Sorry this is pretty rant-y, I tried I promise lol:

I've posted on here re: topics similar to & leading towards this one, but not in this group specifically, so apologies if this is not the right place but idk where else to put it lol: I need to talk to someone who started life less-well off, whatever that means where you come from, and worked themselves into a better situation, and then actually finally broke through whatever the fuck this is that I can't get past right now.

I am solidly working/lower middle class (low low, like I'm not gonna lose my house but I also could never move, no savings but only overdraft -occasionally-, etc.): education background, higher ed, public service, etc—I got too many degrees & got on some good meds & found out mid-30s I have a lot of marketable transferable high-level skills, setting me on a course to replace all the side gigs with one Good Job. Almost got a couple of -really- good offers (like, verbal, then waiting, then layoffs, then a very disappointing email, rinse and repeat) as it unfortunately just happened to be the worst year to look for a job since 2008 lol.

One of the things I'm good at is talking/listening to people, and one of the things I was lacking in was a good network (the other BA/education grads I knew also don't have very good jobs), so I started talking to anyone & everyone, mostly aspirational/mentor types, they have all done very well for themselves & I think it's self-selectinf but they're all pretty sales-y, which is fine. And as another skill I can usually "spot" people, pattern recognition or maybe autism idk, so I'm only talking to people who have had success but also that I don't anticipate will be telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, etc.

So here's the thing: every single one of them has said basically (and I think genuinely trying to be helpful): "Why do you need a better job?", "What do you really want here?", "I had what you're after and it didn't make me happy, it was what you already have that did that for me finally," and so if you are having thoughts like that, thank you for reading, please leave lol, because I just cannot—like of course it's easy for you to say "Oh, a corporate job is just travel & restaurants, that's no way to live" when you've already done it! I want in, dude. And honestly it feels like something a woman in the 80s or 90s would have been up against—like "Oh you're better off where you are," ok sure let's fucking swap then. Jesus.

Ok sorry /rant. So what I need is for someone who grew up pretty low income to tell me that there's even a hope, a shred of a possibility that I can do better for myself & my family, because all I can find is people telling me I should be happy with what I have, and the truth is I am not, I'm spinning my wheels and going insane, I am running at maybe 10% capacity and it's driving me nuts—i can literally hear it now "boy I wish I had that much free time”: yeah? What would you do with it? Expensive shit, I bet. See? I feel like I could have both things, but no one wants to let me in—is it just in-group mentality & self-preservstion? Am I somehow threatening their status quo by being a real life person who could maybe do what they did? Because the closest I've gotten so far is hearing how someone along the way cut them a break & that's how they got their start, except none of them seem to be able to see the irony in saying that to me before telling me to just enjoy it as it comes, take it easy, my god I am going to have an aneurysm. And we're talking a significant sample of probably 15-20 people—is it just boomers? Am I doomed?

The most recent take was: "Well you seem like a person who's comfortable and middle-class, so it'll happen, you're fine." And I'm not, like, giving them the hard sell or asking for a job, I'm just mostly listening. I don't get it, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm trying to find out how someone got to where they are & they end with "You don't need what I have." Is social mobility even a thing anymore in the US?

Edit: gosh I just want to say how much I love this weird lil site, I am feeling about a million times better than I did this time yesterday, to the point that when the person I spoke with (the one who sent me spiraling & considering just going to bed & not getting out of it lol) messaged me to ask if I'd like to talk some more, I didn't say anything but "I'd love to!" because I didn't have to. Because they don't have to get it, they just have to help me find a job—seems like quite a few of you get it & that's all I think I really need sometimes.

(unless you're hiring then pls lmk lol)

Mods - I didn't know where to put this or what to title and tag the post with.

This is mostly just venting and confessing.

There's a lot of back-story to this but I'll start at the trigger and work from there.

The short version

My boss is remote-only, so calls and WhatsApp messages are how we communicate. Wednesday he called me and started the conversation off by how tired he was today and why. To cut to the chase, he revealed to me, in detail, that he is a white supremacist, a holocaust denier, and potentially an actual Nazi. These aren't conclusions I am making based on piecing information together -- he outline each aspect at length while I silently listened.

Throughout the one-sided conversation, I tried to change the subject back to work (you know, since I am at work) numerous times and didn't respond to anything he was saying, but after the last part, I just hung up on him.

There is no excuse for me letting him spew this hateful bullshit and I am ashamed of myself. I normally have no problem with conflict and ostracizing myself by calling out hateful bullshit people say but I chose to be silent this time because $$$.

I've been going back and forth between being angry, ashamed, disappointed, and just sad since then. I knew my boss was a conspiracy nut because he's told me some of his wild beliefs before but none of them seemed hateful and I told him I wasn't into that sort of stuff. I don't know why he suddenly decided to unload all of this on me.

I know there is a reality where I don't let this ruin my job, but I don't think I am able to do this.

I need this job because I need the money. I moved across the country to work this job and now that I know who I am making money for, I have to quit. I have to find another job immediately. I can't afford to quit without having another job lined up. I had been looking for a better job for 2 full years before I moved here for this one and had no luck. I've done nothing but work since moving here for this job. I haven't made the time to try and make friends and instead just worked more and more.

I feel like there were signs (details not mentioned here) I ignored out of desperation. I feel defeated.

The only thing I know I must do is find a therapist and find a new job.

I'll preface by saying that if this is the wrong place for this, I'm sorry ahead of time. Additionally if I've tagged you and you disapprove, please let me know.

So to the point of discussion... What helps you persevere in the face of adversity and hardship?

Here’s a topic that I would like to hear some opinions (advice) on. I work in a pretty demanding software role. The positives: I am well compensated and I like the work I do. It also helps that I work on a genuinely useful product whose sole purpose is not only to extract profits from the consumer base. I also do not work overtime.

Therefore I am covered on all bases: moral, financial and personal interest. However, for the past year or so my responsibilities have grown, and I have to juggle more and more (both in number of tasks, their complexity & deadlines) during the same period of time (remember, no overtime).

So now I find myself periodically stressed for longer & longer periods of time. I don’t have energy and motivation for my hobbies, and I dread having to engage in anything more intensive than the occasional walk. But I can tell that this state of being is not sustainable for the long term.

To whoever can relate: what are your thoughts?

Edit: some good things that I have going for myself, that help a little; I have a good sleep schedule, I rarely drink, I don’t stay connected to work outside working hours and I have a very supportive partner.

I just got the official notice from my boss that I've been let go due to performance reasons. This wasn't a surprise to either of us at this point, as I'd been struggling to improve without sufficient improvement for a while up to this point. Can't really even blame my boss, as she really did try to gently help me get back on track over the last year. I think the likely culprit has been burnout all along -- I've been feeling like a fly stuck to fly paper for months at this point. Before getting fired I got some burnout leave started with my GP (it's not super hard to get medical leave for burnout here in Germany) but I initiated the process too late for it to make a difference for this job.

Luckily between my severance pay and eventually unemployment benefits, I'm not in any financial risk due to this change (advantages of moving to a country with a real social safety net). I can even get some free job training courses paid for by the state while I'm on unemployment. But between now and when that sort of thing starts, I'm wondering whether I should do something specific to help myself rest and recover from burnout. I'm planning on going back to therapy and talking to a professional about this, of course, but I'm curious whether anyone else here on Tildes has advice for how to recover from burnout other than just "take time off", since I've got that bit covered.