10 votes

Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

Posted by mycketforvirrad
Tags: ask.discussion, recurring.weekly, offbeat fridays, offbeat

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like jacob geller, kidneys and firefox. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was befuddled.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

11 comments

  1. [8]
    JCPhoenix
    Link
    Massive Semen Explosion after Blaze Hits Bull Artificial Insemination Facility, Firefighters Forced to Dodge ‘Projectiles’ Like, "moneyshots?" Ohhh. That makes more sense.

    Massive Semen Explosion after Blaze Hits Bull Artificial Insemination Facility, Firefighters Forced to Dodge ‘Projectiles’

    A huge fire at a cattle breeding facility in Australia has caused thousands of dollars in damage after at least 100 cylinders containing bull semen were destroyed.

    Country Fire Authority Gippsland commander Chris Loeschenkohl said the crew had to be wary of "projectiles" coming at them while they tackled the blaze.

    Like, "moneyshots?"

    "The liquid inside the cylinders was rapidly expanding and essentially the lids of the cryogenic cylinders were just popping off the top and projectiles were being thrown from the building," he told ABC.

    Ohhh. That makes more sense.

    9 votes
    1. [7]
      AugustusFerdinand
      Link Parent
      Damnit! I shared this with my friend group yesterday and intended on sharing it here. My favorite line of the article: I know what "AI" they're referring to, but my headcanon now says they're...

      Damnit! I shared this with my friend group yesterday and intended on sharing it here. My favorite line of the article:

      "We're coming into the AI season so there would have been substantial amounts of semen inside the tanks that we've lost [...]"

      I know what "AI" they're referring to, but my headcanon now says they're using semen for data centers.

      6 votes
      1. [4]
        JCPhoenix
        Link Parent
        First it was water, then it was electricity, then available land, and now semen?! What else are these data centers going to take from us? We can't have anything nice anymore!

        First it was water, then it was electricity, then available land, and now semen?! What else are these data centers going to take from us? We can't have anything nice anymore!

        5 votes
        1. [3]
          AugustusFerdinand
          Link Parent
          There's a joke in there about plenty of AI-bros lining up to help the data centers and let them "take" their semen, but like many a thing about the AI-bros that would do so, I ain't touching it.

          There's a joke in there about plenty of AI-bros lining up to help the data centers and let them "take" their semen, but like many a thing about the AI-bros that would do so, I ain't touching it.

          2 votes
          1. [2]
            jredd23
            Link Parent
            Years of deposits, released in a single withdrawal, much like AI. Best I can do on this explosive situation.

            Years of deposits, released in a single withdrawal, much like AI. Best I can do on this explosive situation.

            2 votes
            1. AugustusFerdinand
              Link Parent
              "I need to finish my vibe-coded app but my token count is too low!"

              "I need to finish my vibe-coded app but my sperm token count is too low!"

              3 votes
      2. [2]
        Promonk
        Link Parent
        ChatJizzPT ClaudeBalls Insemini Couldn't come up with anything for Grok.

        ChatJizzPT
        ClaudeBalls
        Insemini

        Couldn't come up with anything for Grok.

        3 votes
        1. AugustusFerdinand
          Link Parent
          To be fair, Grok already sounds like a euphejism.

          To be fair, Grok already sounds like a euphejism.

          4 votes
  2. jredd23
    Link
    The smell of pumpkin season is upon us; what better than a pumpkin patch with a huge pumpkin! Pumpkin named Bagheera breaks world record

    The smell of pumpkin season is upon us; what better than a pumpkin patch with a huge pumpkin!
    Pumpkin named Bagheera breaks world record

    5 votes
  3. mycketforvirrad
    Link
    A South African vineyard uses ducks for pest control Associated Press – Fazlur Phillips – 8th October 2026

    A South African vineyard uses ducks for pest control

    A vineyard in South Africa has employed an unusual workforce - a flock of ducks. The birds eat unwanted insects, helping to protect the land without using pesticides.

    Associated Press – Fazlur Phillips – 8th October 2026

    4 votes
  4. Parliament
    Link
    Story of the week from my group chat: The Rooster found guilty in Shrek text harassment trial, fined $200

    Story of the week from my group chat: The Rooster found guilty in Shrek text harassment trial, fined $200

    Jurors found Donald "D.J." Byrnes guilty of harassing Sen. Jerry Cirino, R-Kirtland, for texting an explicit image of Shrek and two messages in the wake of Cirino's failed bid to lead the Ohio Senate as its president. Visiting Judge Michael Cicconetti told Byrnes to have no contact with Cirino, including text messages, but this was not an official no-contact order. Cicconetti also ordered Byrnes to pay a $200 fine.

    4 votes