Aziz Ansari (of all people) had a funny take on this recently: "...the pills really are a crazy product, right? Pills are like you and your partner, Lisa and David, go to the doctor, you’re like,...
Aziz Ansari (of all people) had a funny take on this recently:
"...the pills really are a crazy product, right? Pills are like you and your partner, Lisa and David, go to the doctor, you’re like, “Uh… Yes, um, we’re worried about pregnancy but we don’t want to use condoms. Is there anything we can do?” The doctor’s like, “Yes. I’ve got the perfect plan. Lisa, I’m gonna give you this pill. This pill, uh… this pill’s gonna fuck you up. It’s gonna put a bunch of hormones in your body, it’s gonna be weird, but I need you to take the pill every day at the same time, okay? Every day, same time. Don’t forget. You forget even once, you’ll get pregnant today, okay? Every day, same time. Don’t fuck this up, Lisa! All right, David, this is what you’re gonna have to do. Nothing. I got you, dog, just go ahead. Drop it in. Have a good time. I don’t even know why you came to the appointment. You’re adorable.”
Now, the way the IUD thing works… The way the IUD thing works is there’s this little copper guy, and the doctor puts it in there very deep in a very painful procedure. And it’s got these strings on the outside so the doctor can take it out if you decide you want to have kids, or I guess after, like, seven years, it has to be replaced. And, uh, one time, we’re doing stuff, and I hit the string… with my penis. And… it hurt very badly. And, oh, man… It’s hard to go back in there with that same level of enthusiasm… after an attack. I’m trying to think of an analogy. It’s like… Uh, let’s say you’re eating a bag of chips, right? And… everything’s fine, right? You’re having the chips… “Meh, eh, eh, eh.” And then one time, you reach for a chip and… something bites your dick, right? And the next time you reach for the chips, you’re not gonna be like, “Eh…” You’re gonna be like, “Oh, hold on, don’t move the bag. I’m coming in. Don’t move the bag!” It’s different. So, this eventually becomes a problem, right? And… my girlfriend’s like, “We gotta do something. I don’t like this. Maybe I should go back on the pills.” “Hey, whatever you want to do is fine with me. It doesn’t really feel like my place to say, you know?” And she’s like, “Yeah, I know, but I don’t really like the pills.” I’m like, “Why not?” She goes, “Ah, you know. You get very cranky, very moody, irritable. But I guess I could do it.” And I was like, “What? These are the two options? Either I risk penal bruising, or you just resign yourself to becoming this shittier person? There’s got to be another way.”
Aziz Ansari (of all people) had a funny take on this recently:
"...the pills really are a crazy product, right? Pills are like you and your partner, Lisa and David, go to the doctor, you’re like, “Uh… Yes, um, we’re worried about pregnancy but we don’t want to use condoms. Is there anything we can do?” The doctor’s like, “Yes. I’ve got the perfect plan. Lisa, I’m gonna give you this pill. This pill, uh… this pill’s gonna fuck you up. It’s gonna put a bunch of hormones in your body, it’s gonna be weird, but I need you to take the pill every day at the same time, okay? Every day, same time. Don’t forget. You forget even once, you’ll get pregnant today, okay? Every day, same time. Don’t fuck this up, Lisa! All right, David, this is what you’re gonna have to do. Nothing. I got you, dog, just go ahead. Drop it in. Have a good time. I don’t even know why you came to the appointment. You’re adorable.”
Now, the way the IUD thing works… The way the IUD thing works is there’s this little copper guy, and the doctor puts it in there very deep in a very painful procedure. And it’s got these strings on the outside so the doctor can take it out if you decide you want to have kids, or I guess after, like, seven years, it has to be replaced. And, uh, one time, we’re doing stuff, and I hit the string… with my penis. And… it hurt very badly. And, oh, man… It’s hard to go back in there with that same level of enthusiasm… after an attack. I’m trying to think of an analogy. It’s like… Uh, let’s say you’re eating a bag of chips, right? And… everything’s fine, right? You’re having the chips… “Meh, eh, eh, eh.” And then one time, you reach for a chip and… something bites your dick, right? And the next time you reach for the chips, you’re not gonna be like, “Eh…” You’re gonna be like, “Oh, hold on, don’t move the bag. I’m coming in. Don’t move the bag!” It’s different. So, this eventually becomes a problem, right? And… my girlfriend’s like, “We gotta do something. I don’t like this. Maybe I should go back on the pills.” “Hey, whatever you want to do is fine with me. It doesn’t really feel like my place to say, you know?” And she’s like, “Yeah, I know, but I don’t really like the pills.” I’m like, “Why not?” She goes, “Ah, you know. You get very cranky, very moody, irritable. But I guess I could do it.” And I was like, “What? These are the two options? Either I risk penal bruising, or you just resign yourself to becoming this shittier person? There’s got to be another way.”