I never planned or tried it, but did go through a period of suicidal ideation a dozen or so years ago, which gradually progressed to a crisis in the form of a hallucination. I was doing dishes and...
I never planned or tried it, but did go through a period of suicidal ideation a dozen or so years ago, which gradually progressed to a crisis in the form of a hallucination. I was doing dishes and picked up a knife and saw myself chop at my wrist. Dropped the knife back into the suds at that point and ran out of the room. I could see I was uninjured. Before that, it had just been some idle speculation about ways to ensure doing myself in without endangering anyone else. The thoughts had seemed perfectly normal at the time, even comforting; only later did I realize that they might indicate something dangerous going on.
Suicidal impulses can have all kinds of causes. Mine weren't typical maybe; at least, I don't think I was depressed. But I did seek out help after that episode, and a therapist helped me see I was being consumed by work stress while trying to make myself not consciously feel that stress. Although just having that person to talk to was helpful, I didn't feel quite in the clear for several months. There was some enforced vacation time, some more talk therapy, and when it became clear I wasn't just snapping out of it, some anti-anxiety meds got prescribed which I still take as needed but not on a daily basis.
I still work in that same job. Doing much better with it now. The work wasn't the problem per se; I just have never dealt well with certain situations, but I'm improving both in terms of coping ability and in setting reasonable expectations (i.e., recognizing my limitations and sometimes working around them instead of always pushing through).
Talking is always a good first step. And if you get to a place where you feel like an imminent danger to yourself, it's permissible to go into any emergency room and say so.
I never planned or tried it, but did go through a period of suicidal ideation a dozen or so years ago, which gradually progressed to a crisis in the form of a hallucination. I was doing dishes and picked up a knife and saw myself chop at my wrist. Dropped the knife back into the suds at that point and ran out of the room. I could see I was uninjured. Before that, it had just been some idle speculation about ways to ensure doing myself in without endangering anyone else. The thoughts had seemed perfectly normal at the time, even comforting; only later did I realize that they might indicate something dangerous going on.
Suicidal impulses can have all kinds of causes. Mine weren't typical maybe; at least, I don't think I was depressed. But I did seek out help after that episode, and a therapist helped me see I was being consumed by work stress while trying to make myself not consciously feel that stress. Although just having that person to talk to was helpful, I didn't feel quite in the clear for several months. There was some enforced vacation time, some more talk therapy, and when it became clear I wasn't just snapping out of it, some anti-anxiety meds got prescribed which I still take as needed but not on a daily basis.
I still work in that same job. Doing much better with it now. The work wasn't the problem per se; I just have never dealt well with certain situations, but I'm improving both in terms of coping ability and in setting reasonable expectations (i.e., recognizing my limitations and sometimes working around them instead of always pushing through).
Talking is always a good first step. And if you get to a place where you feel like an imminent danger to yourself, it's permissible to go into any emergency room and say so.