Siphor's recent activity

  1. Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life

    Siphor
    Link Parent
    It suggests that emotional abuse, toxic behavior or differences in world view are not acceptable reasons for estrangement, which I fundamentally disagree with. If the children are lonely and they...

    And it's easy to say, "Well don't be shitty." but the Author addresses that in the piece, suggesting that maybe some estrangements are unjustified, not that all of them are, but, just look around you at the current zeitgeist around "Toxicity" and "Cutting people out of your life who are Toxic".

    It suggests that emotional abuse, toxic behavior or differences in world view are not acceptable reasons for estrangement, which I fundamentally disagree with.

    We see these studies that suggest Gen-Z is the loneliest generation, but all the media they see says to them that rather than work with "Toxic" people, you just cut them out of your life.

    If the children are lonely and they are still willing to cut out their parent that even more suggest that the parents are awful, also they do try to work with them, the parents are unwilling to apologize and change.

    I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but what I am saying--and what the author is trying to get at--is this modern incarnation of "Therapy Speak" can itself be Toxic and perhaps part of the reason a generation might be labeled as "lonely".

    Being lonely is better than being mistreated.

    Rather than work and understand people with different viewpoints or opinions, they're labeled Toxic and cut out of the picture.

    The children do not just cut off their parents, they try to get their parents to understand and change their behaviour, but the parents are unwilling to do that and only after that they are cut off

    It's not that the Author is saying Estrangement is bad or good, simply that it can be a muddled thing in this day and age. Look at the people the author cites as having questions as to if this is the right choice for them or not.

    But it isnt a muddled thing, cutting off your parents is an incredibly hard thing to do, if someone cuts of their parents, it almost always was because the parents behaved badly.

    I'm not saying you're wrong to cut your Father out, but I do think you've misinterpreted what the Author is trying to get at here. I've had my own struggles with my family as well; we're diametrically opposed as far as political beliefs have gone and I have cut my Mom out for short periods of time when I can't take her bullshit. My wife cut her brother out for years and is now very low contact with him due to his abuse of her as kids and teens, so I get it.

    Actually what you and the author are implying is just because the abuser feels bad that the victim is obligated to give the victim a second chance, which is just incredibly wrong.

    But the Author fears--and also as a parent, so do I--that their child may cut them out of their lives for some perceived slight or toxicity that may or may not have happened, owing to what the author describes as generally children feeling their relationships with their parents are overall less important than the other way around.

    My own child has anger problems that my wife and I are trying to work through. He can go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds for any perceived slight--he's also 6--and I could absolutely see that anger taking over him as he grows older and perceiving us to have slighted him in some way and cutting us out of his life, which would absolutely gut me. He's a great kid, but his anger and irritability sometimes has us walking on eggshells around him and we're struggling to teach him to get it under control.

    Fears dont excuse unreasonable demands, especially if the fear is of something fictional.
    Good parents dont become suddenly estranged to their children because of something the children read on the internet.
    What is happening is that children are recognizing abusive behaviour of their parents and are asking them to apologize and change their behaviour, then if after multiple attempts the parents are unwilling to change, they go low or no contact. Those parents then are unable or unwilling to accept any responsibility for the estrangement and complain that the children suddenly cut contact with them.
    It is very hard for a child to cut of their parent, because:

    • the parents are often a large part of their support network
    • often they then also have to cut off other parts of their family
    • they love their parent

    so I dont think parents have to worry too much about being cut off.

    There are realistic reasons why a child might become estranged to a good parent:

    • an toxic partner often tries to isolate their victim to make it harder for them to escape
    • a cult for the same reason
    • if the child and parents rarely meet or call each other, people need regular contact to maintain relationships

    So if you want to be worried about estrangement, worry about that.

    6 votes

  2. Comment on Recommendations for a Linux based job/ticket management system in ~tech

    Siphor
    Link
    Textfiles/Markdownfiles I use the following filestructure: tasks/ done/ lowprio/ blocked/ task1.txt in the file: - [ ] subtask1 - [x] subtask2 ... other subtasks, x marks them as done other info...

    Textfiles/Markdownfiles

    I use the following filestructure:

    tasks/
     done/
     lowprio/
     blocked/
     task1.txt
     in the file:
          - [ ] subtask1
          - [x] subtask2
          ... other subtasks, x marks them as done
          other info
     task2.txt
     task3.txt

    whenever I get a new task I create a new txt file, when a task is completed I move it to the done directory.

    As tool I use pycharm because I already use it for programming, if you most of the time you already have something open that handles textfiles I would use this, otherwise I would recommend obsidian.

    Pros:

    • low complexity
    • lots of choices for tools, you can use anything that handles textfiles
    • easy to search, just use textsearch to search all files
    • low clutter, in jira for example there are often a lot of fields I dont care about
    • fast
    • for tagging just use #work and then search for it
    • you have file timestamps for modified date
    • easy to put into git

    Cons

    • what was really nice in onenote is that it had the win+n shortcut for new notes, you can create this for textfiles but that is at least some effort
    • no email integration, in outlook 2016 you can flag emails and then you have a list with emails where you have to do something

    General thing I learned about managing tasks

    • you want a single place where all your tasks are, else it is easy to overlook something you have to do( I often forgot about emails because I didnt create a task for each email where i have to do something)
    • you want creating/ editing/ viewing tasks as low overhead as it can be so you actually do it
    • dont overthink what you write, often email_from_x.txt with no content is enough, the more you do it the more you know how much exactly you have to write, also it only has to be understandable for you, so dont worry about grammar, again you want low overhead of creating the task
    • you only want max 5 tasks or so active at a time, so move the remainder into lowprio and if you need more get them from there, the problem with too many tasks there is you spend too much time deciding which task to do instead of doing the task
    • in meetings/phonecalls write down what you have to do with a few bulletpoints and at the end possibly repeat them and ask if you missed anything
    • sometimes the task is small enough to just do it without recording it.
    • when interrupted it can be useful to note down what you are currently doing so you can easier continue later
    • if you have to undo something later, e.g. you commented something out in the code, it can be helpful to make this a subtask so you dont forget it.
    3 votes