You say you want a friend who is more available. The first thing I'd ask is: Available for what? "Friend" covers a huge number of different expected emotional, social, and physical expectations,...
Exemplary
You say you want a friend who is more available. The first thing I'd ask is: Available for what? "Friend" covers a huge number of different expected emotional, social, and physical expectations, and different contexts and locations will make certain needs more or less easy to fulfill. Is what you need from a friend something that talking with someone on Element will actually provide?
You say that you're lonely and need comfort. I'm not going to say that it's impossible to make good friends online, but I would ask if companionship and comfort is something that will be fulfilled through an online platform. I like many people I've interacted with online, and have gotten good advice from several of them. But the only people I met online who have have shared companionship and comfort with me have been people with whom the relationship moved offline and into spending notable amounts of real life time together.
Broadly, I suggest that your premise regarding where you'll find what you say you need should be examined carefully. When thinking about how to meet a need, people are prone to getting attached to a strategy for meeting that need (no matter how poorly the strategy works) rather than attached to meeting the need itself. Will talking with people online provide comfort and companionship? Perhaps, but don't get too attached to it as the major strategy. Since you have friends close by, connecting with them or expanding your in-person group of people will, in my experience, do more to ensure that your emotional needs will be met than any amount of talking with people online.
I don't want you to feel like the search for companionship is pointless. My point was that if you have a clear idea of what you need you can go about that search in ways that are more likely to...
I don't want you to feel like the search for companionship is pointless. My point was that if you have a clear idea of what you need you can go about that search in ways that are more likely to fulfill that need. But general company from a friend and immediate assistance for someone who's having a mental health episode are not the same thing, and you can't assume that the same people will be able to provide both.
I'm not going to say it's an absolute impossibility, but friends who have the emotional reserves and free time to be available on any random night to help a friend through a mental health episode are rarer than hen's teeth. I don't want to say they don't exist, but if that's what you're looking for, you may have better chances separating out the need for immediate assistance when you're having a mental health episode from your need for friendship and seeking a mental health provider who can assist in those circumstances. Especially given that you need this now, a therapist, help line, or some other venue is more likely to be able to help you when you need help. It sounds like one of your current friends made clear that she wasn't available for that purpose, and no friend you might hypothetically make in the next week who has healthy emotional boundaries will be able to provide that to a near-stranger.
I don't know where you are in the world, so can't point you to particular resources, but many places have a help line for people in crisis. I strongly suggest you find one who can help you and call when you need it. You have friends, which is a wonderful starting place. But life will be easier if you ask for help from the people best equipped to help.
I want to support @MimicSquid s reply, please be very careful where you draw the line between friend and support. I'm the kind of friend who's very caring, understanding and avaliable. I've been...
I want to support @MimicSquid s reply, please be very careful where you draw the line between friend and support.
I'm the kind of friend who's very caring, understanding and avaliable. I've been on receiving end of becoming various people's therapists or other form of support on quite a number of occasions and it can completely destroy the friendship.
I try my best to support my friends and they get my energy when they need it. But if the relationship becomes me having to support them and we never do anything actually friendly... What's the point for me?
I've had various people who were really good friends turn to me for support full time, then when I say "OK look that's too much, we need to have some time where we just hang out and do something fun" they turn hostile because they feel like they are getting robbed of their support line.
So yes. Please be careful. Seek professional help if you need it.
I can't say anything about rooms or finding friends, but I use Element for years now. I picked it when I had Pinephone as other IM apps were... not that compatible. Since then I pulled the whole...
I can't say anything about rooms or finding friends, but I use Element for years now. I picked it when I had Pinephone as other IM apps were... not that compatible. Since then I pulled the whole family and a few friends into it and it is my way of resisting Meta's and other's apps (like WhatsApp, Viber etc.).
Element runs on Matrix protocol, has E2EE, you can use elevated trust by scanning your friend's device when you meet in real life, you have to manage your own keys, the don't get uploaded anywhere (meaning you can lose your conversation history when installing on a new phone if you don't have the keys from your old one and no backup). It is open source and kinda nerdy IM thing.
You can even run your own Matrix server and connect through that, no need to access any public servers.
I don't recall actually having to use my keys... ever? I do have to put in what is effectively a second password (that I could choose, not the recovery key), and in ElementX I have "Allow Key...
meaning you can lose your conversation history when installing on a new phone if you don't have the keys from your old one and no backup
I don't recall actually having to use my keys... ever? I do have to put in what is effectively a second password (that I could choose, not the recovery key), and in ElementX I have "Allow Key Storage" enabled, which would be enabling the exact behaviour I see.
You say you want a friend who is more available. The first thing I'd ask is: Available for what? "Friend" covers a huge number of different expected emotional, social, and physical expectations, and different contexts and locations will make certain needs more or less easy to fulfill. Is what you need from a friend something that talking with someone on Element will actually provide?
You say that you're lonely and need comfort. I'm not going to say that it's impossible to make good friends online, but I would ask if companionship and comfort is something that will be fulfilled through an online platform. I like many people I've interacted with online, and have gotten good advice from several of them. But the only people I met online who have have shared companionship and comfort with me have been people with whom the relationship moved offline and into spending notable amounts of real life time together.
Broadly, I suggest that your premise regarding where you'll find what you say you need should be examined carefully. When thinking about how to meet a need, people are prone to getting attached to a strategy for meeting that need (no matter how poorly the strategy works) rather than attached to meeting the need itself. Will talking with people online provide comfort and companionship? Perhaps, but don't get too attached to it as the major strategy. Since you have friends close by, connecting with them or expanding your in-person group of people will, in my experience, do more to ensure that your emotional needs will be met than any amount of talking with people online.
I don't want you to feel like the search for companionship is pointless. My point was that if you have a clear idea of what you need you can go about that search in ways that are more likely to fulfill that need. But general company from a friend and immediate assistance for someone who's having a mental health episode are not the same thing, and you can't assume that the same people will be able to provide both.
I'm not going to say it's an absolute impossibility, but friends who have the emotional reserves and free time to be available on any random night to help a friend through a mental health episode are rarer than hen's teeth. I don't want to say they don't exist, but if that's what you're looking for, you may have better chances separating out the need for immediate assistance when you're having a mental health episode from your need for friendship and seeking a mental health provider who can assist in those circumstances. Especially given that you need this now, a therapist, help line, or some other venue is more likely to be able to help you when you need help. It sounds like one of your current friends made clear that she wasn't available for that purpose, and no friend you might hypothetically make in the next week who has healthy emotional boundaries will be able to provide that to a near-stranger.
I don't know where you are in the world, so can't point you to particular resources, but many places have a help line for people in crisis. I strongly suggest you find one who can help you and call when you need it. You have friends, which is a wonderful starting place. But life will be easier if you ask for help from the people best equipped to help.
I want to support @MimicSquid s reply, please be very careful where you draw the line between friend and support.
I'm the kind of friend who's very caring, understanding and avaliable. I've been on receiving end of becoming various people's therapists or other form of support on quite a number of occasions and it can completely destroy the friendship.
I try my best to support my friends and they get my energy when they need it. But if the relationship becomes me having to support them and we never do anything actually friendly... What's the point for me?
I've had various people who were really good friends turn to me for support full time, then when I say "OK look that's too much, we need to have some time where we just hang out and do something fun" they turn hostile because they feel like they are getting robbed of their support line.
So yes. Please be careful. Seek professional help if you need it.
(In case anyone else was out of the loop like me: https://element.io/en - apparently a matrix backed chat app)
I can't say anything about rooms or finding friends, but I use Element for years now. I picked it when I had Pinephone as other IM apps were... not that compatible. Since then I pulled the whole family and a few friends into it and it is my way of resisting Meta's and other's apps (like WhatsApp, Viber etc.).
Element runs on Matrix protocol, has E2EE, you can use elevated trust by scanning your friend's device when you meet in real life, you have to manage your own keys, the don't get uploaded anywhere (meaning you can lose your conversation history when installing on a new phone if you don't have the keys from your old one and no backup). It is open source and kinda nerdy IM thing.
You can even run your own Matrix server and connect through that, no need to access any public servers.
I don't recall actually having to use my keys... ever? I do have to put in what is effectively a second password (that I could choose, not the recovery key), and in ElementX I have "Allow Key Storage" enabled, which would be enabling the exact behaviour I see.
That's it - you can either have key generated or use second password (which becomes the key).