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Comment on Have you ever been outed? in ~lgbt
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Comment on BDSM: Why are you into it? What makes your role(s) enjoyable to you? in ~life.style
moisterthananoyster Link ParentAlso a throwaway... I feel you about the frustration. It's a bridge you can't close the gap on, and when I'm (at least in my case) being faithfully monogamous it definitely feels like a bit of my...Also a throwaway... I feel you about the frustration. It's a bridge you can't close the gap on, and when I'm (at least in my case) being faithfully monogamous it definitely feels like a bit of my life is weirdly missing.
I'm terminally online, terminally horny, and terminally shy, so I grew up being into hentai and all sorts of niche internet stuff but super closeted about being kinky, genderfluid, and bicurious. When I was in my early 20s I realized there were online social circles where this was the norm that you either didn't have to tease out or could quickly move on from if you didn't click with someone, and I ended up having a ton of online flings - a relationship, casual flings, some male partners, everything all over the power spectrum, and one pet play partner in particular that kept up for quite a while. I never consummated any of it IRL, but I felt pretty satisfied with how brisk and free people were online.
My wife, on the other hand, is totally normie. I adore her for grounding the hell out of me in pretty much every aspect of my life, and our sex life is OK, but some of the net and kink/BDSM culture stuff I bring her to results in complete bewilderment; it amps up the shyness that I have about my kinks. I have zero interest in diverting time from her over someone else, no wish to cheat, and there are so many other things we click on that this should feel like a minor setback. But I always feel this longing to connect about all the baggage that comes with being a horny weirdo online for so long - I don't even know where I'd start about pet play stuff with her... Or that I'd be happy on either side of it... But then again she has her own kinks that she's still embarrassed about, and I'm happy to acquiesce.
Throwaway post.
A bit of time after I came out to my now-wife about being genderfluid she was talking to her parents. We'd floated living with them, so they were talking about it and she said that there was some stuff she'd have to talk wrt about me living with other people. She kept it vague. My father in law responded with something wildly on the nose like "what, does [moisterthananoyster] crossdress?", which put her in a weird place about dodging it, so she started crying and just told them.
I was mildly annoyed about it at the time, but I'm kind of glad it happened. My wife needed some support (outside our very queer friend circles), and I think it helped me let go a little bit about keeping it close to my chest. Things were completely unchanged between me and my MIL, for the better. I also saw a couple sides of my FIL... He (despite Trump-humping) was accepting of it and didn't treat me any differently, until he went into a medical tailspin where he started lashing out at everyone and called me a fag. Then, in an extremely rare moment before he died, he very genuinely apologized for it. Not sure it all needed to happen, or that it was good, but I'm glad I saw a glimpse of nuance and humility in him during a rough time.
Unfortunately it's also created a bit of a pain point, as I haven't told my own parents yet; I suspect they may be upset the other side of the family knew. Hence the throwaway. But also, perhaps they should have made more of an atmosphere to feel completely comfortable telling them these things...~