Paul26's recent activity

  1. Comment on Getting permission from your significant other in ~life

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    It would be nice to get there one day.

    It would be nice to get there one day.

  2. Comment on Getting permission from your significant other in ~life

    Paul26
    Link
    OP here. Thank you all for your replies. Amazing how many insightful comments you posted! I read through all of them and voted but I'm at work and can't reply to each one. Most if not all replies...

    OP here. Thank you all for your replies. Amazing how many insightful comments you posted! I read through all of them and voted but I'm at work and can't reply to each one. Most if not all replies show very healthy relationship dynamics and I agree 100% with what you folks are saying. I, too, talk to my partner whenever I make plans; I prioritize her over friends; she does the same when making plans; we are a team. I have no kids, and I realize kids would magnify the need to be on the same page and support each other even more. We do have dogs, so there is a little bit of that in terms of making sure we don't both happen to be away from home for too long at the same time. All good.

    A few comments did mention the other facet of it which was more around the choice of language and what kind of gender stereotypes the language we use perpetuates (or abolishes). If I were the one unsure if I could attend an event, I would check with my partner, and give the my friends an answer: yes, I can make it, or No, I can't make it. I wouldn't feel a need to say "I have to ask the boss". I'm not saying I'm not talking to my partner, I'm saying I don't feel the need to publicly state to my friends that I need to talk to my partner first, and even less that I may (in jest or otherwise) imply that there is a power imbalance in the relationship that would make her the boss.

    I guess that even in jest I would be worried that the choice of language would send the wrong message, even if the actual conversation with my partner does ultimately involve a sort of "permission", tho I am reluctant to call it "permission". Like many of you said, it's about alignment and openness, respect for the other person and their time, especially when taking care of kids, household, pets, etc. It should definitely be the priority, but I would not use that kind of terminology with other guys.

    I'm probably overthinking this whole thing, and honestly I just thought it's an interesting thing: language. Language is powerful, and having studied English lit perhaps I am more aware of what words mean, and try (maybe too hard) to read between the lines and seek meaning beyond face value.

    2 votes

  3. Comment on Getting permission from your significant other in ~life

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    In a way, this is closer to what I was getting at than the practical angles of couples' decision making. Your comment makes me wonder: men who will say "gotta check with the boss", if they are...

    In a way, this is closer to what I was getting at than the practical angles of couples' decision making. Your comment makes me wonder: men who will say "gotta check with the boss", if they are only saying it in jest, are they saying it that way because they believe this will seem more acceptable to the other guys than saying "sorry, I have plans with my wife and/or kids"? Are they leveraging the same approach or attitude sales people do? Perhaps unknowingly? Or without thinking much of it?

    I agree with the sales people pet peeve. Hard no to any salesman who uses this sexist tactic on my and my wife. We usually steer clear of any sales people, but this would be an immediate walk away.

  4. Getting permission from your significant other

    ~life Ask
    I've got a group of people at work with whom I started a games lunch club. Sometimes we also try to make games happen in the evening after work, or on a weekend. I noticed that some of the guys...

    I've got a group of people at work with whom I started a games lunch club. Sometimes we also try to make games happen in the evening after work, or on a weekend. I noticed that some of the guys often use these terms:
    "I have to ask the boss."
    "I got permission! I can go to the after-work game."
    Mind you, I think these are also the guys who have kids. For transparency, I do not have kids, but I do have a partner and dogs.
    So, what do others think of this line of thinking? These are the 3 options that I always think about:

    Option 1: These guys will use their spouse as a convenient excuse to say they don't feel like going to the event. "It's not me. I wanted to. But she calls the shots." I find this pretty silly. Just be honest. Why lie and, worse, pull your spouse into your lie?

    Option 2: Shouldn't relationships be more equal? There should not be a "boss". You should not need "permission". Just be accountable and responsible. Prioritize your family over a game, and just say it. "Sorry, can't make it. Family commitments." This is totally ok. If you want to go, but know you have a previous commitment, and you have to ask your spouse if you can bail out of the previous commitment to play a game, I think you should probably make that decision yourself. She's not your mom, she's your partner in life! You should probably skip the game.

    Option 3: They are saying it in jest. They may think saying it like that is funny and it implies they prioritize their family (a good thing).

    In general, these types of phrases remind me of "happy wife, happy life" or "yes, dear" which I associate with something a senior citizen from a different generation may say. I thought my generation (millennial) was over that and had more egalitarian relationships where the couple is a team.

    What do others think? It's hard to rely tone in text-only, so I will just say I'm writing this not out of frustration or anger, but just because I found it interesting and sometimes I like thinking of these things and seeing how others perceive them.

    37 votes

  5. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2026) in ~health.mental

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    For me, if I avoid the big subreddits and stick to specific hobby-oriented ones it’s the best way to stay out of all the polarized stuff. If I can ignore the Popular section and go straight to my...

    For me, if I avoid the big subreddits and stick to specific hobby-oriented ones it’s the best way to stay out of all the polarized stuff. If I can ignore the Popular section and go straight to my custom multi-Reddit that’s all about Magic the Gathering, it’s far less likely that it will upset me.

    3 votes

  6. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2026) in ~health.mental

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    I go through bouts of Mr Tech Support for my aging parents. I don’t think it’s gonna stop. If anything, it may get more frequent as they get older. Had to help them troubleshoot some Apple TV and...

    I go through bouts of Mr Tech Support for my aging parents. I don’t think it’s gonna stop. If anything, it may get more frequent as they get older. Had to help them troubleshoot some Apple TV and Netflix stuff this weekend after a major update reset some of their stuff. Easy enough in person, more annoying remotely and via FaceTime. I don’t have the heart to let them figure it out on their own though some days I wish I did.

    Reddit though: since joining Tildes, I have been managing to stay mostly off Reddit. However, some days I fall back into old habits and keep checking it for a week or so. It is very clear that it affects my mindset negatively. Replace Reddit with Instagram or any other app where I can just keep scrolling, and same effect is clear. After the few days, and when I realize why I’ve been feeling shittier, I stop again and within a day or two lo and behold I’m feeling better!

    6 votes

  7. Comment on Megathread: April Fools' Day 2026 on the internet in ~talk

  8. Comment on Can we talk about rice cookers? in ~food

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    I bought this one with only a little research once I gave my old one to a relative. The old one was a very basic Breville model (no screen, just 1 button: on, off, keep warm). It was still...

    I bought this one with only a little research once I gave my old one to a relative. The old one was a very basic Breville model (no screen, just 1 button: on, off, keep warm). It was still working, but the pot itself was showing its age (probably had that one a good 10 years). The Zoji I've had for about 2 years so far. I only really use one setting on it and it works great. I do agree, it is slower than my old one, but it has not been an issue for me. Happy with it so far. Hope it lasts a long time!

    1 vote

  9. Comment on TV series suggestions in ~tv

    Paul26
    Link
    White Lotus and Slow Horses were my most recent heavy favourites and pleasant stand outs. Physical 100 is a fun one if you want something different.

    White Lotus and Slow Horses were my most recent heavy favourites and pleasant stand outs.

    Physical 100 is a fun one if you want something different.

    2 votes

  10. Comment on Ottawa's big bet on world's largest cricket farm ran into a simple problem: the 'yuck factor' in ~food

    Paul26
    Link
    I’d eat this if they packaged it kind of like tofu for example. Or sausage-style: crickets hot dog.

    I’d eat this if they packaged it kind of like tofu for example. Or sausage-style: crickets hot dog.

    2 votes

  11. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    Borderlands 2 is awesome!

    Borderlands 2 is awesome!

    2 votes

  12. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    Paul26
    Link
    I started Borderlands 4 over the weekend. Still very early into it. Only got the vehicle last night. I'm taking it slow. Chose Vex an my character. The minion reminds me a bit of Moredecai's skill...

    I started Borderlands 4 over the weekend. Still very early into it. Only got the vehicle last night. I'm taking it slow. Chose Vex an my character. The minion reminds me a bit of Moredecai's skill in Borderlands 1, which was the first character I ever played in this universe back on the PS3. I also liked the siren (Maya) in B2, so this felt fitting. It's a siren with minions. I pulled the trigger on this game because it's on sale on the PS store. I didn't want to pay full price. B3 was my least favorite so I was not sure what to expect from B4. SI was worried about one thing I kept seeing in reviews, and that's the absence of a minimap. But I do see it in the option now, so I guess the developers added it? Either way, I figured I would give it a shot without the minimap (to see how they had envisioned it initially). I gotta say, it's kind of nice. A more relaxed feel where I don't keep looking in the bottom corner half the time. The compass is so-so, I can see how people dislike it, especially if you start having many things on there. Anyway, yeah, so far so good overall in terms of gameplay and characters. Pretty much what you'd expect from Borderlands. The worst thing for me is the menu. The inventory and character used to "pop" more in past games. This has a very sterile "MENU" feel. But there are some cool shortcuts compared to past games too, that basically keep me OUT of the menus: picking up something as "junk" and selling all junk at a vending machine without going into the menu even once, for example. The vehicle spawning is just like Destiny. Miss the catch-a-riiiiide fun, and it was kind of a core thing to the universe, but I'm counting it as a quality of life upgrade overall. What else... hmm... the guns look bad in the menu. I guess that's more menu dislike. In B1 you could see the guns clearly. In this one some just look too similar to one another in the menu, while in the game they do look very distinctive. These are all early impressions so take them with a grain of salt.

    I think B1 holds a special nostalgic place for me. B2 was my favorite for sure: long, good story, more of what was good in B1, but a lot of new stuff too. In a comment above, @Pavouk106 mentioned B2. Nice! Have fun! I think it's an awesome game. I replayed that one a few times to try different characters. It also has so many expansions.
    Then the pre-sequel (the one on the moon) was pretty fun. I had a blast with that one, the low gravity mechanics and all that. More B2, basically. Felt like a huge add-on. B3 was the one I did not like very much. The improved graphics were nice, but the story and especially the villains just didn't resonate with me. There were some cool levels, but also some annoying parts and characters. Will see how B4 plays out for me as a long time fan of the series!

    3 votes

  13. Comment on Chuck Norris dies aged 86 in ~movies

    Paul26
    Link
    RIP. I remember seeing some action movies and his show in the 90s as a kid who was into action movies. I thought he was cool back then. Then the memes when that happened - that was pretty funny....

    RIP. I remember seeing some action movies and his show in the 90s as a kid who was into action movies. I thought he was cool back then. Then the memes when that happened - that was pretty funny. Had no idea about the not-so-great stuff about him until yesterday.

    3 votes

  14. Comment on Commonly misspelled words quiz in ~humanities.languages

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    You're right, I don't even think twice when I hear "coup" or "cul de sac". Definitely lots of French words in English like you said. That one just happens to be a less common one, so it sticks out...

    You're right, I don't even think twice when I hear "coup" or "cul de sac". Definitely lots of French words in English like you said. That one just happens to be a less common one, so it sticks out for me, a lot more than the 4 you listed and especially as part of the 20 on the quiz.

  15. Comment on When you were first getting your driver's license, what were you afraid of? in ~transport

    Paul26
    Link
    I didn't want to get a license because I saw no need for one. I rode my bike a lot and took transit. I was OK with it and it felt enough for me. But my parents insisted that I do learn how to...

    I didn't want to get a license because I saw no need for one. I rode my bike a lot and took transit. I was OK with it and it felt enough for me. But my parents insisted that I do learn how to drive (I was 17-18 or so). I also didn't want the extra responsibility to drive others.

    I was not afraid of anything, nor did I consider myself too incompetent to drive. Once I got my license I was and still am a very good driver in my opinion. I never got into an accident. I wasn't worries about traffic laws. I never tried to push the limits of the laws. I didn't fear accidents. I'm in my 40s now. I think I am a good driver. The only thing I am becoming a little afraid of now is driving at night because of the ridiculously bright head lights on SUVs and pickup trucks. The glare is blinding.

    I was only in one very minor accident: I was rear ended at very VERY low speed. Barely even scratched my bumper and it was 100% the other person's fault. If I worry about anything on the road it is other drivers, their lack of skill, them being distracted or impaired, or them being overly aggressive on the road.

    1 vote

  16. Comment on A hobby of collecting hobbies in ~hobbies

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    I turned 40 last year and I'm on job #8. Longest job: 6 years. Shortest: 3 months. I am leaving out some pre-adulthood jobs in retail or fast food, as well as any extra-short contracts in-between...

    I turned 40 last year and I'm on job #8. Longest job: 6 years. Shortest: 3 months. I am leaving out some pre-adulthood jobs in retail or fast food, as well as any extra-short contracts in-between longer jobs.

  17. Comment on Commonly misspelled words quiz in ~humanities.languages

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    This is true, but I feel it more for some words than others. "Amicable" doesn't feel as "out there" as horse doovers (thank you, @balooga, for the improved and much easier spelling).

    This is true, but I feel it more for some words than others. "Amicable" doesn't feel as "out there" as horse doovers (thank you, @balooga, for the improved and much easier spelling).

    2 votes

  18. Comment on Commonly misspelled words quiz in ~humanities.languages

    Paul26
    Link Parent
    The last one is not really an English word... It's French. Hors d'oeuvre? I don't even know if I spelled it right. Who even uses this word?! Sounds like something to make fancy people feel classy...

    The last one is not really an English word... It's French. Hors d'oeuvre? I don't even know if I spelled it right. Who even uses this word?! Sounds like something to make fancy people feel classy by avoiding the word "appetizers". If we use the French word, we can charge double the amount for the celery sticks with stale ranch dip!

    6 votes

  19. Comment on Commonly misspelled words quiz in ~humanities.languages

    Paul26
    Link
    Aww man rookie mistake on "possessions" and disappointed I messed up "mischievous". Unacceptable! I went in thinking I'll get 20/20 for sure.

    Aww man rookie mistake on "possessions" and disappointed I messed up "mischievous". Unacceptable! I went in thinking I'll get 20/20 for sure.

    4 votes

  20. Comment on A hobby of collecting hobbies in ~hobbies

    Paul26
    Link
    This is a really cool thread, @phoenixrises! I would be really curious to know if those who do have or have had many hobbies also had many jobs. Do you find you stick to a job a long time? Do you...

    This is a really cool thread, @phoenixrises! I would be really curious to know if those who do have or have had many hobbies also had many jobs. Do you find you stick to a job a long time? Do you get bored and move on to a new job/company/industry every few years?

    I can say I do see that parallel in myself. I often tire of a job after about 2 years. Basically, once I "figured it out" and I feel like it turned into routine, I start feeling like it's time to move on. As I got older I've done it less, and if the job pays well, I would be more reluctant to make a change. But still, the desire is there and if it were easier, I could see myself switching jobs every 2 years or so until I retire.