11 votes

Does having children make you happy?

14 comments

  1. [8]
    blender_cuttingham
    Link
    I think this article is very good at explaining what it's like to be a parent. It sure does makes life extremely more difficult. It changes everything. Maybe sometimes you ask yourself "what have...

    I think this article is very good at explaining what it's like to be a parent. It sure does makes life extremely more difficult. It changes everything. Maybe sometimes you ask yourself "what have I gotten myself into" but at the end of the day the love of your child cures everything. If someone would ask my advice about having children, I would say to do it only if they behave well under stress. There is a lot to manage and you may have to put a lot on the sideline for a very long time, which can trigger some negative thinking and ultimately, actions. It's okay in life to be human, so not always perfect, but you sure as hell needs to act properly at all time when raising children. Every time you fail to do that can have a huge impact on them.

    So to answer the question : Yes they make me happy, most of the time. They also make me tired as fuck.

    8 votes
    1. [6]
      corleone
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      That is great! I find it hard to relate with parents feelings about their babies and young children. It sounds to me like the experience of falling in love, religious ecstasy, or taking...

      That is great!

      I find it hard to relate with parents feelings about their babies and young children. It sounds to me like the experience of falling in love, religious ecstasy, or taking psychedelics. Something that only makes sense for those who went through the experience. For me, who did not undergo the experience, it sounds a little alien. I don't know what to think of it, and kinda doubt that I would feel the same.

      5 votes
      1. [4]
        mat
        Link Parent
        It's like nothing else. I've done lots of drugs, it's not really like that. It's so strange that I don't think you can understand it unless it happens to you, and it's probably different for...

        It's like nothing else. I've done lots of drugs, it's not really like that. It's so strange that I don't think you can understand it unless it happens to you, and it's probably different for everyone.

        What it's like is, the first time I drove my kid home when he was four days old, is realising as I pulled out of a junction that if the choice came for a truck to hit the front of the car where I was and the back of the car, where he was - that wasn't a choice. I would die for that kid. And not in a big, heroic way like people often say that kind of thing. It's not like that. It's quiet, it's personal, it's an absolute and unshakeable certainty that I would, if needed, end my life to save his, a feeling like which I have never experienced in my life before.

        It's very strange. It's a bit scary. I did not expect that to happen to me.

        Also yes on the tired thing. So tired.

        6 votes
        1. [3]
          corleone
          Link Parent
          Yeah, I kinda hope I feel similarly, but something tells me I won't. That doesn't happen with every parent. Edit: I suppose that's an evolutionary trait which guarantees the survival of your...

          Yeah, I kinda hope I feel similarly, but something tells me I won't. That doesn't happen with every parent.

          Edit: I suppose that's an evolutionary trait which guarantees the survival of your genetic material. It makes a parent way more likely to keep their offspring alive. Maybe some parents don't carry that gene...

          1 vote
          1. [2]
            mat
            Link Parent
            I do know a couple of people who thought they weren't going to get that thing when they had kids and they all got that thing when they had kids. But yeah, it's not a thing that happens to...

            I do know a couple of people who thought they weren't going to get that thing when they had kids and they all got that thing when they had kids. But yeah, it's not a thing that happens to everyone.

            If it's genetic then I wonder whether the gene for not giving a crap about your kids would die out fairly fast because it's super easy to kill a baby if you're not interested enough to put the effort in. Unless maybe that gene codes for some other trait which is socially useful, so it's worth the rest of the group taking up the slack on childcare. I dunno, just guessing really.

            1 vote
            1. corleone
              Link Parent
              I'm pretty sure that people who don't get this can still care about their kids, they just won't get the benefit of the oceanic feelings to help them get through it :P

              I'm pretty sure that people who don't get this can still care about their kids, they just won't get the benefit of the oceanic feelings to help them get through it :P

              1 vote
      2. streblo
        Link Parent
        Having children is so transformative that the only thing I can think of that is on the same scale would be serious trauma. Not that children are traumatizing (caution: YMMV) but that they reflect...

        I don't know what to think of it, and kinda doubt that I would feel the same.

        Having children is so transformative that the only thing I can think of that is on the same scale would be serious trauma. Not that children are traumatizing (caution: YMMV) but that they reflect a substantial change to the fabric of your life. For most people that choose to have kids this is a positive change, but for some it's definitely not -- so know what you're getting into if it's on your radar.

    2. HotPants
      Link Parent
      Having a child is a great solution to those who are lucky enough to find life boring, routine and uninspiring.

      Having a child is a great solution to those who are lucky enough to find life boring, routine and uninspiring.

      1 vote
  2. [5]
    HotPants
    Link
    Having a child changes a mothers brain and raising a child changes a fathers brain. I personally went from disliking all snively nosed brats to finding their dribbly little faces adorable. This is...

    Having a child changes a mothers brain and raising a child changes a fathers brain.

    I personally went from disliking all snively nosed brats to finding their dribbly little faces adorable.

    This is critical, otherwise you would want to strangle the little buggers.

    But it also raises interesting questions.

    It's like a collective insanity all parents willingly enter into.

    Or do we?

    4 votes
    1. [4]
      corleone
      Link Parent
      Whatever the case, it seems to me that such transformation makes it way more likely to be a successful parent. Edit: this reminds me that it's the same for professionals such as nurses caring for...

      Whatever the case, it seems to me that such transformation makes it way more likely to be a successful parent.

      Edit: this reminds me that it's the same for professionals such as nurses caring for the elderly... If they truly care, they're probably better professionals...

      1. [3]
        HotPants
        Link Parent
        Yes, there is a natural cuteness to the very young and the very old, although I am not sure why it's advantageous to the human species to take care of the elderly...

        Yes, there is a natural cuteness to the very young and the very old, although I am not sure why it's advantageous to the human species to take care of the elderly...

        1 vote
        1. corleone
          Link Parent
          You're more likely to care for the young if you expect the young will eventually take care of you, maybe?

          You're more likely to care for the young if you expect the young will eventually take care of you, maybe?

        2. mtset
          Link Parent
          We're a social species. We live and die in groups. Elders are useful for groups because they have experience and wisdom, and often respect, which drives cohesion.

          We're a social species. We live and die in groups. Elders are useful for groups because they have experience and wisdom, and often respect, which drives cohesion.

  3. [2]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. corleone
      Link Parent
      I'm pretty sure for certain generations having kids was just what people did, a fact of life to which you didn't give much thought. There was no other conceivable option. Going to college is the...

      I'm pretty sure for certain generations having kids was just what people did, a fact of life to which you didn't give much thought. There was no other conceivable option. Going to college is the same for many people. It was for me at least.

      1 vote