Whom's recent activity

  1. Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt

    Whom
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    It's been 5 or 6 years now since I realized I was trans. Not exactly the most exciting climax to the discovery...once I saw trans people who I respected for other reasons (Scarlett, the SC2...

    When did you realize you weren't cis/straight/etc?

    It's been 5 or 6 years now since I realized I was trans. Not exactly the most exciting climax to the discovery...once I saw trans people who I respected for other reasons (Scarlett, the SC2 player), I gave the idea of "transness" genuine consideration for the first time. Representation often seems like this abstract thing without the most tangible effects, but in my case it had a very real and direct impact. Anyway, from there it was a matter of "is this real? am I not just tricking myself?" for a while. Those thoughts never totally went away, but I think that's a common experience for trans people. Self-doubt is nearly universal, even if our conscious minds know that no one would suffer the way we do, fixate on the things we do, and put in the work that we do just to survive the way we do...for fun.

    I also owe a lot to specific groups like the trans people I knew in the radical left communities I was already part of, the various trans subs on reddit (despite leaving reddit, I still search them when I need information or to see others describe their experiences), and various other "interest group but only for trans people" groups that I found in the time after. I think if I were living in a different time or didn't have the very wide interest in internet communities that I do, I would've ended up with a much more narrow idea of what transness, including my own, even is. Understanding yourself requires a lot of introspection and the ability to really draw from the raw experiences of others and piece them together for your own purposes. I think most people still don't get enough of either, but it would be impossible to do the latter in many different situations.

    Are you out or still in the closet?

    As is common, coming out is a long process for me. I'd say I'm mostly out. When I'm at my university, everyone knows and it's a very public part of who I am. At home...my parents know, my brother happened to find out, some old friends know, but otherwise not so much. Extended family doesn't know, and I don't really know how to do that. I don't know how to talk to them normally, let alone about something serious. I guess I'll just show up to a family gathering sometime dressed as I'd like to be and probably end up starting a fight that cuts my part of the family off from the others. I fully expect that, especially if something pushes it to happen while my grandfather is still alive. The midwestern spirit of not wanting to be in anyone's way ever runs deeply through my veins and mixes with my extreme anxiety, so that's a tall order.

    How's the social situation where you live? (Are you accepted?)

    At school it's...fine. Great, really, if I talk about where I spend most of my time, living with people who are either very accepting or trans themselves. The university is acceptable. Supposedly it's one of the better campuses for queer students in the country, but obviously that has to do more with staff and support from the administration, not necessarily the students themselves. On that end, things are far better than what I grew up with and go back to during the summer, but still far from perfect.

    In a relationship? If so, how did you meet?

    Yes, with a Tildes user, @Cleb. I met them on a reddit-adjacent Discord server. Long-distance and internet relationships are at this point a bit of a trans stereotype and I told myself I wouldn't be in one after some bad experiences...but when I met them, I knew I had to ignore that rule I set. Luckily that was absolutely the right choice, even with long-distance being an extremely hard thing to manage.

    Anything on your mind? (Doesn't have to be related to your identity/orientation.)

    I'm about 6 months into HRT and 1 week into antidepressants and so I'm thinking a lot about medication and changes. Dysphoria is much less intense and it's a massive source of comfort for me, so there's no doubt that it's worth being on it, but as for other changes (particularly mental ones), I feel like what I'm experiencing is a lot more subtle than others describe it. Mostly I feel like me but a bit more peaceful. I never got the mood swings or wild increases in sex drive or anything like that, I've just felt better in that way. I'm wondering if my dull depression is getting in the way of experiencing what others do or what.

    I know I shouldn't be comparing my experience to others, especially when it's already been a positive influence in my life, but I can't help but wonder what's up with that.

    Outside of gender stuff which is kinda taking over my mind right now, what happens to be on the mind is the value of "the moment". I've traditionally agreed with this David Mitchell take and I still mostly do, but I've been exploring my tendencies toward dissociative experiences with my therapist and I wonder how to approach the problem. Everything I do is for the future in some way. I eat food from least to most tasty. I watch, play, read, and listen to things because I want to be a person who has done those things and I like moving toward that goal. I desperately cling to conscious judgement to avoid hurting myself or others, sometimes to the point of obsession and always to the point of anxiety. I just generally am not capable of doing things if they don't work toward future things. "Working toward future things" doesn't necessarily mean traditionally productive things, to be clear, it can be as simple as impacting the games I can play now, where I'm more interested in games I can finish and feel like I did something or which exploit that thirst for progression (mmos) than in something that just creates a fun moment. Playing a match of Splatoon or something is so rare for me for this reason. I used to channel this into a desire to "git gud" at competitive games, but now that those only passively catch my interest it just cuts off entire categories of activites for me. I can't just enjoy myself. I'm working on this with my therapist, but I'm a big mess so the progress is slow :P

    6 votes
  2. Comment on School uniforms are on the rise — even for toddlers — and it’s changing back-to-school shopping in ~life

    Whom
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    I'm sympathetic to the idea of uniforms "leveling the playing field," but I can't justify it from a queer perspective. The ability to experiment in ways as small or as large as I would like to...

    I'm sympathetic to the idea of uniforms "leveling the playing field," but I can't justify it from a queer perspective. The ability to experiment in ways as small or as large as I would like to with my presentation was infinitely valuable. I may have lost my mind without that. Even attempts to make it androgynous would have taken away that sliver of opportunity. Another complaint I can think of is that that level playing field is necessarily going to be yet another way of enforcing the dominant culture in a given area. It's a degree of forced assimilation, and in many areas calls back to dark recent history. Around me, for example, a move toward more uniforms in schools would be heavily associated with a return to the forced assimilation that took place in American Indian boarding schools, which was only legally ended in the 70s. Even if it's not a particularly "hot" issue in an area, a uniform will necessarily go along with some culture's norms to the exclusion of others. I can't justify that either.

    In general, I also have an extreme distaste for uniforms because I value bodily autonomy. For the same reason I don't want people touching me without my consent, I don't want them deciding what I put on my body. To me that's pretty absolute, other social gains be damned.

    7 votes
  3. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    Whom
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    I was playing Minecraft with a discord community I run, which was really nice, I'm appreciating the game more than I have in years. It should be a world for you to build with close friends. It...

    I was playing Minecraft with a discord community I run, which was really nice, I'm appreciating the game more than I have in years. It should be a world for you to build with close friends. It feels so cozy.

    However, I've tried out WoW Classic and since I started I basically haven't stopped. My experience with WoW was just enough to have an opinion ("it's okay..."), but not extensive at all...so this all feels very new to me while to everyone else it's a nostalgia trip. The community is great right now, grouping happens so naturally and it feels like a proper social mmo experience which we're lacking nowadays and WoW itself managed to kill. I love how long quests can take. They're never that hard when you have a group, but grinding for quest item drops can really force a feeling of camaraderie. I've yet to touch much other than questing or professions, but it's a good time.

    I'm in a really comfy guild with all trans players, so between that and the currently friendly community, I love it. Also, if anyone here wants to play or just have someone to talk to in-game, just PM me :P

    4 votes
  4. Comment on What's a good name for my open source, tactical WW2 FPS? in ~games

    Whom
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    No name we can come up with will fit your project better than the one which pops into your head at 4am after spending the whole day immersed in working on it. If you do really want one, though,...

    No name we can come up with will fit your project better than the one which pops into your head at 4am after spending the whole day immersed in working on it.

    If you do really want one, though, some detail would help a lot. If you have an idea for what makes it different or what it's about, you can get something specifically relayed to your project and not just a generic reference to WW2.

    8 votes
  5. What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as...

    What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

    Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

    You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

    http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

    Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

    12 votes
  6. Comment on What have you been watching / reading this week? (Anime/Manga) in ~anime

    Whom
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    It took me so long to finish K-On!! for the same reason. The ending is an incredibly beautiful thing, so I didn't regret it when I got there, but in the episodes leading up to it, I slowed down to...

    It took me so long to finish K-On!! for the same reason. The ending is an incredibly beautiful thing, so I didn't regret it when I got there, but in the episodes leading up to it, I slowed down to a crawl because I didn't want to make it to the end and "grow up".

    Getting a bit teary-eyed just thinking about it.

    4 votes
  7. Comment on What have you been watching / reading this week? (Anime/Manga) in ~anime

    Whom
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    I got sucked into Steins;Gate 0 in a way that rarely happens to me anymore, where I'm so invested in plot for plot's sake that I can't stop. Steins;Gate was one of anime's great thrillers, so I...

    I got sucked into Steins;Gate 0 in a way that rarely happens to me anymore, where I'm so invested in plot for plot's sake that I can't stop. Steins;Gate was one of anime's great thrillers, so I was glad to see 0 be just as good.

    I have the same problems with the series as I did originally (mostly surrounding treatment of Ruka and Daru being played as a "lovable creep"), but it's brilliant for all the same reasons as well and I'm glad to have had a chance to revisit these characters. It felt like coming home.

    4 votes
  8. What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was...

    What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

    If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

    9 votes
  9. Comment on Stop Mocking Vegans in ~food

    Whom
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    I hear this a lot (and trust me, I get it), but I feel like it contributes to the generally hostile environment for vegans and vegetarians just the same. Any joke about vegans is going to use the...

    I hear this a lot (and trust me, I get it), but I feel like it contributes to the generally hostile environment for vegans and vegetarians just the same. Any joke about vegans is going to use the most ridiculous members of the group, of course, and attaching "oh I don't mean you" doesn't make it less of a pain.

    To me, making fun of the most ridiculous vegans when you're dealing with a specific ridiculous vegan is fine. But if you're just making a joke about those crazy vegans, it's a bit of a dick move. It kinda wears you down...if your veganism is going to be a whole thing like that anyway, why not be preachy? It'll turn out the same.

    It creates a situation where you've gotta disavow the sins of The Bad Ones to speak about your diet at all.

    8 votes
  10. Comment on Potential new groups, and general discussion about the purpose and organization of the group hierarchy in ~tildes.official

  11. Comment on Potential new groups, and general discussion about the purpose and organization of the group hierarchy in ~tildes.official

    Whom
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    Hm? I'm not really sure what you mean. I don't think intimidation has much to do with this, unless you're maybe talking about the idea of having a place for original work at all? Even then, that...

    Hm? I'm not really sure what you mean. I don't think intimidation has much to do with this, unless you're maybe talking about the idea of having a place for original work at all? Even then, that isn't my only issue with just not having a dedicated place for original art, which has a lot to do with common interest. I'll just repeat something I said in the proposal thread:

    I'm more likely to think "Hmm what are some things Tildes users have made...oh wow, a movie!" than I am to think "Hmm let's read some stuff about movies...wow, one made by a Tildes user!"

    I'm probably repeating myself even beyond the quoting, so I'd just suggest looking at my submission in the old thread if I'm not explaining my position well enough.

    1 vote
  12. Comment on Potential new groups, and general discussion about the purpose and organization of the group hierarchy in ~tildes.official

    Whom
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    I agree, but I don't think ~arts is going to be the place for all art, that would be silly. Unless Deimos has something else in mind, it was proposed to be something of a misc. art place, for...

    I agree, but I don't think ~arts is going to be the place for all art, that would be silly. Unless Deimos has something else in mind, it was proposed to be something of a misc. art place, for things that don't fit into ~anime, ~books, ~food, ~games, etc.

    ~arts.creative only makes sense if we want a place for original content of the kind that would normally go in arts. That would be fine, but that means there's then not a place for original works that would normally go elsewhere, and we'd want a .creative for every artistic group. That's certainly an option, but a unified place for original art is imo preferable and if that's the case, putting it under a group doesn't make sense. You'd be putting something which encompasses all art under something that doesn't.

    3 votes
  13. Comment on Potential new groups, and general discussion about the purpose and organization of the group hierarchy in ~tildes.official

    Whom
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    What makes you think that? With ~creative as the original art place, it has things that would not fit in ~arts. A post about an original short story would go into ~books if it were not original,...

    It seems to me that ~creative is subsumed to ~arts and not the contrary.

    What makes you think that? With ~creative as the original art place, it has things that would not fit in ~arts. A post about an original short story would go into ~books if it were not original, for example, but right now it's in ~creative because that group has a broader (confusing) scope than ~arts would.

    2 votes
  14. Comment on Potential new groups, and general discussion about the purpose and organization of the group hierarchy in ~tildes.official

    Whom
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    I think, in light of your explanation about a "hierarchy of interest," a sub-group for user-created things wouldn't a great idea. I imagine there's a lot of people who like arts and crafts but...

    I'm not sure if ~arts should replace ~creative, and if we should just have a sub-group or something else for "things created by Tildes users". I'd appreciate input here.

    I think, in light of your explanation about a "hierarchy of interest," a sub-group for user-created things wouldn't a great idea. I imagine there's a lot of people who like arts and crafts but don't care for original short stories, and people who love original poetry but wouldn't go near posts about knitting. Keeping them separate makes a lot more sense, so imo what should happen is that ~arts takes over the "arts and crafts" side, ~creative holds the "original art" side, and people with topic moving permissions do a drive to pick through ~creative and move stuff to the right place.

    I think if the scope of ~creative is limited in that way, the addition of ~arts will make things less confusing than they are right now, even.

    11 votes
  15. Comment on Active YouTube channels in "dead" genres? in ~misc

    Whom
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    Even PushingUpRoses' videos about TV feel like they're from an era of YouTube which has now passed, so I'd say she definitely fits. Has she said that she's officially done with adventure stuff? I...

    Even PushingUpRoses' videos about TV feel like they're from an era of YouTube which has now passed, so I'd say she definitely fits.

    Has she said that she's officially done with adventure stuff? I thought she was just riding the wave of her Murder, She Wrote videos for a while.

    2 votes
  16. What are some good YouTube channels still currently working in genres which aren't currently popular because of algorithm shenanigans, the natural cycle of trends, or whatever else? I'm thinking...

    What are some good YouTube channels still currently working in genres which aren't currently popular because of algorithm shenanigans, the natural cycle of trends, or whatever else? I'm thinking like sketch comedy, original animations, serious short films, etc.

    14 votes