~life.men
TreeFiddyFiddy (edited )LinkTalking about the modern crisis that is the dearth of male friendship is almost cliche at this point but author Sam Graham-Felsen beautifully describes his own personal struggles with loneliness....Talking about the modern crisis that is the dearth of male friendship is almost cliche at this point but author Sam Graham-Felsen beautifully describes his own personal struggles with loneliness. My takeaway from this article is to be the friend, reach out to your mates and be daring enough to dive a little deeper with them.
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Where have all my deep male friendships gone?
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Comment on 'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy (edited )Link ParentI'll emphasize my own quote: That is the exact opposite of what you've written here: People are actively being offered help, not confinement. That means beds in a sobering facility, that means...I'll emphasize my own quote:
It's not punishing people for being sick, it's removing people from exposure to civil society for refusing to accept help
That is the exact opposite of what you've written here:
"We're pushing the problem under the rug. We don't care if it exists, we just don't want to have to look at it."
People are actively being offered help, not confinement. That means beds in a sobering facility, that means treatment options for addicts. And regardless of what a psych ward is like, prisons are not equipped to stabilize acute mental health crises and offer longer term care - conditions of facilities is an entirely different argument.
The addicts are addicts for a reason. The mentally ill are ill for a reason.
I agree. Homelessness and addiction are human conditions, you can reduce them but never eliminate them. While I completely agree with your sentiments to treat the cause, I can't agree with, what to me is blind reverse utopianism, where one believes that unchecked drug use and mental health problems should be allowed to disrupt communities.
Every one of those perpetual addicts in Portland would have been addicts somewhere else.
I don't think that's a claim that can be backed up. Sure, addiction is a nationwide problem in the US but I can guarantee almost the opposite, that Portland's ill-instituted decriminalization allowed even more people to fall victim to addiction than otherwise would have. I know the nature of addiction very well and every eliminated barrier would only serve to enable abuse. We can debate harm reduction all we want (which I actually support) but drug free-for-alls only fuel these problems in the absence of rigorous treatment and prevention systems.
I'm not sure if you've ever been to downtown Portland, especially before and after decriminalization. The entire area was gutted. Businesses large and small closed down, night life never recovered after COVID, residents are scared and have to contend with literal biohazards on their doorsteps. Do you even understand how bad things have to be when over 80%(!) of a cities residents feel afraid to step foot in a very large downtown area? And we're talking about a rapid decline in only the span of three to four years. Combined with Oregon's liberal camping ordinances the situation was a powder keg that I really don't think is comparable to any other city in the entire US, not San Francisco, not New York, not Philadelphia, not Baltimore, and on and on.
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Comment on 'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentI'm not sure if you read the article but criminalization does not mean locking up and punishing users just for using. I think Portland is doing it right, firm compassion or however they worded it....I'm not sure if you read the article but criminalization does not mean locking up and punishing users just for using. I think Portland is doing it right, firm compassion or however they worded it. People are offered mental health and addiction support but criminal penalties are reserved for those who refuse or who become recurring problems. It's not punishing people for being sick, it's removing people from exposure to civil society for refusing to accept help. At some point one has to admit that you can only do so much to try and help people and that normal citizens need to be protected if one is unable or unwilling to be helped. While I agree with your stance on involuntary commitment, in the US only very limited holds are allowed to balance against individual civil rights - it will never be a viable solution for constitutional reasons. In light of that I see no real alternative to reserving criminal penalties for highly problematic individuals.
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Comment on 'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy Link ParentI don't want to assume too much but I think that you might be getting confused with other decriminalization efforts. Drugs were actually decriminalized in the entire state of Oregon by ballot...I don't want to assume too much but I think that you might be getting confused with other decriminalization efforts. Drugs were actually decriminalized in the entire state of Oregon by ballot measure and, aside from a highly publicized drug market that temporarily popped up at the Lloyd Center area, the explosion in drug use and associated homelessness and mental health disorders affected not only the entirery of downtown but the entire city. Drug tourism in the sense of San Francisco's tenderloin was not really a general thing in Portland, in this case the state's famous camping laws allowed a problematic homeless drug using culture to become permanently entrenched.
As a very frequent visitor to Portland for over a decade, I have unfortunately been a witness to the acute ills facing the city and the relatively frequent gaps in my exposure have meant that my experience was more noticeable as I was not dulled by the blindness to change that comes with constant exposure over long periods of time.
The problems with Oregon's approach is mostly attributed to the fact that social support systems were not in place before decriminalization and that the approach was backwards. This and ill fated timing, both the COVID pandemic and a general national rise in drug use occurred on the very heels of the decriminalization, doomed the good intentions of voters.
I don't think it's necessarily fair to compare decriminalization and tolerance efforts, as seen on the West Coast, to no-fault divorce. Divorce doesn't directly destroy communities and disrupt the daily lives of citizens. This is difficult for me to square because I am generally against the criminalization of drugs and believe in social support to ease homelessness and treat addiction but I have also seen first hand what uncontrolled drug and mental health crises can do to a city. It's very sad in Portland's case where a vibrant downtown was almost entirely destroyed and where more than 80% of the population felt scared to go and it's only now, after recriminalization, where the downtown is recovering. I've begrudgingly come to the conclusion that the best results probably result from a good mix of tolerance, treatment, and enforcement.
Sleeping rough and using drugs are very sadly facts of life and, in my opinion, people's prerogatives but there is still a need to be civil in a society. If that is the life that has either been dealt to you or one that was chosen, however tacitly, then be discreet about it. Find somewhere to camp and consume that is not so public. But people's rights do end when they are making their fellow citizens unsafe and literally terrorizing large swaths of cities. If your mental health issues or irresponsible public drug use are dramatically affecting those around you, then you need to be removed one way or the other - either by involuntary commitment until you can be stabilized and offered treatment or by the justice system if your behavior is becoming criminal. I've stayed in downtown Portland, walked through the city and ridden on the Max, and even though I'm a fully grown adult male, I'll admit that at times it was legitimately scary even though I logically knew that homeless people generally are not dangerous but having someone literally acting like a walking dead character because they can't handle mixing fentanyl with amphetamines leaves one on edge because of the unpredictability of it all. That's no way to have a functioning society.
I just don't think that pure decriminalization is the right fit for America anymore. Social support services should be increased and basic possession and use should not subject people to the criminal justice system but I think that laws will sadly be needed to protect civil society from users who become criminal or habitually disruptive and that includes feeling free to consume hard drugs in the open.
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My family's daily struggle to find food in Gaza
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Comment on My shipwreck story in ~life
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkFrom the article: On my first time out as a commercial fisherman, my boat sank, my captain died, and I was left adrift and alone in the Pacific.From the article: On my first time out as a commercial fisherman, my boat sank, my captain died, and I was left adrift and alone in the Pacific.
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My shipwreck story
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Comment on 'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkFrom the article: After a failed experiment with legal leniency, Oregon’s liberal stronghold tries to chart a path out of the fentanyl crisis. Can the city find a balance between care and coercion?From the article: After a failed experiment with legal leniency, Oregon’s liberal stronghold tries to chart a path out of the fentanyl crisis. Can the city find a balance between care and coercion?
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'It's like a war zone': what happened when Portland decriminalized fentanyl
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Comment on The mother who never stopped believing her son was still there in ~health
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkFrom the article: For decades, Eve Baer remained convinces that her son, unresponsive after a severe brain injury, was still conscious. Science eventually proved her right.From the article: For decades, Eve Baer remained convinces that her son, unresponsive after a severe brain injury, was still conscious. Science eventually proved her right.
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The mother who never stopped believing her son was still there
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~society
TreeFiddyFiddy LinkDetailing the rise of the New Apostolic Reformation, a movement capturing a reported 40% of the US‘s Christians and has the power to reshape the fabric of American culture and politics.Detailing the rise of the New Apostolic Reformation, a movement capturing a reported 40% of the US‘s Christians and has the power to reshape the fabric of American culture and politics.
That was beautiful if difficult to read, I'm sure we've all been there in one way or another. Thank you for taking the time to share that.
I know that it's hard, as humans, not to dwell on the negative but it sounds like you guys did share a beautiful, years-long, relationship. I can't quite see that it was glaringly transactional if you still spent years together after stopping reading each others material but relationships, as well as life, can be very complex. More than one thing can be true at once. Perhaps there were transactional aspects of your relationship but that there was still a very true and deep undercurrent of friendship underpinning it all.
My only advice (and I acknowledge any is unsolicited) is try not to be too hard on either him or yourself. For all you know, being vulnerable with you about his mental health may have been too much for him and he's pulled away out of shame or embarrassment. Or perhaps he found himself in a rut and needed to reorient his life and maybe that sadly didn't include you. I'm in no way dismissing his avoidance but only advocating that you remain charitable to him and yourself until you understand otherwise.
But what you're doing sounds so right to me. One of the few healthy powers that we actually have in relationships is to set boundaries and that's what it sounds like you're doing here. It is entirely okay for you to pull away and I commend you for being there when or if he returns, and that might mean just being there to hear his apology before ultimately deciding you don't want to continue the relationship or maybe you just want to reduce it's importance to you or the change the way you approach the friendship from how you did before.
I think it is, however, important not to accuse him of using you or the relationship being transactional. Whenever you do talk to him, remember that if anything his actions made you feel as if the relationship were transactional. It's about how what he did made you feel, not actually labeling his intent because you don't actually know what it was. In fact, maybe once your feelings have settled a little more consider reaching out to him about how you're feeling and a simple request to understand what's going on with him. At the very least you might get some clarity, if not more, or maybe you never hear back and you know to walk away yourself - however much that may hurt.
Men were not always this way, the narratives modern society projects on us makes us this way. Men used to be affectionate, close, and open with each other. Being bad at friendships is a subconscious choice we're making when we submit to modern society. You have the choice to be good at friendship, even if your friend is himself not able to reciprocate. You have a choice to the good friend, even if that means coming to the conclusion to wallk away.