Whom's recent activity

  1. Comment on Help me find a "quote of the day" sort of app in ~tech

    Whom
    Link Parent
    Not even a joke, really. Every time I try it, it takes forever to find one in English. Mostly a whole lot of Italian.

    Not even a joke, really. Every time I try it, it takes forever to find one in English. Mostly a whole lot of Italian.

    1 vote
  2. Comment on Help me find a "quote of the day" sort of app in ~tech

    Whom
    Link Parent
    Make sure to learn Italian first.

    Make sure to learn Italian first.

    3 votes
  3. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    Hey there! So there's nothing wrong with your question, but I just want to give you a heads-up on how this comes off. I read this and showed it to another Gay, and we both had a similar reaction:...

    First off, just so you know where I'm coming from, I'm all about equal rights for gay folks. I vote for gays, I support gays, am friends with gays, etc. So know that I'm coming at this from a curious, non-offensive angle, and I apologize in advance if the words themselves do not seem that way.

    Hey there! So there's nothing wrong with your question, but I just want to give you a heads-up on how this comes off. I read this and showed it to another Gay, and we both had a similar reaction: a deep breath, ready to read some seriously homophobic shit. Just a tense moment of "here it comes..." Your comment was actually pretty shocking because it didn't turn out to be an offensive question attempting to pose as a respectable one! It's just a perfectly decent question that looks like it may well lead to good discussion.

    I mention this not to give you shit for your wording, but because I'm guessing this wasn't the effect you intended your introduction there to have. It clearly is coming from a good place in your case, but the language you're using has been heavily abused by homophobes speaking in bad faith, and will carry that connotation to a lot of the people reading your comment.

    11 votes
  4. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    I like these questions. While it's been hard in a lot of ways, my queerness has been one of the biggest sources of joy in my life. I love being queer and I love our people. Instant community +...

    I like these questions. While it's been hard in a lot of ways, my queerness has been one of the biggest sources of joy in my life. I love being queer and I love our people.

    • Instant community + instant connection

    • Along the same lines, there's inside jokes and references that I get to share with people I've just met. Transness nowadays among young people is such an incredibly Online thing and shockingly tightly knit. As repetitive as /r/traaa and the like may be, it's comforting knowing how many complete strangers I can fairly safely assume are grounded in the same things as me.

    • Gender euphoria: the overwhelming harmony when it all feels right.

    • The deep ties between gender and romance. Relationships between trans people tend to be be formed around intimate understandings of each others' experience with gender, a subject that we're all made to be experts in. We're likely to know how to validate each other, to share in progress (in self-understanding or in transition), to bond over the most intense moments of dysphoria, and most of all to feel understood in a way that can only come from shared experience. This is part of why I feel like my sexuality and gender are not the strictly different things that listing "trans" and "lesbian" separately implies, it's all one big beautiful whole to me.

    • The tendency toward self-reflection. I value people who are deeply interested in themselves and understanding how they work and think, and this is something you can see so much of in queer circles. Since we're not considered the default, we're forced to be familiar with ourselves and learn what's going on in our heads on our own. Imo, that makes for some of the most interesting people.

    • Skirt go spinny. So do dress.

    • The ritual of taking my HRT meds gives me peace. Taking the Girl Pills (and soon, injecting the Girl Juice) is a reminder that I'm moving forward and getting better. It's overwhelming.

    • HRT is fun! My body and head get to feel and do new things all the time! It's exciting!

    • I get to say "im gay" a lot. By the way, im gay. It's fun, right? Try it sometime.

    • I get to discover clothes and shit! My whole life I thought as little about this shit as I could get away with, but now this endlessly customizable character creator just opened itself up to me. I'm serious, that's the way it feels. Would I rather have had a healthier relationship with clothes which doesn't make this feel like a new discovery? Sure, but that isn't stopping me from enjoying this shit right now.

    • I get to relearn my relationship with sex. What am I actually into? What kinds of sex appeal to me with the massive changes happening to my body and the more open approach I can take to learning about myself now? I keep discovering new things that appeal to me and tearing out old hangups that I hadn't even realized I had. This shit's just better now.

    13 votes
  5. Comment on Kirk Drift: "Womanizer" Captain Kirk and false memories of pop culture in ~tv

    Whom
    Link
    By the way, this post is about more than just defeating the myth of womanizer Kirk, I just didn't know how to fit that in a title. This should give a good idea of how it's looking to explain why...

    By the way, this post is about more than just defeating the myth of womanizer Kirk, I just didn't know how to fit that in a title. This should give a good idea of how it's looking to explain why and how this happened:

    Why am I bothering to make this argument again, if Womanising Kirk has already been exposed as some nonsense? Because the facts have not yet displaced patently incorrect common knowledge, and because I think there are reasons why they haven’t. These misreadings are supported by a subterranean network of ideas about masculinity, pop culture, and the past that consistently reinforce them, hitting refresh on these dank memes. I don’t think all the connections have been made here, and all the implications unfolded.

    I’m also trying to illustrate how different interpretations are held to very different standards of proof. Constructing an elaborate chauvinist narrative is normal and invisible as work, while other interpretive perspectives must, under ridicule, press against this “received truth.” Again and again we see female-dominated media fandoms’ interpretations dismissed as emotional and ideologically motivated. But what is all this vast effort to butch up Kirk but clear evidence of at least equally goal and emotion-driven work on the part of male-dominated sectors of fandom and popular reception? The amount of labour you have to put in to get from “Catspaw” to ‘Kirk scored!’, and from Kirk the character to Kirk the womaniser is considerable. What drives this casual or fannishly dedicated unseeing but male emotional need [7] to attack vulnerability, to uplift and venerate dominating strength, and to project their desires onto texts and from there, life? Male emotion is here, as in most spheres, parsed as neutral, rational, and just: “obvious.” Its emotional content ceases to visibly exist, because male desires are so naturalised as to seem the state of the world.

    6 votes
  6. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    I don't mind it at all! Not everyone feels safe or comfortable being like that, and that's okay! I think there's room to encourage being loud and outspoken without putting down people who can't or...

    I don't mind it at all! Not everyone feels safe or comfortable being like that, and that's okay!

    I think there's room to encourage being loud and outspoken without putting down people who can't or don't want to be that way.

    11 votes
  7. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    The purse, long hair, and poor attempt at a somewhat high voice are usually enough, but I also have pronoun and trans flag pins on multiple sides of me to make the message very clear. At the very...

    The purse, long hair, and poor attempt at a somewhat high voice are usually enough, but I also have pronoun and trans flag pins on multiple sides of me to make the message very clear.

    At the very least, it'll trip people off that something is up :P

    9 votes
  8. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    Nothing much, really. I like seeing love and lust and all that displayed in public. It's a very positive and very human thing which grounds me when I feel detached from the world around me. Not a...

    What do you feel when you see a straight couple being overtly sexual in public?

    Nothing much, really. I like seeing love and lust and all that displayed in public. It's a very positive and very human thing which grounds me when I feel detached from the world around me. Not a very queer-related answer, but in my case it doesn't really interact with my queerness much at all!

    Do you feel offended when someone assumes you are straight?

    Yes. Luckily, I'm starting to dress in a way that makes that a rare thing, but assumptions that I was straight / cis bother the hell out of me when they happen. Along the same lines:

    Is it important for you that everyone knows you're LGBT right away?

    Yes! I've found that visibility is one of the most important things for me. I don't want to blend in with cishet people, I want to stick out like a sore thumb and force the world around me to consider my existence. That makes shit harder in some ways, and makes it easier in others. Undoubtedly, I'm far less safe like this...I just find that the political weight of being visibly queer and the validation that comes from it outweigh my safety. It also reduces the problems that come from being unsure if I'm safe around someone. If I'm visibly queer, people who are likely to hurt me are probably going to react right away (or people who are positive will act according to that). One of the worst things about being closeted was when I'd find out that friends are queerphobic and expressed it around me. Doesn't happen so much anymore.

    I tell my friends now that my visibility is so important that it should be maintained even in silly scenarios: if there's someone pointing a gun to my face and they ask my friend "Is this person trans? If you answer yes, I will shoot them right in front of you." then they should still answer "Yes."

    9 votes
  9. Comment on What's something you have always wanted to know about being LGBT (but were maybe afraid to ask)? in ~talk

    Whom
    Link Parent
    The StarCraft player Scarlett, an incredible talent and visibly trans woman. I was figuring my gender shit out right around the time gamergate was kicking up, so queerphobia and misogyny were more...

    The StarCraft player Scarlett, an incredible talent and visibly trans woman. I was figuring my gender shit out right around the time gamergate was kicking up, so queerphobia and misogyny were more rampant than ever in gaming circles, which happened to be my primary interest at the time. If I'm honest, I hadn't really thought much about transness before that point. I had probably casually played into some casually transphobic shit, but I hadn't really engaged with the idea enough to say what I "really" thought about it. I just...hadn't. Seeing Scarlett play (and be a fucking brilliant player) made me pay attention and see the debates happening on Reddit and Twitch chat, eventually leading me down the rabbit hole of Reddit queer resources (community resources are still the one thing Reddit is the absolute best for, even if the website is hellish as a whole) and figuring out everything about me.

    While I think the importance of queer representation is somewhat overblown at times, she's a reminder to me how meaningful representation can be on its own. She was not a particularly outspoken trans advocate. Her existing in the community while being trans forced so much debate and thought all around, even though she was almost entirely passive. I'm sure that was an incredible amount of weight for someone who just wanted to compete. I dunno, I'm typically in the camp that wants to hold up the most radical activists we have, but every once in a while I step back and remember the impact that Scarlett had on me for simply existing in a space I also occupied.

    She meant so much to me that I stole her username and took it as my first name, as I love to repeat near-daily. :)

    14 votes
  10. Comment on Reclaiming the Witch Through Magical Girls in ~anime

    Whom
    Link Parent
    I don't really get the impression that the article is claiming this is something unique to the mahou shoujo genre. It also specifically addresses Bewitched. It's just focusing primarily on this...

    I don't really get the impression that the article is claiming this is something unique to the mahou shoujo genre.

    Reclaiming the idea of “The Witch” as a positive symbol didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t solely a personal journey that began and ended with a rebellious preteen occult-obsessed phase. The cultural framing of the trope transformed over several decades with the help of the Magical Girl genre.

    It also specifically addresses Bewitched. It's just focusing primarily on this history in anime and manga, not as a whole.

    2 votes
  11. Comment on Recruiting for a panel for an LGBT-focused Q&A session on Tildes in ~lgbt

    Whom
    Link
    Name: Whom (...and Scarlett) Identity: Trans lesbian Pronoun: She Bio: Early 20s, raised in the rural US (Wisconsin) studying English Education. Oh, and white. That's the important bits for...

    Name: Whom (...and Scarlett)

    Identity: Trans lesbian

    Pronoun: She

    Bio: Early 20s, raised in the rural US (Wisconsin) studying English Education. Oh, and white. That's the important bits for context. I'm very familiar with current youth trans culture on the internet (which is so pervasive within the community that it's necessary for understanding what it's like being young and trans), so I'm well-equipped to answer questions relating to that or, of course, the trans experience as I see it. I might also be a decent resource to ask about how mental illness (particularly depression, severe anxiety, and light dissociation) fits into the whole picture.

    10 votes
  12. Comment on How rigid/fluid is your gender and/or sexuality? in ~lgbt

    Whom
    Link Parent
    I agree with this wrt where Algernon was going, but I just want to clarify that this isn't quite what I was trying to get at. Like, regardless of what I assume the gender of the average person is,...

    I agree with this wrt where Algernon was going, but I just want to clarify that this isn't quite what I was trying to get at.

    Like, regardless of what I assume the gender of the average person is, chances are I've been wrong. I've probably been into people who I thought were women but were not. I just felt the need to address those times instead of ignoring them. I wasn't really trying to say anything about what we should assume or how we should read people.

    4 votes
  13. Comment on How rigid/fluid is your gender and/or sexuality? in ~lgbt

    Whom
    Link Parent
    It's not that, if I made a guess, I would be wrong the vast majority of the time...it's that the only people I can be certain about are those who mention it to me. And even then, not always. I'm...

    It's not that, if I made a guess, I would be wrong the vast majority of the time...it's that the only people I can be certain about are those who mention it to me. And even then, not always. I'm referring to the constant uncertainty that comes from that. I think that and other complications make it so most people have been unknowingly attracted to people of all genders at some point. The rest of my post is trying to wrestle out how it still makes sense to call myself a lesbian when things are that messy and uncertain.


    I recognize "I'm almost always into x gender" or "I am always into x gender when I do know" is good enough for most people to describe themselves, but that isn't satisfying for me personally. I feel a need to account for the exceptions while also using what feels right.

    10 votes
  14. Comment on What are all the different ways in which we can appreciate games? in ~games

    Whom
    Link
    Empathy (?) We can appreciate a game for who / what it positions us as, and the degree to which it gives insight into that position. Benefits for the player range from novel emotional experiences...
    Empathy (?) We can appreciate a game for who / what it positions us as, and the degree to which it gives insight into that position. Benefits for the player range from novel emotional experiences to genuine moments of learning. Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor, The Beginner's Guide (depending on how you read it please don't hurt me talking about this game is exhausting)
    5 votes
  15. Comment on How rigid/fluid is your gender and/or sexuality? in ~lgbt

    Whom
    Link
    Gender: Rather rigid, if I'm honest. I had a period where I flirted with gender fluidity years ago, but if I'm honest about it, I think that was just easier for me to accept for a moment and I...

    Gender:

    Rather rigid, if I'm honest. I had a period where I flirted with gender fluidity years ago, but if I'm honest about it, I think that was just easier for me to accept for a moment and I quickly moved beyond it (note that I am not implying that this is the case for others, just myself). In all the time since then, validation has come from reinforcement of my womanhood. I won't say that I've always felt like a woman in that time, as dysphoria fucks that up, but the time where I haven't felt like a woman have been shitty times born from dysphoria and general distress, not indications of fluctuation.

    What femininity means to me is in in flux, of course, but that's true even for the cissiest cis woman there is.

    I really don't expect this to change much. It's been interesting to me just how comfortable I've become with how I label and describe myself. I don't even get the anxiety over names which cause a lot of trans people to name-hop a few times. It's all very cozy to me, and I feel like the way forward is as obvious as it gets for us.

    Sexuality:

    A bit more movement here. I'm pretty solidly a lesbian, but I think sexuality is a much harder thing to pin down. Gender is something that I can uncover by looking into myself and learning from it. Sexuality, on the other hand, requires external input. It's how I react to other people and describing those reactions based on how they describe themselves. Even ideally, that's a slippery thing that can't possibly be judged without seeing and responding to every person on Earth. In reality, it's even worse because I don't fucking know the gender of the vast majority of people I see. Throw NB people in there, and it gets more complicated. I could say I like "femininely aligned" nonbinary people or an equivalent term, and while that may include a lot of the people who I want it to, it doesn't account for nonbinary people who aren't on that spectrum at all or even reject gender. I'm sure I'm attracted to plenty of people like that! You also sure can't reduce it to bodies, because there's tons of people I'm into regardless of what they were assigned at birth. That's hardly even a consideration for me (though I did take up the "don't kiss the cis" attitude at some point, that has nothing to do with who I'm attracted to).

    I don't really think that strict sexuality as we typically think about it can exist. Yet I'm deeply attached to being a lesbian and feel like it's a core part of who I am. It's the right word that gets at the right thing, even if that's lost in the way we define it. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I am a lesbian because I'm attracted to femininity where I see it. This gets a little touchy because it's about how I read others, not what's truly in them. This goes beyond the physical, but it's still something that I'm applying to another person in a way that could possibly distress them. I may be attracted to the femininity I see in someone who wants nothing to do with anything remotely feminine. That's why I have to separate attraction from who I would be romantically / sexually involved with. If I'm attracted to the femininity that I see in someone who has none of it in them, I don't think it's right for me to be with that person. I don't think it would be fair to them at all for me to cling onto a part of them (or what I see as a part of them) which they want to purge or which they know didn't exist in the first place. So that effectively limits my romantic partners to women and others who align themselves with femininity. Gay enough for me.

    15 votes
  16. Comment on Tildes users on the fediverse in ~talk

    Whom
    Link
    @whom@witches.live I recently moved from niu.moe since it's shutting down, so there's not much on here atm. Topics are usually more or less what I focus on here: music, books, some (light!) tech...

    @whom@witches.live

    I recently moved from niu.moe since it's shutting down, so there's not much on here atm. Topics are usually more or less what I focus on here: music, books, some (light!) tech stuff, retro gaming, queer shit, writing, etc.

    3 votes
  17. Tildes users on the fediverse

    It's been a while since we've had a thread like this and our active users have cycled around a bit (plus there's a lot of dead links in the old threads), so who here is on the fediverse?...

    It's been a while since we've had a thread like this and our active users have cycled around a bit (plus there's a lot of dead links in the old threads), so who here is on the fediverse?

    Connecting with some more people from here sounds nice :)

    13 votes