currently 7 hours into a 24 hour shift that will see me through to the end of this project.

this song came on that helped me find catharsis when i last felt like this in 2014.

coincidentally, i'd just finished one of my few milestones in the project

i could take a break if i wanted to.

i could hear the words filling themselves in, treating the song like a template.

decided i'd take a minute to "remix" or "cover" this song for how things are going this time around.

here's the original.

maybe give it a listen, then jump into this piece,

out of words now.

bishop

[Verse 1]
You still cross my mind from day to day
And I mostly cry
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong
and why
So I retrace our every step with a bloodwet knife
Trying to figure out what your head thinks
And my head just ain't what it used to be
So I ask,

...what's the point anyway?

[Verse 2]

I remember bringing boxes up the stairs to your apartment
Knowing love was slipping
rapidly away
I remember the skin of your forehead
Your nose and your lips I'd always kiss when I was out of things to say
You held my hand, and you would always promise me
You'd promise me pretty things but I would never understand
I remember when you said you didn't love me
And I swear not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand

[Verse 3]
I remember how you smiled through the smoke in a crowded little coffeehouse
And laughed at all my jokes
And I remember the way that you dressed
While we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving
How I barely kept up breathing and I bet if I could to do it all again
I'd feel the same pain
I remember faded driving through the city in tears
How I wept to god in fits, I've hated Texas ever since

I've found it's true what people say
That death and drugs can numb the pain
And every single day I want to fade away, cus

[Verse 4]
I still remember independence tricked us
And lead us helpless holding cash into a pit to be devoured
I still remember how we held so strong to this
Though we had never really settled on a way out
I still remember your blank face
And how we'd always find a way recommit the same mistakes
I still dream that it would all come back together
Just to fall apart again

[Bridge]
My dear
I hear your voice in mine
I've been alone here
I've been alone here
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been at home here
I've been at home here
You've been away for years
You've been away for years
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone

[Verse 5]
I breathed your name into the air, I etched your name into me
I felt my anger swelling, vision black, I can't see
I held your name inside my heart but it got buried in my fear
It tore the wiring of my brain, I did my best to keep it clear
So dear, no matter how we part I hold you sweetly in my head
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you in my death
Anything to see you smile, keep you happy in my end.

y'already know who it is
bishop - little punk bitch.

's go. no need to comment or whatever. just yelling at the internet today.

Xes On My Eyes For Life.

tw: self-harm/suicide/alcohol/drugs

startin off the year all
alone inside my bedroom
lookin back in the past
what i been through
how you'd pet my hair,
cuddle close in my bedroom
now ain't nothin but depressive
air in the bedroom
look what i get up to
xans and the mushrooms
body don't have much room
left for me to love you
it pushes all the air out
in case you maybe come thru
you took all of my breath out
and i can't even speak you

name into the air
with no fingers in my hair
sippin whiskey in my chair
i can see your shadows here
you told me "lay it bare, give
your heart and boy i swear"
from now until the day you die
i promise i'll be there."

now i'm broken down
and wearing out
your voice in my head
get it out
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

Прости меня,
Пожалуйста
now is my time
убей меня
princess - зайчик
i can't take it
baphometic
angel - wrists slit

cus i'm broken down
and wearing out
i know the truth you
hate me now
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

so i know nobody asks for my shit poetry lmao.

i just wanna take a second to thank tildes for being a place for me to get shit off my chest.

i wrote a comment on another site earlier today about catharsis, artistic expression, and depression. and it really made me appreciate the little community we've got going here.

i have a feeling it's the same 5-6 people who upvote my posts whenever they come through, and i love you six to hell and back.

i doubt i'd even get that kinda traction anywhere else.

thank you for the support.

thank you for letting me vent.

much love.

bishop.

it's 3:11 like
the band you like
remember dancing
under flashing lights
ripped off your bra
threw it up high
heading home, arm in arm
what a night
i couldn't see it i
guess i was blind
fetish for pain meant
you loved a fight
you came the loudest
when you held the knife
and drove deep into
my chest that night.

you held me close
and kissed me soft
sat in your lap
and gently rocked
empathic smile and
a lying tongue
you made a promise
that we'd still talk.
behind your back you
held a loaded gun
pulled the trigger took
off in a run
into his arms
into the sun
things are getting dark
in our garage.

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

it's 3:11 and
i'm home alone
asking questions
that nobody knows
should i buy
some xans
buy
some coke
would i be upset
if i overdose
it's been some months
and still here i am
hooded sweater, scarred
arms, kicking cans
a black sheep,
a lost lamb
still in the kiln -
shell of a man

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now